Only bigger women have been into me.

[xxoo]

I wish I knew how to get what I want from women. I've never gotten anything I wanted from women.

 

Another point--the fat women who show interest in getting to know you are women. Dating aside, is there nothing of value that these women can offer you?

 

Friendship? Connection? An expanded social circle which includes thinner women? Increased social capital, by virtue of seeming more charming and interesting?

[mesmerized]

Another point--the fat women who show interest in getting to know you are women. Dating aside, is there nothing of value that these women can offer you?

 

Friendship? Connection? An expanded social circle which includes thinner women? Increased social capital, by virtue of seeming more charming and interesting?

 

I agree with this to a degree. I have quite a few male friends that Im not attracted to but I enjoy hanging our with. Usually though it's harder to find handsome men in their social circle.

 

One thing I think you fail to realize is that men don't care that much about having female friends like we do about male friends. And they want any female they interact with to be easy on the eyes. Its not only somedude who is like that it's a male thing, not that it justifies this behavior.

[Lonely Ronin]

One thing I think you fail to realize is that men don't care that much about having female friends like we do about male friends. And they want any female they interact with to be easy on the eyes. Its not only somedude who is like that it's a male thing, not that it justifies this behavior.

 

WTF? It's a looser issue, not a male issue.

[xxoo]

One thing I think you fail to realize is that men don't care that much about having female friends like we do about male friends. And they want any female they interact with to be easy on the eyes. Its not only somedude who is like that it's a male thing, not that it justifies this behavior.

 

I know a different kind of male.

 

My H and his buddies tend to enjoy the company of women. They make women feel really good, and women want to sit next to them at a party or gathering.

 

My H has always preferred thin women. All his gfs were thin, and I'm no exception. But to see him talk to a big girl--you would never know. And he is friends with some bigger women! They offer him a lot--social and professional connections included.

 

What guy doesn't want to learn to be a chick magnet?

[mesmerized]

I know a different kind of male.

 

My H and his buddies tend to enjoy the company of women. They make women feel really good, and women want to sit next to them at a party or gathering.

 

My H has always preferred thin women. All his gfs were thin, and I'm no exception. But to see him talk to a big girl--you would never know. And he is friends with some bigger women! They offer him a lot--social and professional connections included.

 

What guy doesn't want to learn to be a chick magnet?

 

And how is this friendship? Do they actually spend one on one time together or you think your husband chatting with a woman at work once in a while is friendship?

 

I still stand by what I said. I interact mostly with men and have had quite a few close male friends. The majority of men do not care to be "friends" with a woman they are not attracted to at all.

[LonelyInsomniac]

In good ol' American society, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking one person can give you what you need. This is all malarkey: most of us, male or female, are looking for the whole package no matter how complete we ourselves feel.

 

It sounds like you don't have much of a social network. People to see, places to go, in a non-romantic subtext. Especially in a college/school setting, this makes you less approachable. It also tends to take a toll on our social skills. Consider your social skills a muscle - if you're not using them every opportunity you get, they're not in the best shape they can be. If you're having trouble maintaining fulfilling friendships, a woman, heh... well, that's going to be a nightmare.

 

What also sticks out to me is your attitude. You're so focused on what you're getting that I get the sense you're out of touch with what you have to offer. Not future prospects, or the man you want to be - what you have to work with is the man you are now. If that means you improve that guy? Great. If not - the prospects stay the same.

 

I get the sense of a lot of underlying self-esteem issues. You seem to think you're settling no matter who you're pursuing - likely because you don't feel like a catch yourself. Treat yourself how you'd like to be treated. It's an ego-bruising moment for any guy when we hear "eh, I guess I can't do better than him" - I'm sure that's true on the flipside, too. No one enjoys being second best.

 

Kudos on getting to the gym. Fitness is a major part of self-care, and can go a long way toward improving moods, self-confidence, posture, and a cast of things that can change how frequently people check you out.

[xxoo]

And how is this friendship? Do they actually spend one on one time together or you think your husband chatting with a woman at work once in a while is friendship?

 

I mean friends. A coworker who exchanges birthday gifts with him, for example, but not with everyone else in the dept. Or, for example, last week he drove our child's friend home, and while there stayed to help the kid's mom caulk her tub. She's single, and overweight, fwiw. They arranged that directly, without me being a "go between". Stuff friends do for one another.

 

I still stand by what I said. I interact mostly with men and have had quite a few close male friends. The majority of men do not care to be "friends" with a woman they are not attracted to at all.

 

What are men supposed to be, islands?

 

Which goes back to SD....without friends, you are on your own. You have no one to help you with this at all. No one who knows you IRL to give you honest feedback, or help you meet people, or "wing" for you.

[ascendotum]

I agree the preimise is assinine that women will look at you differently for dating or talking up a fat women:laugh:

 

Keep looking till you find mutual attraction dont listen to the people who think you can get physically initmate with somebody you find physically repulsive just because their nice or decent human beings

 

I agree. If a handsome man was extra friendly & flirty with the big girls, It will raise his standing in the eyes of the pretty girls. They will view him as sweet and not shallow, and because he is good looking to begin with their eyes will always be on him, whereas the bland guy will tend to be part of the background more. There is also the possibility that pretty girls might if they are on the shallow side, for them to reinforce their less than desirable view of the bland guy, as nasty as that sounds. The same principles don't always apply the same to all guys. I use the word 'pretty' girls for differential purposes. I think too many here are getting carried with 'girl not being overweight' = 'hot girl'....and on the flip side '160lb girl does not = 'unattractive girl'

 

Though despite what I said, I still think he should have fun with them, and more so with one that he finds somewhat attractive & sweet despite her weight. Some of these girls just sound like they are 'thick figured' and certainly not 'F.A.T.' overweight. Sticking with the same outlook, is not getting him anywhere (even tho he is not asking a lot), so try something different. It does not have to be long term.

 

Also some of the recommendations for SD to improve himself (while good), are not magic attractors, they will just make him 'good on paper'. Lots of 'good on paper guys' only do well when it comes time for the women to settle down and have kids, that could well be still fine outcome for him though.

[somedude81]

Just that it could've been a good chance to practice some flirting/banter with girls who were clearly responsive. But if you felt super uncomfortable, I understand why you would disappear. I just think it might help for you to push through some of that discomfort and get a little practice in a situation with little pressure.

Yeah I did feel uncomfortable. I'm also going to have to see those girls tomorrow.

 

I'm really not used to getting that kind of attention from women, and from women I have no possible interest in on top of that. I really didn't want to lead anybody on and let them think that I was interested.

 

Granted, I'd probably still be uncomfortable even if women I'm attracted to showed obvious interest in me.

What do you offer women?

What do women want?

I agree the preimise is assinine that women will look at you differently for dating or talking up a fat women:laugh:

 

Keep looking till you find mutual attraction dont listen to the people who think you can get physically initmate with somebody you find physically repulsive just because their nice or decent human beings

Yeah it's completely stupid. Both ideas.

Another point--the fat women who show interest in getting to know you are women. Dating aside, is there nothing of value that these women can offer you?

 

Friendship? Connection? An expanded social circle which includes thinner women? Increased social capital, by virtue of seeming more charming and interesting?

What if the expanded social circle was only other fat girls?

 

What do girls think about guys who are only with fat girls?

[Hawakai]

The majority of men do not care to be "friends" with a woman they are not attracted to at all.

 

The majority of women are fine with, and actually seek friendships with attractive men. What's your point again? I have had several girls I grew up with who were the ugly duckling and now they are some of the most stunning of girls. Does that mean that I only hang out with them because I have to want to bang them? Or can't I treasure their friendship?

 

The problem with friendship with women is;

 

A) You are to women as nice as you are to men, they assume you are interested.

 

B)the women use the guy as free labor(guy carries her things, he fixes her car etc).

 

C) Women eventually want to date him and will cockblock the guy if he's interested in other women.

[xxoo]

What do women want?

 

A good man on the streets, and a bad boy in the sheets

[KathyM]

Yeah it's completely stupid. Both ideas.

It was just a suggestion. It worked for three guys that I know. For one, my uncle, he found a wonderful loving woman whom he adored, and had a happy marriage with for life. She was also an excellent cook. For the other guy I mentioned, he not only had a long term relationship with the overweight woman who he loved very much, but he also got hit on by several thinner women, both during and after the relationship ended, because the other women saw what a great boyfriend he was, and how well he treated her. Before dating this girl, he did not have any interest from girls. Also another guy I know dated an overweight woman briefly and that spurred the interest of a woman that was not overweight. It happens. You would be surprised.

 

What if the expanded social circle was only other fat girls?

 

What do girls think about guys who are only with fat girls?

I would think that either: a) I admire that guy. He values women for more than just their looks; or b) he has a fetish for heavier women; or c) there must be something really great about that girl that attracted him.

[dasein]

SD, it doesn't seem this dance class is doing much for you in the way of socializing and meeting your dating goals, so once you get the dance proficiency you seek, consider moving on to some other activity that might spend the time in more productive socializing. You have probably developed all the tools you need to get what you want in more "target rich" environments . Unlike others, I don't see any particular double standards, bad attitude or unrealistic expectations in your posts, just a need to try some different methods.

[Sameold]

Truthful answer here is that as a shorter male maybe the thinner girls are not stereotypically attracted to you as many thinner girls will look for taller men. As a result as has already been suggested you are gravitating attention from some women who may consider you to be compatible and "in their league".

 

This isn't a bad thing! Be polite and chat away to these girls and hone your skills. At some point you WILL get attention from a girl you fancy but don't go treating the girls you do like differently to the bigger ones you dont.

 

To cut this short, if you can attract a big girl you can attract a thin one. My personal advice from experience is that your height might mean you get more attention from the big girls than the 6ft 2 guys do. Don't take that personaly though, just the way it is. Bide your time young Padawan...

[Meeks7]

Dude, we have beating you over the head with what you need to do for the last year...... It seems to sink in for a while, but then you revert back to acting like a petulant little child, because it's easier to lie to yourself and argue with us, than it is for you to do what you know need to do.

 

Yes, it looks like from time to time SomeDude sees the light, by going "I'll think about it." But then, no action is taken.

 

 

Didn't Meeks offer to have someone talk to you and give you advice over the phone, and you turned it down?

 

I offered a Skype session, and also a REAL LIFE MEET-UP in SoCal with a female friend of mine in the field of helping hurting people. He turned me down when he realized things were moving too personally.

 

 

Also, if I do get close enough to a girl and she wants to know my past. I'll just tell her that I worked full time for several years but discovered that I needed to get my bachelors if I wanted more career opportunities. People go back to school to get their degree at all ages. My dad who is 55 is thinking about getting his.

 

So if I do get close to a girl, and after a couple dates, tell her that I'm 30 and finishing up my degree, then she decides she doesn't want to continue. Oh well. At least I'd have gotten the experience and confidence of actually being on a date.

 

Wow. That's all I will say.

 

Your words there says a lot about you.

 

Just a heads up, that major lies like this will catch up to you eventually one way or another. And starting off a relationship with lies and deceit is a formula for success, all right...... (end sarcasm)

 

Good luck, SomeDude.

 

BTW, just to let you know, full time jobs aren't guaranteed when someone finishes college. You can't automatically claim that this time next year you'll be working full time.

 

You don't get your degree and a full time job automatically. Just like how getting a GF won't fix your life. But keep believing these things if you like.

Edited November 19, 2012 by Meeks7

[Sameold]

Yes, it looks like from time to time SomeDude sees the light, by going "I'll think about it." But then, no action is taken.

 

 

 

 

I offered a Skype session, and also a REAL LIFE MEET-UP in SoCal with a female friend of mine in the field of helping hurting people. He turned me down when he realized things were moving too personally.

 

 

 

 

Wow. That's all I will say.

 

Your words there says a lot about you.

 

Just a heads up, that major lies like this will catch up to you eventually one way or another. And starting off a relationship with lies and deceit is a formula for success, all right...... (end sarcasm)

 

Good luck, SomeDude.

 

BTW, just to let you know, full time jobs aren't guaranteed when someone finishes college. You can't automatically claim that this time next year you'll be working full time.

 

You don't get your degree and a full time job automatically. Just like how getting a GF won't fix your life. But keep believing these things if you like.

 

So true, I have a 1st class honours degree from a UK uni and only now 3 years after graduating do I have what I consider to be a "good job". It sounds like you are very insecure. The irony is that by getting a good degree etc that will probably improve but by reading this thread it sounds like you are throwing it all away to chase after skinny girls that arn't even interested. Get the books out and do well, much more likely to attract a future partner then!

[mesmerized]

Somedude, your attitude kind of stinks. I can only imagine what a douchbag you would be if you actually were tall and attractive. Bottom line, keep calling these women "fat girls" and don't get upset when girls reject you cause you are a "short dude". Oh wait, you cant do anything about it? Is it supposed to make us see you more attractive now? Nah it's even worse cause it means you will always look this way and that's no good.

[somedude81]

 

 

Wow. That's all I will say.

 

Your words there says a lot about you.

 

Just a heads up, that major lies like this will catch up to you eventually one way or another.

ROFL!!!!!

 

Not telling a girl exactly how many years I've been in college is a major lie!?!!! :lmao:

 

Hell, I don't even remember. All I know is that I want to two Jr colleges before I went to this school.

 

How many years I've spent trying to get my education is none of her damn business.

[MrCastle]

it's even worse cause it means you will always look this way and that's no good.

 

[Sameold]

ROFL!!!!!

 

Not telling a girl exactly how many years I've been in college is a major lie!?!!! :lmao:

 

Hell, I don't even remember. All I know is that I want to two Jr colleges before I went to this school.

 

How many years I've spent trying to get my education is none of her damn business.

 

Kind of important not to lie to someone when you start dating them SD!

You can't lie to make people believe you are someone you arn't.

[Ceran]

its well known that due to female hypergamy in the west, fat girls can easily get thinner, good looking boyfriends (the reverse is never true)

 

meanwhile if a guy wants a skinny girlfriend, hes basically an ******* douchebag

[xxoo]

Hell, I don't even remember. All I know is that I want to two Jr colleges before I went to this school.

 

That's a much better answer.

 

How many years I've spent trying to get my education is none of her damn business.

 

She's going to want to get to know some personal things about you before she gets naked with you!

 

If that is too personal....I just don't know what to say....

[AD1980]

Being nice to a fat women isnt gonna make women attracted to him magically..In my social circle the women all say how nice iam what a gentleman iam and how charming yet it never helped me attract the few single ones and the married ones never tried to hook me up with a single friend.

 

My good looking sucessful alpha friend whos the leader of the group i guess u can say whove they all called full of himself and arrogant at times is the guy they are alsothrowing thmeselves at him[even the married ones]

 

What women tell you to be pc or what they think they should like in an ideal world and what they actually respond to are completely different..

[xxoo]

meanwhile if a guy wants a skinny girlfriend, hes basically an ******* douchebag

 

So those of us skinny women only date douchebags?

[Ceran]

So those of us skinny women only date douchebags?

 

no i mean, if a dude ever says he doesnt want a fat girl (and hes not a male model himself) everyone thinks hes being arrogant and deserves nothing. like in this thread