is it ok to still have friends from the opposite sex when engaged?

[liverpool fc]

a few months ago my fiance cleared out every single girl on my fb apart from her and family as it made her jealous, i have her all over my fb so everyone who is friends can clearly see im engaged with her (relo status, display picture timeline pic etc) but she also cleared out a friend i had known before i first spoke to my fiance, this girl knew all about my fiance and was very supportive of us a a couple (she has a boyfriend herself) but she was very jealous of her especially when she would text me but i would show her all my texts when she wanted to look and she could see herself this friend was very supportive of me and my fiance and happy for us

 

a few months before that she did a twitter cleanout of who i was following which she again got rid of all the girls including ones i would occasionly talk to and had known for a bit but she denies this was jealousy.

 

i had a old person i used to talk to on twitter randomely tweet me today for the first time since jan before i started going out, and my fiance told me she would prefer it if i didnt respond to her

 

she has said to me she can get rid of any guy friends i want and i said no im not like that i dont want your friendships (very rare chats) to end just because of me

 

i have it all over fb and twitter about how much i love my fiance, i reassure her every single day of how much i do and she knows all my fb, twitter and email passwords as i have nothing to hide at all but i just dont get it. am i allowed to still talk to girls who were friends/keep my friends who are girls when engaged?

 

any help would be great

[mammasita]

Although social networking can be the demise of a good relationship......your fiancé took extreme measures doing what she did. My belief is that hanging out in person one on one with someone of the opposite sex is not acceptable but occasional chats on line is not an issue. She obviously has your passwords to even be able to delete friends from your account which should be enough to prove you aren't doing anything wrong.

 

She has issues.

[liverpool fc]

Although social networking can be the demise of a good relationship......your fiancé took extreme measures doing what she did. My belief is that hanging out in person one on one with someone of the opposite sex is not acceptable but occasional chats on line is not an issue. She obviously has your passwords to even be able to delete friends from your account which should be enough to prove you aren't doing anything wrong.

 

She has issues.

 

i would never meet up with them ever unless she wanted to and she was with me at the time, they live in different states so it would only be online chats anyway

 

i do feel she has problems but i dont get i have done everything possible to show how much i love her and only her yet she still gets jealous at things like this. and i agree with that

[amayana]

Oh wow, that's kinda on the extreme side, don't you think? I can't help but feel a bit sorry for you. Her deleting all your female friends off FB and Twitter is ridiculous to say the least... It's border-line obsessive.

It's OK to get a bit jealous. But it's not OK to be obsessive and to try and control your partner's life. She doesn't seem to trust you at all, which is worrying since you are engaged! To me, trust is one of the most important factors in any relationship. I understand that she might not realise how ludicrous and crazy her behaviour is. Have you ever given her any reason to act like she does? Has she had hurtful relationships in the past?

[Balzac]

Big red flags. You'll never be able to fix this. Your balls in her purse at engagement speaks volumes about married life with her.

 

Get yourself into counseling. You did not see this coming and you're still not clear on personal boundaries.

[spareohs]

a few months ago my fiance cleared out every single girl on my fb apart from her and family as it made her jealous, i have her all over my fb so everyone who is friends can clearly see im engaged with her (relo status, display picture timeline pic etc) but she also cleared out a friend i had known before i first spoke to my fiance, this girl knew all about my fiance and was very supportive of us a a couple (she has a boyfriend herself) but she was very jealous of her especially when she would text me but i would show her all my texts when she wanted to look and she could see herself this friend was very supportive of me and my fiance and happy for us

 

a few months before that she did a twitter cleanout of who i was following which she again got rid of all the girls including ones i would occasionly talk to and had known for a bit but she denies this was jealousy.

 

i had a old person i used to talk to on twitter randomely tweet me today for the first time since jan before i started going out, and my fiance told me she would prefer it if i didnt respond to her

 

she has said to me she can get rid of any guy friends i want and i said no im not like that i dont want your friendships (very rare chats) to end just because of me

 

i have it all over fb and twitter about how much i love my fiance, i reassure her every single day of how much i do and she knows all my fb, twitter and email passwords as i have nothing to hide at all but i just dont get it. am i allowed to still talk to girls who were friends/keep my friends who are girls when engaged?

 

any help would be great

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

 

Let me just state that I think it's okay to be a little clingy and needy from time to time. We all are.

However, this is not normal, and not healthy. How old is she? I'm guessing pretty young because that is very immature behavior.

I'm sharing the general statement that she is wayyyyyyyyyyyyy taking this to the extreme. It sounds like she has severe codependency, jealousy, and self image issues. These are all red flags. The fact that she can go into your personal accounts and clean them out is not something I'd be comfortable with at all as it shows her being overbearing and lacking any boundaries.

 

Also, there's nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender. I don't think it's alright to have them spending the night, constantly talking to them, etc. but there's no reason you shouldn't be able to have friends who are female.

 

You need to have a serious talk with her unless you're content to have someone running your life and determining who is worthy of your friendship from now on.

Edited November 14, 2012 by spareohs

[pteromom]

Of course it is OK to have friends of the opposite sex.

 

What she did was wrong, but it was your fault. You should have never given her your passwords or let her access your accounts.

 

It is up to you to define boundaries for yourself.

 

If you don't create those boundaries now, you are signing yourself up for a lifetime of "I saw you look at her!" "Will there be girls there? Then you can't go." "Who was that on the phone? Was it a girl?"

 

You don't want that, trust me!

 

You need to tell her that you have female friends. Re-friend the ones who were real friends. You need to tell her that she is the only one for you, and that you require trust in order to grow in the relationship with her.

 

Do NOT marry her until this is resolved.

[HeavenOrHell]

OMG! Your gf would love being in my shoes, my partner still shared a bed with his ex as friends after we got together, and they spent every w/end together (we're long distance), I asked him to tone it down to her staying at his once a month, she moved away in the end but they still talk, I don't see why he should stop being friends with her, as long as there are boundaries obviously, I am friends with my ex also. We know neither of us would cheat, it's not our style.

He has lots of female friends, no way would I ask him to stop being friends with them

Your gf should not be controlling you like this, you make it clear to her all the time that she's the one you want, she has no need to be insecure.

 

 

 

a few months ago my fiance cleared out every single girl on my fb apart from her and family as it made her jealous, i have her all over my fb so everyone who is friends can clearly see im engaged with her (relo status, display picture timeline pic etc) but she also cleared out a friend i had known before i first spoke to my fiance, this girl knew all about my fiance and was very supportive of us a a couple (she has a boyfriend herself) but she was very jealous of her especially when she would text me but i would show her all my texts when she wanted to look and she could see herself this friend was very supportive of me and my fiance and happy for us

 

a few months before that she did a twitter cleanout of who i was following which she again got rid of all the girls including ones i would occasionly talk to and had known for a bit but she denies this was jealousy.

 

i had a old person i used to talk to on twitter randomely tweet me today for the first time since jan before i started going out, and my fiance told me she would prefer it if i didnt respond to her

 

she has said to me she can get rid of any guy friends i want and i said no im not like that i dont want your friendships (very rare chats) to end just because of me

 

i have it all over fb and twitter about how much i love my fiance, i reassure her every single day of how much i do and she knows all my fb, twitter and email passwords as i have nothing to hide at all but i just dont get it. am i allowed to still talk to girls who were friends/keep my friends who are girls when engaged?

 

any help would be great

[todreaminblue]

a few months ago my fiance cleared out every single girl on my fb apart from her and family as it made her jealous, i have her all over my fb so everyone who is friends can clearly see im engaged with her (relo status, display picture timeline pic etc) but she also cleared out a friend i had known before i first spoke to my fiance, this girl knew all about my fiance and was very supportive of us a a couple (she has a boyfriend herself) but she was very jealous of her especially when she would text me but i would show her all my texts when she wanted to look and she could see herself this friend was very supportive of me and my fiance and happy for us

 

a few months before that she did a twitter cleanout of who i was following which she again got rid of all the girls including ones i would occasionly talk to and had known for a bit but she denies this was jealousy.

 

i had a old person i used to talk to on twitter randomely tweet me today for the first time since jan before i started going out, and my fiance told me she would prefer it if i didnt respond to her

 

she has said to me she can get rid of any guy friends i want and i said no im not like that i dont want your friendships (very rare chats) to end just because of me

 

i have it all over fb and twitter about how much i love my fiance, i reassure her every single day of how much i do and she knows all my fb, twitter and email passwords as i have nothing to hide at all but i just dont get it. am i allowed to still talk to girls who were friends/keep my friends who are girls when engaged?

 

any help would be great

 

 

I dont think its fair at all, you gave her all the passwords in good faith and as you said you weren't hiding anything.there has to be trust on both sides.Extreme jealousy will be an issue you will have to contend with later as it has already happened.Social networking does cause breakups, mainly because instead of talking problems out together couples get on the net and chat to others about their issues when they should be talking to each other.....when there are problems in a relationship is when the relationship is under duress and vulnerable......i am not a fan of msn chat or facebook..i would never do that to a partner,and i never have, its controlling and aggressive monitoring...in saying that you showed honesty by what you did with the passwords and accounts.... your fiancee showed total disregard and disrespect for your opinion or who you did want to keep as friends which is your choice........its unfair and i consider it to be unjustified.....another poster said counseling i do agree with this......

 

i feel you should talk to your fiancee about how it made you feel that you dont want her to be jealous, that she has to have trust in you as you have given her no reason to not trust you ....i hope everything works out for you and your fiancee .....best wishes.....deb

[darkmoon]

i knew a woman who divorced her husband because she was so fed up with his female friends, there were seven or so who'd ring him at home, just saying, issue-laden these partners might be, but a husbandly role requires loyalty and downright favouritism, proven, anything else is a raw deal

Edited November 14, 2012 by darkmoon

[SincereOnlineGuy]

is it ok to still have friends from the opposite sex when engaged?

 

 

If you're an engaged woman, yes, if you're an engaged guy, NO!!

 

 

Men have zero interest in mere "friendship" (cough, choke) with women when those men wouldn't rather get into their pants.

 

The exceptions to this include coworkers, neighbors, and family connections.

 

Women, because they can get sex anywhere, do not have the same limitations.

 

Your fiance's methods were likely out-of-line, but in all probability you are out-of-line as well.

 

It really is cut and dried, short, sweet, and simple too.

 

 

Of course you may waaaaaaaaaaaaant that not to be the case, but the women most are trying to woo already know what I just wrote.

 

 

PS - ... and the male friends she has want only to get into her pants.

[veggirl]

I think it's pretty problematic that your gf feels she has the right to just log into your accounts and start deleting things. and she says its not jealousy? then what is it? I think you should stop letting her treat you like you are her child.

[liverpool fc]

Oh wow, that's kinda on the extreme side, don't you think? I can't help but feel a bit sorry for you. Her deleting all your female friends off FB and Twitter is ridiculous to say the least... It's border-line obsessive.

It's OK to get a bit jealous. But it's not OK to be obsessive and to try and control your partner's life. She doesn't seem to trust you at all, which is worrying since you are engaged! To me, trust is one of the most important factors in any relationship. I understand that she might not realise how ludicrous and crazy her behaviour is. Have you ever given her any reason to act like she does? Has she had hurtful relationships in the past?

 

she may not, i have never given her any reasons to act like this and i am her first ever boyfriend/fiancee which could have a bit to do with it

 

 

Big red flags. You'll never be able to fix this. Your balls in her purse at engagement speaks volumes about married life with her.

 

Get yourself into counseling. You did not see this coming and you're still not clear on personal boundaries.

 

i have been seeing someone, they recommend if i want to talk to former friends or whoever then bring it up when im with her next when everything is happy and not to bring it up over the phone or text

 

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

 

Let me just state that I think it's okay to be a little clingy and needy from time to time. We all are.

However, this is not normal, and not healthy. How old is she? I'm guessing pretty young because that is very immature behavior.

I'm sharing the general statement that she is wayyyyyyyyyyyyy taking this to the extreme. It sounds like she has severe codependency, jealousy, and self image issues. These are all red flags. The fact that she can go into your personal accounts and clean them out is not something I'd be comfortable with at all as it shows her being overbearing and lacking any boundaries.

 

Also, there's nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender. I don't think it's alright to have them spending the night, constantly talking to them, etc. but there's no reason you shouldn't be able to have friends who are female.

 

You need to have a serious talk with her unless you're content to have someone running your life and determining who is worthy of your friendship from now on.

 

yes i can understand that

 

it had taken me 4 months to stop her from putting down herself and bad self esteem, we are both 19 but often get told we are mature for our years, she was jealous last year before we even went out as she would stalk my facebook and see other girls and think she would never have a chance with me, i would never have a female friend stay the night and i would always reply to my girl first before anyone else. i am doing that when i see her next

 

Of course it is OK to have friends of the opposite sex.

 

What she did was wrong, but it was your fault. You should have never given her your passwords or let her access your accounts.

 

It is up to you to define boundaries for yourself.

 

If you don't create those boundaries now, you are signing yourself up for a lifetime of "I saw you look at her!" "Will there be girls there? Then you can't go." "Who was that on the phone? Was it a girl?"

 

You don't want that, trust me!

 

You need to tell her that you have female friends. Re-friend the ones who were real friends. You need to tell her that she is the only one for you, and that you require trust in order to grow in the relationship with her.

 

Do NOT marry her until this is resolved.

 

i only did that hoping it would show her i have nothing to hide and she has nothing to worry about at all, i always do tell her every day and reassure her im all hers and only hers and i will attempt to resolve it when i see her next

 

OMG! Your gf would love being in my shoes, my partner still shared a bed with his ex as friends after we got together, and they spent every w/end together (we're long distance), I asked him to tone it down to her staying at his once a month, she moved away in the end but they still talk, I don't see why he should stop being friends with her, as long as there are boundaries obviously, I am friends with my ex also. We know neither of us would cheat, it's not our style.

He has lots of female friends, no way would I ask him to stop being friends with them

Your gf should not be controlling you like this, you make it clear to her all the time that she's the one you want, she has no need to be insecure.

 

i can totally understand that, we are long distance aswell. i do feel controlled but i still think that she still feels insecure no matter what i do and i always try to make her happy and have high confidence

 

I dont think its fair at all, you gave her all the passwords in good faith and as you said you weren't hiding anything.there has to be trust on both sides.Extreme jealousy will be an issue you will have to contend with later as it has already happened.Social networking does cause breakups, mainly because instead of talking problems out together couples get on the net and chat to others about their issues when they should be talking to each other.....when there are problems in a relationship is when the relationship is under duress and vulnerable......i am not a fan of msn chat or facebook..i would never do that to a partner,and i never have, its controlling and aggressive monitoring...in saying that you showed honesty by what you did with the passwords and accounts.... your fiancee showed total disregard and disrespect for your opinion or who you did want to keep as friends which is your choice........its unfair and i consider it to be unjustified.....another poster said counseling i do agree with this......

 

i feel you should talk to your fiancee about how it made you feel that you dont want her to be jealous, that she has to have trust in you as you have given her no reason to not trust you ....i hope everything works out for you and your fiancee .....best wishes.....deb

 

i would never ask a friend for advice if we were ever on the rocks as it would be between just me and her, we have never had a fight or argument at all. i feel as if no matter what i do its not going to change anything, i have been seeing someone about it and i will when i see her. thank you deb i hope so too

 

If you're an engaged woman, yes, if you're an engaged guy, NO!!

 

 

Men have zero interest in mere "friendship" (cough, choke) with women when those men wouldn't rather get into their pants.

 

The exceptions to this include coworkers, neighbors, and family connections.

 

Women, because they can get sex anywhere, do not have the same limitations.

 

Your fiance's methods were likely out-of-line, but in all probability you are out-of-line as well.

 

It really is cut and dried, short, sweet, and simple too.

 

 

Of course you may waaaaaaaaaaaaant that not to be the case, but the women most are trying to woo already know what I just wrote.

 

 

PS - ... and the male friends she has want only to get into her pants.

 

her male friends are the exeptions like uni people etc, i dont want to have gone out of line at all.

 

I think it's pretty problematic that your gf feels she has the right to just log into your accounts and start deleting things. and she says its not jealousy? then what is it? I think you should stop letting her treat you like you are her child.

 

thats what suprised me when she said that. i will talk to her when i see her next

[MissBee]

Just got done watching a movie about an insecure and controlling man who even accused his gf's brother of being her secret lover, who didn't want her even saying hi to other men etc. The woman in the movie who was his gf tried to make him feel secure...she never could. All he did was make her life hell by going through her phone, constantly checking up on her and trying to decide who she could talk to, where she could go etc. Moral of the story: you cannot make an insecure person happy unless you want to totally live under their thumb.

 

 

I cannot imagine doing anything like that or having it done to me. I'd try to deal with this now before you tie the knot and sign up for this for the rest of your life. I understand making some concessions for your partner but you taking up on yourself to let paranoia and jealousy control you so that you go about deleting people...it's out of line.

[liverpool fc]

Just got done watching a movie about an insecure and controlling man who even accused his gf's brother of being her secret lover, who didn't want her even saying hi to other men etc. The woman in the movie who was his gf tried to make him feel secure...she never could. All he did was make her life hell by going through her phone, constantly checking up on her and trying to decide who she could talk to, where she could go etc. Moral of the story: you cannot make an insecure person happy unless you want to totally live under their thumb.

 

 

I cannot imagine doing anything like that or having it done to me. I'd try to deal with this now before you tie the knot and sign up for this for the rest of your life. I understand making some concessions for your partner but you taking up on yourself to let paranoia and jealousy control you so that you go about deleting people...it's out of line.

 

i can see that, it quite explains my situation

 

i am going to deal with it when i see her, i feel if i had to go without hours texting her ( cause of study or family etc) then i can do that but she always wants to talk to me and gets upset when she cant. i dont want to put up with this for the rest of my life at all

[ana0pera]

I want to highlight a few key points:

 

It sounds like she has severe codependency, jealousy, and self image issues. These are all red flags.

 

it had taken me 4 months to stop her from putting down herself and bad self esteem

You are not her therapist but you are acting as such. What you've done is admirable, but you're feeding into her codependency and jealousy. She needs to get professional counseling.

 

 

 

i am her first ever boyfriend/fiancee which could have a bit to do with it

 

This is definitely part of the problem as to why she's codependent. How long have you been dating? Is she your first girlfriend too?

 

we are both 19, but often get told we are mature for our years

whoever tells her that she is mature for her age obviously doesn't know about this behavior! What she wants from you is NOT mature at all, and reveals major trust issues.

 

Do NOT marry her until this is resolved.

 

I think this is the best advice given thus far. Please please please do not marry her until this is resolved!! You both are quite young (and I say this as a 24-year-old) and she has a lot of growing up to do. It would benefit you both to work this out before marriage.

[liverpool fc]

I want to highlight a few key points:

 

 

 

 

You are not her therapist but you are acting as such. What you've done is admirable, but you're feeding into her codependency and jealousy. She needs to get professional counseling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is definitely part of the problem as to why she's codependent. How long have you been dating? Is she your first girlfriend too?

 

 

whoever tells her that she is mature for her age obviously doesn't know about this behavior! What she wants from you is NOT mature at all, and reveals major trust issues.

 

 

 

 

I think this is the best advice given thus far. Please please please do not marry her until this is resolved!! You both are quite young (and I say this as a 24-year-old) and she has a lot of growing up to do. It would benefit you both to work this out before marriage.

 

we have been dating for 10 months now, she is not my first girl. i always trust her but i do not want to feed into her jealousy, i do know we are both young and i have noticed her mature in different ways quickly which is a start (eg what she would say to me last year when we werent together and completely stop saying it with me)

[Pompom]

I don't understand why people fret about friendships with people of the opposite sex. Just because it gets along and one has a plug and the other has a hole, doesn't mean their hormones are boiling every time they're in the same room together.

Where I come from, men and women (ages 18 to 25), good friends, would have sleepovers and not care who shared the blanket with whom; we never did anything sexual. Some of us were more attractive than others but I never had the feeling that anything but an occasional crush, tainted the - oh God that sounds too tacky for me - innocence of our friendship. Same and opposite sexes would sit on each-other's lap for lack of chairs, kiss cheeks, and hold hands.

And even if there is attraction, it must be mutual and both must make a move for anything to happen. So I don't see why worry.

[HeavenOrHell]

Having friends of the opposite sex doesn't=disloyalty or that your partner isn't your priority.

 

 

i knew a woman who divorced her husband because she was so fed up with his female friends, there were seven or so who'd ring him at home, just saying, issue-laden these partners might be, but a husbandly role requires loyalty and downright favouritism, proven, anything else is a raw deal

[carhill]

I would recommend a long and watchful engagement.

 

On the subject of 'friends', if they're real life friends and transparent to and supportive of the relationship, yep, fine. That's what real friends do/are.

[HeavenOrHell]

What do you mean by women can get sex anywhere?!!!

 

I do agree though, based mostly on experience, that men generally don't bother being friends with women, they generally want more, but this doesn't apply to all men, and most males and females have friends of either sex on facebook, it would be weird if we all only had our own gender for our facebook friends!!!!! I've never come across that at all.

 

If you're an engaged woman, yes, if you're an engaged guy, NO!!

 

 

Men have zero interest in mere "friendship" (cough, choke) with women when those men wouldn't rather get into their pants.

 

The exceptions to this include coworkers, neighbors, and family connections.

 

Women, because they can get sex anywhere, do not have the same limitations.

 

Your fiance's methods were likely out-of-line, but in all probability you are out-of-line as well.

 

It really is cut and dried, short, sweet, and simple too.

 

 

Of course you may waaaaaaaaaaaaant that not to be the case, but the women most are trying to woo already know what I just wrote.

 

 

PS - ... and the male friends she has want only to get into her pants.

[veggirl]

19 yrs old...dating for 10 months...engaged....what in the mother fking fk are you thinking?! This isn't even a healthy relationship, your girlfriend is nowhere NEAR ready for an ENGAGEMENT. are you nuts?!

[CherryT]

I'm responding as someone who has trust and jealousy issues stem from a horrible past relationship (dated someone for years, became a god mother to his nephew, and he still ended up cheating on me)... you fiance needs to seek help for her insecurities. It is an ON GOING process and it's taken me a long time to get over a lot of things and I'm still working on other areas.

 

I do get jealous because I know what an amazing catch my man is... but I would never go as far as to tell him who he can and cannot talk to, who he can be friends with on social media sites and then delete them. I know my bf had a life before me. She would never get over her issues by having these girls "out of site, out of mind". It's not like you'll NEVER come across another female again. But one thing is for sure, YOU cannot solve her problems. No matter how much you reassure her, it won't work. I know this because I am working through my spells of insecurities and jealousy. The difference is I acknowledge my problem and it doesn't affect our relationship because I know when I'm feeling/thinking a certain way, it's not him or what he did or said. If I reacted that way, it would create negativity and friction in our relationship. He's been trustworthy so I need to learn how to trust. I would put your engagement on hold until she can sort out her issues. Because if you've already committed your life to her and that's not enough... well, I don't know.

Edited November 15, 2012 by CherryT

[liverpool fc]

I don't understand why people fret about friendships with people of the opposite sex. Just because it gets along and one has a plug and the other has a hole, doesn't mean their hormones are boiling every time they're in the same room together.

Where I come from, men and women (ages 18 to 25), good friends, would have sleepovers and not care who shared the blanket with whom; we never did anything sexual. Some of us were more attractive than others but I never had the feeling that anything but an occasional crush, tainted the - oh God that sounds too tacky for me - innocence of our friendship. Same and opposite sexes would sit on each-other's lap for lack of chairs, kiss cheeks, and hold hands.

And even if there is attraction, it must be mutual and both must make a move for anything to happen. So I don't see why worry.

 

wow haha mine would freak! i wouldnt cheat or think of the friends in that way anyway

 

Having friends of the opposite sex doesn't=disloyalty or that your partner isn't your priority.

 

thats what i have tried saying

 

 

19 yrs old...dating for 10 months...engaged....what in the mother fking fk are you thinking?! This isn't even a healthy relationship, your girlfriend is nowhere NEAR ready for an ENGAGEMENT. are you nuts?!

 

no i am not nuts

 

 

What do you mean by women can get sex anywhere?!!!

 

I do agree though, based mostly on experience, that men generally don't bother being friends with women, they generally want more, but this doesn't apply to all men, and most males and females have friends of either sex on facebook, it would be weird if we all only had our own gender for our facebook friends!!!!! I've never come across that at all.

 

well i pretty much have all males on my fb apart from my girl and family

 

I would recommend a long and watchful engagement.

 

On the subject of 'friends', if they're real life friends and transparent to and supportive of the relationship, yep, fine. That's what real friends do/are.

 

 

i can understand, thats exactly what i have tried telling her friends from the oppisite sex doesnt mean to get rid of them all of a sudden

 

I'm responding as someone who has trust and jealousy issues stem from a horrible past relationship (dated someone for years, became a god mother to his nephew, and he still ended up cheating on me)... you fiance needs to seek help for her insecurities. It is an ON GOING process and it's taken me a long time to get over a lot of things and I'm still working on other areas.

 

I do get jealous because I know what an amazing catch my man is... but I would never go as far as to tell him who he can and cannot talk to, who he can be friends with on social media sites and then delete them. I know my bf had a life before me. She would never get over her issues by having these girls "out of site, out of mind". It's not like you'll NEVER come across another female again. But one thing is for sure, YOU cannot solve her problems. No matter how much you reassure her, it won't work. I know this because I am working through my spells of insecurities and jealousy. The difference is I acknowledge my problem and it doesn't affect our relationship because I know when I'm feeling/thinking a certain way, it's not him or what he did or said. If I reacted that way, it would create negativity and friction in our relationship. He's been trustworthy so I need to learn how to trust. I would put your engagement on hold until she can sort out her issues. Because if you've already committed your life to her and that's not enough... well, I don't know.

 

 

wow im really sorry to hear, i hope you get past everything i wish you luck in sorting it all out

 

i do think i can talk to her about her jealousy and to see someone about it but i am worried she will lose it and get all upset

[CherryT]

wow im really sorry to hear, i hope you get past everything i wish you luck in sorting it all out

 

i do think i can talk to her about her jealousy and to see someone about it but i am worried she will lose it and get all upset

 

Don't be sorry, it happened and I'm moving on. There's no overnight fix, sometimes something will happen to spark a feeling or a memory. I just remember who I am with now and how different he is to my ex. I won't let it paralyze me from living and loving again. It doesn't happen as often anymore and my self esteem is almost back to where it was before. But even at my lowest, I wouldn't do what your fiance did... And I felt I had issues to sort out. But, I didn't rely on anyone to help me with it. Your internal worth is something you dictate for yourself.

 

She has to be mature enough to know that jealousy is a stem of insecurity and low self esteem. If she loved herself the way you loved her, she wouldn't feel that way.