trouble Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 Maybe there aren't any. Maybe we are all on this site because we are hurting. I know every story is different but I would like some hope. Does anyone have a success story to tell regarding a broken engagement? I know there are a lot of people who have gotten back together after a break up but I am looking for stories of people who were engaged- broke up- and eventually got back together. I know every situation is different and just because others have succeeded or failed doesn't mean I will or won't. I have just been reading so many sad posts I was looking for a little inspiration. Please share. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
kyndrad77 Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 I have seen the lack of success stories as well. I wonder... If there are success stories, would he or she have the thought or the time to come back and tell all of us the good news, and how it happened. Here's one so far. Hope this helps... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t43951/ Link to post Share on other sites
KaiaMahina Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 You know the old saying, "misery loves company." When you're unhappy, you seek out others in the same boat because they're the only ones who truly understand you. The lack of "success stories" (and you're equating "success" with getting back together with the dumper) may have something to do with the fact that those succeeding are too happy and busy to come back to let others know, or they don't want to revisit a place where they spent unhappy hours. They may also not want to make anyone feel badly, or jinx their own success be engendering jealousy. It's like being in the hospital...once you're well, you don't come back and hang around to talk to all the sick people... Link to post Share on other sites
kyndrad77 Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 Very insightful. I agree 100%. Though, if my sad story has a happy ending, I will be sure to at least leave a brief note as to that. So many people come here for hope. Maybe there is no hope, but some kind of good news can help one sleep at night. Isn't it better to get through the night? Link to post Share on other sites
TheFaithfulWife Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 You wanted a success story? .....Well you got one My husband of then 17 years had an affair with a woman he was involved in scouting with, they had intentions of moving me out of the house and her moving in with her two boys. She and my husband planned to fight for custody of my 5 boys. I was supposed to just leave willingly and leave behind my children, my house and 17 years of marriage. Wasn't going to happen. Well after talking to the other woman on the phone I found out that my husband believed I had stopped loving him and that " I " wanted a divorce. We lost our 21 day old daughter some years before and he mistakingly believed that because he was watching her at the time that I blamed him for her death. He had been under that misconception for many years. He was unhappy with himself and because he never communicated his guilt and feelings to me I was never able to set him straight. After the affair came out and after we were separated for a month he filed for divorce. I was notified that the person was coming to serve me with my papers, the first person I called was my husband. I asked him to please be with me when I was being served as no matter what I still considered him my best friend. He showed up and I was served, with him as my support. A couple of days after my being served he got himself a duplex and he was having problems getting the things he needed for it, he asked the scout woman for help with decorating it and furnishing it. She said she would be glad to help but she never came through. I did not know that he had asked her for help and he was very surprised when I showed up at the duplex with a new set of dishes, pans and dish towels. He asked me at that time if I could help him get a microwave and some other things, so we went on a shopping trip. He asked me after we left the store why I had helped him, and I told him that I couldn't bear to think of him in that duplex without having him being comfortable. Well to make a long story somewhat shorter , that answer led to him cancelling the divorce. He remained in the duplex for six months and we took that time to rediscover each other. We have been going to marriage counseling for a year and a half at the cost of 8000 a year but we have been back together for that year and a half and things seem to be greatly improved! We are talking and communicating and have a much better marriage then we have in years. I know this was long winded .. Sorry The Faithful Wife Link to post Share on other sites
julsfla Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 Faithful, Isnt it amazing what communication can do? My husband cheated as well, because he thought I did not love him, or desire him, and it was not until I found out what he had done that we opened our lines of communication! Like you, I turned to him during what was the worst moments of my life, his cheating! As far I was concerned, he was the only person who could get me through it! We found out that we both thought the other had lost interest in the other one and that was so far from being true! Through therapy and communication, we have re-discovered what it is like to be in love and are working on the most awesome love affair I have ever immagined! Link to post Share on other sites
kyndrad77 Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 I have an interesting story that just occured today. My boyfriend broke up with me. I have been wondering, " Is it possible for him to change his mind, even though I now live 600 miles away (his fault). I talked, in another forum, and everyone is telling me that he is just a jerk and that I should never talkt o him again, move on. Maybe their right... To get to the point, during this sad experience for me, I have been doing a lot of thinking. One of the things I wondered is does any man who has ever left me ever wanted me back? Truth is- ALL of them have, but when they came asking, I had already moved on. My first boyfriend ever tore my innocent little heart to shreds. I moved out of the state just to get away because I couldn't take being so near him and him not loving me anymore. That was 8 years ago. I wanted him back so bad it tormented me for years. I just received this email from him this morning-NO JOKE>>> "Hey, Just wondering: How ya been? Remember me from way back when? Its been 8 years since I saw you and I still catch myself wondering how are you? Wondering what music your making. What projects you´re undertaking. Must be that part of my soul won´t ever let you go no matter how old I grow and no matter who I love. So I thought about letting you know that I realize now what I didnt so long ago. There is only one you and no replacement. I still proudly bear your mark and cant bring myself to change it. I just thought you should know I wont ever let go. Or change obviously. you can tell me to **** off now if you want. Love, Me" How's that for success story... however, not his success. I am not available for him anymore. But it does go to show that people do realize their mistakes-if they made one- but not always in time to repair damages. He has loved me for 8 years, since the day I walked away, because he left me and I thought he didn't love me anymore. Now if the guy who just left me would be a little quicker to realizing what we had... Link to post Share on other sites
TommyGirl Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 Hey guys, I'm really sad right now. A brief recap of my story: Me and ex-fiancee broke up 5 months ago. We were together for 2+ years. He's been doing all the contacting since then. Recently he sent me an email saying "that there is noone else in the world, that will treat me like he did, also saying that I deserve the best, and he is one of the best men in the world, and that he knows that good men are hard to find." The reason why he wrote me that was because, he always asks, "do I miss him", "do I think about him", "Am I over him." And he always asks about my personal life. He wants to know if there is any one in my life, and are they treating me right. His mother asked him, if he felt that he still loved me, he missed me alot sometimes, and that he doesn't want me to be with nobody, then why won't he try to get my back, he said "it's not like that, and I'm just not for her. " He still has a girlfriend, and I don't think that it is fair to her that he ask and tells me this stuff, because he is not the cheating kind. SO I dunno what to think right now. I just see noone caring that much for nobody. Link to post Share on other sites
KaiaMahina Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 Kyndrad...the same thing happens with me. I have been contacted by all the men who have dumped me, and one who I dumped, either months or as many as 2 years later. One is now pursuing me, and has been off and on for the last 5 years since he dumped me for the second time! But this last one may be the one who breaks the record, and ironically, he's the only one who would be worth going back to. That's why this is so heartbreaking. I feel as though I will never get over him, and he'll never come back. It's been almost 2 months now, and I never thought he would be able to stay away from me for this long. I get flowers and calls from two other exes telling me that I'm a wonderful woman, no one like me, think about me all the time, no one compares, etc. It means nothing to me. I only want this guy to say those things to me, and I guess it's never going to happen. This the the hardest thing I've ever had to face. My life is very empty without his presence. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trouble Posted August 7, 2004 Author Share Posted August 7, 2004 Thanks Faithful and all who replied. I am hanging in there and I know that I have been able to get through some tough times because of the kindness of strangers- you guys! It is funny that we here so many people talking about how since the age of the internet people are no longer helping their neighbors or having good interpersonal communication. I just wanted to say that this site has made me feel like I have had 100s of supporters carrying me through this pain. It is nice to know that we haven't lost our compassion for each other- even if we are total strangers. Yesterday I ran into a guy 4 times. He works in my building but I also ran into him out at lunch- how weird. Anyway he ended up talking to me after work with some friends. I wasn't really interested because well as you know my fiance ended it 3 weeks ago. I actually told him that so he would know that I wasn't in an emotional healthy place right now and it wouldn't be a good idea to venture down that road. Anyway- although he couldn't have begin to compare to my fiance it did make me realize that I am still attractive, fun, and desireable. I felt alive- even just for a few moments- again. I know this pain will end one day and I will be able to go on again. I know that part of my emotional understanding has to do with the fact that I am 28. All of you who are out there that are really young- that pain is severe especially if it is your first love. However, you have age on your side- eventhough you may think you have it all figured out- you are still learning about you and your personality and thoughts will change with age. Hang in there and I hope you have a great weekend. My fiance is visiting his relatives and friends back in his home state this weekend. We were supposed to go together and have an engagment party- oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
TommyGirl Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 I posted under the wrong topic. Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 Based on trouble's story AND the other "success" story faithfulwife has given, I think I know now what the first step to maritial bliss should be: I need to have an affair! Then I can come up with some lame excuse centered on my inability to communicate, or my failure to understand my wife's feelings during a counceling session. Afterward all's just wonderful in the marriage: What Success!!!!!!!!!!! I've had my cake and have eaten it!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Anais Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 Originally posted by Samson Based on trouble's story AND the other "success" story faithfulwife has given, I think I know now what the first step to maritial bliss should be: I need to have an affair! Then I can come up with some lame excuse centered on my inability to communicate, or my failure to understand my wife's feelings during a counceling session. Afterward all's just wonderful in the marriage: What Success!!!!!!!!!!! I've had my cake and have eaten it!!!!!!!! I have the feeling that the cake is somewhere in your throat Samson. Don't swallow it. Let it out! Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 Sorry Anais, it seems I cannot find your marital "success story" posted in the thread. It seems they are few and far between. Link to post Share on other sites
julsfla Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 Yeah, I recomend it! The pain and deception, it was a BLAST! I am pretty new here, but I would think, if you dont like what is being said on a post, go to another one. I know that I refrain from posting replys to the "poor OW who can not see her MM" Like I would not have anything to say on that subject! PLEASE...... I will not explain why I felt I had something to add as a"Success Story" to you. The fact that we are still married is a success story in itself! I am happy and my marriage is going well, I did not give up, or walk away...,.I AM NOT A STATISTIC OF DIVORCE, sounds like a success to me! I do not pass judgement or poke fun at the lives of others here, and that is why I come to this site, b/c I have not seen it much at all! And I do not appreciate it being done here! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 Some people deliberately misinterpret the lessons presented here. Clearly, making sure your spouse knows you love and appreciate him or her is key. We all think the other person knows we care and are shocked to find out they were feeling neglected. This is that 'work' that marriages require. Ever see Fiddler on the Roof? The part where Tevye's wife sings 'do you love me' and his reply is more or less, 'well, I stuck around, didn't I'? LOL. Gary Chapman and his Five Love Languages book are pretty nifty because they explain how to express love in ways that will be more effective in getting your message across to your partner. That is IF you're not locked in a cycle of passive-aggressive hostility and posturing where each is waiting for the other to 'break' first. However some people would rather choke to death on their own bile than admit that they've been feeling neglected and unloved and ask for what they want - loving attention from their spouse. Pretty unfortunate, IMHO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trouble Posted August 7, 2004 Author Share Posted August 7, 2004 I feel as if I should say something since I started this post. I am sorry that it took such a nasty turn. I was at a low point in my dealing with the separation and needed to reach out to people who have been there. I don't like it that this thread turned into name calling. I think we all have enough conflict in life than to start issues with complete strangers. Thank you all for your thoughts. I know that every one of our situations are unique and just because one person had success doesn't mean I will. I hope all of you know that I was trying to get some relief when I posted it. I am doing better now and I hope the name calling stops. If it was done in jest then great. I hope you are all having a good day today. Nothing has changed here except I am slowing learning to go on with my life. best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
TheFaithfulWife Posted August 8, 2004 Share Posted August 8, 2004 Samson, I was not condoning an affair as it leaves scars and a measure of distrust that are permanent. What I was trying to get across was that, if you feel your marriage is sliding, get counseling! It was unfortunate that it took an affair to open both our eyes to the fact that the communication had left our marriage. And believe me the affair he had was no fun matter, sure he had sex that I'm sure he enjoyed, but he had so much stress over the cheating that he had a nervous breakdown and almost lost his job over it. He also lost a great measure of respect from the scouting community, he has been working really hard to get that back. So it is not a subject of having your cake and eating it too. It was more like getting a ripe juicy apple and savouring the flavor only to bite into the bitterness of a worm. It leaves a nasty taste that you can't wait to spit out and one that stays in your mouth a very long time. The Faithful Wife Link to post Share on other sites
kyndrad77 Posted August 8, 2004 Share Posted August 8, 2004 I believe what you're trying to interpret is that sometimes it take a catastrophic event to open your eyes. As long as things stay calm and relaxed, there's no reason for one, really, to consider what might be going wrong. When we are faced with a much bigger, destructive picture, we are more likely going to see the root of it, and be able, if possible, to find a solution. Congratulations to you for having that gift in life. What needs to be said here, is that the success story you are giving, and the success story being sought, are two completely different sides of a (or two) spectrum. Your story, as miraculous as it is, doesn't necessarily qualify as one that is being sought by the person who began this thread. He/she is looking for the kind of "lost and found" by someone, not cheating, but took a turn based on supposed good judgement, then only to realize a mistake. There may be similarities in the stories, but the differences make them polar opposites. To the originator: If it is meant to be, it will. If it is not, take what you learned and use it later. Pain is not to be avoided, but it will, in the end, teach us all something, which some of us don't want to learn. Miracles do happen. The solution or 'success' story you are looking for has happened, whether here or not. Anything is possible, however, the safe way to play is to bet on the worst case scenario. Move on as though it's over, so that if it's not, let you be pleasantly surprised. Now if only I could take my own advice... Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted August 8, 2004 Share Posted August 8, 2004 It was more like getting a ripe juicy apple and savouring the flavor only to bite into the bitterness of a worm. It leaves a nasty taste that you can't wait to spit out and one that stays in your mouth a very long time. Perfectly scripted! Thanks for the line. If I get the opportunity, I'll use it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trouble Posted August 8, 2004 Author Share Posted August 8, 2004 Kyndrad77 Thanks for a great post. I think you are right about my situation. I have to accept the pain and go through it. If I keep postponing it- I will have a longer time to heal and be ready for something else. As the days go on- today is the 3 week point it really has gotten easier-not better-just easier. I no longer have the anxiety attacks or get overcome with a wave of sadness. Now it is like a slow dull pain that is ongoing- so no surprises. I still have bad days but I have had a good day. I have recently realized that being 28 is actually a blessing in this situation. I was so upset because-well because I loved him dearly but also- because I was ready to have a life with him and start family. After the breakup I was upset because I knew it would take a lot of time to heal and then if I did meet someone else that relationship would need time to grow before we could get serious. I didn't want to be mid 30s before I started having children. After reading a lot of the younger people's threads I feel like I am blessed with some form of perspective. I love my fiance and it will take a while to get over it but I don't feel like I will never love again. I can't imagine that scenario yet, but I can at least see the possibility now. Thanks for all of your support. Posting is very therapeutic. Link to post Share on other sites
kodiak Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 Hey Everybody- This is not a success story about me but about a good friend that I work with so I figured that i would post it here to let everybody see that there is hope out there. Im not saying to live on hope but that if something is meant to be it will happen. Anyways the guy i worked with dated his fiance since senior year in high school. He is 25 now so you figure probably something around 7 years or so. He and his now fiance (now wife) broke up about a year into the relationship for like 4 months. He said that they kept in casual contact and saw each other every os often. Then they got back together and dated until there next breakup, which lasted about 8 months. this time they said again they had casual contact but a lt less then the prior time and never saw each other. During this break, they both dated other people as well. He said he felt that they would get back togther but that he knew right now the relationship wasnt going to work. Anyways so after 8 months they got back togther. They dated again until the final and last break up. This time it lasted a whole year. during this break they never spoke once or saw each other. It was too hard for him and he was so heartbroken. He said it took him about 6 months to move on and finally be happy. He dated a couple different people and she did as well. He told me that he never thought that he would see her again or even speak to her this time. Finally one day he decided to call her and ask her to get coffee. I guess it was the right timing this time around because the rest is history. They ended up getting married last year and they both have never been happier. The point of me sharing this story is that sometimes we do loose the ones that we love. I did (read my ost under second chances, "ex called need some advice" and you will see) and it hurts like nothing else. However just because we might loose them for 4 months, 8 months, or even a year it doesnt mean that we loose them forever. My friend told me that they both realized that by being apart and dating others that they were meant to be for each other. Hope this story gives a smile to some of us out there. Remeber have faith, have hope, but try to move on as well. Good Luck.........Kodiak Link to post Share on other sites
KitWalker Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 The kind of story that gives a lot of us hope! Link to post Share on other sites
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