Only bigger women have been into me.

[ThaWholigan]

... But it's all interrelated. When you place yourself in more and different types of social situations, you will be more comfortable with a variety of social interactions, including romantic interest, flirting, and everything in between. Sorry, there aren't any shortcuts, you can't JUST practice being comfortable with romantic interest, not unless you hire someone to do simulation runs with you and pretend to be interested in you.

Escorts? You don't have to have sex with them, you pay for their company

[kaylan]

I cant believe the unrealistic responses in this thread. A man and a womans looks will determine who and how people talk to them. Its a fact of life. People are nicer and more open to folks theyre attracted to.

Girls notice when you're only talking to/chatting up a small number of pretty girls in the class and ignoring the rest. It is creepy. It makes us think you're only interested in sex.

False. If these women find a guy attractive, it wont be creepy.

I'm a thin/average body shape girl. If I'm in a dance class and I see you making the fat girl over the hall smile and laugh, I think "ha, he must be a pretty cool dude, he's making sure his partner has fun. Can't wait till it's my turn to dance with him cos we'll have fun too".

Youll only say this if the guy is at least somewhat attractive to you. Lets be real.

If I see you ignoring the fat girls, or just giving them less attention than the thin girls, I'm more likely to think "creep alert! Clearly just here to get into someone's pants".

You wouldnt really notice who he was or wasnt talking to. Its no different than most cute girls spending time with good looking guys. However, I dont take notice of it and say "gosh what a bitch...shes a creep for hanging out with guys in her league"

 

Sorry if you don't like to hear that, but it's honest. And from talking to my female friends that dance, I think they feel similarly.

 

Talk to the fat girls. Make them laugh. The thin girls will notice that. If a fat girl does get the wrong idea, you can clear up the confusion then, just tell them you enjoy their company but don't see yourselves as a couple.

Talking to fat girls wont make thin cute girls magically attracted to someone they werent initially attracted to. Im a very outgoing and personable guy myself. However, Ive had times where Ive been oblivious to everyone in a room, and had a cute gal try and chat me up for one reason or another.

That won't guarantee an instant date, by the way. But I think it will raise your chances.

Doubtful. If they dont find him attractive initially, talking to big chicks wont change this.

[Sameold]

I'm 6ft 2 and white British. I've had an awful 6 months which has torn to peices the thing I valued most in my life, my gf.

 

Don't go thinking life is easier just because you're tall, it isn't. Everyone is different. On a serious note though I would pick up on the following:

 

Are you aiming too high? You even admit your confidence is smashed with women, you arn't stereotypically great looking, you are still flunking about at school at 30 (sorry for being harsh but trying to add perspective). Ever considered lowering your standards and you might have more fun. Sure we would all like to be shagging Megan Fox or feeling up Pammy's boobs but it isn't going to happen. Why not just be the very best you can be. Get to the gym, get your school stuff nailed too and get your confidence back.

 

Also, dance class??? I'm from the UK and I'll be honest over here a guy in dance class would equal one thing normally, that he's gay. Dancing well is very unlikely to attract the kind of girls you're after in my opinion so I seriously wouldn't use this as your main hunting point.

 

It sounds like you have a few issues to deal with over your appearance and your confidence in your overall package that you could offer a girl. Work on this and in time the girl will come along, just don't be so narrow minded as most girls are going to look pretty average, just as most guys do. You fit somewhere in that category too.

[kaylan]

One more thing;

 

Trust me, its not as much about personality as many people are making it. Im not taking everything OP says at face value, but I wont dismiss the idea that his physical attributes and age will play a role in whos interested in him or not.

 

I said this once and Ill say it now. When I had longer dreads, I got much more attention from women, and now that my hair is getting longer again, I see the interest increasing. My chick friends will pet with or play with my hair while talk to me too. Not to mention that going to the gym and working on my fitness has helped too.

 

Personality does matter, but base level physical attraction is the door opener usually. And I wouldnt discount all of OPs reasoning by simply telling him hes got a desperate or creepy personality.

[ThaWholigan]

One more thing;

 

Trust me, its not as much about personality as many people are making it. Im not taking everything OP says at face value, but I wont dismiss the idea that his physical attributes and age will play a role in whos interested in him or not.

 

I said this once and Ill say it now. When I had longer dreads, I got much more attention from women, and now that my hair is getting longer again, I see the interest increasing. My chick friends will pet with or play with my hair while talk to me too. Not to mention that going to the gym and working on my fitness has helped too.

 

Personality does matter, but base level physical attraction is the door opener usually. And I wouldnt discount all of OPs reasoning by simply telling him hes got a desperate or creepy personality.

Either way, the ball is really in his court, but he's scared to hit it. That's the whole point - it's on him, not everyone else.

[SteveC80]

One more thing;

 

Trust me, its not as much about personality as many people are making it. Im not taking everything OP says at face value, but I wont dismiss the idea that his physical attributes and age will play a role in whos interested in him or not.

 

I said this once and Ill say it now. When I had longer dreads, I got much more attention from women, and now that my hair is getting longer again, I see the interest increasing. My chick friends will pet with or play with my hair while talk to me too. Not to mention that going to the gym and working on my fitness has helped too.

 

Personality does matter, but base level physical attraction is the door opener usually. And I wouldnt discount all of OPs reasoning by simply telling him hes got a desperate or creepy personality.

 

I agree looks/animal lust is much more apart of it then people want to admit

 

When i talk to a girl an she laughs at everyhting i say i know she wants to rail me and sees me as good looking meat.I know im funny but im not THAT funny

 

If youre extremely attracted to someone physically youll find something positive about their personalities think theyre funnier then they are etc as long as that person isnt a total social retard

 

At the same token no amount of great personality will make me or most people magically attracted to someone they uind unattractive

 

The people who claim that i picture as unattractive or plain themselves and what they have to do to be really attracted to someone on their looks level because its the best they can get with how they look

[kaylan]

You must hang out in the weight room. At my gym, there are more women doing cardio, and the classes I take are often 100% women.

 

Not every woman will look like a lingerie model, no matter what she does. I see these various female body types each day at the gym. I see women who work out hard and they are definitely fit, yet they aren’t thin. They don’t have that body type. You can’t change your genes.

They wont look like lingerie models because most women have no clue about how to get the look they want.

 

Cardio can be largely useless the way most women use it. They usually dont change their diet along with it. Nevermind the fact that cardio with weight lifting is LOADS better than just cardio alone. But women get tricked into fad diets and bad exercise routines that make them think weight lifting will making them look like men.

 

Nope heavy weight lifting will tone up women a lot and make them burn a lot more calories. You cant change your genes...but I do see more men working out the right way, than I see women working out properly. Its all a function of the fitness industry lying to women and telling them 30 minutes of cardio and 3 lb dumbells will make them look like models. Meanwhile many of the models they want to look like do much more than that.

[AlexDP]

I agree looks/animal lust is much more apart of it then people want to admit

 

When i talk to a girl an she laughs at everyhting i say i know she wants to rail me and sees me as good looking meat.I know im funny but im not THAT funny

 

If youre extremely attracted to someone physically youll find something positive about their personalities think theyre funnier then they are etc as long as that person isnt a total social retard

 

At the same token no amount of great personality will make me or most people magically attracted to someone they fuind unattractive

 

The people who claim that i picture as unattractive or plain themselves and what they have to do to be really attracted to someone on their looks level because its the best they can get with how they look

 

Looks are a huge part of dating, but somedude's mentality and character are so messed up that even if he'd look awesome, girls would flee. Whether or not that is a direct result of him being not so goodlooking I can't say. I do know that he can't change his height, but can change his behaviour. At least it would be one less reason for women to run, so it's an improvement.

[kaylan]

Rejecting someone for their height or for their weight is the same thing. They are both based on lack of attraction.

I disagree. Rejecting someone based on someone they cant change about themselves is a bit different. But I guess rejection is rejection though *shrug*

[xxoo]

SD's personality falls well out of the range of normal. He has no friends, and sees no need for them.

 

According a Men's Health article on the Best Places to Meet Women:

 

You're 227 percent more likely to meet a potential girlfriend through a friend or family member rather than in a bar, at the gym, or on the street.

 

Still, SD sees no need to make a few friends.

 

How is this not an issue?

[kaylan]

^Online personas are very different from real life. Im sure even the girls who I think have problems on this site, Id prolly get along with in real life. LS is a place to vent and bear your worst side. Its a different animal.

 

It is when you're like somedude. He could look like Brad Pitt, he'd still scare women away.

Far from true. I know timid guys who are quiet but cute, and girls will meet them halfway or do more of the work.

 

Also, guys who are hot to women, generally wont end up with the mentality OP has. Theyve had too much positive reinforcement to end up that way.

[AlexDP]

Far from true. I know timid guys who are quiet but cute, and girls will meet them halfway or do more of the work.

 

Also, guys who are hot to women, generally wont end up with the mentality OP has. Theyve had too much positive reinforcement to end up that way.

 

Which is why I said it could have been the result from his ugliness. However, there is no question that his mentality right now would scare women. It's not that he is quiet. He's misogynistic, yet a stalker at the same time, who blames everything and everyone but himself.

 

No woman is going to like that, no matter what he might look like.

[ThaWholigan]

^Online personas are very different from real life. Im sure even the girls who I think have problems on this site, Id prolly get along with in real life. LS is a place to vent and bear your worst side. Its a different animal.

 

 

Far from true. I know timid guys who are quiet but cute, and girls will meet them halfway or do more of the work.

 

Also, guys who are hot to women, generally wont end up with the mentality OP has. Theyve had too much positive reinforcement to end up that way.

What do you propose Somedude is to do out of curiosity?

[Imajerk17]

I like how 5'4 and 160 lb is obese. That is very close to my stats and I am a size 8 US dress, and i don't wear clothes tight. Obese is over 30% body fat and I am no where near that. (Yes checked)

 

I am not saying that you should date someone you are not attracted to. I wouldn't date someone with your stats either... That's nothing. That's normal. Standards are okay (especially if you can find many long term relationships that meet your standards)

 

BUT I have heard guys talk in dismissive terms about girls in standards I do meet, and it really is a turn off... Just FYI. Be careful of letting girls think you are insensitive or out of touch.

 

 

If bigger girls like you other girls do too though. Maybe not as many but us big chicks don't suddenly differ when we go up a clothing size.

 

 

If Somedude81 wonders why he gets the "make friends first" advice, it is because of how often he says something that gets people shaking their heads and rolling their eyes--precisely the signs of someone whose social skills need some remedial work. Somedude81, you did come across as crass in your post that runningfar responded to here. Insulting women who might have been predisposed to help you (by calling them "obese") just isn't smooth. Anyway, if you didn't MEAN to come across as crass, well that indicates you REALLY need to work on your basic social skills--the basic "make friends first" part that everyone keeps telling you about.

 

Basically SD81 I wonder how often in the real world you say something clueless that turns people off and don't even realize it. I think others subconsciously wonder that too, so it's why you keep getting the "make friends" advice you hate so much.

 

For what it is worth RF, when it comes to "looks", 5'4" 160 is perfectly fine for me and for a lot of guys, as long as the girl is in shape. I don't like to say this outright because yeah, I get that saying it outright is a turn-off. But it is kind of sad to see a perfectly nice-looking stressing about her weight/appearance (not you but perhaps someone else reading this) so I figured I'd bring it up explicitly.

 

I'm only 5'6" myself and that's definitely not everyone's cup of tea, but do I lift a lot of weights so I am strong. Overall the net result is that I do OK with the ladies.

Edited November 19, 2012 by Imajerk17

[kaylan]

What do you propose Somedude is to do out of curiosity?

Ask out girls shorter girls in his league. Simple. I havent seen his pics, but based on the threads, Im thinking he should target mostly girls who are decent weight, but merely "ok" in looks.

 

And in regards to his lack of career or a degree, he will have to find women who are the same...or women with baggage of some sort.

 

Because most educated folks with careers generally wont seriously date someone without those things in their 30s. Hell, Im 26, and I get turned off by girls in their 20s who seem to be party girls with no education and jobs with no career track.

 

I love to party, and would love to have fun with a party girl, but I wont date her seriously if she isnt educated and/or career minded as well.

[lino]

Have you got a full time job and steady flow of income yet?

 

If not, then only fat women will continue showing interest in you, if even that!

[AD1980]

I do think sdude needs a group of friends for support and to meet new people and to sharpen his social skills up because while he means well he seems to have no crass or social tact and says things that seem at times ignorant and odd but i dont think he means to come off that way hes just off socially

 

I also dont think getting women friends and friends in general is a magic pill. if they are not attracted to him.

 

Theyre are no single women left in my social circle but even when there were i had no luck and every women who knows me say im a great guy a gentleman blah blah blah but even the married ones im close with who say that never try to hook me up beause thye no most women are proably not physically attracted to me.

 

Whiel my newly divorced frined who they say is arrogant and full of himself they constantly try to hook up with women because he makes alot of money and is good looking

 

So yes most of this does have to do with looks becasue if you dont pass that physical threshold with women youre never getting your foot in the door to show how great your personality is or if you do and theyre not attracted to you they will just friendzone you

[AD1980]

Ask out girls shorter girls in his league. Simple. I havent seen his pics, but based on the threads, Im thinking he should target mostly girls who are decent weight, but merely "ok" in looks.

 

 

I agree we can pretend leagues dont exist but they do.But i disagree on the heigth thing,ive found the only women who really dont mind shorter guys are women slightly tall like around 5'7 or 5'8 because theyve had some of the same hardship short men had in getting rejected because of their height

 

Some of the biggest heightists ive found are women from around 5'2-5'6 and god forbid theyre close to a guy in height in their heels

[Meeks7]

Basically SD81 I wonder how often in the real world you say something clueless that turns people off and don't even realize it. I think others subconsciously wonder that too, so it's why you keep getting the "make friends" advice you hate so much.

 

 

Ha... I wonder this too whenever I read his posts. I remember reading the story about how he made an inappropriate ill-timed breast joke to Danielle that pretty much gave her the 'out' she was looking for in the friendship (it was already rocky at that point and she was definitely looking for that "final reason" to cut him off... he provided it to her quite well).

 

Just little things he'd write here and examples he'd give in real life make me wonder how often things simply fly over his head in real life... that he just doesn't know any better without some buddies to tell him what's what (kind of like we do... but real life friends are so much more effective since it's real time. Real time and in person changes everything... but change scares SomeDude and that's why he doesn't make the effort)

 

When episodes happen like the Danielle one, it usually wakes people up. I'm really saddened that in the past year since "D-Day" went down, he has not made any changes or strategy adoptions in his everyday life. You figured an experience like the one he had with D would have propelled him into the next (positive) chapter of his life, but he shows no signs that he learned anything at all from that experience. Not a healthy sign, IMO.

 

I don't say this to be mean, but if he continues living the way he is, alone and isolated, things are only going to get worse. While his preference for girls in their early 20's will remain the same, his age will only increase. It's already tough enough as it is, but what is he going to do when he is 33, 35? Pine after a girl he's 15 years older than and has less experience than?

 

By now, I thought the Danielle episode would have given him a stark reality check -- one that prompts him onto a self-discovery journey where he battles and comes out stronger for it. But that whole thing just flew over his head. No lessons of true value (on life or the opposite sex) were learned. He hasn't had a "friend" like D in the last year. He's stuck where he is, except he's getting older. Eventually, if he doesn't step up his game for a lack of a better term, he will regress and regret wasting this valuable time. Better to start righting the ship at age 31, than it is to at 34 or 35.

[somedude81]

Also, guys who are hot to women, generally wont end up with the mentality OP has. Theyve had too much positive reinforcement to end up that way.

Bingo.

 

All I've ever gotten in my life from women is negative reinforcement.

 

If I actually had some relationship experience my mentality would be much different then it is now.

 

 

 

It is when you're like somedude. He could look like Brad Pitt, he'd still scare women away.

I don't even scare women away now.

 

I had about 5 girls talking to me in the dance class today. They must be doing it out of fear. Afraid that if they don't give me attention that I'd eat them. And yes a few of them were the girls from the party.

 

Girls have no issue being friendly with me. So all I'm missing is that hook that makes them want to be more. Being taller (and possibly better looking,) could be that hook. But my physically attractiveness isn't going to change so I need to find the other things.

 

I don't know if I should see being able to attract the plus size girls as a good sign.

Edited November 19, 2012 by somedude81

[Meeks7]

All I've ever gotten in my life from women is negative reinforcement.

 

If I actually had some relationship experience my mentality would be much different then it is now.

 

It is clear your first sentence has hung over your head all your life. It's created serious mental issues for you, and I recommend seeking a therapist to help you process things. Sharing it with a forum is nice, but you need to share this with a trained professional who can give you immediate, real-time, professional feedback.

[xxoo]

Girls have no issue being friendly with me. So all I'm missing is that hook that makes them want to be more. Being taller (and possibly better looking,) would be that hook.

 

Yet other men your height and attractiveness date plenty.

 

Why them and not you?

[AD1980]

Bingo.

 

All I've ever gotten in my life from women is negative reinforcement.

 

If I actually had some relationship experience my mentality would be much different then it is now.

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah i dont see how people can expect guys like us to go 30 plus year with no positive reinforcement from women and somehow be "confident"

[ThaWholigan]

Do you need the reinforcement?

 

Don't rely on it.

[Lonely Ronin]

Yeah i dont see how people can expect guys like us to go 30 plus year with no positive reinforcement from women and somehow be "confident"

 

That's an easy answer, we expect you to address the blatantly obvious issues you have, and then take babe steps to get to where you want to be.