I'm distressed

[Rickliam]

I'm stuck between two relationships and I don't know what to do. I've been planning a wedding with my family for at least a year. My granpa went through a lot and made huge efforts to find the perfect girl. When I met her it clicked, she has everything I wanted. Same religion, same projects, the list is long. I engaged myself towards her, that we were to meet several times til next summer and then get married. My whole family honor is at stake too. There was a deal made between our families. Everything was perfect.

 

And then I super randomly met this girl online. Really out of nowhere. I didnt look for anyone and neither did she. We just started chatting about superficial stuff and I was not looking for anything sexual, really far from that. But without noticing we were chatting quite a long time. And then I realised it was every single day. And more and more. We didnt seem to get tired whatsoever. There was not a single time I wasnt interested in what she had to say and vice versa.

 

Now you guessed it I fell in love with her. I know, you will say i didnt meet or have sex so how can I know. I spoke more with her than prolly anyone ever before. I like everything she says, everything she thinks. We clicked totally. I first started thinking about love when I had to recognise my heart was beating just cause I heard the beep from the chat. I neglect pretty much evertyhing for her, just to stay online. I dont want to sleep, I dont want to miss her.

 

Something horrible happened to me. My son, the love of my life, passed away at 14. I am a total mess. She just spent two and half weeks trying to comfort me, staying online almost 24h a day to help me, to let me cry and talk all i needed to. There isnt anyone around me that ever did this. I would not even do so much myself maybe.

 

I'm so stuck. I am engaged in a wedding i worked very hard for and my family is being extremely pushy and serious about it. They lemme know clearly they will be super mad and bannish me if I dont go through with it. On the other hand I have these feelings for someone who is perhaps the best woman who ever did and ever will love me.

 

I dont expect anyone to help me. It's a choice I have to make. I just needed to talk about it I guess. I needed to vent, to yell my distress. Too much going on, too hard losing my son and now I fear of making the worst possible choice one way or the other. I just wanna cry, I feel sick.

[Rickliam]

I feel like i'm the only one who has this kind of family. Everyone around me live their life like they want to and me , I can't. I don't want to lose them all for one person. I don't want to lose that one person. I don't know what to do. Time is running fast, she knows all about it, I told her. I tell her everything. She hates it as much as I do and she waits for me to make a move. The more I wait the more I hurt her and myself and my family.

[River Rain]

I learned the hard way that online romances are a fallacy unless you meet them in person. When you meet a person online, they have time to prep their emails, texts, even phone calls to a certain extent. In certain cases, alter their photos. It's easy to become enamoured because it's almost like a fantasy. They can do no wrong, they can allow you to vent, they can "be" there for you at their convenience because it's all through technology and not real life. It's false intimacy and so many people "fall in love" with words and photos rather than making a real connection with a person. I'm not busting your balls, but if it's so easy for you to "fall in love" with someone you met online, then you're obviously not serious about your fiancee, who is real and right in front of you. If you plan to "go through with it" because of family pressure, you're just being cruel to the girl. Think of her for a moment instead of yourself. Would you want her to do that to you? If you think this online woman is in fact "the one", then end the engagement, because basically you're cheating already and you're not even married.

[Rickliam]

its an arranged wedding she is not in love we decided it cause its like that. Our families made the arrangement. We're not to break it otherwise we get bannish. I love my family i cant go through life without any of them, without their support and help, when i just lost my son.

 

I really wish to meet that other woman. We're connected 24h a day. I can talk to her no matter what time it is. 3h am, 12h, anytime. She will answer me. While she cooks, while she sleeps she will wake up and be there, while she works, while she drives at a stop light she will answer. Instantly.

 

Rest assured if i do get married i will cut any relation with the other woman. Cheating is strictly out of my values. Having any sexual relation out of wedding is forbidden too so i am not having any of that

Edited November 17, 2012 by Rickliam

[Rickliam]

but i lied we had some sex chat at the end. i dont think its like making love but it was forbidden too for me. not for her, not the same religion. i will make a teshuva for that.

 

i am taking my decision i will not seeher. I will do what my family wants. i will cut all links with her. i tried yesterday and had a huge panic attack and ended begging to stay. I didnt think it would be so hard. I will try again soon.