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Girlfriend died a few months ago and now her parents are trying to take my son...

Pasco08

By Pasco08,
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dreamingoftigers

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted
I guess i could let that happen

 

Yeah, you don't want to look like you are saying "f-you grandparents, you aunt gonna see him now!"

 

Courts really don't like that.

 

If they have email, stating your terms for visitation is easiest and provides a paper trail. Mention nothing about the legal proceedings.

 

Mine was simple:

 

At any time you would like to see T, please cal me at (xxxxx) and if I do not pick up, I will see that you called and return your call within 24 hours.

 

Then we can make an arrangement at that time. You we welcome to visit (my home) with me (or a designated friend etc) present when it is logical and convenient for all of us. There will not be any barriers to a relationship between you and T without any just cause.

 

I will make a most expedient effort to arrange visits for within 48-72 hours of your call.

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dreamingoftigers

dreamingoftigers

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I already have Letters from friends and family and others and my son is up to date on everything. My lawyer has told me there cause is basically crap. And yes.

 

Good, you are ahead. Most people think....."well I shouldn't hafta do all dat."

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Pasco08

Pasco08

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Yeah, you don't want to look like you are saying "f-you grandparents, you aunt gonna see him now!"

 

Courts really don't like that.

 

If they have email, stating your terms for visitation is easiest and provides a paper trail. Mention nothing about the legal proceedings.

 

Mine was simple:

 

At any time you would like to see T, please cal me at (xxxxx) and if I do not pick up, I will see that you called and return your call within 24 hours.

 

Then we can make an arrangement at that time. You we welcome to visit (my home) with me (or a designated friend etc) present when it is logical and convenient for all of us. There will not be any barriers to a relationship between you and T without any just cause.

 

I will make a most expedient effort to arrange visits for within 48-72 hours of your call.

 

I sent them an email see if they respond.

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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

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My girlfriend and I had been together since high school well she died a few months ago in a car wreck and we had a one year old son together. I have a great job and such. But now my girlfriends parents are coming after me and wants custody of my kid I don’t understand this and frankly it makes me angry because I let them see him whenever they want but that isn’t enough apparently. Can they really do this? Take my son away from me? I don’t know what I would do if I lost my son as well. Has anyone dealt with this? What should I do? They are claiming they have rights to him. I do have a Lawyer.

 

They have rights for visitation as GRANDPARENTS, that's it. they have no rights to take your child away from you. You are the father. Unless you are abusing your child, hitting him/her, then they have NO grounds to take him away from you. You can be fair to them and tell them they can be involved as grandparents, and that's it.

 

Talk to a lawyer asap and talk to your own parents as well.

 

Sorry for your loss, my heart hurts for you.

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Balzac

Balzac

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You have engaged legal representation. They will advise you. Listen to them, follow their advise.

 

Not all states recognize grandparent rights of visitation.

 

Protect your son's best interest, protect yourself. Actions for custody follow a clear protocol. If your lawyer has experience, you'll be fine.

What you'll need to evaluate, be wary of, undue grandparent negative influence if you regarding your patent:child relationship.

 

Good luck as this process moves forward. Again, listen carefly to your lawyer.

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Balzac

Balzac

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Be a confident daddy to your boy. Know that his needs come first. He needs food & shelter which you work to provide. Nearly every parent is away from their child for performance of work. You're doing the right stuff.

 

Focus on your own feelings. Child custody is a war against you and in that protect your child's interest to have his daddy in his life everyday.

Nuff said.

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dreamingoftigers

dreamingoftigers

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Regardless of how the case goes, I know it'll feel like living under an anvil on a string for awhile.

 

I am sorry for your stress. Truly, it develops some solid, solid strength inside that will take you and your son through things in the future.

 

How was the relationship with the grandparents before this happened?

 

And out of curiosity do you think that one of them spurned it on more than the other?

 

It seems like a really dumb way for them to risk not seeing your son ever again.

 

I had to cut off communication with my parents until they absolutely withdrew (my dynamic is slightly different than yours through, I had some more external backing) and I let them know if it wasn't withdrawn (I did this verbally, no proof) that if they didn't, i would fight them in whatever visitation they would legally try to obtain. Permanently.

 

I though it was completely unacceptable to go after me as a fit single parent (at the time) to have a pissing contest and place their parental authority as higher than mine. If they had pursued the case and lost, I would have still revoked visitation because of the contention between us and how it wouldn't have been healthy to expose my daughter to it.

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Balzac

Balzac

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Ok there's so much more to your post that's not been covered here.

 

Maybe you'd prefer to stick to parenting?

 

Gotta ask if your little boy looks like his mama at all? So many aspects of your situation cut happy n sad. Is he a walking, jibbering machine?

 

Sharing here about your anxiety, frustration and anger are all fine. Lots of listening ears here in anonymous land.

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Pasco08

Pasco08

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My Son is the spitting image of his mom :( He is walking and attempting to run he just lights me up every time i pick him up from daycare. I honestly don't know what i would do without him.

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pteromom

pteromom

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You say they are claiming you are unfit because you don't spend enough time with him.

 

Keep a log of your day, documenting about 2 weeks time.

 

What time you wake up, what you do, what you do with your son, etc.

 

Such as:

 

6:10AM - wake up

6:15AM - take shower, get ready

6:30AM - wake son, get him dressed, brush his teeth

6:45AM - breakfast with son - Cheerios and apple juice

7:15AM - drop son at childcare center

 

etc, etc.

 

You'll have a log of everything. How much time you spend; what you do for him; what he eats; what you do when you are not with him, etc.

 

The letters from others are good too.

 

I don't know if you drink or smoke pot or anything like that, but if so, you need to stop it now. You want to be a model dad.

 

Along those lines, also cut anyone out of your life who is a trouble-maker or could make you look bad by association.

 

Find a local playgroup and join up. It is good for your son, and it is good for you.

 

Nobody is going to take your child away without a good reason. You just have to make sure you don't give them a reason, and you should be fine.

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yessy21

yessy21

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Hello! welcome to loveshack!

 

First off, im sorry about both of your losses. I cant imagine how devastating this could be. especially to you and her parents.

 

i have been in court in florida and i can tell you, unless you are negligent, abusive, or unsheltered, they will not take your child from you. the only thing that can happen is them securing visitations with the court. they put my ex and i in a room and we had to figure out what days we would like to set up. he chose wed.every week and every other weekend. you have to understand that this is their daughters son also, and that they dont want to be excluded from his life when you move on. Dont worry. it will all be perfectly fine.

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Balzac

Balzac

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So basically he runs and jumps into your arms~~~while flashing you that smile she gifted to him. Life does not get much better than such a moment.

Shared hugs are just the best.

 

That little boy is not too far away from talking your ear off.

Is he a fan of Sports Center? I mean you two are living the manly life now.

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Lois

Lois

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My Son is the spitting image of his mom :( He is walking and attempting to run he just lights me up every time i pick him up from daycare. I honestly don't know what i would do without him.

 

There it is. The physical reminder of their beloved girl now gone. They are afraid.

 

I know you are going via lawyers at the moment and they - obviously - know the law, but will they do what is right for your son? He is in danger of becoming a possession to be fought over once the lawyers start firing their legal shots.

Your boy needs you and he needs his grandparents. He needs as many loving people in his life as possible so please don't cut them out. I know you're angry at what they have done, but be the bigger person and take him over to see them. He needs them and they need him.

Sit down and talk with them about this, calmly, and keep in mind that their worst nightmare has come true, they have lost their child. They are acting out of fear and pain.

There are solutions surely - is it possible that they could look after your boy instead of him going to daycare on some occasions? Perhaps it hurts them to know he is at daycare when he could be spending time with them - just a thought.

Talk to them and if it doesn't work out and they want to continue with this nonsense, at least you will know that you have given it your best shot.

Good luck, I hope you work this out ... for your son's sake.

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Pasco08

Pasco08

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You say they are claiming you are unfit because you don't spend enough time with him.

 

Keep a log of your day, documenting about 2 weeks time.

 

What time you wake up, what you do, what you do with your son, etc.

 

Such as:

 

6:10AM - wake up

6:15AM - take shower, get ready

6:30AM - wake son, get him dressed, brush his teeth

6:45AM - breakfast with son - Cheerios and apple juice

7:15AM - drop son at childcare center

 

etc, etc.

 

You'll have a log of everything. How much time you spend; what you do for him; what he eats; what you do when you are not with him, etc.

 

The letters from others are good too.

 

I don't know if you drink or smoke pot or anything like that, but if so, you need to stop it now. You want to be a model dad.

 

Along those lines, also cut anyone out of your life who is a trouble-maker or could make you look bad by association.

 

Find a local playgroup and join up. It is good for your son, and it is good for you.

 

Nobody is going to take your child away without a good reason. You just have to make sure you don't give them a reason, and you should be fine.

 

Ok that is a really good idea thanks.

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Pasco08

Pasco08

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So basically he runs and jumps into your arms~~~while flashing you that smile she gifted to him. Life does not get much better than such a moment.

Shared hugs are just the best.

 

That little boy is not too far away from talking your ear off.

Is he a fan of Sports Center? I mean you two are living the manly life now.

 

You should see the Florida Gators outfits i have for him and the Bucs and Rays cloths so cute! I totally am immersing him in lots and lots of sports. As i am a Florida Gators/Bucs/Rays/Lightning fan

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Pasco08

Pasco08

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There it is. The physical reminder of their beloved girl now gone. They are afraid.

 

I know you are going via lawyers at the moment and they - obviously - know the law, but will they do what is right for your son? He is in danger of becoming a possession to be fought over once the lawyers start firing their legal shots.

Your boy needs you and he needs his grandparents. He needs as many loving people in his life as possible so please don't cut them out. I know you're angry at what they have done, but be the bigger person and take him over to see them. He needs them and they need him.

Sit down and talk with them about this, calmly, and keep in mind that their worst nightmare has come true, they have lost their child. They are acting out of fear and pain.

There are solutions surely - is it possible that they could look after your boy instead of him going to daycare on some occasions? Perhaps it hurts them to know he is at daycare when he could be spending time with them - just a thought.

Talk to them and if it doesn't work out and they want to continue with this nonsense, at least you will know that you have given it your best shot.

Good luck, I hope you work this out ... for your son's sake.

 

I am supposed to meet them for dinner tomorrow and i will be taking him. We will probably talk and see if we can figure this out.

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Lois

Lois

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I am supposed to meet them for dinner tomorrow and i will be taking him. We will probably talk and see if we can figure this out.

 

I wish you well.

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Balzac

Balzac

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Posted (edited)

I knew it! Yeah that man cave culture is the real deal. Sounds like a lotta fun.

I attended my 1st FL::GA game this year, what an experience.

 

Teething~Drooling~Chips during the game! I didn't say that did I?

Edited by Balzac
Just read about dinner~~public venue is great.
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Pasco08

Pasco08

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I wish you well.

 

Thanks

 

I knew it! Yeah that man cave culture is the real deal. Sounds like a lotta fun.

I attended my 1st FL::GA game this year, what an experience.

 

Teething~Drooling~Chips during the game! I didn't say that did I?

 

I took my son to the Florida South Carolina Game was a lot of fun.

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