Only bigger women have been into me.

[AD1980]

Do you need the reinforcement?

 

Don't rely on it.

 

If i knew a women foumd me attractive then id think to myself well there must be at least some women then who find something about me attractive maybe its worth it for me to face all these rejections because i know ill eventually get a yes

 

Being 32 and never having that will f with your confidence and self esteem majorly in the dating game i dotn know why that would shock or surprise you

[xxoo]

All I've ever gotten in my life from women is negative reinforcement.

 

Wait.....

 

had about 5 girls talking to me in the dance class today.

 

Girls have no issue being friendly with me.

 

I don't know if I should see being able to attract the plus size girls as a good sign.

 

Aren't all those things positive reinforcement from women?

[Sun Devil]

Maybe Somedude81 should start treating women like crap. Whatever he is doing, it is not working and will never work. He mentioned that he tried pua. I want to know why that did not work. I also mentioned that guys who treat women like crap never stay single for long, even if they are not good looking

[somedude81]

It is clear your first sentence has hung over your head all your life. It's created serious mental issues for you, and I recommend seeking a therapist to help you process things. Sharing it with a forum is nice, but you need to share this with a trained professional who can give you immediate, real-time, professional feedback.

I've seen about five therapists so far. They've all tried various ways to help me get over it.

Yet other men your height and attractiveness date plenty.

 

Why them and not you?

First off all, lets not try and deny that height isn't a handicap. Yes some guys who are short to manage to attract women. I bet they'd do even better if they were tall.

 

A guy who is good looking and tall simply doesn't have to work as hard.

 

Another major piece that I am missing is my lack of relationship experience. I don't have any confidence nor the knowledge of what I'm doing.

 

I'll go back to the question.

 

"Yet other men your height and attractiveness date plenty.

 

Why them and not you?"

 

Another good answer that I thought of, "Because they've dated before." They know how girls work, how to attract them and get the ball rolling.

 

I'm pretty sure that if I managed to get a GF in High School or Jr. college through dumb luck or whatever, I would have been able to get a GF in this school because I'd have learned how the game works and what women need.

 

Yeah i dont see how people can expect guys like us to go 30 plus year with no positive reinforcement from women and somehow be "confident"

Yeah it doesn't seem possible, I basically have to figure everything out from ground zero and I don't have anything going for me that gives me an edge.

[ThaWholigan]

If i knew a women foumd me attractive then id think to myself well there must be at least some women then who find something about me attractive maybe its worth it for me to face all these rejections because i know ill eventually get a yes

 

Being 32 and never having that will f with your confidence and self esteem majorly in the dating game i dotn know why that would shock or surprise you

 

Well you have to do what I did and assume it. Hey presto, the chicken came before the egg .

 

Wait.....

 

 

 

Aren't all those things positive reinforcement from women?

 

Ahh but they didn't sleep with him

[Imajerk17]

Bingo.

 

All I've ever gotten in my life from women is negative reinforcement.

 

If I actually had some relationship experience my mentality would be much different then it is now.

 

 

 

 

I don't even scare women away now.

 

I had about 5 girls talking to me in the dance class today. They must be doing it out of fear. Afraid that if they don't give me attention that I'd eat them. And yes a few of them were the girls from the party.

 

Girls have no issue being friendly with me. So all I'm missing is that hook that makes them want to be more. Being taller (and possibly better looking,) could be that hook. But my physically attractiveness isn't going to change so I need to find the other things.

 

I don't know if I should see being able to attract the plus size girls as a good sign.

 

Well, you were already told by a bunch of us to suggest hanging out away from class. If they are really that responsive to you in class, they likely will hang out with you after class. If they have boyfriends, you can still exchange FB info or something.

 

They might not go out with you for a number of reasons but if they think well of you, maybe you will get to meet their friends.

 

Anyway, as I mentioned before, it's really hard to tell where you are at because in one thread, you present yourself as "having no friends" and in another thread you say you have no problem making friends. The story keeps changing. So we're trying to pin down this hidden target and give advice for that, which is damn near impossible. Someone to talk to on the phone would be much better.

 

And on that note, didn't Meeks and Beth offer to have someone talk to you over the phone? What ever came of that?

Edited November 19, 2012 by Imajerk17

[xxoo]

"Yet other men your height and attractiveness date plenty.

 

Why them and not you?"

 

Another good answer that I thought of, "Because they've dated before." They know how girls work, how to attract them and get the ball rolling.

 

I'm pretty sure that if I managed to get a GF in High School or Jr. college through dumb luck or whatever, I would have been able to get a GF in this school because I'd have learned how the game works and what women need.

 

So you are just "unlucky". It can't have anything to do with things you failed to learn in HS or college, through observing peers and forging friendships, that left you far behind.

 

Ahh but they didn't sleep with him

 

Goes back to the concern that women are only valuable as sex partners, not as people.

[ThaWholigan]

So you are just "unlucky". It can't have anything to do with things you failed to learn in HS or college, through observing peers and forging friendships, that left you far behind.

 

 

 

Goes back to the concern that women are only valuable as sex partners, not as people.

Well - in his own words, the only thing he wants in his life is a GF since he was 13. Nothing else probably mattered then, probably doesn't now.

[xxoo]

Well - in his own words, the only thing he wants in his life is a GF since he was 13. Nothing else probably mattered then, probably doesn't now.

 

Therapy. STAT!

[Meeks7]

I've seen about five therapists so far. They've all tried various ways to help me get over it.

 

Why not try a 6th, then? Therapy can be like dating. You just click with some, but you don't click with most. Keep trying until you find the right fit. Just make sure you give it a legitimate chance. Stick with it!

 

 

And on that note, didn't Meeks and Beth offer to have someone talk to you over the phone? What ever came of that?

 

I offered him a free Skype session with a close female friend of mine, who is 29 years old. Attractive, too, if that matters. I also offered him to meet up with another friend of mine (a professional) who lives in the SoCal area (where SomeDude lives) at a coffee shop just to chat.

 

At first, he said "Yeah maybe, sounds cool."

 

When I actually proposed a tangible date, he suddenly shot me down. Gave me his reasons. It shocked me, but at the same time it didn't as well. I know far too many people in real life who talk a big game, but when it comes down to it, they are just too comfortable living in their bubble. It's the only thing they know, and they cling to it despite claiming how much change they want in their life. The thing is, they want change with NO change in their attitudes/behavior/lifestyle. And that just isn't realistic.

[ThaWholigan]

it could be because change may be overrated. There are many benefits to staying the way you are, for the rest of your life. Change may bring you to change who you really are, in to what others want you to be.....very scary.

If that's the case then he needs to be patient and stop complaining (and actually go and ask out more women) if change is so overrated - otherwise, he might need to start figuring out what he needs to change, it might not require an entire overhaul - just tweaks.

[somedude81]

Wait.....

 

 

 

Aren't all those things positive reinforcement from women?

Come on xxoo, you know what I mean.

 

Yes it's nice to have girls talking to me and getting attention in class, but when that is as good as it gets, who would be happy with just that?

 

The equivalent is going to a pizzeria while you are completely starving. Your friend takes a pepperoni from the pizza and gives it to you. You get nothing else that evening.

 

Would you be perfectly fine with that?

 

Well, you were already told by a bunch of us to suggest hanging out away from class. If they are really that responsive to you in class, they likely will hang out with you after class. If they have boyfriends, you can still exchange FB info or something.

 

They might not go out with you for a number of reasons but if they think well of you, maybe you will get to meet their friends.

Ok, it was four girls, I could be forgetting one.

 

Two of them are plus size and I'd have no interest in hanging out with them.

 

Another girl I know has a BF. She was one of the girls I was going to ask out. I'm not sure why I should exchange FB's with her. I don't want to risk feeling anything for her and should probably limit my contact with her because she's my type.

 

The other girl is cute and I don't know if she's single or not. And while this may be a minor gripe, she always wears this nose ring that just does not look good on her. I do not like facial jewelry at all and it doesn't even match her image.

Anyway, as I mentioned before, it's really hard to tell where you are at because in one thread, you present yourself as "having no friends" and in another thread you say you have no problem making friends. The story keeps changing. So we're trying to pin down this hidden target and give advice for that, which is damn near impossible. Someone to talk to on the phone would be much better.

Nope the story has not changed.

 

I have no desire to make platonic only female friends. I'm actively trying to avoid making platonic female friends.

[iris219]

I don't know if I should see being able to attract the plus size girls as a good sign.

 

I don't see it as a bad sign.

 

What would you say if an average looking woman who didn’t have a degree, a full-time job, or relationship experience was on here complaining about the fact that only short men were attracted to her and she couldn’t get a BF? What would you tell her? How would you feel about her situation?

[Meeks7]

Also, the reason why I offered SomeDude the chance to speak with my two professional friends is because I was reading one of his threads where he literally wrote this:

 

"WHAT I REALLY NEED NOW IS SOMEONE I CAN TALK TO ABOUT ALL OF THIS"

 

I then contacted my 29 year old, SKINNY attractive female friend, ask if she would be willing to Skype with him, and she said "Absolutely!"

 

So when it came time to squaring out a date, SomeDude turned it down all of a sudden, after saying "Cool, yeah I'll think about it." All of this despite his claim "WHAT I REALLY NEED NOW IS SOMEONE I CAN TALK TO ABOUT ALL OF THIS."

 

Which told me a lot about who he is, online persona, real life person. He doesn't know what he wants. I feel sorry for him. His attitude is his own biggest enemy.

 

Actions speak louder than words...

[Sun Devil]

I guess somedude81 is not as confident as he thinks. I am starting to believe that he is too stubborn to change. That would explain why pua failed for him. He was not willing to improve himself so nothing changed.

Edited November 19, 2012 by Sun Devil

[Mme. Chaucer]

it could be because change may be overrated. There are many benefits to staying the way you are, for the rest of your life.

 

The main one being that you can be pretty sure of all aspects of your life going in a similar way to how they are right now, for the rest of your life. Except you'll be getting old.

 

You could be like an old toddler.

[AD1980]

 

 

 

Goes back to the concern that women are only valuable as sex partners, not as people.

 

I dont think thats totally fair while i agree sd needs friends when you cant attract women at all having a women interested in you as a friend is not the same as if she was interested in you romantically

 

My friends wives love me call me a gentleman really nice guy etc but that doesnt help me attract single women,doesnt mean i dont value their friendship but i want somebody to actually want me

[pteromom]

she always wears this nose ring that just does not look good on her. I do not like facial jewelry at all and it doesn't even match her image.

 

???

 

So if someone was into you and would be an excellent gf, you'd turn it down due to a nose ring? I find this very odd.

 

You seem to be a bit of an enigma to me. You say that having a gf is the most important thing to you, but you seem to find reasons to turn down any possibilities. Are you just waiting for someone who is perfect? If so, you may be waiting a long time.

[Sun Devil]

AD1980, what do you do to attract women. Do you use pua? Are you confident? you might be too nice to women.

[Ross MwcFan]

???

 

So if someone was into you and would be an excellent gf, you'd turn it down due to a nose ring? I find this very odd.

 

You seem to be a bit of an enigma to me. You say that having a gf is the most important thing to you, but you seem to find reasons to turn down any possibilities. Are you just waiting for someone who is perfect? If so, you may be waiting a long time.

 

It is quite strange. I would've thought that someone who thought getting a gf was the most important thing in the world, wouldn't be turning down women just because they're a bit overweight or have nose rings.

[somedude81]

???

 

So if someone was into you and would be an excellent gf, you'd turn it down due to a nose ring? I find this very odd.

 

You seem to be a bit of an enigma to me. You say that having a gf is the most important thing to you, but you seem to find reasons to turn down any possibilities. Are you just waiting for someone who is perfect? If so, you may be waiting a long time.

Yeah it does seem odd.

 

Though how would you feel if you were looking for a guy to date and you met a great guy who looks nice and clean but had a skull and bones tattooed on his forehead?

[pteromom]

It is quite strange. I would've thought that someone who thought getting a gf was the most important thing in the world, wouldn't be turning down women just because they're a bit overweight or have nose rings.

 

I agree. Now if he was saying he was very happy with his life, and doesn't want to settle for less than the perfect woman, otherwise he will be happily single, I could support that choice.

 

And I understand not being attracted to someone who is overweight. He can't help it if he doesn't find fat attractive.

 

But the nose ring is what pushed me over the edge. It's such a silly little thing. And it's removable. But even if she didn't want to remove it, I don't get it. If she was loving and giving and passionate and kind, none of that would matter because every time he looked at her, he would just see NOSE RING?

 

I don't get it. I truly don't.

 

Nobody is going to be perfect. SD, what if you met a great woman, you started going out with her, and she decided to get a nose ring? Would you break up?

[pteromom]

Yeah it does seem odd.

 

Though how would you feel if you were looking for a guy to date and you met a great guy who looks nice and clean but had a skull and bones tattooed on his forehead?

 

A skull-and-bones tattooed on someone's forehead is an extreme example though. That's head-turning weird. A better correlation would be a guy with a tattoo on his arm, or a guy with a pierced ear. I don't think I would completely write someone off for that.

[Mme. Chaucer]

So, SD …

 

Are there any changes you are actually willing to make?

 

Maybe some things along the lines of taking other peoples' words for some things even though you don't see it for yourself?

 

Seems like you've been going along pretty much just like this for about 15 years.

 

YOU ARE NOT HAPPY MAINTAINING YOUR STATUS QUO. So … why?

[somedude81]

A skull-and-bones tattooed on someone's forehead is an extreme example though. That's head-turning weird.

That's how I saw her nose ring.

 

Nobody in the class has any piece of facial jewelery.

 

At the start of the class she wasn't even wearing and one day she just had it in her nose. It looks like an unused staple coming out the bottom of her nose.

 

Facial jewelry and tattoos in bad places are my main pet peeves for women looks.

 

And no, just because a girl doesn't have any of the above doesn't make her perfect it just makes her more normal.

 

Most girls don't have metal coming out of their face and tattoos on their chest.