Only bigger women have been into me.

[Mme. Chaucer]

How would these girls even suspect that I was a loner?

 

You seem to not even have an inkling that there is a great deal going on beneath the surface in ALL OF US. And that most people are picking up on a whole bunch of what's going on with YOU when they encounter you, even if they could not put a definitive label on it.

 

Also, all that beneath the surface stuff is a huge part of what draws people together, whether for friendship or romantic relationships, and makes them stick.

[BubblyBeth]

getting friends is spot on, but one acquaintance won't cut it. a guy needs a lot of frineds, and even more acquantances. girls don't like awkward and nervous, it is worse than agressive.

 

Well, it goes back to that crawl before you walk, walk before you run idea. Right now SD needs to start building positive momentum in his life. That starts with making one acquaintance (preferably male for obvious reasons). He just needs to have someone in real life he can go beyond the fluff with, and start to get real with. Be a little vulnerable. Share life's joys and hurts together. No one is expecting him to have 100 friends by Christmas, lol. Just start off small. Make one connection and build on it.

 

That would be a step in the right direction for his life, overall.

 

 

Before I ask out a girl, I need to prepare myself for the rejection because I know it's going to come.

 

Well there ya go honey. Like the other poster already said, when you prepare to fail, you WILL fail. Let's face it, you talk about negative reinforcement from women all your life and how that has played a huge factor in "crippling" your confidence around (attractive) women. Well, if you are preparing yourself mentally to be rejected, that also really means, that deep down in your heart, you know you don't offer much to women.

 

So, what's a possible solution?

 

Expand your life horizons! Expand your skill sets! Expand your social network! Expand your prospects! Expansion, expansion, expansion. So you can offer more to girls and thus up your confidence when you ask someone out.

 

Right now, you know you live a mundane life. Let's be honest here. A guy living in an apartment who mainly stays home to watch movies and play games by himself at 31 years old... without a full time job... what have you got to offer? Remember, girls enjoy a little excitement and danger. If you're just a homebody, lacking confidence, has no friends, no full time job, and you just beat up on yourself all the time, that is really a turn off.

 

You know what's wrong with this picture. And you've been given plenty of ideas on how to right the ship slowly but surely. Yet you haven't done anything about it yet. That is why you're stuck where you are, hun.

 

 

How would these girls even suspect that I was a loner?

 

I'm not going to get into this, because I've seen you ask this question a million times. All I'll say is, how is that loner thing working out for ya? Do you get the idea yet? Also, as a lady, I don't appreciate guys who try to hide or mask things that are negative when they could instead work on it.

 

It's almost like a guy saying "How will she know if I'm two-timing her?"

 

Bottom line is, you are a 31-year-old man. If something isn't working, you need to find the solution. If it's something you're embarrassed about, and don't want the girl to know about, either stop doing it (i.e. drugs), or find a solution (i.e. expand your social network). But continuing a "bad" thing and hoping she never finds out is really, really lame.

 

Also, it's kind of one of those things SD... where you probably won't even get a chance. What I mean is, I don't think you'll be in the right mental state to ever attract a woman YOU LIKE in your current loner state. You will need to learn how to maintain healthy relationships before a girl you like ever falls for you.

 

So, it's kind of a catch-22.

 

But let's keep this simple by asking doing questions.

 

What is ONE THING you can do the rest of November, to up your overall life game/resume? Doesn't have to relate directly to girls. For example, a good answer would be "I will check out that social hangout on Saturday I found out about on that social meetup website"

[AD1980]

, artment who mainly stays home to watch movies and play games by himself at 31 years old... without a full time job... what have you got to offer? Remember, girls enjoy a little excitement and danger. If you're all the time, that is really a turn off.

 

"

 

Why the hell do women like danger?

[Lonely Ronin]

Why the hell do women like danger?

 

The same reason I like mountain biking, It's called the need to feel alive.

[BubblyBeth]

Why the hell do women like danger?

 

Just the way we are

 

I'm not saying the guy needs to be a "bad boy" or ride a motorcycle at 100 MPH. Heavens no! I'm just talking about a guy who exudes confidence and knows how to take the lead in the relationship. That is SEXY. That is a MAN who has grown up. Not a little boy anymore.

 

By danger I just mean a guy who knows variety is the spice of life. He keeps the relationship growing and isn't happy that he "already won the girl." He works on weekend plans from time to time, surprises you constantly, and keeps a lady on her toes.

 

Basically, he understands a relationship is either growing, or growing stagnant. And he constantly works toward the former, assuring that the latter does not happen.

 

Of course, every couple goes through that post-honeymoon/comfort stage, but a real man knows how to avoid hitting "auto pilot" in the relationship.

 

If a man knows how to do these things, he's a keeper.

 

Remember, I don't speak for all girls, just myself. But we girls do talk about these girls, and all my GFs agree with this line of thinking. We don't need our man to be 6 feet tall, or super handsome, or have a 6 figure job.

 

All we really want at the end of the day is someone we can:

 

-trust

-feel safe with

-laugh with

-explore life with

-respect

 

Trust is huge. Don't start off relationships with lies, even white lies.

[BubblyBeth]

good question. girls like more than a little danger. i've asked this question to some girls and i get a non answer or an answer so confusing i don't get it.

 

does my answer above help clarify things a bit?

[xxoo]

How would these girls even suspect that I was a loner?

 

It doesn't matter how, or even if they clearly understand what the issue is (that you are a loner).

 

What matters is that you don't come across like a man they want to date, and one big reason for that is your social isolation.

 

Your social isolation does limit your opportunities, and reduce your chance for success. Do you want to micro-analyze how and why, or simply accept it do something to help yourself?

[AD1980]

Just the way we are

 

I'm not saying the guy needs to be a "bad boy" or ride a motorcycle at 100 MPH. Heavens no! I'm just talking about a guy who exudes confidence and knows how to take the lead in the relationship. That is SEXY. That is a MAN who has grown up. Not a little boy anymore.

 

By danger I just mean a guy who knows variety is the spice of life. He keeps the relationship growing and isn't happy that he "already won the girl." He works on weekend plans from time to time, surprises you constantly, and keeps a lady on her toes.

 

Basically, he understands a relationship is either growing, or growing stagnant. And he constantly works toward the former, assuring that the latter does not happen.

 

Of course, every couple goes through that post-honeymoon/comfort stage, but a real man knows how to avoid hitting "auto pilot" in the relationship.

 

If a man knows how to do these things, he's a keeper.

 

Remember, I don't speak for all girls, just myself. But we girls do talk about these girls, and all my GFs agree with this line of thinking. We don't need our man to be 6 feet tall, or super handsome, or have a 6 figure job.

 

All we really want at the end of the day is someone we can:

 

-trust

-feel safe with

-laugh with

-explore life with

-respect

 

Trust is huge. Don't start off relationships with lies, even white lies.

 

So you want the man to do most of the work and heavy lifting in a relationship

[xxoo]

isn't it a lot to ask to surprise a girl 'constantly'? explain more about 'keeping her on her toes'.

 

Be an interesting person. Not an entertainer.

 

Expect the same.

[xxoo]

i don't know what you mean by be 'an interesting person'.

 

Have hobbies, goals, passions, and a social life.

[somedude81]

How would these girls even suspect that I was a loner?

You seem to not even have an inkling that there is a great deal going on beneath the surface in ALL OF US. And that most people are picking up on a whole bunch of what's going on with YOU when they encounter you, even if they could not put a definitive label on it.

 

Also, all that beneath the surface stuff is a huge part of what draws people together, whether for friendship or romantic relationships, and makes them stick.

 

I'm not going to get into this, because I've seen you ask this question a million times. All I'll say is, how is that loner thing working out for ya? Do you get the idea yet? Also, as a lady, I don't appreciate guys who try to hide or mask things that are negative when they could instead work on it.

 

It's almost like a guy saying "How will she know if I'm two-timing her?"

 

Bottom line is, you are a 31-year-old man. If something isn't working, you need to find the solution. If it's something you're embarrassed about, and don't want the girl to know about, either stop doing it (i.e. drugs), or find a solution (i.e. expand your social network). But continuing a "bad" thing and hoping she never finds out is really, really lame.

 

Also, it's kind of one of those things SD... where you probably won't even get a chance. What I mean is, I don't think you'll be in the right mental state to ever attract a woman YOU LIKE in your current loner state. You will need to learn how to maintain healthy relationships before a girl you like ever falls for you.

 

So, it's kind of a catch-22.

It doesn't matter how, or even if they clearly understand what the issue is (that you are a loner).

 

What matters is that you don't come across like a man they want to date, and one big reason for that is your social isolation.

 

Your social isolation does limit your opportunities, and reduce your chance for success. Do you want to micro-analyze how and why, or simply accept it do something to help yourself?

So in other words, the answer is, "I don't have know so I'm going to talk around it. But I'm right though, don't forget it."

[Lonely Ronin]

i have no idea what you mean.

 

not doing the same old shi* over and over and over again.

[Lonely Ronin]

So in other words, the answer is, "I don't have know so I'm going to talk around it. But I'm right though, don't forget it."

 

Go ahead keep being a smartas* and not listening to people who are trying to help you, and you will still be where your at now when you're 40.

[somedude81]

Go ahead keep being a smartas* and not listening to people who are trying to help you, and you will still be where your at now when you're 40.

Just pointing out that none of them answered that question.

 

If somebody is going to tell me, "Women don't like you because they know you are a loner." They better be able to back it up.

 

There is simply no way that any of the girls I've met this year have any idea of what my friend situation is. None of them know me well enough to even halfway grasp it.

[Pirouette]

Just pointing out that none of them answered that question.

 

If somebody is going to tell me, "Women don't like you because they know you are a loner." They better be able to back it up.

 

There is simply no way that any of the girls I've met this year have any idea of what my friend situation is. None of them know me well enough to even halfway grasp it.

 

Ok, are you an interesting person?

 

Most loners aren't very interesting to other people.

[somedude81]

If you prep yourself for failure, you will fail. Success is very mental. And what people think really does come through during interactions with others. It's that undefinable energy you sense around others but can't really explain.

I know that success is mental and you do better if you psyche yourself up and get in the zone. That's great for sporting events or competitions or things where you have to preform, where your success is solely dependent on you.

 

Asking out women is a completely different game. I could preform perfectly, do everything right, and the girl says no, so I still lose.

 

It's also a very difficult game and I barely even understand how the rules work.

 

Preparing myself for the rejection is a learned response self-protection mechanism. There's some proper term for it in psychology. Basically I know that if I get excited for something and it doesn't happen, I feel very bummed. If I don't let myself get excited and it doesn't happen, I'm able to shrug it off more easily.

 

I could be all excited tomorrow and ask out a girl in my class, but there is no way it would have any affect on the girls answer.

 

Though one thing I do realize, is that when I expect to fail, it makes me more cautious to try. In the end, I still ask out the girls I feel I have a chance with.

[somedude81]

Ok, are you an interesting person?

 

Most loners aren't very interesting to other people.

Seeing as how I can make threads on this forum that attract many people to converse with me; yes I am a very interesting person.

 

A movie based on my life will be coming out in 2014. My company is currently talks with Hugh Jackman agents for the lead.

[Lonely Ronin]

Seeing as how I can make threads on this forum that attract many people to converse with me; yes I am a very interesting person.

 

Trying to help you fix your issue, is not the same as being a person a lot of people want to talk with because they are interesting.

[mesmerized]

Just pointing out that none of them answered that question.

 

If somebody is going to tell me, "Women don't like you because they know you are a loner." They better be able to back it up.

 

There is simply no way that any of the girls I've met this year have any idea of what my friend situation is. None of them know me well enough to even halfway grasp it.

 

Women pick up that you're a loner from how you look at them, how you act and talk and reason. It's not that hard. I think your main issue is you're a bit too clueless. a good percentage of your posts here have these sentences in them "I don't know what you mean", "I have no clue what you are talking about" Or some wrong interpretation of what posters are saying. English is my second language and it's strange to me how you can't even get some simple things people say here. To me it shows you just haven't grown in some ways... Im not exactly sure what those areas are but You have a very basic understanding of social dynamics and seem be unable to connect the dots together in an effective manner. Having no friends could be a cause of this and trust me, it does show in real even though you think it doesn't. You have to address this first and it wont happen by you going to dance classes and hitting on girls. You need to expand your social circle, travel and get out of your comfort zone.

[Lonely Ronin]

Just pointing out that none of them answered that question.

 

If somebody is going to tell me, "Women don't like you because they know you are a loner." They better be able to back it up.

 

There is simply no way that any of the girls I've met this year have any idea of what my friend situation is. None of them know me well enough to even halfway grasp it.

 

Because to the rest of us it's almost a rhetorical question.

 

She didn't sat they don't like you, she said:

 

 

It doesn't matter how, or even if they clearly understand what the issue is (that you are a loner).

 

What matters is that you don't come across like a man they want to date, and one big reason for that is your social isolation.

 

Your social isolation does limit your opportunities, and reduce your chance for success. Do you want to micro-analyze how and why, or simply accept it do something to help yourself?

 

The short to the point version is, is that people can sense stuff about someone. A woman can't sense you have no female friends, but she can sense that something is off when she interacts with you socially, and that can be enough to turn her off of you.

 

You're not some secret agent that can fool the world into thinking you are something you're not indefinetly. People can't pinpoint exactly what about a person is off, but given some time they can pick up on the fact that something isn't right.

[somedude81]

Trying to help you fix your issue, is not the same as being a person a lot of people want to talk with because they are interesting.

I think many people come to my threads for the sheer entertainment value and have no intention of ever trying to help me.

Women pick up that you're a loner from how you look at them, how you act and talk and reason. It's not that hard.

How I look, act and talk to a woman varies greatly among women and is also dependent on if I'm interested in her or not. It has nothing to do with how many friends I have.

 

I'm getting the strong impression that you and a few others seem to think that I act like a complete weirdo in public and can't handle having a conversation with a girl.

 

Do you guys want me to take an audio recording of me talking to a girl(s) so you can understand that I'm not some freak?

 

 

I think your main issue is you're a bit too clueless. a good percentage of your posts here have these sentences in them "I don't know what you mean", "I have no clue what you are talking about" Or some wrong interpretation of what posters are saying. English is my second language and it's strange to me how you can't even get some simple things people say here. To me it shows you just haven't grown in some ways...

A good percentage?

 

The only one I can think of in this thread was when somebody said that I don't seem comfortable in my skin. I've heard that expression before but it's never made any sense to me.

[BubblyBeth]

boy SD do you have a rotten attitude!

 

Just pointing out that none of them answered that question.

 

If somebody is going to tell me, "Women don't like you because they know you are a loner." They better be able to back it up.

 

There is simply no way that any of the girls I've met this year have any idea of what my friend situation is. None of them know me well enough to even halfway grasp it.

 

Why does the point need to be backed up? The point is, females usually see 31 year old men who have no friends, no career yet and awkward social skills as a major red flag.

 

Why analyze the why and how but you know it's an issue? Just work on it.

 

Instead, you seem hell-bent on turning this into a cat and mouse game, while avoiding the obvious issues at hand here. Honestly, is this why you have seen 5 therapists? I agree with my BF, you seem like a guy who runs away when things get too personal or change is imminently encouraged. Is that why you split and had so many therapists, and why you refuse to see one now?

 

Also, I hope you know, you may think you can trick a woman into not knowing about your social life, but NEWSFLASH, the closer she gets the more she'll be aware! You're never going to get a GF the way you are now with no social skills, no friends and a lousy attitude.

 

I feel sorry for you. People are genuinely trying to help you. But you really don't want help. You just want anonymous posters to validate that your current lifestyle is OK and that it's somehow the world's fault that you are still single.

 

The answer lies by looking in the mirror. That's the main source of your problems. You are your own worst enemy because you're repeating routines that are not going to produce success. This is why you are where you are. If you don't change, things will go from bad to worse. The older you get, the harder it becomes. Simple matter of fact.

[Imajerk17]

Just pointing out that none of them answered that question.

 

If somebody is going to tell me, "Women don't like you because they know you are a loner." They better be able to back it up.

 

There is simply no way that any of the girls I've met this year have any idea of what my friend situation is. None of them know me well enough to even halfway grasp it.

 

I actually think the causals are a little skewed.

 

You struggle with getting women interested in you probably because your social skills need an upgrade. Similar reason why you don't have many friends.

 

At least, that is my and everyone else's impression of you, going by here. It's a shame you didn't take advantage of Meek's offer to skype with one of his friends. Maybe you really don't want to improve after all?

[iris219]

I think many people come to my threads for the sheer entertainment value and have no intention of ever trying to help me.

 

That's a pretty crappy thing to say.

 

SD, I'm a painfully normal person with a life outside of LS. I have a demanding, but satisfying job and close friends who I see often. I don't need to participate in your threads simply for entertainment value. I have other things going on in my life to keep me busy and entertained.

 

Most of us here have tried to help you and actually want to see you succeed. Most of us are the kind of people who can't sit by and be indifferent when we see another person suffering. We are strangers to you, yet we care enough to help, even though you are often difficult, insulting, and self-centered. Try to have some gratitude.

[Lonely Ronin]

I think many people come to my threads for the sheer entertainment value and have no intention of ever trying to help me.

 

How I look, act and talk to a woman varies greatly among women and is also dependent on if I'm interested in her or not. It has nothing to do with how many friends I have.

 

I'm getting the strong impression that you and a few others seem to think that I act like a complete weirdo in public and can't handle having a conversation with a girl.

 

Do you guys want me to take an audio recording of me talking to a girl(s) so you can understand that I'm not some freak?

 

This is the problem man, people who are socially isolated, act differently than everyone else in social situations. they usually don't even realize what they are doing. And it's not that you are a freak, it's that your a little different. Like not understanding the phrase being comfortable in your own skin.

 

Your not comfortable in your own skin because you're hiding a lot about yourself from people. Most people are like "this is who i am if you don't like it f-off".

 

Not sharing anything of significance about yourself is a perfect example of this. In fact I'm getting ready to cut a woman out of my life for this exact reason. I have known her socially for about 2 months and we have been on a half dozen dates, and i know next to nothing about her. she strait up avoided one or two question i asked her, and gave crap answers to some others. I'm not sure what she is hiding, but she is hiding something.