Husband worries over problems and doesn't care enough of our relationship

[sadstar]

Sorry this may be little long...

 

I have been married for 8 months now after a proposal. We have been dating for almost 1 year. During the initial dating period we were quite going well. But over time he didn’t want to meet me much. He had few problems with his job as well. He reasoned his lack of communication and attachment with me to his job situation at that time. However we decided to marry thinking that once we marry things will turn out well. But he didn’t have any interest towards talking about marriage or a wedding ceremony. Even we didn’t have a honeymoon period. After the marriage I had to stay with his parent’s home. I felt alone and abandoned. He didn’t show me he cares or loves. Even by today he hasn’t bought me a single gift not even during the dating period

 

After few weeks I felt being in his home will not make him a man so I wanted to live independently and see whether he would be a responsible husband. Somehow after lot of arguments we rented a house. Its been few monthsnow we got the house, but still we are not permanently residing there. He is a slow pace mover, do lot of deep thinking unnecessarily when it comes to taking decisions. Due to his lack of enthusiasm and energy still the house has not been turned in to a place where we can stay comfortably. It needs few repairs and furnishing which he doesn’t care to do promptly. We now live separately, he in his parent’s home and I in my parent’s house. We talk and meet less. He doesn’t like to go out and enjoy. We have never been anywhere in a vacation since we married. He thinks people are suffering in the society so why we bother to have fun. He is most of the time in a sad mood due one or another problem which are actually minor matters. He can take any problem as an excuse to lose interest over our relationship. I am person who like to enjoy the present moment and I don’t want to think deep into future and worry. But sadly my husband is otherwise

 

We have a problem in the sexual relationship as well. He is suffering from an erectile dysfunction. Due to this his desires are sudden and want to do the thing quickly without any foreplay. But I cannot live up to that, I need more intimacy before having sex which he refuses to do. Other than few cuddling on the bed, we rarely have sincere intimacy. Even not a passionate kissing. In short and sweet we are leading a sexless marriage and proving that I am still a virgin.

 

Lack of communication and caring, frequent mood swinging, no interest in enjoyment, dull sex life all these have made me really frustrated about my marriage. Thousand times I have thought of a divorce. But I still want to save this, because he has one good quality I see, he has given me all my freedom, and today I feel as I am not a married woman. I go and do whatever (not any cheating) I want and he doesn’t even bother to inquire. Which is quite painful sometimes but I take it as a positive point for me to distract myself from my unhappy married life.

 

Please advise me what I must do. He also sometimes suggests we may divorce, as he agrees that I am not happy with this life and he cannotdo anything. Sometimes I feel pity on him, but how long can I tolerate.

Edited November 17, 2012 by sadstar

[alexandria35]

Sorry this may be little long...

 

I have been married for 8 months now after a proposal. We have been dating for almost 1 year. During the initial dating period we were quite going well. But over time he didn’t want to meet me much. He had few problems with his job as well. He reasoned his lack of communication and attachment with me to his job situation at that time. However we decided to marry thinking that once we marry things will turn out well. But he didn’t have any interest towards talking about marriage or a wedding ceremony. Even we didn’t have a honeymoon period. After the marriage I had to stay with his parent’s home. I felt alone and abandoned. He didn’t show me he cares or loves. Even by today he hasn’t bought me a single gift not even during the dating period

 

After few weeks I felt being in his home will not make him a man so I wanted to live independently and see whether he would be a responsible husband. Somehow after lot of arguments we rented a house. Its been few monthsnow we got the house, but still we are not permanently residing there. He is a slow pace mover, do lot of deep thinking unnecessarily when it comes to taking decisions. Due to his lack of enthusiasm and energy still the house has not been turned in to a place where we can stay comfortably. It needs few repairs and furnishing which he doesn’t care to do promptly. We now live separately, he in his parent’s home and I in my parent’s house. We talk and meet less. He doesn’t like to go out and enjoy. We have never been anywhere in a vacation since we married. He thinks people are suffering in the society so why we bother to have fun. He is most of the time in a sad mood due one or another problem which are actually minor matters. He can take any problem as an excuse to lose interest over our relationship. I am person who like to enjoy the present moment and I don’t want to think deep into future and worry. But sadly my husband is otherwise

 

We have a problem in the sexual relationship as well. He is suffering from an erectile dysfunction. Due to this his desires are sudden and want to do the thing quickly without any foreplay. But I cannot live up to that, I need more intimacy before having sex which he refuses to do. Other than few cuddling on the bed, we rarely have sincere intimacy. Even not a passionate kissing. In short and sweet we are leading a sexless marriage and proving that I am still a virgin.

 

Lack of communication and caring, frequent mood swinging, no interest in enjoyment, dull sex life all these have made me really frustrated about my marriage. Thousand times I have thought of a divorce. But I still want to save this, because he has one good quality I see, he has given me all my freedom, and today I feel as I am not a married woman. I go and do whatever (not any cheating) I want and he doesn’t even bother to inquire. Which is quite painful sometimes but I take it as a positive point for me to distract myself from my unhappy married life.

 

Please advise me what I must do. He also sometimes suggests we may divorce, as he agrees that I am not happy with this life and he cannotdo anything. Sometimes I feel pity on him, but how long can I tolerate.

 

Sorry but you need to divorce ASAP. Your relationship with him has never been loving, passionate or caring, not even in the year you were dating him. I can't for the life of me figure out what possessed you two to think getting married would be a good idea. You don't meet someone, have a crappy year of dating them and then think it's going to change into some great romance filled relationship if you get married.

 

Now here it is just a little over half a year later and you don't even live with him anymore. He lives with his parents. How old is he? The only positive quality you attributed to him is that he gives you lots of freedom which sounds to me like he doesn't really care what you're doing, so get your freedom for real. The two of you made a mistake when you decided to marry and one of you needs to be mature enough to admit it and start divorce proceedings. You might even be able to get an annullment considering that you haven't even been married a year and you don't even live together. I mean it kind of sounds like you two are seperated so just keep going in that direction and don't make the same mistake in the future when you decide to marry again.

[sadstar]

Thanks alexandria for your comments...

 

Yes I also feel the same. I don’t see any reason to continue this. Now I know this is not the love I want in my life. This is not the partner I dream of having by my side. I feel so disappointed and helpless. Would you think we must seek help of a marriage counselor? Even I don’t have strength to suggest this to him, I fear that he will refuses it.

 

He has been telling me time to time that I am not the woman he wanted.. and he doesn’t feel to love me as I don’ t deserve such. I can cry until I die when I hear these…

[pcplod]

I Live In a Sexless Marriage | Group with Personal Stories, Forums and Chat