cooling off period to reflect and work on the relationship

[dumpedandsore]

Do you guys believe in cooling off period?

 

My bf initiated break-up but after much "pleading" from me, he said that he is willing to evaluate and work on our relationship. He proposed a 1 month cooling off period to reflect about our relationship and then meet-up again to discuss and work on our relationship

 

Is the cooling off period a means to an end? An euphemism to end the relationship in a better way? Does that mean that our relationship is doomed to end? Since he suggested break-up, but decided to work on it after i persuaded him to give it another try...

[carhill]

Describe what 'cooling-off' means to you and him?

 

For example, the courts proscribed a six month 'cooling-off' period when my exW and I filed for divorce, meaning no judgment could be entered by the court until six months after the initial filing. Even if we agreed on everything and had all the paperwork ready, no action would be taken until at least six months. I accepted that as an indicator from the court to take our time and make measured and considered decisions.

 

Unless you have legal ties (common-law/contract, etc), when one 'breaks up', the exclusive and monogamous relationship is over as of that conversation. In that regard, our M was 'over' once my exW and I mutually decided, meaning looked each other in the eye and had the conversation, that we would divorce. There was no cooling off period from that. Over and done.

 

Perhaps this 'cooling off' period he's talking about could be likened to a 'separating' of a married couple. They live separately, or at least live separate lives, and have agreements about the parameters of separation. Did you discuss parameters? Dating and sex with others? Counseling? Co-habitation? Legal entanglements, like joint home ownership/leases, etc? Those can be, amongst others, parameters of a 'separation' for 'cooling off', allowing emotions to stabilize and the couple to give their relationship a second look.

 

Any input?

[Hurt Irish guy]

carhill i think you have set out the perfect outline for dumpedandsore, i am pretty much in the same situation except my gf wants to leave the country for3/4 months to get outside voices out of her head and think on us. I think the cooling off period has to have parameters put in place or the relationship is bound to dissolve. To succeed some strong emotional ties must exist or soon the one asking for time will have you out of their head no matter how deep you are in their heart!!

The one thing that i question about the cooling off period is how successful are they?? I don’t know many people who do this and then come back but i know i am willing to try it and i think you are too dumoedandsore!!

Sorry for jumping into the post , good luck with it.

[veggirl]

Since you had to convince him to even agree to try again at some point, I'd say it's in your best interest to use this month to try to move on. I'd expect if you call him in a month he will hem and haw and the reconcilliation you are hoping for won't happen.

[Hopeful714]

If you can discuss, agree and abide by terms to the cooling off period I think that is fine. I would have liked one in my relationship...it would have done me wonders.

 

As posted before, what worries me is many times people use that term or a "break" to mean they are interested in checking things out with someone else. Not good....because then the cooling off period was not used what it was intended for ....cooling off, catching up with yourself, and thinking about your relationship...and once he/she is with someone else during a break it will introduce a crap load of new problems that most likely will lead to the end of the bond or a back and forth drama scene you most likely dont need. Good luck.

[BrokenDreamCatcher]

Oh, I had one of these "breaks" "cooling off" whatever they want to call it.

Then...well there he was hooking up with another woman!

Oh, he came back..and now here I am again! Total of 9 yrs in each others lives.

[mammasita]

I would say that he agreed to a cooling off period because you "pleaded" for reconciliation. To me it seems like you are both just prolonging the inevitable because he didn't have the balls to end it when he wanted to.

[Simon Phoenix]

"Cooling off" for a month is a way for him to look for what he thinks are better options while having you on the backburner.