How to keep going when you are depressed?

[SpiralOut]

I went to the clinic today and got the referral. The doctor I spoke to wasn't exactly the most sensitive guy. He opened the door and loudly asked me if I was planning to commit suicide. Other people heard him and were staring at me. So that was great.

 

I don't think he's dealt with very many people like me. Or maybe he has but feels uncomfortable with depressive types.

 

I went to a new gym after that to do a short workout. It helped. Plus there's a video rental place right across from it and I've been looking everywhere for one of those. So I think I'll keep going there until the snow melts.

[SpiralOut]

Okay I don't like the way this clinic is handling things. I'm not going back there.

 

Now I need to find a family doctor. I'll probably procrastinate doing that.

[SpiralOut]

Never mind, right after typing my last message I got a letter telling me when my appointment is. I just need to book the time off work. Which I am worried about doing because I've been booking off lots of time lately.

 

I just had a really paranoid day today where I feel like everyone hates me. I hate this feeling. I'm tired of feeling like the world is against me. I often feel like giving up. Like just sleeping in so late one day I don't care if I get fired, get kicked out of my apartment, whatever. Obviously I won't let that happen but I really feel like just laying down and sleeping until I wake up to a better day.

 

Winter is the hardest time of year. I think I'll feel better in the spring.

[2sunny]

Best way is to stay busy helping OTHEArS - that way you feel useful - and you'll stop thinking of yourself so much.

 

Volunteer!!!

[TouchedByViolet]

I struggle with this a lot myself. When I feel good I want to get out and do things but when I feel depressed everything feels fruitless.

[FitChick]

Winter is the hardest time of year. I think I'll feel better in the spring.

 

You need to buy those full spectrum light bulbs that mimic sunlight as well as taking a brisk walk outside for at least half an hour. It will "lighten" your mood.

 

Also start taking 1000mg of vitamin D3. Most people are woefully deficient and even doctors are advising this nowadays. All natural and cheap. I think you'll see a big improvement.

 

I find eating too much sugar depresses me.

[camillalev]

SpiralOut I know exactly where you are coming from. On top of the great advice already given, try reading 'the charisma myth' by Olivia Cabane. It's main topic is about charisma and how to be charismatic, but there are a few great chapters on people and their natural, self-critical tendencies. How we are so much harder on ourselves than other people, how our perceptions of reality aren't always accurate because we often view the world through a screen of our own insecurities, and the differences between self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-compassion.

 

I don't know about you, but i'm pretty high on self-confidence(with certain skills/areas of my life) but very low on self-compassion. If I miss an appointment, wake up late, or generally make any kind of mistake, I get very down on myself, whereas other people might think 'it happens to everyone' and move on. I've gotten better with that, but I think a lot of people in depressive states might have this problem. According to Cabane self-esteem usually fluctuates because most people tend to compare their lives and what they have to the lives of others.

 

I think FitChick is right with taking D3, I'm going to try that myself.

[SpiralOut]

Best way is to stay busy helping OTHEArS - that way you feel useful - and you'll stop thinking of yourself so much.

 

Volunteer!!!

2sunny: Yeah I'm supposed to start volunteering soon. Just had an orientation session this week and now I have to email with the different people in charge of different events to try and get involved. I hope I get to actually START soon!

 

Fitchick: Thanks. Yeah I have a vitamin D supplement, the liquid kind as my doctor says that's supposed to be absorbed better than pills. I've thought about getting a sunlamp but don't know if it's in my budget this year. I've been craving orange juice like crazy too so I don't know if that's helping or not. I guess my body needed more vitamin C.

 

Camillalev: Thanks, I'll look into that book you suggested. I am definately hard on myself.

 

 

 

I am feeling better this week, maybe because I am taking care of myself.

[ChessPieceFace]

Unfortunately the medications out there are made by a marginally-intelligent ape race known as humans, and more importantly, are made by humans whose goal in life isn't to help people, but rather to get as much of people's money as possible. As a result, many medications for mental problems cause more harm than good. Do any research and you'll find out a myriad of terrifying side effects for most of these psych drugs.

 

What's the answer? Not sure, but I'd first try any kind of natural method for curing depression. Things like an exercise regimen, proper light cycles & sleep cycles, self-help & motivational tapes, or time-honored natural supplements. I've noticed even a plain multivitamin help my mood a lot.

 

I've had to deal with horrible loss in my own life. I don't know what keeps me going really. The desire to ride the ride until it's done I guess. Why jump off early.

 

As for your worries about having nothing left to challenge you:

 

1.) If you don't follow your dream the regret will be worse, and

2.) There are always new challenges

[SpiralOut]

Okay so I keep rescheduling my appointment. I think that I must be feeling scared because why else would I do that. Anyway, it's for the beginning of next month and this time I made sure to book the time off work so I can go to it. I hope that I get the time off that I requested.

 

The days are starting to get longer, which helps. I don't feel like myself at all in the winter when it gets dark so early. I can't stand it. And it's so cold outside. I still go out and do things, but I feel exhausted afterwards, just from walking in the cold and shivering and warming up my hands and blowing my nose. I can only do that so many times until I get tired. I'm skipping yoga class tonight because it's cold outside and I'm sick of dealing with it. I'm frustrated that it's so exhausting to get simple things done.

 

Feeling depressed that valentine's day is coming up and I'm single. Then soon comes my birthday and I'll probably do nothing for it since all I have are aquaintances. I feel so pathetic right now. It was the same way last year and I really thought that things would be different for me this year.

 

 

 

As for your worries about having nothing left to challenge you:

 

1.) If you don't follow your dream the regret will be worse, and

2.) There are always new challenges

 

Yeah that's true that there will always be new challenges. I have so many interests that I'll never stop making goals for myself. That actually does make me feel better

[SpiralOut]

I am feeling more like myself. My emotions are still all over the place, but at least I don't feel so mixed up in my head anymore. My energy levels seem to be higher, too. The other day I did so many things and afterwards, I did not feel tired when normally I would. I almost don't know what to do with myself now that I have more energy.

 

I am now more aware of how messed up I have been. I spent most of my 20's being miserable and now that part of my life is almost over. What a waste of my youth. I just hated myself so much that I became angry and bitter and pushed away everyone, even people that I liked. And people were befriending me, too, so it's not like there was anything stopping me from having friends and being happy.

 

It is painful to deal with. I spent a few hours feeling sorry for myself, just now. And now I look at my family and see how dysfunctional it actually is and it makes me feel disillusioned. That's hard too. Reality sucks.

 

It is painful to look at myself and admit that nothing is wrong with me - no moreso than the average person, anyway. Why is it so painful for me to realize that I can make people laugh? That I'm good-looking and attract attention? That my personality might be interesting. I don't know why it hurts, but it does. I guess because it reinforces the idea that there is NO reason for me to have suffered for all these years. I inflicted my horrible life upon myself. WTF would I do that for?

Edited February 14, 2013 by SpiralOut

[aMguilts]

Unfortunately the medications out there are made by a marginally-intelligent ape race known as humans, and more importantly, are made by humans whose goal in life isn't to help people, but rather to get as much of people's money as possible. As a result, many medications for mental problems cause more harm than good. Do any research and you'll find out a myriad of terrifying side effects for most of these psych drugs.

 

What's the answer? Not sure, but I'd first try any kind of natural method for curing depression. Things like an exercise regimen, proper light cycles & sleep cycles, self-help & motivational tapes, or time-honored natural supplements. I've noticed even a plain multivitamin help my mood a lot.

 

I've had to deal with horrible loss in my own life. I don't know what keeps me going really. The desire to ride the ride until it's done I guess. Why jump off early.

 

As for your worries about having nothing left to challenge you:

 

1.) If you don't follow your dream the regret will be worse, and

2.) There are always new challenges

 

so basically you are saying just get a grip and get on with life ? Like you are doing?

I`m really pleased that you have that mentallity

 

If it wasn`t for the `marginally-intelligent ape ` that invented the medication, that causes `more harm than good`... then i know for a fact i wouldn`t be here now

The meds i`m on right now are `doing me more good` than harm i can tell you!!

 

aM

[camillalev]

I'm pretty new to the boards but from what I've read you've made great strides. The biggest steps people can take to better their their lives are within their own mind, everything moves forward from there. You used to be nervous to go out of the house and do everyday things, now that's not an issue. And you have a new job? That's huge! That you put yourself out there and made yourself experience anxiety, discomfort and uncertainty is enormous and admirable.

 

I can make people laugh? That I'm good-looking and attract attention? That my personality might be interesting. I don't know why it hurts, but it does. I guess because it reinforces the idea that there is NO reason for me to have suffered for all these years.

 

I can relate to this. Sometimes I feel the same way, I'm 27, I spent 2 years of my life in utter depression. I could have been traveling, falling in love, building my career, but instead i completely stagnated. I'm now in the process of taking myself out of that rut.

 

Hmm.. you can make people laugh, you're good looking and attract attention and your personality is interesting. Sounds like a good deal to me Yeah it sucks to look back but once you're over that you have a FUTURE you can build.

[SpiralOut]

I just came back from my appointment. I am disappointed that I felt unable to talk to him. He just talked so much and would ask me questions then interrupt me. He was kind, though. He offered to write me a sick note so I could take sick leave if I needed it. I should have taken it but I didn't. Maybe I will go back to see him and take it this time. I have thought a lot about how much it might help me to take a week or two to myself to just try and feel normal. Except that I live down the street from work so I would feel uncomfortable the whole time, wondering if people can see me leaving my apartment. Plus I don't want coworkers talking about and wondering why I took time off.

 

He gave me a prescription for Ciprale. So I'll go get that filled tomorrow.

 

I don't know what else to do now. Should I start looking for a different doctor? I don't think this is a good fit. I am so disappointed. I sat on the bus feeling horrible the entire way home and just hoping that nobody could see how sad I was.

[SpiralOut]

I looked up the name of the Dr that I saw and he got many bad reviews from other people. So I am not imagining things about something not being quite right with him. But he prescribes me drugs and offered to give me sick leave from work so I'll go back again until I find someone else who fits better.

 

I felt so upset that I called the distress line in my area just to talk things out. The woman I spoke to was very condescending. She strongly urged me to take medication. I lost my temper and yelled at her. It is not her place to tell me whether to take medication or not. I will be filing a complaint against her on Monday. The way she was talking to me goes against her training. I know that because I used to work there.

 

I called a different distress center in a different city. The woman there was really helpful. She gave me some useful suggestions and didn't talk down to me at all. Ugh. So now I need to look for a counsellor to have in addition to the psychiatrist. Apparantly that's how it works here, but nobody explained it to me before.

Edited March 2, 2013 by SpiralOut

[SpiralOut]

I started the meds last night. I don't feel any different except that I slept really badly. I guess it takes a while to kick in.

 

I used to be regarded by people as an intelligent woman who has her stuff together, who is going to be successful. Now I am just this nutbar who gets told that I really need to be on medication. I don't like being looked at different. Why is it okay for someone to have diabetes and not be treated like they are stupid, but if you go to a doctor with anxiety/depression they immedicately start talking to you as if you are a child or an invalid. My intellect is still intact. I don't appreciate being spoken down to. And then if I respond with sarcasm or some tone of voice to indicate that I don't like how they are talking to me, they either don't notice it, or just brush it off as me being upset because of my condition. They don't consider that maybe they are acting like dicks, that maybe my feelings/reactions are valid.

 

I hate not being taken seriously. I feel like it should be the opposite. I have enough self-awareness to recognize that I have a problem, and go get help for myself. I had to swallow a lot of pride to do that. It wasn't easy. So why do I get bad reactions from people. I am smart and insightful and brave. I guess the bigger question is why do I care so much? There are SOME people who have complimented me, telling me that I know what I am doing and I am on the right track. So why am I bothered by the occasional person who assumes that because I am depressed, I cannot possibly know how to do anything for myself, and talk to me like I'm stupid. Should I just learn to laugh at them?

[SpiralOut]

Today I spoke to HR about sick leave. She was very rude and unhelpful. I'm getting sick and tired of this attitude everyone at work has.

 

Anyway I've decided to just go to my Dr. appointment (in two weeks), get the sick note, go into work with it the next day and just inform them I won't be there for a week. I only get 6 paid days. With weekends, that ends up being 10 days. I would prefer two weeks off, so I'll have to decide if it's worth it to lose the money off my paycheque.

 

I am struggling to not feel anger towards people who like mean people. There are a few rude, mean people that everyone else seems to really love and I don't understand it at all. Maybe I"m just surrounded by people who have different values from me.

[SmithWood]

Doing stuff that you normally do every single day gives you a properly-known and comforting structure.

[SpiralOut]

Okay I got a sick note. I'm calling in tomorrow and telling them I won't be back until next Monday. They are going to freak out, probably. That's what happens with a small company that is understaffed. God, I hate my job.

 

Anyway. I ordered a self esteem workbook that will arrive next week. No way am I going into a store and picking it off the shelf to go buy. So I can use part of my time off to do exercises from the book, and start cooking healthy food for myself, and so on and so forth. I have been feeling so exhausted that it's difficult to try and get better. Whatever free time I have, I just want to sleep. I really hope this time off helps. I've been placing my hopes on it.

[SpiralOut]

Oh my god. I cannot believe how horrible the HR/payroll person is!! My boss was unavailable when I called, which sucks because I knew that he would have been civil with me. So I spoke to the other woman instead and she was so rude.

"Oh, you're not coming in next week either?? Ugh!! Ooookay! That should be fun."

 

 

umm... all you care about is yourself and how it affects you? Right, because who cares that SpiralOut's doctor thinks she needs time off work! Don't bother to ask if I'm okay or not! Geez. What an ignorant attitude! I knew that would happen.

 

I'm glad now to be away from there for a week. I can't believe how negative it is!

Edited April 5, 2013 by SpiralOut

[SpiralOut]

I feel stressed out. I go back to work next week and instead of feeling good about what I've done with my time off, I feel guilty about not achieving more. I've been writing every day in a notebook and I keep a list of everything I accomplished each day. I have not been sitting around doing nothing, that's for sure. I keep busy each day and work on practical things. Yet still it's not good enough. I am very hard on myself.

 

I have a self improvement workbook that I can hardly concentrate on when I try to read it. There must be some part of me resisting change. But I'll keep forcing myself to do what it says.

 

Today is not a good day. Woke up to bad weather. I'm feeling more tired than usual. I spent half the afternoon sleeping. My body must need the rest, so I'll try to not feel guilty about doing nothing today. Maybe I'll order in pizza.

 

All I'm doing is taking a break. I haven't taught myself new coping skills or figured out what to do to make myself happy. I can't figure out what the hell I should do to be happy. Trying to make friends is really hard. I don't want a boyfriend right now. On a day like today I wish I could just keep sleeping. I wonder if my whole life will go on like this - trying, trying trying to be better, never being good enough, always being alone, always unhappy.

[stealthy]

I can relate to this alot. Life is definitely stressful and sometimes it just doesn't seem to get better with plenty of new pressures and obstacles. Keep us updated and hope things gets better.

[CompleteFailure]

I think/feel the same things, though 'm not even close to as productive as you are. Doctor's could prescribe some anti-depressants if you're okay with that. I've got some, but haven't taken them yet.

 

I think we've just got to set goals for ourselves that we truly want to accomplish. Not goals that we think are going to give us this or that. Not goals that someone else wants. But things that we actually want to do/learn. Every time we knock one of those goals off our list, our self esteem will increase.

 

Eventually its not about what we should do that will make us happy because we'll just be happy doing whatever it is we choose to be doing. The motivation is the hard part, maybe that's where the anti-depressants can come in handy, as a start up boost to level off our brain chemicals.

[writingme]

I don't really have the energy right now to post much of a reply, but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I feel exactly the same way. I am very, very unproductive, am not working right now, I live with my parents at the age of 27 (I spent 4 years overseas supporting myself and paying off debts, but can't seem to get it together since returning last year Jan), I've got a fantastic boyfriend, but I don't think he gets the extent of my depression.

 

I'm about to turn down a possible job offer overseas because I simply cannot stomach the idea of starting all over again. The money is very good, but I think I might be choosing my boyfriend and stay with him instead. We're even talking about kids.

 

Sigh. I'm rambling.

 

Sorry. I meant to leave a short, succinct message saying I identify with you and that I'm in this fight right beside you.

[writingme]

I've been depressed my whole life. At the age of 9, 10, I discovered where my dad kept his gun, and I'd hold it against my head, wishing I had the guts to pull the trigger.

 

I'm on three different medications. Two mood stabilizers and an anti-psychotic.

 

I abuse alcohol on occasion. For about two years or so, I'd take sleeping pills and mix them with alcohol. It was the only thing that took away the emptiness and pain. I really, really miss doing that. It would work so well right now.

 

Know what I hate the most about us depressives? The feeling of being so self-absorbed.

 

I feel like I'm hijacking your thread and talking about my BS when you're asking for support and advice.