Only bigger women have been into me.

[Necromancer]

This is the exact same thing you do with bigger girls, even though height is something you can't change. Most people with a weight problem will struggle with it throughout their lives. You have a right to pass up someone you aren't attracted to, but please understand that it's the same thing as girls rejecting you for being short.

 

I still think you should give women you aren't immediately attracted to a chance. By that, I simply mean get to know them. You might be surprised. Sometimes people start to look different when we like them and enjoy being around them.

 

Lol, Geting rejected for being short is not the same as fat.... Everybody can be in shape but not every man is going to be 6'0.

 

Every girl can be in shape if she wants to, I see 3x more guys in the gym than woman.

[iris219]

Lol, Geting rejected for being short is not the same as fat.... Everybody can be in shape but not every man is going to be 6'0.

 

Every girl can be in shape if she wants to, I see 3x more guys in the gym than woman.

 

You must hang out in the weight room. At my gym, there are more women doing cardio, and the classes I take are often 100% women.

 

Not every woman will look like a lingerie model, no matter what she does. I see these various female body types each day at the gym. I see women who work out hard and they are definitely fit, yet they aren’t thin. They don’t have that body type. You can’t change your genes.

[MrCastle]

Lol, Geting rejected for being short is not the same as fat.... Everybody can be in shape but not every man is going to be 6'0.

 

Every girl can be in shape if she wants to, I see 3x more guys in the gym than woman.

 

This. I'm tired of that baseless argument being made.

 

Rejecting someone for their weight is NOT the same as rejecting someone for their height.

 

I can't just wake up tomorrow and decide I'm going to work hard to gain 3 inches of height over the course of the winter. I can't set that goal. Genetics have dictated how tall I'm going to be. I'm maxed out.

 

Weight fluctuates. You can gain it, you can lose it, you can turn it into muscle, etc. It's just a matter of working at it (barring legit health reasons that prevent you from losing weight like a normal person; slow metabolism, etc)

 

A heavy girl can drop the lbs and instantly increase her dating pool. A short guy will always be short.

[iris219]

This. I'm tired of that baseless argument being made.

 

Rejecting someone for their weight is NOT the same as rejecting someone for their height.

 

I can't just wake up tomorrow and decide I'm going to work hard to gain 3 inches of height over the course of the winter. I can't set that goal. Genetics have dictated how tall I'm going to be. I'm maxed out.

 

Weight fluctuates. You can gain it, you can lose it, you can turn it into muscle, etc. It's just a matter of working at it (barring legit health reasons that prevent you from losing weight like a normal person; slow metabolism, etc)

 

A heavy girl can drop the lbs and instantly increase her dating pool. A short guy will always be short.

 

Rejecting someone for their height or for their weight is the same thing. They are both based on lack of attraction.

[Els]

I agree. Still being in university is not the hurdle that keeps tripping him up....and why wait out more horny years till he gets his quals.

 

Nobody is saying he needs to wait til he finishes college. People are saying he needs to focus on finishing college ASAP. 7-8 years in college (unless one is building a career on the side and just taking night classes or whatever, which is NOT the case with him) is just way too long and, more importantly, IS a factor that he can change.

Edited November 18, 2012 by Elswyth

[MrCastle]

Rejecting someone for their height or for their weight is the same thing. They are both based on lack of attraction.

 

Yes and no, Iris. Yes and no.

 

If a girl rejects a guy because he's short; that's the end of it. He cannot grow anymore than he's grown. He's done.

 

But if a guy rejects a girl because she's 180, and then a year later they run into each other and she's 145; he may very well be attracted to her new body type and would be willing to go after her.

 

Now, I think in that instance she should be the one rejecting him, because he had his chance, but the fact remains, the man was willing to change because the woman changed physically.

 

Weight goes up and down, and a lot of it is within your control. Height does not go up and down depending on your lifestyle.

[iris219]

Yes and no, Iris. Yes and no.

 

If a girl rejects a guy because he's short; that's the end of it. He cannot grow anymore than he's grown. He's done.

 

But if a guy rejects a girl because she's 180, and then a year later they run into each other and she's 145; he may very well be attracted to her new body type and would be willing to go after her.

 

Now, I think in that instance she should be the one rejecting him, because he had his chance, but the fact remains, the man was willing to change because the woman changed physically.

 

Weight goes up and down, and a lot of it is within your control. Height does not go up and down depending on your lifestyle.

 

There are men on here who think it’s shallow or wrong to reject a guy for being short (because it’s out of his control), but these same men believe it’s OK to reject a women based on her weight (because it’s completely within her control, which I don’t necessarily agree with). I don’t understand that logic.

 

I personally don’t date people based on their potential. I learned that the hard way. The person you present to me is the person you are, and I decide if I want to date you based on that, not how much you could change, so in that way weight and height are the same to me.

[MrCastle]

There are men on here who think it’s shallow or wrong to reject a guy for being short (because it’s out of his control), but these same men believe it’s OK to reject a women based on her weight (because it’s completely within her control, which I don’t necessarily agree with). I don’t understand that logic.

 

I personally don’t date people based on their potential. I learned that the hard way. The person you present to me is the person you are, and I decide if I want to date you based on that, not how much you could change, so in that way weight and height are the same to me.

 

Right, but in the grand scheme of things, let's be honest here. Most women are not looking for short men, most men are not looking for overweight women.

 

The difference is, the man can't change, so his dating pool choices will always be whatever it is. No change, no improvements.

 

The overweight girl loses the weight, suddenly her dating pool has gotten bigger.

 

Maybe you reject the overweight person in their overweight stage, but once they lose the weight, they'll have other people going after them anyway, so they don't need you.

[iris219]

The difference is, the man can't change, so his dating pool choices will always be whatever it is. No change, no improvements.

 

He can't change his height, of course, but he can change other aspects of himself so that he's more attractive to a larger pool of women, which is what SD needs to do.

 

Just saw your post in the Sex/Health section. It doesn't look like your height is holding you back!

 

In other words, "because you're such a loser, you should try dating fat girls. Maybe after enough time you'll go blind and won't care about their appearance anymore."

 

I don't equate loser guy to overweight woman like you do, so no, that's not what I meant.

 

I was simply suggesting something you could do differently, but you hate when we do that. If you aren't willing to get to know a woman before deciding you aren't interested, fine. That's up to you, but I think it's foolish.

 

How terrible would it be to hang out with an overweight woman? Wouldn't it be nice to get out of the house and socialize, even if it's with someone you aren't going to marry or sleep with? Everything you do doesn't have to revolve around one narrow goal. Living your life that way is a recipe for frustration and disappointment. Dating can be fun, even if you don't get to hook up with a thin girl, because you get to socialize with new people. This would be very beneficial for you, IMO.

[joystickd]

Do you treat these bigger women nice? Women notice how you interact with other women. Just see it as a stepping stone to getting the hot woman you want.

[xxoo]

A heavy girl can drop the lbs and instantly increase her dating pool. A short guy will always be short.

 

Sure, the heavy girl can lose weight. She can get more attractive.

 

What does that mean for SD?

 

Its the same for both sexes. The above average people do not need to put as much effort into the hunt. As your attraction drops down the scale....the more effort you need to put in.

 

Looks like that is the case. So, SD needs to get more attractive, or put more effort into approaching women.

 

He can't get taller (accepted), so he needs to focus on other ways of becoming more attractive. But he rejects all of those, insisting that he shouldn't need to

[Els]

 

He can't get taller (accepted), so he needs to focus on other ways of becoming more attractive. But he rejects all of those, insisting that he shouldn't need to

 

This, this!!!!!

[somedude81]

There is way too much talking about my education in this thread. It's irrelevant. The girls I'm interacting with have no idea that I'm older and no reason to believe that I'm any different from the thousands of other guys that go to my school. Hell every day I come across guys that are younger than me but look much older.

 

By this time next year I'll be out of college and working. For now, I'm going to be in school at least until June and that is what I want to focus on. I want to date a girl I meet on campus. My lack of a career has no affect on that. Odds are I won't even have to talk about how old I am until a couple of dates have gone by. It's not something I'm even going to worry about.

 

Also, if I do get close enough to a girl and she wants to know my past. I'll just tell her that I worked full time for several years but discovered that I needed to get my bachelors if I wanted more career opportunities. People go back to school to get their degree at all ages. My dad who is 55 is thinking about getting his.

 

So if I do get close to a girl, and after a couple dates, tell her that I'm 30 and finishing up my degree, then she decides she doesn't want to continue. Oh well. At least I'd have gotten the experience and confidence of actually being on a date.

I am of the belief that when we are young, we develop our sense of our own attractiveness through social interaction. Based on the objective principle that we try to mate with the most attractive person we can, we are only as attractive as who we attract.

 

People realize this earlier in their life than others. The ones that accept their own relative attractive in the human population tend to settle down earlier and find their niche in this world, while other hold out in hopes that they are more attractive than they are attracting. These folks tend to either be alone or get used by others. While others will improve their relative attractiveness by improving themselves and moving up the scale.

Makes sense but very hard to accept.

 

After all the work I've put into to try and make myself more attractive, I'm only as desirable as the women that very few men want. Also I don't know if it would even be possible for me to go up a peg so the non-fat girls would start to notice me. But if I have to try and see what happens. I'm not ready to give up.

 

There is no way that I can just settle for an obese girl because she is equivalent to me in how desirable we are.

Do you treat these bigger women nice? Women notice how you interact with other women. Just see it as a stepping stone to getting the hot woman you want.

Yes I do treat them nice, maybe a bit too nice.

 

How can I use the experience as a stepping stone?

 

Something tells me that rolling into da club with 4 obese girls isn't going to make all the thin girls want me.

 

There has to be a way I can gain something from this.

Sure, the heavy girl can lose weight. She can get more attractive.

 

What does that mean for SD?

 

 

 

Looks like that is the case. So, SD needs to get more attractive, or put more effort into approaching women.

 

He can't get taller (accepted), so he needs to focus on other ways of becoming more attractive. But he rejects all of those, insisting that he shouldn't need to

What have I insisted I don't need to do?

 

Yes I don't want to put in a lot of effort into making guy friends. That's one. What else?

Edited November 18, 2012 by somedude81

[Els]

Also, if I do get close enough to a girl and she wants to know my past. I'll just tell her that I worked full time for several years but discovered that I needed to get my bachelors if I wanted more career opportunities.

 

You mean you are going to lie to her?

 

My suggestion for your obese (your description of them, at 160 lbs and 5'4", isn't actually obese, but we'll roll with that for now) fangirls remains the same: Analyze the way you talk to them and apply it to girls whom you're interested in. I'm guessing you're more relaxed and less desperate to impress the girls you're not attracted to.

[Imajerk17]

Actually, 5'4" and 160 is fine for me. In truth, it is great as long as she is in shape.

 

Out of curiosity SD, why did you post this thread? How is this thread any different from the 100 other threads you posted? And how do you expect people on here to give you advice that you want, when (you keep insisting anyway) that you are different in real life from how you portray yourself on here.

 

I actually agree with Meeks7 here (yeah I said that). You probably have a dark cloud over your head that is turning people off. No matter how much you insist that isn't so, I really believe that, and I think everyone else on here suspects that. Which is coloring the advice you are getting on here, the advice you find so frustrating.

Edited November 18, 2012 by Imajerk17

[xxoo]

What have I insisted I don't need to do?

 

Yes I don't want to put in a lot of effort into making guy friends. That's one. What else?

 

Put effort into improving your social skills. That seems to be your biggest deficit.

 

The easiest place to start, imo, would be chatting up lots of women, regardless of age or appearance.

[somedude81]

You mean you are going to lie to her?

Yes.

 

Who the F cares that I lie about something as small as that? It's not even that big of a lie because there was a period of a few years where I did get tired of school and worked for a few years, then decided to go back. All I'd be doing is lieing about how many years I've been in school.

 

My suggestion for your obese (your description of them, at 160 lbs and 5'4", isn't actually obese, but we'll roll with that for now)

OK fine, she's obese but she is still overweight.

 

A woman in the 20-29 range, (I'm only focusing on girls in college for now) at 5'4, 160lbs has a BMI of 27.5 and in the 65th percentile.

 

Also I don't know if you saw the "what real women look like" link, but based on the pictures, the girls in my class that I think are overweight, are far beyond being 160. They might be around 180.

fangirls remains the same: Analyze the way you talk to them and apply it to girls whom you're interested in. I'm guessing you're more relaxed and less desperate to impress the girls you're not attracted to.

I don't know how to impress girls. It's not something I have ever tried to do

 

I guess I try to impress them with my dancing, but I do that with everybody.

 

Losing track of how many times I've said it, I'm not more relaxed and carefree with the bigger girls.

 

It's the bigger girls who are reacting differently to me.

[Hawakai]

SomeDude,

 

You're still trying to get your degree? Focus on that. Get that degree. Study as much as you have to. Find any low-level jobs that you can work at. Save up. Learn a trade. Carpentery is always in demand. Learn foreign languages. Strive for a good job - if the economy doesn't sink entirely - and save your money as much as you can.

 

Don't worry yoursef with talking with many women, that's just silly. Your social skills are fine. Its not social skills that sell you to women. Its how you look and how valuable you are $$$. Notice all of those dudes in college who do nothing all day but talk to women. They should be Casanovas by now, correct?

 

What you can do is to talk to as many hot women as possible. Talk with the hottest women as you can find. Your brain will get used to extreme beauty, making you invulnerable to all of the others. if you are going to be rejected at least be rejected by the women who are worth being rejected by, if you know what I mean?

 

Years from now you'll have high status. You'll be able to have LTR/STR relationships with women, marry them and all of that blablabla. The first step is to stop listening to what conventionally correct people are trying to brainwash you with. Body language is overrated. Doesn't work. Being social will garnish you friends, but no legs to warm your bed. Good luck.

 

I don't know how to impress girls. It's not something I have ever tried to do

 

Women are impressed by indifference, money, high social status, gadgets(they stand as a symbol for money) height and muscles. If you don't have the good-looks/muscles and height you can impress women with cash. Especially college women. They rely on guys taking them out on dates for the little cash they have. I'm not saying you should spend money on them. You should never trade your power for nothing. Lure them with the prospect of financial providence. Only then - if she puts out/dates you/bangs you in a relationship - do you give to them what you want.

Edited November 18, 2012 by Hawakai

[SmileFace]

If I made a thread saying that only jerks are attracted to me - people will tell me that I was doing something to attract them.

 

... So how does your apperance line up. Not your size, weight but your overall attractiveness because that may just be the problem.

[somedude81]

Actually, 5'4" and 160 is fine for me. In truth, it is great as long as she is in shape.

It just sounds wrong to me because I'm 160lbs. On a personal level, I want the girl to be smaller than I am.

 

Out of curiosity SD, why did you post this thread? How is this thread any different from the 100 other threads you posted? And how do you expect people on here to give you advice that you want, when (you keep insisting anyway) that you are different in real life from how you portray yourself on here.

I posted this thread because I thought it was very weird that only bigger girls are into me.

 

At the dance last night there was a big girl in my class who kept wanting to dance with me. I danced with her once but she kept trying to call me over to talk to her friends. Then another big girl from my class showed up and the big girl I danced with before asked if I thought this girl was pretty. I said that you all do. Then somebody said in a joking way "she loves you" I replied that I have love for everybody and then just disappeared as it was getting too awkward.

 

So one, I'm was confused why I'm getting the big girl attention and why I wasn't getting any from the average girls.

I actually agree with Meeks7 here (yeah I said that). You probably have a dark cloud over your head that is turning people off. No matter how much you insist that isn't so, I really believe that, and I think everyone else on here suspects that. Which is coloring the advice you are getting on here, the advice you find so frustrating.

So do big girls like dark clouds?

Put effort into improving your social skills. That seems to be your biggest deficit.

 

The easiest place to start, imo, would be chatting up lots of women, regardless of age or appearance.

That's it?

 

That's pretty much the same thing as make friends.

 

I though you had more.

[IT Geek]

If someone just couldn't find it in themselves to talk to someone because they find themselves beneath them or are un attracted to them, they're missing the bigger picture in life.

 

Well, there are a lot of women in the world out there like this. I'm overweight and about a 3-4 on the "10" scale. I finally gave up trying to talk to women because they would seem grossed out or offended that an ugly guy would try to talk to them.

[Hawakai]

A woman in the 20-29 range, (I'm only focusing on girls in college for now) at 5'4, 160lbs has a BMI of 27.5 and in the 65th percentile.

 

Also I don't know if you saw the "what real women look like" link, but based on the pictures, the girls in my class that I think are overweight, are far beyond being 160. They might be around 180.

 

Dude, who cares? You're not exactly a strapping John Carter so why should you start with the hottest women? Baby steps. Learn how to interact with women - not how to make them feel good; how you can get from them what you want - by letting go of your anxiety and fear of being rejected by women.

 

Don't try to act all defensive with me. I don't give a damn if my post made you feel bad. I am not your mommy nor your daddy and what you need is to toughen up.

[Imajerk17]

 

That's it?

 

That's pretty much the same thing as make friends.

 

I though you had more.

 

See that's the thing. There is who you are on here, and then there is who you are in real life. If they really are so different, how do you expect us to give you advice? That's like expecting someone to hit a target they can't even see.

 

Didn't Meeks offer to have someone talk to you and give you advice over the phone, and you turned it down?

[iris219]

 

What have I insisted I don't need to do?

 

Yes I don't want to put in a lot of effort into making guy friends. That's one. What else?

 

You refuse to try to date women 1. you don't meet at school and 2. who are above early 20s.

[SteveC80]

Im not gonna lie and say looks arent apart of it women are etxremely shallow just like men but social skills are also a huge part dude..

 

You need to tap into social skills because lot of women have very little control of their emotions and feelings if you make her feel something for you then you have a good shot..

 

Ive had women tell other people im arrogant and the next minute try to jump my bones because they had STRONG FEELINGS for me even if some of it was negative it was still strong..

 

I have married friends wives who almost ruined their relationship by groping me and hitting on me because i made thme feel comfortable and made em laugh uncontrollably..

 

WOmen are connection/emotional bond junkies its their weakness and one of the reason white frankly i dont trust being in a relationship with one because thye can easily stay that way but thats another story for another day.. if you can tap into that weakness you will have sucess..