Guilt: Need Your Advice and Opinions!

[willemd]

Hey Everyone!

 

Need some advice! I'll make this short and to the point. Been with my current girlfriend for about 8 months now. ( First 2.5 months just seeing eachother, the rest we were an official couple) After the first 1.5 months of dating my current girlfriend, a girl I used to date starting talking to me again over AOL. At first she would just talk to me about her boyfriend troubles and then we started to flirt. She basically told me she had an interest in me. Long story short I flirted back, and said some things I regret saying, I think I overly flirted (if that makes sense?) with her because again at the time me and my girlfriend were not in good shape and not serious at all. And again I had dated this girl before and we had done stuff so I guess it was more open and not subtle flirting. Anyway I flirted with this girl for about week or so, I don't even know why I did, I think it was just fun and well ego flirting. Because I knew nothing would ever happen with this other girl, because one we lived miles away and two I would never let anything more than words happen. Anyway I took a trip to home for a couple days, and I agreed to hang out with this girl, I said though just as friends, she tried to kiss me I dodged the kiss gave her a hug and then left. At that moment when she tried to kiss me I knew I was in love with my girlfriend because I was actually discusted with the thought of her kissing me.

 

Anyway me and my girlfriend became a couple about week or so after that incident. I've been totally committed to her and have not even looked at another girl since. My dilemma is that im worried if she ever saw what was written online, that obviously it would look very bad on me. I don't have chat logs because my computer doesnt support them, but if the other girl's did? I know I may be worrying over nothing because chances are it's a dead issue and the other girl may not even have chat logs. What would I say though if my girlfriend ever found out? I only worry because even though at the time that it happened me and my girlfriend were not a couple, we werent because I wasn't ready to committ my girlfriend was though for sure, so I think she would take it worse. I love my girlfriend more than anything on this earth and don't wanna lose her to something so stupid. Have I wronged in anyway? I feel so guilty for some reason and can't seem to get rid of it! Please any advice is welcome!

[Pocky]

All you did was flirt and you weren't even in a monogamous relationship with your current girlfriend. If she ever finds out just explain to her that you were having fun and that you didn't really have any interest in pursuing a relationship with this other girl. You were just confused as to what you wanted to do with your current girlfriend and you just flirted with an ex to get your mind off what was bothering you. You didn't do anything wrong. Any girl that gets upset over this is acting immature.

[Cacophony]

you're cool.

 

look at why you felt the need to flirt though with the ex...was it more that she was paying attention to you? the fact that you know this was wrong is a good indicator of your character. i you see it happening again though as your relationship strengthens, stop look and listen as to why. good luck.

[RowanRavyn]

First let me say that I admire you for being able to put this out there.

 

Flirting is so ego satisfying isn't it?

 

I grasp where you are coming from pretty easily. There was a similar situation with my honey bunny and an Ex...umm not really ex...more of an adventure pal...you know the old lets go on vacation together and have sex as friends but not be committed thing.

 

She had a hard time dealing with our friendship, and he was always open about us. She finally gave him the ultimatum. Me or her. Well, two years later...its me and him against the world. Sometimes people come into our lives to show us precisely what we do not want.

 

I would let it go for now. Chalk it up to a lesson learned. Someday if you take her home with you and there is a chance that the two of them might run into each other, you can turn it into a romantic story.

 

"See that girl over there? We used to date. Remember when I came home (insert date)? Well, that trip is where I discovered that I loved you and wanted you in my life. She tried to kiss me and all I could think of is you."

 

Then when the two of them meet, your gf can just smile happily during the introduction.

[willemd]

Thanks everyone for your help! You really give strength to those who need it!

 

The thing is and the reason why im worried... Is that again the flirting was different... Examples We would talk about past things we had done, past sexual experiences, talking about old times. "How big is your bed" , "Big enough for two ;)" "We can go hot tubbing ;)" Things like that...and other times it was just friendly talk or things like "Hey Good lookin". Like I said we both flirted it was mutual but I did reciprocate and I think the other girl thought things were going to happen (sexual things/dating) because we had dated before, but I was merely just having fun and playing head games. Which I know I shouldn't have done because I feel bad for doing that to the other girl. But almost 8 months have passed, and like I said I doubt anything will be said, cause its in the past.

 

When all of this happened, I never had said to my current girlfriend that I loved her, or referred to her as my girlfriend or any sign of being a couple. After all it had only been two months not very serious. But I know for sure she wanted me to totally committ right from the start. So again why she would take this worse. But I mean If I was honest (and I was) and said im not ready to be in a relationship, and never said I love you, or referred to her as my girlfriend, then I shouldn't feel guilty should I?

 

I wanna tell her this, but then again I don't because she will wonder if there is more since this is something that happened 8 months ago and things are perfect and this will just ruin things, and then again I don't want her to hear it from someone else because that would just make things worse.

But I can't seem to just let this go!!! People tell me somethings are just better to be kept secrets and untold and move on... How do I know if this is one of those things???