Only bigger women have been into me.

[Ross MwcFan]

I must admit, rings in the nose, lip, eye brow, or cheek, do look really minging. It was something that seemed to be fashionable in the late 90's.

 

I definatley wouldn't turn a girl down for it though, I mean, it's not going to turn an attractive face into an ugly one, not that I'm saying somedude shouldn't be turning girls down for it.

[Lonely Ronin]

Another girl I know has a BF. She was one of the girls I was going to ask out. I'm not sure why I should exchange FB's with her. I don't want to risk feeling anything for her and should probably limit my contact with her because she's my type.

 

This sounds like something an alcoholic who says he's recovered but really isn't would say. "I can't be around alcohol, because I can't help myself".

 

How are you supposed to get better about interacting with women that are your type, if you can't interact with them on a social level?

[iris219]

 

What would you say if an average looking woman who didn’t have a degree, a full-time job, or relationship experience was on here complaining about the fact that only short men were attracted to her and she couldn’t get a BF? What would you tell her? How would you feel about her situation?

 

Somedude, I'm curious to hear your response.

[somedude81]

Somedude, I'm curious to hear your response.

Why the hell is she even complaining that short men want her?

[xxoo]

I thought you only had one requirement for a girlfriend?

 

Now a misplaced piercing or tattoo is a dealbreaker?

 

You are very easily turned off for a man so desperate. I start to wonder if you really want what you say you want, or if you are secretly terrified and find ways to sabotage yourself so you don't actually have to be in a situation of true intimacy.

[xxoo]

Why the hell is she even complaining that short men want her?

 

duh, because the tall men she's exclusively attracted to don't want her!

 

She can't help what she's attracted to. Just men over 5'10". What advice to you have for her?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Why the hell is she even complaining that short men want her?

 

Why are you even complaining that "bigger" women want YOU??

 

Are you capable, at all, of trying to see things from a different perspective?

[iris219]

Why the hell is she even complaining that short men want her?

 

Sometimes I think you're feigning confusion. If you're not, that's scary.

 

If it makes more sense to you, replace the word short with overweight in the scenario. What would you tell this woman?

[IT Geek]

That's how I saw her nose ring.

Facial jewelry and tattoos in bad places are my main pet peeves for women looks.

 

And no, just because a girl doesn't have any of the above doesn't make her perfect it just makes her more normal.

 

Who's definition of normal are you using?

 

I used to feel the same way and then met someone through a dinner club that just blew me away. She has one of the infamous "tramp stamps". For the first time in my life, I actually would have gong out with a girl with a tattoo. It says nothing of her inner self. She's a great lady, kind, compassionate, a bit of a geek. However, she has absolutely no interest in me romantically. But if she did, I'd be all over her in a heartbeat, tattoo or not.

[ThaWholigan]

One of these days, Somedude is going to fall in love with a chubby girl with a lip ring and a titty tattoo

[Meeks7]

You are very easily turned off for a man so desperate. I start to wonder if you really want what you say you want, or if you are secretly terrified and find ways to sabotage yourself so you don't actually have to be in a situation of true intimacy.

 

+1. I've sensed this about him for a year now. I see nothing but constant self-sabotage and a fear of true intimacy. That's why he has no friends. That's why he keeps the focus off him in real life (i.e. only willing to discuss the fluff, as he himself admitted).

 

Quite frankly, I'd be shocked if he suddenly makes a 180. He seems hell-bent on continuing his life the way it is. Very sad.

 

 

Sometimes I think you're feigning confusion. If you're not, that's scary.

 

Yup, there have been dozens of replies he responded to where he asked a follow-up question to something SO VERY OBVIOUS. Like, things just fly over his head. It makes me concerned because if he seriously can't make such simple correlations, that would explain a lot of why he experiences little success in real life.

 

Again, the most real thing we can draw upon was his set of interactions with Danielle from last year. Any of us could see he was smothering her and not respecting her boundaries. We all saw the implosion of that "friendship" coming a mile away. Everyone except SomeDude. Like a bull in a china shop, he drove that "friendship" to the ground, and she responded by telling him to basically butt out of her life for good.

 

He claims they were great friends with so much in common.

 

But look at the reality. For a 21-year-old girl still discovering who she is to tell a 31-year-old to butt out of her life for good... you know she was pushed to the edge and then some. it speaks volumes, and with everything else he has indicated through his posts, he lacks self-awareness and lacks social cues, the ability to read a situation and respond accordingly.

 

It's been sad to witness, but you just can't help but be compelled to watch to see what happens next. In some ways I feel we are enabling him, but I think most of us have good intentions. We try to repeat things so often that maybe 10% of what we say will stick and somehow manifest in his real life. Yet it doesn't, and the cycle continues.

[Meeks7]

Some dude seems like he has some learning disability or perhaps asperegers or something because he doesnt seem to get simple common sense social things,he seems to have the social logic of a 12 year old

 

Aspergers crossed my mind a while back with SomeDude. He exhibits the following a lot, which is what people with Aspergers display frequently:

 

1. Socially and emotionally inappropriate behavior

2. Limited interests or preoccupation with a subject

3. Repetitive behaviors or rituals;

4. Peculiarities in speech and language;

5. Problems with nonverbal communication

6. Lack of empathy

7. Clumsy and uncoordinated motor movements

8. Inflexibility or rigid thinking

9. Fear of changes; sameness in daily routines

 

He has displayed them in such ways

 

1. see Danielle episode, among others

2. Only goal is wanting a GF, since age 13

3. self-explanatory

5. Can't read body language from others

6. We've discussed this many times

8. See his "This is not about topic X" responses

9. Bingo

 

Not saying he has Aspergers, but he frighteningly displays those traits. He claims he was tested a while back and came out normal, but I don't know. His credibility is not exactly top-tier. I don't know what's going on with him, but obviously there are severe unaddressed issues. Issues which, if left unattended to, will create a much larger conflict for him going forward than simply "I can't get a GF!"

[somedude81]

This sounds like something an alcoholic who says he's recovered but really isn't would say. "I can't be around alcohol, because I can't help myself".

 

How are you supposed to get better about interacting with women that are your type, if you can't interact with them on a social level?

What I'm a recovering from?

 

I can interact with her on a social level.

 

The issue is that in my mind, she's at the point where I want to ask her out but since it's obviously not possible, I need to not talk to her as much as I normally do. Basically to return her to neutral in my mind.

 

I'm sure you'll find some way to attack me about this and I don't care.

 

I thought you only had one requirement for a girlfriend?

 

Now a misplaced piercing or tattoo is a dealbreaker?

 

You are very easily turned off for a man so desperate. I start to wonder if you really want what you say you want, or if you are secretly terrified and find ways to sabotage yourself so you don't actually have to be in a situation of true intimacy.

No it's not a dealbreaker, but it's still a minor distraction that makes her lose a point or two.

 

Thankfully very few women wear facial jewelry so in the vast majority of cases it's a non issue.

 

I don't see how me not liking metal on girls faces equals me sabotaging myself.

 

I could just imagine her asking if I like her nose ring and I'd probably flat out tell her that it looks ugly. I'm sure she'd like that

duh' date=' because the tall men she's exclusively attracted to [i']don't[/i] want her!

 

She can't help what she's attracted to. Just men over 5'10". What advice to you have for her?

To stop being so shallow and realize that being short is something the man has no control over and it's in no way a representation of his character or lifestyles choices.

If it makes more sense to you, replace the word short with overweight in the scenario. What would you tell this woman?

The problem is that both scenarios are ridiculous.

 

I've never heard of a woman that only attracts short men or overweight men.

 

Women, no matter what their appearance or background, attract a wide variety of men. Then she chooses which of those men she wants.

 

For some reason, I have attracted nothing but overweight women. It makes absolutely no sense to me that that is the case. If I can attract overweight women, I should be able to attract average weight women as well. For some reason that is not the case.

Some dude seems like he has some learning disability or perhaps asperegers or something because he doesnt seem to get simple common sense social things,he seems to have the social logic of a 12 year old

Can you back that up? Or are you just talking sh*t?

[somedude81]

Aspergers crossed my mind a while back with SomeDude. He exhibits the following a lot, which is what people with Aspergers display frequently:

 

1. Socially and emotionally inappropriate behavior

2. Limited interests or preoccupation with a subject

3. Repetitive behaviors or rituals;

4. Peculiarities in speech and language;

5. Problems with nonverbal communication

6. Lack of empathy

7. Clumsy and uncoordinated motor movements

8. Inflexibility or rigid thinking

9. Fear of changes; sameness in daily routines

 

He has displayed them in such ways

 

1. see Danielle episode, among others

2. Only goal is wanting a GF, since age 13

3. self-explanatory

5. Can't read body language from others

6. We've discussed this many times

8. See his "This is not about topic X" responses

9. Bingo

 

Not saying he has Aspergers, but he frighteningly displays those traits. He claims he was tested a while back and came out normal, but I don't know. His credibility is not exactly top-tier. I don't know what's going on with him, but obviously there are severe unaddressed issues. Issues which, if left unattended to, will create a much larger conflict for him going forward than simply "I can't get a GF!"

Oh my God

 

We got an armchair therapist over here!

 

Quick everybody tell Meeks your problems because he has all the answers!

 

Dude you got some serious issues to try and analyze me so deeply. Maybe you should get a hobby?

[Sameold]

Problem is SD that some girls are just big and this doesn't always mean they sit there stuffing their face. And yes some girls might think "jeeez, where is my 6ft 2' man who can whisk me away" and bemoan the fact that all the guys around her are short and not manly enough for her. You are doing the same with these girls, thinking that they are sub standard women in relation to the thinner female. Well are you a sub-standard man due to your height?

 

You seem to be very uncomfortable in your own skin and for that I feel sorry for you and wish we could help but we can't. I will tell you one thing and that is you will never have any decent relationship/dating with a girl until you are more satisfied with yourself. You seem to link your happiness/life to co-dependency with some girl that doesn't even exist. That is not the way to play this game and is a clear route to failure.

 

Girls would run a mile if they knew all these deep seated issues you have. You need to sort them out mate. Finish your education, make some friends, get a job and start looking again would be my advice but look in circles of people more around your own age. Also why not try a dating website? That would put you in more mutual situations with girls you have seen and like as they will have seen you too.

Edited November 20, 2012 by Sameold

[iris219]

 

To stop being so shallow and realize that being short is something the man has no control over and it's in no way a representation of his character or lifestyles choices.

 

Oh the irony.

 

The problem is that both scenarios are ridiculous.

 

I've never heard of a woman that only attracts short men or overweight men.

 

Women, no matter what their appearance or background, attract a wide variety of men. Then she chooses which of those men she wants.

 

If you don't want to address my question, just say you don't want to. There's no reason to talk around the question to try to avoid it.

 

It doesn't matter anyway. I know what you'd tell the woman in my scenario.

 

For some reason, I have attracted nothing but overweight women. It makes absolutely no sense to me that that is the case. If I can attract overweight women, I should be able to attract average weight women as well. For some reason that is not the case.

 

When we aren't attracting who we want, we may have to reevaluate our standards, or accept being alone.

 

Notice that I complain about not having a lot of options when it comes to dating, but I have never complained about men not finding me attractive. When I meet single men, I easily attract the ones I'm attracted to. If there's a disconnect here for you, you may have to think about how realistic you're being, and make sure you're honest with yourself.

 

Most people know who they can attract and who they can't. Lucky for me, I'm very attracted to those who also find me attractive, and those who find me attractive are men whose attractiveness level (and I don't just mean physical here) is generally equal to or a little below my own.

[xxoo]

I could just imagine her asking if I like her nose ring and I'd probably flat out tell her that it looks ugly. I'm sure she'd like that

 

That's what a young teen would say.

 

A man your age should have better social skills than that.

 

To stop being so shallow and realize that being short is something the man has no control over and it's in no way a representation of his character or lifestyles choices.

 

How does she stop being so shallow? How does she change what she is attracted to?

 

So your attraction to thin women isn't shallow, it is based on character and lifestyle?

 

Because thin women have such great character and lifestyle?

[somedude81]

Problem is SD that some girls are just big and this doesn't always mean they sit there stuffing their face.

They got that way somehow.

 

I just don't believe that the majority of plus size women I meet are that way because of a medical condition and are unable to lose the weight.

 

The girl I was obsessed with, used to be very overweight, then she decided she didn't want to fat any more so she changed her diet, started working and she lost the weight. That is very cool to me.

 

And yes some girls might think "jeeez, where is my 6ft 2' man who can whisk me away" and bemoan the fact that all the guys around her are short and not manly enough for her. You are doing the same with these girls, thinking that they are sub standard women in relation to the thinner female. Well are you a sub-standard man due to your height?

I'm only sub-standard because of something that I have absolutely no control over.

 

If I could go to the gym everyday and do a routine that would kick my ass but would cause me to grow an inch, I'd do it without a second thought. I'd also completely change my diet to whatever was required.

 

But I'm not given that option.

 

Most women who are overweight, can lose the weight if they were dedicated.

 

BTW, I'm not even going for the top shelf girls. All I want is an average girl that's a healthy weight, who doesn't have any metal sticking out of her face.

You seem to be very uncomfortable in your own skin and for that I feel sorry for you and wish we could help but we can't.

Not even sure what's that supposed to mean.

 

I will tell you one thing and that is you will never have any decent relationship/dating with a girl until you are more satisfied with yourself. You seem to link your happiness/life to co-dependency with some girl that doesn't even exist. That is not the way to play this game and is a clear route to failure.

The only real way for me to find out if that were true or not is to get into a relationship and see for myself.

 

If I can get a GF and have a decent relationship but still be unhappy; I'll come on here and make a thread stating that I was wrong.

Girls would run a mile if they knew all these deep seated issues you have.

That's why I don't tell anybody I know IRL about my issues. I don't even talk to my parents anymore about this stuff.

 

Online is the only place where I say how I'm feeling.

 

Oh the irony.

Obviously you didn't fully read what I wrote.

 

If you don't want to address my question, just say you don't want to. There's no reason to talk around the question to try to avoid it.

I did address your question.

When we aren't attracting who we want, we may have to reevaluate our standards, or accept being alone.

As I said before, I have tried to date an overweight girl. It didn't work.

 

I know what I'm attracted to and what turns me off.

 

Would you want to be in a relationship with a man who is obviously not attracted to you?

Notice that I complain about not having a lot of options when it comes to dating, but I have never complained about men not finding me attractive. When I meet single men, I easily attract the ones I'm attracted to. If there's a disconnect here for you, you may have to think about how realistic you're being, and make sure you're honest with yourself.

Odds are you don't have any problem attracting men, so you have nothing to complain about.

 

Most people know who they can attract and who they can't. Lucky for me, I'm very attracted to those who also find me attractive, and those who find me attractive are men whose attractiveness level (and I don't just mean physical here) is generally equal to or a little below my own.

In other words, my physical attractiveness level is roughly equivalent to an overweight woman.

 

And no matter how hard I work to change that, it would never be successful.

 

That's what a young teen would say.

 

A man your age should have better social skills than that.

What should I do? Lie and tell her that I think it looks nice?

 

The best possible response I can think of is to change the subject.

 

How does she stop being so shallow? How does she change what she is attracted to?

She can't.

 

If she's not attracted to short men, then she shouldn't pay any attention to people telling her to date them.

 

So your attraction to thin women isn't shallow

Being attracted to thin women is the norm for most types of men. That's just how it is. Yes, some men do prefer plus size women to thin women, but they aren't the majority.

Because thin women have such great character and lifestyle?

I'm really trying to avoid bashing overweight women here.

 

No matter what I say, somebody is going to get offended.

 

It all comes down to one belief I have, being overweight is a choice. That goes for both women and men. If one doesn't have a medical condition which prevents them from losing weight, then they are choosing to be overweight. Also, aside from some medical condition, people don't just wake up one day and realize they are overweight. It was the things they were doing that got them that way.

 

I know that it's not a PC thing to say but that doesn't mean that it is untrue.

[Lonely Ronin]

I can interact with her on a social level.

 

The issue is that in my mind, she's at the point where I want to ask her out but since it's obviously not possible, I need to not talk to her as much as I normally do. Basically to return her to neutral in my mind.

 

I'm sure you'll find some way to attack me about this and I don't care.

 

 

First off it's not an attack, it's a very valid point, and I'm sure a few other people will back me up on this.

 

 

This is what you said.

Another girl I know has a BF. She was one of the girls I was going to ask out. I'm not sure why I should exchange FB's with her. I don't want to risk feeling anything for her and should probably limit my contact with her because she's my type.

 

She's your type, but since she has a BF, you're going to back away from her or at-least interact with her a lot less socially. Most single adults run into this situation, on a decent bases. Most people automatically recognize the situation and check themselves. This allows them to continue on in a friendship, and benefit from it socially.

 

What you are doing is removing a potential temptation from your life, because you fear not being able to control yourself. This is exactly what an addict does. It doesn't matter if it's alcohol, drugs, gambling, porn, cigarettes etc, the issue is the same. Instead, of determining what the real problem is and concurring it, they work around it. A perfect example of this is a friend I have that's recently stopped smoking.

 

Do you understand what I am saying now?

[somedude81]

She's your type, but since she has a BF, you're going to back away from her or at-least interact with her a lot less socially. Most single adults run into this situation, on a decent bases. Most people automatically recognize the situation and check themselves. This allows them to continue on in a friendship, and benefit from it socially.

What do you mean check themselves?

 

How is that different from me wanting to limit contact with her?

 

Don't forget that I'm currently in the LFG mindset, (looking for girl) and I'm really only seeing girls in terms if they are dateable or not.

 

What you are doing is removing a potential temptation from your life, because you fear not being able to control yourself. This is exactly what an addict does. It doesn't matter if it's alcohol, drugs, gambling, porn, cigarettes etc, the issue is the same. Instead, of determining what the real problem is and concurring it, they work around it. A perfect example of this is a friend I have that's recently stopped smoking.

 

Do you understand what I am saying now?

I don't understand how removing the temptation is a bad thing.

 

If your friend recently stopped smoking, he should avoid cigarettes. Maybe there is some deeper psychology and he should be around cigarettes and even have one to prove that he isn't addicted but that just seems silly to me.

[xxoo]

What should I do? Lie and tell her that I think it looks nice?

 

The best possible response I can think of is to change the subject.

 

The point is that you don't know what to do. It just highlights your social deficits.

 

I'm really trying to avoid bashing overweight women here.

 

No matter what I say, somebody is going to get offended.

 

It all comes down to one belief I have, being overweight is a choice. That goes for both women and men. If one doesn't have a medical condition which prevents them from losing weight, then they are choosing to be overweight. Also, aside from some medical condition, people don't just wake up one day and realize they are overweight. It was the things they were doing that got them that way.

 

I know that it's not a PC thing to say but that doesn't mean that it is untrue.

 

But---so what? Why is weight such a big issue for you (no pun intended), when the thin girl might also have many bad habits?

 

Look, I'm thin. I'm not offended. But I can't wrap my head around this aversion to fat. So what if someone chooses to be happy fat? They might be an amazing person who doesn't really care so much about being thin--too busy saving the world and spreading love and happiness, but you seem to see FAT first and foremost.

[somedude81]

The point is that you don't know what to do. It just highlights your social deficits.

So be it, I don't know how to handle all situations.

 

BTW, what is the right answer to, "Do you like my nose ring?"

 

 

But---so what? Why is weight such a big issue for you (no pun intended), when the thin girl might also have many bad habits?

 

Look, I'm thin. I'm not offended. But I can't wrap my head around this aversion to fat. So what if someone chooses to be happy fat? They might be an amazing person who doesn't really care so much about being thin--too busy saving the world and spreading love and happiness, but you seem to see FAT first and foremost.

Maybe it's just me trying to put a logical explanation to why I'm turned off by overweight women.

 

I also know that women can lose the weight and dramatically improve their appearance, and it just seems odd that they don't want to do it. It's almost a shame to see an overweight girl with a pretty face. Makes me want to take her to the gym so her beauty can shine.

 

Pictures make everything better

 

To me an overweight girls is like this car

 

Put in some serious work and dedication and it becomes this

 

Who would be happy with the first car?

 

(Both cars are Jaguar XK120 Roadster's, 1950's )

[xxoo]

So be it, I don't know how to handle all situations.

 

BTW, what is the right answer to, "Do you like my nose ring?"

 

There are dozens of right answers. Your hypothetical answer was not one of them, unless you are trying to offend her.

 

I also know that women can lose the weight and dramatically improve their appearance, and it just seems odd that they don't want to do it.

 

People change and improve themselves when the discomfort of remaining the same outweighs the discomfort of making the effort.

 

As a person who refuses to work on your social network, you are a perfect example.

 

If a girl is getting plenty of attention from men while fat, she might not see any reason to change until it begins to affect her health (if it does).

 

If you were getting attention from women, I could see you staying the same. But you're not. So why don't you change?

[Meeks7]

We got an armchair therapist over here!

 

Speaking of therapists, did your sessions go like this?

 

Therapist: Hi.

 

SomeDude81: Hi.

 

T: Let's talk about your childhood today.

 

SD: I'm not here to talk about ____ in this thread. Please stay on topic.

 

T: Um, OK. What do you want to talk about?

 

SD: Girls. And my childhood has nothing to do with girls.

 

T: Are you sure?

 

SD: I'm not here to talk about ___ in this thread. Please stay on topic.

 

T: Excuse me?

 

SD: I'm only here to talk about girls. Not my background, childhood, making friends or my school/career.

 

T: Well, that kind of defeats the purpose of these sessions.

 

SD: Um, you mean, you're going to try and help me have a higher sense of self-awareness?

 

T: Yes, ideally, yes.

 

SD: And give me possible solutions to work things out better in my life?

 

T: Absolutely

 

SD: Are they about girls?

 

T: Well, it's all connected.

 

SD: I'm not here to talk about ____ in this thread. Please stay on topic.

 

You quit too easily. Relationships are tough, and HARD WORK. Good luck.

[Lonely Ronin]

What do you mean check themselves?

 

How is that different from me wanting to limit contact with her?

 

Don't forget that I'm currently in the LFG mindset, (looking for girl) and I'm really only seeing girls in terms if they are date able or not.

 

 

I don't understand how removing the temptation is a bad thing.

 

By checking themselves, I mean they realize they are attracted to a person based on their initial interactions but know they are unavailable for one reason or another. They use the realization to set boundaries that they know should not be crossed. For most people this means no intimate one on one interactions, and know flirting.

 

Removing the temptation is bad for you for two reasons.

 

1. you need to learn how to moderate, control, and evaluate your feelings. This is beneficial early on in a relationship. Ever heard of someone professing their love for someone after a few dates? That's usually someone who doesn't have a good grasp on their feelings. They let themselves get ahead of themselves.

 

I've had this happen to me, A girl I once dated started talking about marriage after like 3 weeks. I was like hold up, I don't know you that well. Sure enough, she was more in love with the concept of marriage than she actually was with me.

 

Now in some cases the initial attraction you feel for someone can be very strong and in that case it's probably a good idea to not be friends with that person. However those cases are usually pretty rare.

 

2. It's bad for you, because you have no female friends. Someone posted a study earlier that shows the more mutual friends you have in common with a potential mate the better your chances are. As I've said before I've meet most of the women I've dated through a female friend. Hell, I meet my best bud through a woman I dated for a short while. You need to form a larger more divers social circle. You also need to form some bonds with people you can talk to.

 

You said you don't even talk to your parents about your issues. that's a problem man, you need to have some friends you can talk with.