Give Me Strength..give Me 3

[digger]

yOUVE ALREADY READ MY SAGA AND PROBABLY TIRED OF IT. The love of my life hit me with D papers march 1st. I never thot she'd be the type..you could literally beat her up (not that i did) and she wouldnt get mad. In February she laid her head on my shoulder and said, I wish the old (my name) would come back. Have been under alot of pressure starting my own business. I guarantee if at that moment I wouldve asked --do you still love me--she woulda said yes. But we grew cold over an incident In december i got home late (the trust thing) and all my clothes were in the grass. and all of a sudden I get served. Since that time, ive begged and pleaded...shes NEVER contacted me..and when I would her, all I would get is I DONT LOVE YOU ANYMORE. And now she wont see that my 16 yr old even calls me..I havent seen her in 2 months. much less heard from her. The divorce should be final next week and my lawyer tells me she wants to start withdrawing our retirement cause shes cash strapped. Also I have this job offer in Florida which will pay be 40% more. Fact is she hates it here in St Louis and told my mom on xmas shed do anything to get back there. I want so much to call her one last time and say "lets work on it, walk in the sand etc". But ive gone 3 weeks with NC and dont know if its worth it, calling her. I think she should be thinking by now as its so close to the end but Im not sure. Please, give me the strength to make a decision on what to do. Or do nothing? If you have an opinion. give me 3 reasons you would---or 3 reasons u wouldnt. I'll take your advice(s) to the "bank".

[Pocky]

Aren't you the guy that posted trying to find out if he should:

 

A) Tell his wife he has a new job in X and would like for her to go with him and work on the marriage

b) Not tell his wife and take the job and start over

C) Not take the job and stay where he is in order to try and work on the marriage

 

If you are, didn't you already get advice on what to do? Why are you being a wimp? JC make a decision and do it. How many times/ways do you want people to give you advice for you to actually make a decision?

 

Tell her about the job, ask her if she wants to work it out and if she does she can move with you. If she doesn't then take the new job. It'll do you good to get away from all the places you have memories of.

[digger]

Thanks for being so compassionate. Maybe I wasnt quite clear. Id mentioned all this in a letter to her--my question really should be--do i keep with the NC or give it one more shot and blow the NC?

[FolderWife]

Blow the no contact. Why are you in no contact? Did she ask for no contact?? In this situation, contact might be needed, because she may not know that you even WANT her back!

 

SO, call her, and tell her about the job. Ask her if she would like to try and work things out in a different state. If not, then go work alone, getting away from the memories. If she wants to try, then take her with you.

 

Either way, break the no contact, and take the new job.

 

3 Reasons to break the no contact:

 

1. You'll never have to look back, and say, "What if I'd just called her?" Which you will do if you don't call her.

2. She may want to work it out, if you both can get away.

3. If she doesn't want to work it out, at least you'll know, and you can go to Florida with a free concience.

[digger]

One problem--ive told her i wanted her back, conservatively, about 500 times.

[trouble]

Three reasons

1. Your Daughter

2. Your Daughter

3. Your Daughter

 

Get a hold of your emotions before you actually contact her. I liked your description about making it work and walking in the sand. Maybe write her a note saying it isn't too late. Tell her about the job. You never know part of her unhappiness may be where you are living. It could work. Try it. You have a family to save

[digger]

yeah trouble--well i just called her--NO ITS OVER--its been dieing for 5 years--go--go itll be good for you--I DONT WANNA TRY------(ME) WELL I DO-----WELL I DONT---

(ME) IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE?----NO BUT THERE WILL BE! (ME) I WANT YOU TO GO WITH ME AND MAKE IT RIGHT----YOU GO BUT IM NOT GOING WITH YOU (CLIK)

end of marriage

[Megan5P]

Digger - there's your answer loud and clear. Grieve the loss and accept the fact it's over. Once you do you'll be able to get on with your life. I know it hurts like hell but you gotta accept it and realize you will survive this and life goes on.

 

I feel your pain so do alot of others on here. There's enough of us on here to have a Heartbreak Convention but if we can get thru this so can you. Just keep writing on here. Don't contact her anymore - she seems to pissed off and mad.

 

Just know - you will get thru this. It's gonna take alot of time and soul searching and grieving but in a couple of months things will be totally different.

[digger]

megan

 

guess your right but heres what i dont get

 

One month before D papers got tome she laid her head on my shoulder on the love seat and said " i wish (my name) were back"...thats beacsue i wasnt myself having all this pressure of being in business for the first time. I mentioned that to her tonight and added, ill bet if i asked you then do u stiill love me you woulda said yes....she said "probably'!!!!!!!!! One months before. Then 20 sec. later she said 'its been dieing for 5 yrs"....2 months ago it had been dying for 10 yrs.. i just dunno.

[digger]

Followup:

I feel pretty good right now. After all that s*** being thrown in my face last night, and i didnt even shed a tear, i wrote her a scathing letter saying I dont need you. Why would i want anyone who treated me so after 21 years? Go find your prince--it really doesnt bother me anymore if you do--but YOU WILL think of me. Being soooo right now doesnt mean you will be in 6 months. I feel vindicated finally.