I 17 year old, confronting my father. (first time here.)

[ladybro]

Just last night as I was applying to colleges, my mom and I got in an argument about staying in contact with my dad's older daughters. I got upset with her for keeping my sisters a secret when I was 8 years old. It wasn't the fact that my dad had other kids but the secrets, its not worth being a secret. To my dad I wasn't angry towards by my mom back then. I met them the last trip to my dad's, which was the last time I saw them all and went there. For my sweet 15,my dad, brother and grandma came to celebrate my womenhood transition. My mom and dad were beautiful together like a king and queen and how gentle the air was between them. That was the last time I saw him in person. Throughout my years my mom and dad kept intouch with calls and I would get excited for them. This was a weekly thing and the love was so strong between my parents that I believed love was the strongest thing in life. Well,resuming back to last night. My mom got upset about bringing up my sisters so she went out and my aunt was explaining how its not her fault. She came in crying and got a letter out, my aunt took the letter before she had the chance to hand it to me. My mom sat down crying as my aunt explained about the letter and why she was here. She told me no matter what I was a product of love. I was putting things together about the subject and I was right but the shocker thing was the details. This letter was a translated message from facebook between my mom and my dad's wife for my mom's. Psychologist. The wife told my mom straight up that she was married to my dad for 14 years and that they had a 12 year old daughter. Honestly my heart wasn't ready but I kept going. The lady proceeded with how we aren't a family so my mom should take the pictures down and stop acting like we are. My aunt told me that my mom was crying and didn't know how to reply but she was outraged about it all. Apparently the original letter made this wife sound very rude as in my mom being a slut and I was a one night stand product. My mom tried getting a hold of my dad ASAP to ask about it all but he didn't say any thing and to top it all off.....this happened on mothers day. So for six months my mom knew but didn't know how to tell me or how I would react to it. Well I had my worries since my mom is sick with fibromyalgia since I was in 7th grade. And she developed high depression but I thought that was work treating her badly more that often. This made her have multiple session with the therapist that they came to the conclusion that she would have to leave work to stressless.this was 3 months ago and my living routine changed a lot more, I want to never leave her alone so if I was invited to go out I always turned it down. I stepped up to the plate and started taking care of my 55 year old sick mother. But what a noticed from that time was she and my dad didn't talk...he started calling me and only talking to me to see how everything was. When my aunt called me a month ago I told her that I felt something was wrong and different now that my mom was home. Well my aunt came this week to help my mom out but I think my brother's pregnancy news made her a whole lot better. Well when I finished. The letter I looked at my mom with her red puffy eyesand got up and hugged her. I told her that I'm okay that the only thing that hurts was her feeling this way. My mom cried and so did I, she sobbed and said she was finally free. She was imprisoned with the thought my dad would come and be a family with us instead and live happily. I realized she was heartbroken by the man who we both trusted and loved all these years.in my eyes he is no man, I've shared my feeling about this with my boyfriend and he cried because my mom told him something about my my dad. My boyfriend just told me that we are both so strong and that he was proud of me, that he loved me. This usually works the other way right? Like my dad should be saying that to me when I had boy troubles before. When we sat down at the table to eat she was calmed down and wisely told me that that's why she wants the best for me and to be successful so we show him that we are okay without him in my life and she was the one that I shouldnt be mad at and that she was trying to tell me. Then she said that I should tell my dad about me knowing.....but I don't have the words yet to say it. I know i was a product of love becquse i came out alright, a 17 year old.Good grades,not into drugs or drinking nor savage activities most teen do since i had to grow up quickly. I know i should tell him but at the same time i feel like i wont be able to. So any Suggestion on how to say to your dad that you are upset with him and you want your parents to talk about it with each other?

 

Additional info: when I went last time, I stayed at my grandmas, I thought he lived there because he greeted me at 6 in the morning and visited me after work. This was 9 years ago.

 

Aunt had suspicions about my dad and told my mom but she said trusted him.

 

Not only did he lie to us but he made his whole family lie to us and deleted us from facebook so we didn't know about this.

[darkmoon]

can you re-post with more paragraphs? it is impossible to follow

[j'adore]

So sweetie - are you saying that your mum had an affair with your dad but did not know about his other family? It sounds like your mum really loved him and he did not end up with her. I can understand how that can happen. If he has pressure from his other family, it may make things difficult for him, but you can still tell him how you feel, you are his daughter and you have that right. sounds like he did love your mum.((hugs)) and are you saying that there is the added problem of you having a sex change? It is hard to know if that is what you are saying? Sorry if I got this wrong, just the Ladybro label?? If not, I think you are almost an adult now and sounds very confident, you can tell your dad how you feel without shouting and screaming mmmm?

Edited November 17, 2012 by j'adore