Phone calls? Amount, duration, etc?

[paintedtree]

Met this great LONG DISTANCE guy. Okay, we started with emails mostly and then progressed to texts... and now it's phone calls. I think that's great, I love that he puts the time in to letting me know he cares.

 

However, he wants to have a conversation every night -- which again, is fine by me. But these are like 3-5 hour conversations thus far. And also, he called tonight at dinner, and I talked for about 30 minutes before saying I was just starting dinner. He seemed a bit dejected about it??

 

Here are the problems I am seeing, but don't know if it's because i'm not used to nice guys or what...

1.) I'm not a big phone person.

2.) He said his last GF would never communicate with him (when it turned into a LDR as well), and he seemed very bitter talking about it.

3.) His reaction when I said I wanted to eat dinner. It just seemed very curt, where he is usually very sweet!

 

Am I crazy? Is this how all relationships start? I have limited experience.

Thanks!

[dasein]

No you aren't crazy, long daily phone calls are boring and waste tons of time. This guy is killing the attraction you have for him and doesn't even realize it. Have you two met though? If not, you should reconsider this as any kind of relationship potential until that happens. Start planning for face to face or spend your time looking for more local options. Good luck.

[iiiii]

He does sound a bit intense. The grumpiness when he doesn't get his own way is a warning sign too, although to be fair perhaps he just isn't very good at hiding his disappointment.

 

I agree, meet him in real life as soon as possible.

[paintedtree]

Dasein & iiiii -- Thanks for the input! I have met him in person, as he is a friend of my brother. Not a very close one, but more of an acquaintance. Also bonus points, he has arranged to come see me already. All this said, we started talking about 3 weeks ago.

[paintedtree]

Also... How do I discourage these long phone calls without sounding totally terrible? I don't wanna seem ungrateful for his care. But at the same time, man I hate the phone! Which I have said... I'm just not a talker that way. In person is great, but a phone call for more than 20 minutes starts to become intrusive.

[iiiii]

To be honest, the fact he is still very bitter about his ex would also be a warning sign for me. In my experience, someone that is angry with their ex, or who brings them up in conversation often, often isn't really ready for a new relationship.

[paintedtree]

To be honest, the fact he is still very bitter about his ex would also be a warning sign for me. In my experience, someone that is angry with their ex, or who brings them up in conversation often, often isn't really ready for a new relationship.

 

Yes, I agree. That also threw up a warning sign for me, as he seemed rather upset about it. Especially for it just ending through lack of communication. I've been cheated on and don't talk that poorly of my ex! It's a distant memory...

 

But, I understand that people have baggage. And he did say that he was thisclose to marrying her, so she was important.

[dasein]

Just tell him straight up that you like him but don't like talking on the phone. Wait til you are face to face to tell him. I've never met a guy who really enjoys endless phone convos, so it's possible he is doing this because he thinks it pleases you. Set him straight, if he's a grownup he can take it.

 

If you want to really make sure you don't hurt his feelings, do like I do and say you have an inner ear condition which makes long phone calls painful.

 

It's true in my case, and the inner ear condition is that my ear is attached to a brain that can't stand interminable phone calls! So it can be true in your case too.

[paintedtree]

Just tell him straight up that you like him but don't like talking on the phone. Wait til you are face to face to tell him. I've never met a guy who really enjoys endless phone convos, so it's possible he is doing this because he thinks it pleases you. Set him straight, if he's a grownup he can take it.

 

If you want to really make sure you don't hurt his feelings, do like I do and say you have an inner ear condition which makes long phone calls painful.

 

It's true in my case, and the inner ear condition is that my ear is attached to a brain that can't stand interminable phone calls! So it can be true in your case too.

 

HAHA, wow this elicited a very loud LOL moment from me. That's hilarious. Thank you for the advice; it's much appreciated.

[FitChick]

I like long phone conversations and every man I've been seriously involved with who lived long distance liked long conversations. If you can't see someone regularly, you need some form of communication and texts don't do it, at least for me. Most people on the Long Distance forum would agree.

[paintedtree]

I like long phone conversations and every man I've been seriously involved with who lived long distance liked long conversations. If you can't see someone regularly, you need some form of communication and texts don't do it, at least for me. Most people on the Long Distance forum would agree.

 

Thanks for the input, FitChick. I've never done the LDR thing, so it's all new to me. Again though, only having talked for 3 weeks... never kissed, or even spent any alone time together... I just feel a bit overwhelmed.

[LittleTiger]

I think if you're feeling as though you want him to back off, that's your instincts trying to tell you something. Always listen very carefully to your instincts!

[HeavenOrHell]

I wouldn't start lying to him, I would say I'm not a great fan of phones so do you mind if we keep it to shorter calls, if he gets funny about it then maybe he's just too intense to be in a r/ship atm, maybe he's clingy as he misses his ex

My partner called me for an hour, or hour and a half for the first few weeks, it does lessen the more you get comfortable with each other, and he's not a phone fan or a chatty person, but at first you talk a lot while you're getting to know each other. Now we talk 10-30 mins each night and some more online.

 

 

 

Just tell him straight up that you like him but don't like talking on the phone. Wait til you are face to face to tell him. I've never met a guy who really enjoys endless phone convos, so it's possible he is doing this because he thinks it pleases you. Set him straight, if he's a grownup he can take it.

 

If you want to really make sure you don't hurt his feelings, do like I do and say you have an inner ear condition which makes long phone calls painful.

 

It's true in my case, and the inner ear condition is that my ear is attached to a brain that can't stand interminable phone calls! So it can be true in your case too.

[allenpo123]

Yes the guy has some problems with his former relationship... be sure you're not his rebound or just someone to vent to!! People spend a lot of time on phone calls in LDRs, some people are okay with it, some are not. Just tell him and see how he reacts. Better to be honest than leading him on right!?