Only bigger women have been into me.

[xxoo]

no i mean, if a dude ever says he doesnt want a fat girl (and hes not a male model himself) everyone thinks hes being arrogant and deserves nothing. like in this thread

 

If he wants women who don't want him, he's got some work to do.

[Ceran]

If he wants women who don't want him, he's got some work to do.

 

but if it would be a girl making the same complaint, everyone would be like "YOU GO GIRL! Dont ever change yourself for anyone! Those guys dont deserve you! Theres a handsome prince out there for you.."

[xxoo]

but if it would be a girl making the same complaint, everyone would be like "YOU GO GIRL! Dont ever change yourself for anyone! Those guys dont deserve you! Theres a handsome prince out there for you.."

 

Usually women are complaining that they can't find a man they really want, not that they want men who don't what them.

 

If a woman couldn't attract the men she wanted, I'd give her to same advice: meet a wider range of men, and you might be surprised who you connect with.

[Meeks7]

ROFL!!!!!

 

Not telling a girl exactly how many years I've been in college is a major lie!?!!!

 

Who said anything about how many years in college being the major lie?

 

I'm talking about this

 

Also, if I do get close enough to a girl and she wants to know my past. I'll just tell her that I worked full time for several years but discovered that I needed to get my bachelors if I wanted more career opportunities. People go back to school to get their degree at all ages. My dad who is 55 is thinking about getting his.

 

So if I do get close to a girl, and after a couple dates, tell her that I'm 30 and finishing up my degree, then she decides she doesn't want to continue. Oh well. At least I'd have gotten the experience and confidence of actually being on a date.

 

Did you really work "full time for several years" prior to returning to college? If so, what kind of job was it?

 

Or did you just work retail part-time in-between college stints?

 

BTW, you'll tell her you're 30 after a couple dates? What if this doesn't happen until 2014? You'll be 33 then... are you still going to say "30" and take 3 years off your actual age?

 

 

How many years I've spent trying to get my education is none of her damn business.

 

Spoken like someone who's truly insecure about himself.

[Els]

Yes.

 

Who the F cares that I lie about something as small as that? It's not even that big of a lie because there was a period of a few years where I did get tired of school and worked for a few years, then decided to go back. All I'd be doing is lieing about how many years I've been in school.

 

SD, you know how you're always going on about women 'lying about their breast size' by wearing wonderbras?

 

This is going to be a much, much, much, much worse lie than that. If you get into a relationship with someone and think that something like this is 'none of her business', that is not much of a relationship at all. Your best bet with this would be to be straightforward and own your mistakes. Say that you screwed up a little in your younger years, but realized that you really needed to put in the effort later on and got your **** together and will graduate next July. Now, of course you need to mean what you say, but that is way better than lying.

 

I guess I try to impress them with my dancing, but I do that with everybody.

 

Losing track of how many times I've said it, I'm not more relaxed and carefree with the bigger girls.

 

It's the bigger girls who are reacting differently to me.

 

So if you're not acting differently then you need to work on yourself to make yourself more attractive to the others, period.

[Els]

but if it would be a girl making the same complaint, everyone would be like "YOU GO GIRL! Dont ever change yourself for anyone! Those guys dont deserve you! Theres a handsome prince out there for you.."

 

Umm, yeah, because those girls said that they were happy being single (ES, etc). Girls who have made it plain that being single is the Bane of Their Life (verhrzn) receive the same advice as SD does.

[Meeks7]

SD, you know how you're always going on about women 'lying about their breast size' by wearing wonderbras?

 

Somewhere in cyberspace, on a message forum far far away, a 5'8" girl taking a salsa class in SoCal is complaining in her own thread about how only the "short" guys under 5'7" are trying to hit on her in that class. But, she just doesn't like "short guys."

[somedude81]

Truthful answer here is that as a shorter male maybe the thinner girls are not stereotypically attracted to you as many thinner girls will look for taller men. As a result as has already been suggested you are gravitating attention from some women who may consider you to be compatible and "in their league".

Yes that is exactly what I think is happening.

 

Because of one or more reasons, only the bigger girls think they are in the same league as me. The thinner girls think they are too good for me, just because they aren't fat.

 

 

This isn't a bad thing! Be polite and chat away to these girls and hone your skills. At some point you WILL get attention from a girl you fancy but don't go treating the girls you do like differently to the bigger ones you dont.

I do chat with this girls if If I'm not already talking to somebody else.

 

"At some point" is very vague. I'm 31 and it hasn't happened yet.

To cut this short, if you can attract a big girl you can attract a thin one. My personal advice from experience is that your height might mean you get more attention from the big girls than the 6ft 2 guys do. Don't take that personaly though, just the way it is. Bide your time young Padawan...

How can I not take it personally?

 

I feel completely cheated that I was damned with a short height that would make it more difficult in attracting women. It's fu*king retarded that being four inches shorter than average has made things so hard for me.

 

Fu*k you God!

That's a much better answer.

 

 

 

She's going to want to get to know some personal things about you before she gets naked with you!

 

If that is too personal....I just don't know what to say....

Why would she even care?!

 

Hell many women don't want to tell their boyfriends how many guys they've had sex with.

 

How many years it's taken to get my degree isn't relevant to anybody.

Did you really work "full time for several years" prior to returning to college? If so, what kind of job was it?

 

Or did you just work retail part-time in-between college stints?

It's none of your business.

[somedude81]

I'm actually a bit surprised that nobody picked this part out

Yeah I did feel uncomfortable. I'm also going to have to see those girls tomorrow.

 

I'm really not used to getting that kind of attention from women, and from women I have no possible interest in on top of that. I really didn't want to lead anybody on and let them think that I was interested.

 

Granted, I'd probably still be uncomfortable even if women I'm attracted to showed obvious interest in me.

Of all the things to talk about in this thread, I think it would be a bit more important than if I had a 9-5 job when I was between colleges.

 

(I did, but it was mostly temp work assignments that were several months long)

[Els]

I'm actually a bit surprised that nobody picked this part out

 

Of all the things to talk about in this thread, I think it would be a bit more important than if I had a 9-5 job when I was between colleges.

 

(I did, but it was mostly temp work assignments that were several months long)

 

We did, we're just a little tired of telling you that you need to go out there and practice your social skills and practice being comfortable talking to people. That has been done multiple times, but you have your own idea of how exactly to go about that, so I don't think most of us see any point in convincing you otherwise.

[Imported]

According to "assortive mating" people will assort themselves to be attracted to people they can actually get. Even go so far as to demonize the people they think they can't get. Like a fat girl.....instead of the guy seeing her and thinking....'damn she's fat'.....he'll see her and be like ' wow, she has such an attractive....elbow?' And be genuinely attracted to her for reasons you wouldn't think of. Some people it would seem are not able to do that. Concentrate on the minute details that are attractive while overlooking the glaring things that are not. Those people will probably stay single for their entire life if they never settle or get extremely lucky.

[somedude81]

We did, we're just a little tired of telling you that you need to go out there and practice your social skills and practice being comfortable talking to people. That has been done multiple times, but you have your own idea of how exactly to go about that, so I don't think most of us see any point in convincing you otherwise.

Ugh! No!

 

I am comfortable talking to people.

 

I'm not comfortable with women showing romantic interest in me, especially people I have no interest in.

 

My God, can you not tell the difference between them?

[somedude81]

According to "assortive mating" people will assort themselves to be attracted to people they can actually get. Even go so far as to demonize the people they think they can't get. Like a fat girl.....instead of the guy seeing her and thinking....'damn she's fat'.....he'll see her and be like ' wow, she has such an attractive....elbow?' And be genuinely attracted to her for reasons you wouldn't think of. Some people it would seem are not able to do that. Concentrate on the minute details that are attractive while overlooking the glaring things that are not. Those people will probably stay single for their entire life if they never settle or get extremely lucky.

Sorry, I'm confused.

 

Are you saying I should learn to be attracted to ears or something, since thin women and big women have ears that look the same?

[ThaWholigan]

Ugh! No!

 

I am comfortable talking to people.

 

I'm not comfortable with women showing romantic interest in me, especially people I have no interest in.

 

My God, can you not tell the difference between them?

Her point still stands, you need to get comfortable with that. Whatever it is you are uncomfortable with romantically, socially or whatever, just do it. I'm not saying date fat girls, I'm saying deal with the things that are uncomfortable. You might even learn more about yourself - you don't strike me as the most self-aware person in the world, but this is the net and I don't know that.

 

But yeah, start getting brave and do different sh*t. Agonizing over the same sh*t must be as tiring for you as it is for us reading it and posting mountains of advice over and over again. Cover some new ground so we have something different to say for once.

[Lonely Ronin]

I'm not comfortable with women showing romantic interest in me, especially people I have no interest in.

 

My God, can you not tell the difference between them?

 

A girl poking fun at her friend by telling you "I think she loves you", is hardly showing romantic interest. Unless they have the maturity level of 12 year olds, women don't let a guy no their interested by having a friend say something like that in front of a group of people. More then anything it sounds like they where just trying to be light hearted and maybe a little flirty.

 

If you get uncomfortable about this, you are going to be SOL if a woman you are attracted do is flirty with you.

[Meeks7]

Ugh! No!

 

I am comfortable talking to people.

 

I'm not comfortable with women showing romantic interest in me, especially people I have no interest in.

 

My God, can you not tell the difference between them?

 

 

You don't have to give an attitude to Els. Or on other people trying to help you.

 

However, Tha hit it on the head. You gotta be tired of repeating the same threads over and over, and the advice majority gives you is the same time after time because it's just the way life works. Being successful in life, having nice "social capital," and just being comfortable and confident in who you are (which only comes after you discover who you are) is going to attract someone special along the way. It's not a magic formula, it's not fool-proof, but it's happened for many people this way.

 

Not very many isolated, awkward loners in their early 30s still in college go from their current status to suddenly having a girlfriend the very next day. It just doesn't happen. Throw in the fact you're limiting yourself to girls in their early 20s, and the percent is literally almost one in a million. You're basically not giving yourself even a remote chance of a relationship happening, but perhaps deep down you are OK with the illusion that you are trying, and that it must somehow not be your fault, but God's or the world's.

 

I can see why you quit seeing a therapist. Anyone who tries to suggest life changes to you you quickly cut them off. You're way too content living in your own bubble, and you're looking for validation. Anyone who opposes and "threatens" bursting your bubble is cut off. That's why having no friends is nice. No one to check up on you or help hold you accountable for your actions (or lack thereof). You can just live your life watching movies on Netflix, playing video games and pining after the latest young college girl... all by your lonesome. Quite frankly, I don't think there's any (healthy) way to live, but apparently anything outside of this is outside your comfort zone.

 

And you wonder why things have not gotten better for you in the last year, year and a half?

[Meeks7]

Ugh! No!

 

I am comfortable talking to people.

 

oh, and quite frankly, you can scream this all you want from the rooftops, but it's understandable why many posters on Loveshack may think otherwise. And quite frankly, as Tha said, you don't strike folks as the most self-aware person out there. You could be claiming this as truth, but whether it's actually true or not, is entirely another story.

 

You have admitted in the past that you just don't know how to read situations, don't know how to read girls, don't know how to read body language... so you may not even know if you're truly comfortable talking to people or not.

 

And it's one thing to talk... it's another thing to have a conversation and actually BE and HAVE a friend (i.e. mutual, mature, healthy friendship)

 

That's the point people are driving at here. Not whether you can say hi to strangers or not... but actually building something that means something and that lasts. Where you're able to show empathy and care for another person, outside of your sexual interest/benefit.

[BubblyBeth]

I did, but it was mostly temp work assignments that were several months long

 

SD, I've tried to support you and see you in a favorable light, but the more I read from you, the harder it becomes. As a lady myself, when I read some of the things you write, it just disgusts me. I can only imagine how your attitudes carry out and manifest in real life. I don't want to use the word 'creeper' here, but you are definitely not what I'd call an empathetic man. You seem very close-minded, in fact, and that is a huge turn-off for women.

 

Just the fact that you're already planning to lie to a potential future date or not let her know certain things about you... really strikes me as the words of a person who just doesn't get it.

 

It'd be one thing if you tried and just were unlucky in the dating game. But you don't try. It's hard to cheer someone on when they ask for advice but quickly and rudely dismisses it. You really are just wasting your time.

[mesmerized]

You don't have to give an attitude to Els. Or on other people trying to help you.

 

However, Tha hit it on the head. You gotta be tired of repeating the same threads over and over, and the advice majority gives you is the same time after time because it's just the way life works. Being successful in life, having nice "social capital," and just being comfortable and confident in who you are (which only comes after you discover who you are) is going to attract someone special along the way. It's not a magic formula, it's not fool-proof, but it's happened for many people this way.

 

Not very many isolated, awkward loners in their early 30s still in college go from their current status to suddenly having a girlfriend the very next day. It just doesn't happen. Throw in the fact you're limiting yourself to girls in their early 20s, and the percent is literally almost one in a million. You're basically not giving yourself even a remote chance of a relationship happening, but perhaps deep down you are OK with the illusion that you are trying, and that it must somehow not be your fault, but God's or the world's.

 

I can see why you quit seeing a therapist. Anyone who tries to suggest life changes to you you quickly cut them off. You're way too content living in your own bubble, and you're looking for validation. Anyone who opposes and "threatens" bursting your bubble is cut off. That's why having no friends is nice. No one to check up on you or help hold you accountable for your actions (or lack thereof). You can just live your life watching movies on Netflix, playing video games and pining after the latest young college girl... all by your lonesome. Quite frankly, I don't think there's any (healthy) way to live, but apparently anything outside of this is outside your comfort zone.

 

And you wonder why things have not gotten better for you in the last year, year and a half?

 

Very well put.

[somedude81]

A girl poking fun at her friend by telling you "I think she loves you", is hardly showing romantic interest. Unless they have the maturity level of 12 year olds, women don't let a guy no their interested by having a friend say something like that in front of a group of people. More then anything it sounds like they where just trying to be light hearted and maybe a little flirty.

 

If you get uncomfortable about this, you are going to be SOL if a woman you are attracted do is flirty with you.

I don't know what their purpose was.

 

The first thing was when I was asked if the other girl is pretty. It seemed like a loaded question to me. And a generally odd one to ask a guy you're not friends with.

 

Yeah maybe saying, "She loves you" was just them teasing their friend but unless she actually did like me, it's a pretty weird thing to be teased about. Though I do remember way back in 6th grade that a girl telling another girls that I liked her was pretty much an insult and the other girl would get mad. I'm pretty sure it's not the same situation.

Her point still stands, you need to get comfortable with that. Whatever it is you are uncomfortable with romantically, socially or whatever, just do it. I'm not saying date fat girls, I'm saying deal with the things that are uncomfortable. You might even learn more about yourself - you don't strike me as the most self-aware person in the world, but this is the net and I don't know that.

 

But yeah, start getting brave and do different sh*t. Agonizing over the same sh*t must be as tiring for you as it is for us reading it and posting mountains of advice over and over again. Cover some new ground so we have something different to say for once.

OK, how do I place myself in situations where girls seem to be flirting with me so I can get more comfortable with it? Obviously it's not an everyday thing for me.

[SmileFace]

If I started a thread stating that only weirdos and creeps are attracted to me and I asked why... what advice will you give me SD?

 

I am personally trying to get the point of this thread and not connect your other threads to it.

[xxoo]

OK, how do I place myself in situations where girls seem to be flirting with me so I can get more comfortable with it? Obviously it's not an everyday thing for me.

 

Make some friends. Get invited to lots of normal social events that put you in close proximity with new women on a regular basis (backyard bbqs, pool parties, holiday parties, birthday parties, etc). Talk to all of them.

 

This is how most people meet their partners--through social connections. You are making it unnecessarily difficult by flying solo.

[runningfar]

HOAL, I'm not here to talk about school in this thread. Please stay on topic.

 

My number one limit is when a girl weighs more than I do. If a girl is 5'4 and 160lbs, that's too much for me.

 

I have no problem at all with a few extra pounds. But there is a difference between a few extra pounds and being obese

And no, I don't have have very high standards. Frankly, I pretty much have only one requirement when it comes to a girls appearance.

 

I like how 5'4 and 160 lb is obese. That is very close to my stats and I am a size 8 US dress, and i don't wear clothes tight. Obese is over 30% body fat and I am no where near that. (Yes checked)

 

I am not saying that you should date someone you are not attracted to. I wouldn't date someone with your stats either... That's nothing. That's normal. Standards are okay (especially if you can find many long term relationships that meet your standards)

 

BUT I have heard guys talk in dismissive terms about girls in standards I do meet, and it really is a turn off... Just FYI. Be careful of letting girls think you are insensitive or out of touch.

 

 

If bigger girls like you other girls do too though. Maybe not as many but us big chicks don't suddenly differ when we go up a clothing size.

[irc333]

It's kind of funny, even with overweight women that I had contacted....(that I personally had found cute enough to contact, while other men would probably not even bother with them)....were unusally shallow for being an overweight person.

 

This one woman I kept seeing constantly on POF all the time, she kept adding stuff to her profile that made her seem more and more superficial

 

She had a pretty face and eyes....but had some extra pounds on her, but....she did fill out in the right places I have to say.

 

She had this, "I don't mean to sound shallow but...." and listed her shallow desires.

 

"I love a man with a flat stomach, and someone over 6 feet tall."

 

I'm sorry, but chances are the guy with the 6-pack abs isn't going to date a woman with a gut herself.

[Els]

Ugh! No!

 

I am comfortable talking to people.

 

I'm not comfortable with women showing romantic interest in me, especially people I have no interest in.

 

My God, can you not tell the difference between them?

 

... But it's all interrelated. When you place yourself in more and different types of social situations, you will be more comfortable with a variety of social interactions, including romantic interest, flirting, and everything in between. Sorry, there aren't any shortcuts, you can't JUST practice being comfortable with romantic interest, not unless you hire someone to do simulation runs with you and pretend to be interested in you.