batitm Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 This is my second post. A few months ago I posted because I had confessed to my bf that I would like to get married. He said he wasn't ready and I decided to wait it out (he's definitely worth it). We were getting along great, I mean we never fight, until last night. He has been telling me how much he loves me and that I am the only one for him, and how he would never want to be without me. So, given the fact we were talking future, I said something about getting married. His mood immediately changed. He even yelled at me (something he never does). He said we would get married when he was ready and its going to be a couple of years. He even made me promise to never mention it again or he's going to leave. I don't want to "talk him into it" but my feelings cannot be changed either. We live together and are of marrying age and I don't see why we should wait or what he is even waiting for. Are all of his "sweet nothings" lies? I'm not certain that he will leave if I bring it up but he has been pretty adamant about it. Considering there is no way I'm going to be able to go two years without talking marriage should I get out now? Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Instead of worrying about how long you have to wait, i would focus on the fact that he doesn't appear to care at all about your feelings and what you want. It is his way or the highway. I think that is rather telling. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Deb, That's not necessarily true. Just because he doesn't want to get married now, doesn't mean he loves her any less. Perhaps he realizes, maturity wise that he's not ready. Or perhaps he realizes that he's not ready age wise. Marriage in itself won't make things between two people any better than it already is. If he's that touchy about the subject, then just let it drop. Let him come to you when he's ready. By you pushing it, it will just drive him away. Enjoy each other the way you are. It'll bring down his defenses. Perhaps he has this 'notion' that marriage changes everything, and he doesn't want what you two have to change. How long have you two been together, and what are your ages? Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 I think it's okay that he may not want to get married at the same time you want to get married but I think the biggest concern after reading your post is that he hasn't explained why. What are his future plans? Instead of asking him when you're going to get married talk to him about if he even wants to. Is this a part of his plans for the relationship? How does he feel about marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Artifact Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 I agree with Debster... he threatened to LEAVE you because you wanted to talk about the future. Be careful! He may be scared, but to ask you to give him two years before you even bring it up again? It's a little odd. I mean, you are living together already. In two years he may ask you to wait another two years. But how will you discuss the reasons why he's not ready to get married if it is taboo to talk about it? Link to post Share on other sites
batitm Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Thanks for your posts, here's a little more info if it changes anything. We're 24 have been "officially together" 1 1/2 years but dated before that. He wants to wait because "he only wants to get married once" but that's the only answer I can get out of him. Except for this subject we get along wonderfully. I understand and appreciate that he wants to be careful and not jump into things, but its like everytime we have even a minor disagreement he thinks it means we're going to get divorced. I think he's freaked out because his parents are divorced, so I have tried to be patient but his issue with his parents is hurting me and I don't think that is fair. Link to post Share on other sites
batitm Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Originally posted by Artifact I agree with Debster... he threatened to LEAVE you because you wanted to talk about the future. Be careful! He may be scared, but to ask you to give him two years before you even bring it up again? It's a little odd. I mean, you are living together already. In two years he may ask you to wait another two years. But how will you discuss the reasons why he's not ready to get married if it is taboo to talk about it? Artifact I find myself asking this question, "Do I want to be with someone who would rather leave me and throw away everything than discuss marriage or even engagement?" Link to post Share on other sites
swtbonita Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 You know alot of times where people move in with their bf, they run into this problem.. there are so many stories like this on loveshack.. with the way he talks about marriage or ignores it in this case.. it doesn't look like he wants to get married anytime soon.. and you can either realize that or stick around and wait.. his parents are divorced, which is why he might be cautious about getting married and I seriously don't think 1 1/2 years it that long.. i have been with my bf 2 1/2 years.. I'm of marrying age.. but whats the rush.. Link to post Share on other sites
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