What is it about me?

[Sharon]

I seem to attract married men everywhere I go.

 

For example, one of my new co-workers gave me lift home a couple of weeks ago and he started telling me all this intimate stuff about the problems he was having at home with his wife. He summed the situation up by saying, "I just don't love her."

 

The next time I saw him it was obvious that he was really attracted to me, but I was too busy to talk to him seriously.

 

This other old male friend of mine whom I hadn't seen for a year came over a few evenings ago to visit. He had just gotten re-married last July, but when I asked him how things were going he frowned and said that his wife was too jealous and the sex part was not good because everytime they made love she comes down with a bladder infection. This friend too, showed signs of being really attracted to me as well, as he wanted to fondle me and just massage me a bit. I let him do it a bit, but I knew that if I didn't tell him to stop at a certain point the situation could have gotten out of control, and besides, I'm not very attracted to him anyhow.

 

It is true that I have often been the cause (it does take two to tango) for other "non-single" men to break up with their parteners because for some reason or other, the truth always comes out with me eventually and the secrets get known. I have been in so many of these situations that I can instantly recognize the dynamics even if I know nothing about the man. It is as if I have a sixth sense and I know if a man is married or not. The strange thing is that I can't stop attracting them to me. Why? Do I represent their desired 'forbidden fruit' or the 'femme fatale' that is deadly? Is it because I can talk to these men so easily like 'one of the boys' and also be extremely feminine and sensual? What is it about me that generates that energy that these men want? How do I save myself from myself?

[Taressa]

Sharon,

 

Do you have more male friends than female friends? Do you feel more comfortable, more deeply at ease with men?

 

I'm guessing you already know what behaviors you exhibit that press these innocent relationships into dangerous waters. I'm guessing you've coyly avoided the word "no" at perilous moments in these relationships.

 

For instance... when the coworker started telling you intimate details it fell into your hands to help protect yourself and his marriage by keeping the distance between you... It's time to recognize that a man who puts his heart in your hands will soon be willing to share other body parts as well. And hon, it's a classic come-on, a married man who has "fallen out of love" or is "ignored" by his wife... He's cruising for an affair and your failure to send the proper signals right back makes him believe you're an easy target.

 

Please forgive any harsh tones... I've been where you are, allowed myself to be used, mislabeling it for love or comfort.

 

And as to letting the other friend- - MARRIED friend fondle you... oh my, need I really explain what is wrong with that ?!

 

Sharon,

 

I suspect you're a very caring, gentle woman who draws self-esteem from the attentions of men. Sharon, this is not love or even the compliment of attraction they are sharing... they are showing you attention to the convenience of an available female body attached to a naieve mind.

 

Please examine the relationships and any part you have taken in the pattern from which they develop. You deserve so much more and with work you will begin to attract men who treat you, love, and marriage with the respect and tenderness you are due.

 

For now, just practice the word "no". Please... this compromised attention will draw you down until you feel unworthy of a better love.

[Tony T]

Could I come over and fondle you and massage you the next time I have a bladder infection? You said the only reason you didn't let the above situation go beyond that was that you weren't so attracted him.

 

You allow something like this to happen casually with a married man and you have to ask all these questions?????????

[allison]

No, you are putting yourself in situations with married men. Find your own way home next time and stop getting into personal discussions with other people's men. Find some single men to get chummy with and keep social interactions with married men on a PROFESSIONAL and NON-PERSONAL level.