Why do people give a pass to rude family

[TwinkletOes26]

I just saw this article today online : Things you should never say to your adult child | Parenting - Yahoo! Shine

 

I was just shocked at some of the things they had to tell parents not to say...seriously it seems to me more and more people seem to give family members a pass when they say rude things. Its like one time i went to visit my mother and i was coming from a state away so i was tired and had my hair piled up in a bun well my mother proceeds to make comments about my hair and to say my lips were "chapped" and I looked tired all this in front of my boyfriend. She then ended with how she didnt like my nose stud(im in my thirties bought it with my own money lol) and that my shorts were too short. When i took her in the back and confronted her about her comments she just said "oh thats what mothers do" my boyfriend said his family says the same thing.

 

Why in the world is it that parents seem to think it is ok to say stuff to their child they would never say to a friend or a coworker. I dont understand why it is so hard to have the same consideration for your adult child as you would anyone else. I notice articles regarding this dont come down as hard on parents as they do when the article is about coworkers or friends saying rude things...why is this?

 

Once you pop child out is it societies view that you get a liscence to be condescending and critical of their every move even up to adult hood? or is it that some parents cant let go of their "power" i guess lol....

[j'adore]

I was thrilled with my new purchase, a pretty top, not low, or short, but with butterflies on it and some frills. My mother said "isn't that a bit young for you"? beeeech She rarely says anything nice in fact never.

[pink_sugar]

Because with many families sense of "family first", many families lack proper boundaries. Some people have a hard time speaking up for themselves because they are in a very close family oriented unit that feels the need to have a say in whatever your choices are. Being financially dependent also makes it worse. In some families, this behavior goes on forever and it's a difficult chain to break, but it must be done. You have to learn there's nothing wrong with having some boundaries. Such as phone calls before unannounced visits or feeling the need to push their advice onto what you should and shouldn't be doing. My husband's parents would still open his mail well after he was 18.

[Sugarkane]

I don't know why becauseits not logical. I often wonder the same thing too. Especially when my aunt was really rude to me and my mother couldn't care less. Yet we have to be polite to this bitch who is my aunt. Total double standard and I don't see the point.

[Sugarkane]

Also when my dad screamed his lungs out- right in my face. And called me a slut and a whore for sleeping over at a guys house in my late teens and out if wedlock. Yet he wasn't a virgin when he married at 29/30. He akways blames his own parents for being a crap parent.

[El Brujo]

It's also a cultural thing.

 

Whenever my family got together, the older family members wanted everything to be so damn formal... they had these dumb little ettiquette rituals for all sorts of stuff. They could turn morning coffee into a fussy English tea party.... very off-putting.

 

But just down the street, my Mexican neighbor has it worse... in that culture, it's your duty to spend time with your family regardless of how rude they are, or even if they're just jerks.

[Sugarkane]

 

But just down the street, my Mexican neighbor has it worse... in that culture, it's your duty to spend time with your family regardless of how rude they are, or even if they're just jerks.

 

This really sums it up to me. But not just Mexican, every culture!