Only bigger women have been into me.

[ThaWholigan]

I think many people come to my threads for the sheer entertainment value and have no intention of ever trying to help me.

 

That is a huge f*cking insult .

 

I'm getting the strong impression that you and a few others seem to think that I act like a complete weirdo in public and can't handle having a conversation with a girl.

 

No, that would be socially inept. Your skills are basic at best basically. They would need to be more than what they are.

[SmileFace]

I think many people come to my threads for the sheer entertainment value and have no intention of ever trying to help me.

.

I actually think you create these threads for the entertainment value and have no intention of ever heeding advice.

[somedude81]

That's a pretty crappy thing to say.

 

SD, I'm a painfully normal person with a life outside of LS. I have a demanding, but satisfying job and close friends who I see often. I don't need to participate in your threads simply for entertainment value. I have other things going on in my life to keep me busy and entertained.

 

Most of us here have tried to help you and actually want to see you succeed. Most of us are the kind of people who can't sit by and be indifferent when we see another person suffering. We are strangers to you, yet we care enough to help, even though you are often difficult, insulting, and self-centered. Try to have some gratitude.

 

That is a huge f*cking insult .

 

This thread currently has 5,339 views and 316 replies.

 

So yes, the vast majority of people who come to my threads do so for entertainment value and have no intention of helping me, if they did, they'd make a post.

 

Also, nothing in that post said has slighted those who do try to give me advice, in any way shape or form. If you are offended, it's because you misunderstood.

[ThaWholigan]

This thread currently has 5,339 views and 316 replies.

 

So yes, the vast majority of people who come to my threads do so for entertainment value and have no intention of helping me, if they did, they'd make a post.

 

Also, nothing in that post said has slighted those who do try to give me advice, in any way shape or form. If you are offended, it's because you misunderstood.

If that isn't a perfect example of why people here think you lack in social skills then I don't know what is

[somedude81]

The short to the point version is, is that people can sense stuff about someone. A woman can't sense you have no female friends, but she can sense that something is off when she interacts with you socially, and that can be enough to turn her off of you.

That's better.

 

Yeah I wouldn't be surprised if women can tell that something is a little bit different with me and that could be affecting if they like me or not.

 

I've got a whole bunch of issues and I'm sure I can't hide all of them all the time. Back at the dance towards the middle of the event I was feeling a little bummed that the thing wasn't going as well as I had hoped, and one of the bigger girls called me over and before I got to her she said something like, "why do you look so sad?"

 

So long story short, women being able to tell that something is a bit off with me and that may affect their attraction to me. I'll buy that; Deal!

 

Women able to tell that I don't have friends; No deal!

Why does the point need to be backed up? The point is, females usually see 31 year old men who have no friends, no career yet and awkward social skills as a major red flag.

Now they know exactly how old I am and that I don't have a career too?

 

Bubbles, if you are going to make a claim that women are psychic and know exactly what is going on in my life, you have to back it up somehow or I will simply not believe you.

 

Instead, you seem hell-bent on turning this into a cat and mouse game, while avoiding the obvious issues at hand here. Honestly, is this why you have seen 5 therapists? I agree with my BF, you seem like a guy who runs away when things get too personal or change is imminently encouraged. Is that why you split and had so many therapists, and why you refuse to see one now?

Of course I told the therapists everything that was going on in my life. If I'm paying somebody to help me, why would I hide anything?

 

I do not run away when things get personal. Your boyfriend was becoming too full of himself, thinking that he knew it all. All that did was annoy me.

 

I don't want to see a therapist now because I know they can't help me. All the positive thinking in the world isn't going to change my life. My life needs to change, not how I see my life. I know exactly what is missing in my life.

 

Also, I hope you know, you may think you can trick a woman into not knowing about your social life, but NEWSFLASH, the closer she gets the more she'll be aware!

Of course I know that.

 

As I've said before, nobody I met this year is close enough to me to be aware of my social life. I also know that I can spend a good amount of time with a girl before she starts talking about my social life. Frankly, I can't even remember an occasion where a female friend ever made mention of my social life, friends or what not. If they were wondering it, they never brought it up.

I feel sorry for you. People are genuinely trying to help you. But you really don't want help. You just want anonymous posters to validate that your current lifestyle is OK and that it's somehow the world's fault that you are still single.

I do want help and I do pay attention to the advice. Though what I also get is a bunch of noise.

 

What I want most of all is very specific advice on how to handle certain situation but that is also the most difficult advice to give. Instead of trying to help with the question I asked, most people would rather tell me that I need to work on mys social skills and make more friends, as if that would magically fix my current issue with a certain group of girls. For example, none of your posts in my "Hate how I can't ask out a bunch of girls at once" thread actually addressed the post I made, instead you lectured me about my issues and so on.

Edited November 21, 2012 by somedude81

[Pirouette]

Seeing as how I can make threads on this forum that attract many people to converse with me; yes I am a very interesting person.

 

A movie based on my life will be coming out in 2014. My company is currently talks with Hugh Jackman agents for the lead.

 

But you said you don't discuss any of these issues with people in real life. So what are the things that you tell them about yourself in real life that are so interesting?

[Pirouette]

What I want most of all is very specific advice on how to handle certain situation but that is also the most difficult advice to give. Instead of trying to help with the question I asked, most people would rather tell me that I need to work on mys social skills and make more friends, as if that would magically fix my current issue with a certain group of girls. For example, none of your posts in my "Hate how I can't ask out a bunch of girls at once" thread actually addressed the post I made, instead you lectured me about my issues and so on.

 

So stop asking general questions and you'll stop getting general answers. Give specific details with pointed, unique to your single situation questions and you will get tailored answers. When you do happen to do this, people have given you specific advice, but it's when you start bemoaning women in general always doing this and that, and complaining about the ills of being short in society that you derail your own threads.

[Meeks7]

What I want most of all is very specific advice on how to handle certain situation but that is also the most difficult advice to give. Instead of trying to help with the question I asked, most people would rather tell me that I need to work on mys social skills and make more friends, as if that would magically fix my current issue with a certain group of girls. For example, none of your posts in my "Hate how I can't ask out a bunch of girls at once" thread actually addressed the post I made, instead you lectured me about my issues and so on.

 

 

Getting this type of immediate feedback is infinitely more effective in REAL LIFE. Having friends does help! You could share this and they can give you feedback.

 

Heck, my Skype female friend could talk to you about this! (among other things)

 

Yet you turned the offer down.

 

I actually think you create these threads for the entertainment value and have no intention of ever heeding advice.

 

That's probably the closer to the truth than anything else. He likes the attention he gets. Evidence seen where the mod moved one of his threads to In Search Of and he immediately complained publicly that it would see less hits in the "land of the dead" (referring to In Search Of forum vs. Dating). I think he's grown accustomed to his LS threads over the last 4+ years and enjoys the fact that his threads often become monsters. Lot of people trying to help someone who doesn't want help in a conventional manner. It gives him something to read and respond to in-between his movies and video games. It's basically a substitute for human interaction.

 

Just my hypothesis, but it's clear when he rejects real life help (i.e. like with my Skype friend) that he really is running around in circles here.

[Meeks7]

You want help, SD? Really? Then answer this and we'll go from there as a LoveShack community.

 

 

What is ONE THING you can do the rest of November, to up your overall life game/resume? Doesn't have to relate directly to girls. For example, a good answer would be "I will check out that social hangout on Saturday I found out about on that social meetup website"

 

Simple. To the point.

 

Let's talk about ACTION STEPS that you can take RIGHT NOW. It's OK to "fail." It's NOT okay NOT TO TRY.

 

So try something (social). And tell us how it goes, specific and to the point.

 

Then more specific feedback can be offered.

 

So...

 

What is ONE THING you can do the rest of November, to up your overall life game/resume?

[BubblyBeth]

As I've said before, nobody I met this year is close enough to me to be aware of my social life. I also know that I can spend a good amount of time with a girl before she starts talking about my social life. Frankly, I can't even remember an occasion where a female friend ever made mention of my social life, friends or what not. If they were wondering it, they never brought it up.

 

Let me enlighten you, SD. Girls don't tell a guy that he's socially awkward! Instead, they just cut off contact and try to exit through the back door as quietly as possible. They don't want anything to do with the person so to avoid extra drama, they don't tell the guy that he is socially awkward. But believe me, we know if a guy is or isn't based on our set of interactions. How many? It varies, as that is part of life. But sooner or later, a girl does get a pretty decent read on a guy's social skills by... *gasp* her set of social interactions with him.

 

This is why when I read through your Danielle thread, I was able to see why she did things the way she did. She was never going to tell you "I stopped hanging out with you because you were smothering me and getting on my nerves way too much" because that only creates more drama. Especially when the guy is not in a state of mind to receive that type of honest, raw feedback (and you weren't in that state, that's for sure).

 

Just because girls don't say something, doesn't mean they're not thinking about it, LOL.

 

I don't think anyone here thinks you are a creep or a monster or that you are socially inept. Like someone said, your social skills are very basic, and need to be improved. There is no monster under the bed here. And if you are interpreting it that way, that's just on you and your mind.

 

I find it troubling that you are so sure about knowing how much you can interact with a woman before she can "discover the truth about you." I mean, just think about that. You're trying to hide something, rather than working on it.

 

Is it true that you plan to be a loner the rest of your life (it seems to me like you like or find life most comfortable when you're alone) and want to have a GF?

 

Good luck with that.

 

Look, some people don't want friends. That's their choice. But you have to understand, if you make that choice to live life like that the rest of your life, there will be some cause and effect. And if you remain isolated like you are now, no girl THAT YOU LIKE will ever fall for you. Ever.

 

If that day comes, PM me, and I'll paypal you $100 for proving me wrong. But only if:

 

-You still have no friends

-Your new GF is in her early 20s

-She's skinny

-At least 34B

-No nose ring

 

That is your dream right? Having no friends but having a nice GF.

 

Yeah, I'll be waiting for your PM....

[yongyong]

I knew it 100% from the beginning. you just confirmed my judgement.

 

That's your F-----ing problem right there.

you know what's going to happen if I stop going out? I will go down to bottom of the barrel like you.

 

You can't expect a girl to hit on you. You can't expect some 'hollywood magic of running into a hot girl and falling in love instantly shxt' either.

 

you need to go out and hit on girls. I know you are going to say

'I am shy, I am this and I am that blah blah'

 

WTF? how about becoming a priest and forget about women then?

 

You can't ignore your basic instinct aka desire to f-ck girl. it's like you have to keep eating. you can just sit and starve or go out hunting. there is no other way around.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not doing anything to attract women. I simply don't know how to hit on girls.

 

I just try to be friendly, fun and joke around and talk to girls when I see the opportunity.

 

Obviously it's not enough.

[BubblyBeth]

I knew it 100% from the beginning. you just confirmed my judgement.

 

That's your F-----ing problem right there.

you know what's going to happen if I stop going out? I will go down to bottom of the barrel like you.

 

You can't expect a girl to hit on you. You can't expect some 'hollywood magic of running into a hot girl and falling in love instantly shxt' either.

 

you need to go out and hit on girls. I know you are going to say

'I am shy, I am this and I am that blah blah'

 

WTF? how about becoming a priest and forget about women then?

 

You can't ignore your basic instinct aka desire to f-ck girl. it's like you have to keep eating. you can just sit and starve or go out hunting. there is no other way around.

 

 

Bingo! No other way around it.

 

To add to his trouble, he has no real life guy friends who can help "prop him up" (like a wing man) and help him step outside his comfort zone.

 

Humans were made for interaction and love! I feel sorry that he's been so devoid of love all his life that he now doesn't know what love is, what it looks like, and how to GIVE love (in a non-romantic sense). It's just very... sad

[Lonely Ronin]

Back at the dance towards the middle of the event I was feeling a little bummed that the thing wasn't going as well as I had hoped, and one of the bigger girls called me over and before I got to her she said something like, "why do you look so sad?"

 

What did you tell her?

 

 

What I want most of all is very specific advice on how to handle certain situation but that is also the most difficult advice to give. Instead of trying to help with the question I asked, most people would rather tell me that I need to work on mys social skills and make more friends, as if that would magically fix my current issue with a certain group of girls.

 

A couple points about this.

 

1. Very specific answers are useless for you at this point in my opinion. You can't just take what I, TW, or Meeks would do in that situation, and apply it to yourself. It's not you, it's not your style. This is why that PUA crap does work form many guys. what worked for the author isn't gonna work for the reader because they are not the same.

 

2. People are telling you to work on your general social skills, because social interactions, specially attraction based ones need to be instinctual. if you need to think about it, your screwed. The some guys are "just born with it" stuff is all bs. The guys that are "good at it" just started doing it at a much earlier age that others, and they did it a lot more often. Hence the reason they seem so good at it, they just react instinctively.

 

That's why you need to work on your general social skill. You need to be able to sit around and talk to a bunch of women and just be cool. you need to be able to interact with a woman on a social level and not fall her. You need to not get unsettled when someone you're not attracted to flirts with you. The only way you are going to get to where you want to be is with lots of practice. I'm sorry man there aren't any shortcuts or magic sauce.

 

It's kind of like a sport that requires a skill. skiing for example. You start out on the bunny slopes and work your way up through the green circles, blue squares & black diamonds. when you get comfortable you can start doing mogul runs and out of bounds skiing. If you try jumping ahead before your ready, your going to bust you as* or worse.

 

 

 

 

For example, none of your posts in my "Hate how I can't ask out a bunch of girls at once" thread actually addressed the post I made, instead you lectured me about my issues and so on.

 

what specifically don't you understand?

[yongyong]

Unless he has a friend from childhood, no guys would help him

(usually this kind of person wouldn't listen anyway. they choose to live that way)

 

What kind of guy wants to hangout with someone who can't talk to women and acts awkward? why should they help him? unless he is paying??

 

The solution can be simple.

join some lame group to get rid of social anxiety.

Practice lines like a sales pitch in front of mirror before going out.

Just go out, hit on girls, keep failing and build confidence that way.

 

I don't even know how many thousands of approaches I've done to get better.

 

Can you push yourself to go to the bar by yourself and interact with any crowds there?

You don't have to spit games like PUA. you don't have to get a # or kiss a girl. it's ok if someone says 'he is awkward' behind your back.

 

Can you do it? I don't think you can.

 

 

 

Bingo! No other way around it.

 

To add to his trouble, he has no real life guy friends who can help "prop him up" (like a wing man) and help him step outside his comfort zone.

 

Humans were made for interaction and love! I feel sorry that he's been so devoid of love all his life that he now doesn't know what love is, what it looks like, and how to GIVE love (in a non-romantic sense). It's just very... sad

[Meeks7]

(usually this kind of person wouldn't listen anyway. they choose to live that way)

 

Sadly, I'm more inclined to believe this line of thinking as the months pass by and we see SomeDude exhibiting zero changes in his behavior, attitude and mental makeup.

 

It's the same kind of thread he creates every 3 weeks or so... that get over 200 replies, over 5,000 views and 200 likes. I wonder if he ever stopped to notice how many people like his posts versus people liking other posters' posts in his topics.

 

I've seen a lot of stubborn dudes like him in real life. They just don't get it, don't realize/admit that they need help, and what happens is everyone around that person... eventually throws in the towel and ignores them. It's one thing to be humble about needing help, it's another thing to cop an attitude and act like people don't know what they're talking about, when those very people are living the kind of lives that person desires (i.e. having an attractive girlfriend)

 

Pride can be a killer thing...

 

Can you do it? I don't think you can.

 

He's really stacked the odds against him. I'll be interested to see where he is in life a year from now. All I know is, when I met him this time last year, I thought a year later (November 2012) he might have been further along because something deep within would have "clicked" for him... that ah-ha moment... but one year later... he's no better off than he was November 2011. The same kind of threads and questions repeated over and over.

 

Will this be the case for November 2013 as well?

[Anela]

Sadly, I'm more inclined to believe this line of thinking as the months pass by and we see SomeDude exhibiting zero changes in his behavior, attitude and mental makeup.

 

It's the same kind of thread he creates every 3 weeks or so... that get over 200 replies, over 5,000 views and 200 likes. I wonder if he ever stopped to notice how many people like his posts versus people liking other posters' posts in his topics.

 

I've seen a lot of stubborn dudes like him in real life. They just don't get it, don't realize/admit that they need help, and what happens is everyone around that person... eventually throws in the towel and ignores them. It's one thing to be humble about needing help, it's another thing to cop an attitude and act like people don't know what they're talking about, when those very people are living the kind of lives that person desires (i.e. having an attractive girlfriend)

 

Pride can be a killer thing...

 

 

 

He's really stacked the odds against him. I'll be interested to see where he is in life a year from now. All I know is, when I met him this time last year, I thought a year later (November 2012) he might have been further along because something deep within would have "clicked" for him... that ah-ha moment... but one year later... he's no better off than he was November 2011. The same kind of threads and questions repeated over and over.

 

Will this be the case for November 2013 as well?

 

See, this is where I can empathize with him. I can see what others were trying to tell me years ago, and I either thought I was going about things the right way, or had to admit that I was too scared to try. I was scared stiff, and still am - in more ways than I used to be, actually. It's devastating when you realize how you've been shooting yourself in the foot. I thought I'd be further along by now, but I'm not: in some ways, I'm no different than I was five years ago. I'm better off on the one hand, but worse off in other ways.

 

I hope that something works out for you, SD. I really do.

[Els]

This thread currently has 5,339 views and 316 replies.

 

So yes, the vast majority of people who come to my threads do so for entertainment value and have no intention of helping me, if they did, they'd make a post.

 

Also, nothing in that post said has slighted those who do try to give me advice, in any way shape or form. If you are offended, it's because you misunderstood.

 

Based on the manner in which you've responded to advice given, SD, can you really blame those who don't wish to try or have stopped trying?

 

FWIW, your view:reply ratio is par by course as far as threads here go. No, I'm sorry, the world really IS not just out to get you.

[Emilia]

So yes, the vast majority of people who come to my threads do so for entertainment value and have no intention of helping me, if they did, they'd make a post.

 

Also, nothing in that post said has slighted those who do try to give me advice, in any way shape or form. If you are offended, it's because you misunderstood.

 

The world doesn't owe you a social life, the world doesn't owe you a girlfriend. People make various suggestions on how to improve your lot but you either don't understand what they mean as mesmerised said (unable to connect the dots) or aren't really interested in getting a solution. If you don't want a pitty-party, don't start one. LS is a public forum.

[Teknoe]

Wow, I haven't posted in a SD thread in a while. Nor viewed one. Interesting to see he's still stuck in the same spot as 2010 and 2011.

 

I will say though that I am not here to give advice or lecture this time *gasp*

 

I am done doing that. SD is in charge of his own life and choices. Giving him advice is pointless. I actually have a great deal of empathy for him. I'm 29, single and an introvert. In the last couple months though, I have become a lot more "private" in my life. I have become more of a homebody. I realized that I just enjoy staying home. I am free to watch movies, play games or do whatever. I don't have to put on "outside" clothes. I can just relax and be by myself.

 

Probably not a stretch to say it's similar for SD. I do have acquaintances and friends, though, but I don't see them a whole lot. Email or IM here and there... and the odd hangout here and there... just enough to keep the connection going. It's nice to have that in your back pocket.

 

But really, these days I mainly work full time, and the rest of my time? I'm at home enjoying myself. I still desire a GF, but you know what? I also desire my freedom. I desire the non-pressure of having to go out, take her out, be interesting or "on" most of the time, and just living up to a GF's expectations, etc. I suppose... I'm just not ready for that, yet. It's just a whole lot easier and more comfy to be single. No pressure or responsibilities being single.

 

I think for SD it might be the same. He wants a GF but he also doesn't mind his isolated life the way it is, either. It's comfortable. It's safe. Now I think I understand him far better than I did in years past... because I've become more of an isolated homebody myself. I still keep my friends alive, but I no longer see them once a week (it got too tiring for me, to be honest). Some people are just homebodies.

 

But here's the thing, too. Are you at peace with it? I am. SD seems to still struggle with what he wants, because he's still making the same type of threads over and over.

 

There isn't anything wrong with being a homebody... but if you're a homebody with a lack of social skills... you just have to accept the fact that you'll probably be single until said skills improve.

 

Me, I think I have decent social skills. I'm just in a season of my life where I really cherish my me-time and I just enjoy being home.

 

I've also made peace with my desire to want a GF, but knowing that I'm also OK if it doesn't happen (at least, until I hit 31 or so... by then I'd like to meet someone special and start up a family... but I know I got 2 years or so until then)

 

Everyone has to make peace with where they are at. If there's no peace, then work wisely to get where you want to go/be. Otherwise, if you keep complaining on a public forum like this and take no action in real life, you'll get the kind of replies that you do time after time.

 

So, in a nutshell, either:

 

A. Make peace with yourself and where you are at in life

or

B. Develop some specific strategies to help you get to where you wanna be

or

C. Start a blog

 

But if you keep posting these type of threads and show that you're not trying at all, you'll get the same results both in your personal life and in your threads.

 

edit: hmmm, I guess I ended up giving a form of advice at the end, anyway, lol. SD just posts in a manner where one can't help but try and reach out. We're all good people I feel who just wants to see him get better, that's why

Edited November 21, 2012 by Teknoe

[veggirl]

Well, personally I SD so waded through this thread, big shocker it's the same as all the others. Everyone nit picks TOO MUCH on him imo. I mean everyone screamed at him to join activities and he is dance class and talks to girls there and it's like barely even acknowledged. I don't think SD is the social retard everyone makes him out to be at all. If he was he wouldn't even be IN a dance club much less talking to some of the girls there.

 

And NO befriending a fat girl is not going to make the skinny girl in the corner suddenly perk up and be interested That is seriously laughable. And if you befriend the chubby girl to meet her friends...well that's not too nice is it?

 

I don't see anything wrong with him not wanting to be friends with girls but rather just wanting to date them. I don't want to be friends with guys. I don't have a huge social circle. He doesn't need one either. He works and goes to school, he is capable of talking to people omg.

 

and practically diagnosing him with Aspergers. FFS.

 

A year from now I bet he will be fine. He will be in the workplace and socializing with adult coworkers and all that jazz. I don't think you have anything to worry about SD. I do think it will fall into place once you are in the real adult world more fulltime. You are not unattractive, you aren't THAT short, you have a decent personality, you have hobbies. You are just stuck in a weird situation right now, but the end is near so patience is your friend. Not helpful I guess, and I know it's been a longtime coming and seems hard to be patient MORE but the current "slot" you are in is what is holding you back imo.

 

I do think OLD could be something of use to you right now. I don't get why you won't try that, afaik you never have tried it. I know you have said it will be futile but I think it's silly not to even try it and see what happens. Msg a girl who is 5'2. You don't have to list your income or job, you can put "in college", that's not a bad thing. I mean shoot you are almost done with school, it's not like you are a freshman. You tell them you are finishing up your degree in whatever. I do wish you would at least try OLD...for a week or for X # of sent messages at least. I doubt it'll leave you more frustrated than you already are.

 

He is not a shut-in you guys. He has listed his hobbies and activities time and again.

 

I like SD a lot and it is annoying how people pile on him and basically act like he is a troll living in his mom's basement. He HAS asked girls out, he has told us about it! I think SD has been so boxed in on this forum that he could come tell us "I approached 10 girls of all looks today and made conversation and it went nowhere" and he would be screamed at about obviously he did it wrong and has no social skills.

 

Being a "loner" isn't a bad thing. Lots of girls like homebodies. Lots of girls are interested in guys who don't have huge social circles. I really don't think girls are picking up that SD is a loner. He has interests and hobbies. TONS of people are loners. I'm a loner! Is it really surprising that he is defensive when everyone says all these awful things about him and "likes" all the awful things everyone else says ? lol c'mon. the problem I see with the advice given to SD is that it includes so much basically character assisination and when he defends himself or explains "well I do X and Y" he is still jumped all over.

 

Anyway okay well my advice is to keep on keepin on and in a year when you are in a fulltime job in the adult world, re-assess if things haven't naturally ebbed and flowed to a more positive place, which I think they will. And also try OLD for a week or something.

[Meeks7]

A year from now I bet he will be fine. He will be in the workplace and socializing with adult coworkers and all that jazz. I don't think you have anything to worry about SD.

 

At best, that is wishful thinking. I hope it's true, too, but here are some facts:

 

1. He admits that he struggles in Calculus, and he needs to pass that class to graduate. He needs tutoring... has he seeked that out yet? I'm just afraid his obsession with girls will cut into his quality study time... and that he might fail this class and thus, not be able to graduate

 

2. Nobody is guaranteed a full time job once they've earned their degree. NOBODY. I'm trying to visualize how he would do in an interview. I just hope he has enough skills (both in his field and socially) to wow and impress his potential boss. Quite frankly, I'm not so sure on this. It remains to be seen, doesn't it?

 

3. If he does get a full time job, will he be happy with girls in his same age range? Most are already taken, sadly, by their late 20's. I do think he will fare better with girls in their early 30s though than early 20s. Early 20s he's basically not giving himself a shot.

 

Basically, we all HOPE by November 2013 he's in a better place, but going by his trends, it's no guarantee and it'd be a shame if he didn't take decisive action in bettering himself right now, rather than wait and hope things magically work out OK.

 

If I were him, my #1 goal right now would be to handle that calculus class that worries him so much. Girls can come later. He's gotta nail that calculus class first. Then maybe he can start thinking of other things to nail after that.... lol

[veggirl]

At best, that is wishful thinking. I hope it's true, too, but here are some facts:

 

1. He admits that he struggles in Calculus, and he needs to pass that class to graduate. He needs tutoring... has he seeked that out yet? I'm just afraid his obsession with girls will cut into his quality study time... and that he might fail this class and thus, not be able to graduate

 

2. Nobody is guaranteed a full time job once they've earned their degree. NOBODY. I'm trying to visualize how he would do in an interview. I just hope he has enough skills (both in his field and socially) to wow and impress his potential boss. Quite frankly, I'm not so sure on this. It remains to be seen, doesn't it?

 

3. If he does get a full time job, will he be happy with girls in his same age range? Most are already taken, sadly, by their late 20's. I do think he will fare better with girls in their early 30s though than early 20s. Early 20s he's basically not giving himself a shot.

 

Basically, we all HOPE by November 2013 he's in a better place, but going by his trends, it's no guarantee and it'd be a shame if he didn't take decisive action in bettering himself right now, rather than wait and hope things magically work out OK.

 

If I were him, my #1 goal right now would be to handle that calculus class that worries him so much. Girls can come later. He's gotta nail that calculus class first. Then maybe he can start thinking of other things to nail after that.... lol

 

I am not sure if "most" girls are taken by their late 20s, I see single women of all ages all the time. and I am aware jobs aren't guaranteed but I don't think SD is so mental that he can't handle a friggin job interview, geesh. Give him some credit. As far as dating in the work place, I didn't even suggest that, I said he will be socializing with other adults. My advice was to get done with school and into the work place and THEN see what happens / re-assess, I didn't say everything will magically fall into place. I was getting at the idea that a positive change (job) could kinda snowball other positive things. and I did also suggest OLD.

[iris219]

I like SD a lot and it is annoying how people pile on him and basically act like he is a troll living in his mom's basement. He HAS asked girls out, he has told us about it! I think SD has been so boxed in on this forum that he could come tell us "I approached 10 girls of all looks today and made conversation and it went nowhere" and he would be screamed at about obviously he did it wrong and has no social skills.

 

Anyway okay well my advice is to keep on keepin on and in a year when you are in a fulltime job in the adult world, re-assess if things haven't naturally ebbed and flowed to a more positive place, which I think they will. And also try OLD for a week or something.

 

I don’t see a lot of negative posts here. We offer genuine advice, like you did—OLD and interacting with coworkers next year has been suggested many times—but SD doesn’t want to hear that. He gets very snarky with us for suggesting such things.

 

His focus is extremely narrow. He wants to know how to date thin, pretty, 20 year old girls; unfortunately the likelihood of that happening, no matter what he does or how he changes, is not very good. It’s very, very unlikely, in fact. Young college girls generally do not hang out with men 10 years older than themselves. They have a social circle already and he’s not a part of it, nor would they want him to be, and SD simply won't accept that. A very good looking, highly social 30 year old male college student would have trouble dating 20 year olds, though I don’t think a highly social man would make it his life purpose to do so.

 

There’s really nothing to tell him when it comes to what he wants because it’s not going to happen.

 

I don’t think SD is some weirdo who causes people to grab their children when he walks by. I think he could do just fine with dating if he tried a different, more broad approach, but he absolutely WILL NOT try anything new whatsoever.

[ThaWholigan]

SD needs to ask out more women IMO. That's all, nothing more or less. Stop thinking, start doing. Handle the school stuff because that's more important, but if he really wants a GF, just ask them out. All the other stuff about social skills is simply a means to help him better navigate how to ask them out.

 

APPROACH GUIDE | Seduction Myth

 

If it helps, use that.

 

AGAIN.....if you need ANY information, my PM box is always open......

[SmileFace]

I think he needs to stop only looking for dates in his school. IMO