Mount Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 As most of you know, I am in the A with MM almost 6 months, but feel like it is at the end of "relationship" now because I always initiate arguement towards him because my distrust of him. He's saying I am pushing him away. Just wonder for OWs that currently in the relationship with your MMs, does that happen to you as well? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 Think about it for a second but why do you mistrust him? I know why, but I want to see what you say. Why can't you speak your mind to him and why does it turn into an argument? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 Because the base of our "relationship" between me and MM is all based on deception or his lies towards his wife. Am I saying the thing you were expecting? I was nitpicking sth else I suspected (I could be wrong, I knew that, guess I just wanted to pick sth to argue with him), that he denies all the time for the issue I picked. Isn't true I am unconciously pushing him away for the benefit of myself? Think about it for a second but why do you mistrust him? I know why, but I want to see what you say. Why can't you speak your mind to him and why does it turn into an argument? Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 Isn't true I am unconciously pushing him away for the benefit of myself? I think you are just mad at him and sick of it and frustrated, and it's coming out the only way it can without you completely blowing up or else breaking it off. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 Yup. Bingo baby. Look, you know what's what. You'll never trust him fully because you KNOW he's very capable at lying and getting away with it . That whole "he lies to his wife so well and she has no idea, so what's to say he isn't doing that with me as well!" DOES come into play. Your gut knows the truth but your emotions and heart are ignoring your better judgement, that is why you're feeling this way. 6 months isn't that long ya know...You were totally fine before he came into your life - You'll be totally OK without him. I believe that you've just become so used to relying on him way too much to make you feel good, (false sense of reality) and of course the addictiveness of the actual affair as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 Yes I am frustrated, that is true. And what do you mean by following bolded part. Thanks I think you are just mad at him and sick of it and frustrated, and it's coming out the only way it can without you completely blowing up or else breaking it off. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 Isn't true I am unconciously pushing him away for the benefit of myself? Sabotaging? Yes. Most definately because again, you know what's what. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 Part of that, I wanted him to admit if he has sth with other female but he keeps denying and saying I am wronging him; other stuff is some small thing that he lies to me which was very easy to be busted by me. Is he the one who flirts with other women at work? Is that what you're talking about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 Sorry...what do you mean by what's what... Are you saying I am indeed pushing him away, correct? Sabotaging? Yes. Most definately because again, you know what's what. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 Part of that, I wanted him to admit if he has sth with other female but he keeps denying and saying I am wronging him; other stuff is some small thing that he lies to me which was very easy to be busted by me. The thing is Mount, he isn't obligated to you, he hasn't made a commitment to you. Hell, the guy doesn't tell his own wife what's up to you (Cheatin and having an affair with you) so why think he'd let you in on what he does or doesn't do when you two aren't together? If you want the A with him, really just take it as it comes and enjoy spending the time with him. No strings, no obligations, no promises. Accept things as they are and be happy. Or, find it in you to end it and grieve the loss. You really don't have a right to put demands on him (if he does happen to see OOW) considering you are the OW and he is married. Hope that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 Sorry...what do you mean by what's what... Are you saying I am indeed pushing him away, correct? Yes. You are pushing him away, causing more strife than necessary because you know this whole affair is not honest, you aren't feeling secure, loved or safe. Take a step back and see things from another angle, detach and pretend this is your daughter, or best friend in your situation and give them advice. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 what do you mean by what's what You know he more than likely isn't being completely open and honest with you, that you aren't his first priority. I think you just want him to choose you, love you, rely on you, need you more than anything so you'll feel more secure and settled (like most want to feel when they love someone) but the problem is, it's not a 'relationship', it's an affair and he is married, so he can't ever give you what you truly desire. The more time goes along you'll see yourself settling for less and less, feeling shi,tty more and more between the good times. He doesn't make you feel happy and good all the time, so think, really ask yourself WHY you're putting up with this situation? All for what? You love him? Based on how he makes you feel in this affair setting, the circumstances.. Knowing full well he'll never be 'yours' because he's choosing to stay married and have you on the side. GET fed up Mount! It's time! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 (edited) I hear you WWI, you are absolutely right. Sometimes I really don't understand the logic mind of the MM, like last weekend his wife happened to be away from home on business trip only one night, then he tried to ask me to stay in his house and of course I refused. After his continous attempt, I only agreed to stop by his house for 15 mintues ....I don't understand how MM thinks, as I do feel it is so disrespectful I will hang around in their house when his wife away, but obivously the MM does not think so, and he does not even really care if neighbors would see. What is really going on here. You know he more than likely isn't being completely open and honest with you, that you aren't his first priority. I think you just want him to choose you, love you, rely on you, need you more than anything so you'll feel more secure and settled (like most want to feel when they love someone) but the problem is, it's not a 'relationship', it's an affair and he is married, so he can't ever give you what you truly desire. The more time goes along you'll see yourself settling for less and less, feeling shi,tty more and more between the good times. He doesn't make you feel happy and good all the time, so think, really ask yourself WHY you're putting up with this situation? All for what? You love him? Based on how he makes you feel in this affair setting, the circumstances.. Knowing full well he'll never be 'yours' because he's choosing to stay married and have you on the side. GET fed up Mount! It's time! Edited November 17, 2012 by Mount Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 I hear you WWI, you are absolutely right. Sometimes I really don't understand the logic mind of the MM, like last weekend his wife happened to be away from home on business trip only one night, then he tried to ask me to stay in his house and of course I refused. After his continous attempt, I only agreed to stop by his house for 15 mintues ....I don't understand how MM thinks, as I do feel it is so disrespectful I will hang around in their house when his wife away, but obivously the MM does not think so, and he does not even really care if neighbors would see. What is really going on here. What is really going on? You know what is going on - it's clear from your posts. This guy is a user and a manipulator and he doesn't care about you or respect you, nor does he appear to care about or respect his wife. What on earth do you see in him? What are you doing with him? Don't you have more self-respect than that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 I hear you WWI, you are absolutely right. Sometimes I really don't understand the logic mind of the MM, like last weekend his wife happened to be away from home on business trip only one night, then he tried to ask me to stay in his house and of course I refused. After his continous attempt, I only agreed to stop by his house for 15 mintues ....I don't understand how MM thinks, as I do feel it is so disrespectful I will hang around in their house when his wife away, but obivously the MM does not think so, and he does not even really care if neighbors would see. What is really going on here. Then don't go if you feel that's not right to go into their marital home. Why did you cave? Why did you let him manipulate you into going over there? Why not just say 'Hey, if you want to see me, come to me or I'll meet you somewhere for dinner.' Or were you afraid to say no in case he got mad? Or in case he said, Forget it then, I won't see you tonight. ? Think about it Mount. IF you feel it's wrong to go to their house, why did you go? Even for 15 minutes, you did something YOU were uncomfortable with, that crossed your moral lines. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 No, I did not cave. He accompanied (carpooled) me doing some shopping, and he did some too, so on the way back to my place, I agreed to stop by very short moment in order for him to put down his purchased stuff in his house. I did not act anything there, just standing and walking around waiting for him finish his errands. Then we left right away. But again, I was saying I don't understand his mentality of trying to make me be present in their house while wife was away. Then don't go if you feel that's not right to go into their marital home. Why did you cave? Why did you let him manipulate you into going over there? Why not just say 'Hey, if you want to see me, come to me or I'll meet you somewhere for dinner.' Or were you afraid to say no in case he got mad? Or in case he said, Forget it then, I won't see you tonight. ? Think about it Mount. IF you feel it's wrong to go to their house, why did you go? Even for 15 minutes, you did something YOU were uncomfortable with, that crossed your moral lines. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 But again, I was saying I don't understand his mentality of trying to make me be present in their house while wife was away. It's his sick mind thinking how great it is, exciting and all to have his OW in their house. His ego gets off on it too. Remember I told you in another thread, there was an OW on here a long time ago, she posted she'd sleep at her MM's house when the wife was away and she would use BS's brush, lay her own hair in the marital bed, use his wife's toothbrush and they two of them got off on it. Christ, she might as well have taken a shi.t on or in their marital bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 I don't get it what is the connection between "His ego gets off on it" and having OW being present in his/wife's house. I was thinking if I am married, I would never dare to bring OM to my/hubby's house at all. Not even close by, not to mention present the OM inside the house and neighborhood. That example of OW is too pathetic. She certainly is delusional. It's his sick mind thinking how great it is, exciting and all to have his OW in their house. His ego gets off on it too. Remember I told you in another thread, there was an OW on here a long time ago, she posted she'd sleep at her MM's house when the wife was away and she would use BS's brush, lay her own hair in the marital bed, use his wife's toothbrush and they two of them got off on it. Christ, she might as well have taken a shi.t on or in their marital bed. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 What are you looking for? If we say end the affair, you're not ready. If we say, enjoy it as an affair, you don't really enjoy it. You won't get out of it until you get out of it. I don't get why you continue at all. It seems to be just out of convenience and habit. You could have waited in the car at his house if going inside was against what you wanted to do. Learn to say what you want. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 Oh I did say that, but waiting in the car outside the house exposes me during the waiting time to the neighbor houses each side. What are you looking for? If we say end the affair, you're not ready. If we say, enjoy it as an affair, you don't really enjoy it. You won't get out of it until you get out of it. I don't get why you continue at all. It seems to be just out of convenience and habit. You could have waited in the car at his house if going inside was against what you wanted to do. Learn to say what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 That example of OW is too pathetic. She certainly is delusional. Dear Mount: There is a spectrum to OW fog. You are not that bad, but you are not quite out of the woods. Your guy is a loser, but you just can't see it. Keep trying! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 I don't get it what is the connection between "His ego gets off on it" and having OW being present in his/wife's house. I was thinking if I am married, I would never dare to bring OM to my/hubby's house at all. Not even close by, not to mention present the OM inside the house and neighborhood. That example of OW is too pathetic. She certainly is delusional. You wouldn't dare, but others obviously would. Like your MM. He enjoys knowing he had his OW in his wifes house... Just pour more salt into the wounds. It's less forgiveable too and takes much longer to understand as a BS as to WHY that would happen. Oh I did say that, but waiting in the car outside the house exposes me during the waiting time to the neighbor houses each side. You could have a been a sibling or a co worker for all they know, giving someone a ride home, people won't 'assume'.. but, going into his house, wife away..Is worse, especially if neighbours saw, that to me would grab more attention than the 'just giving a friend a ride home' .. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted November 18, 2012 Author Share Posted November 18, 2012 Dear Peter - yes pls enlighten me more about how the MM is a loser. Dear Mount: There is a spectrum to OW fog. You are not that bad, but you are not quite out of the woods. Your guy is a loser, but you just can't see it. Keep trying! Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 Oh I did say that, but waiting in the car outside the house exposes me during the waiting time to the neighbor houses each side. I don't know where you live, and if there isn't a Starbucks at every corner, there must be some sort of coffee place/store where he could have dropped you off. This was easily solved, but I think it speaks of your issues that get to be reflected in this affair. What are you looking for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted November 18, 2012 Author Share Posted November 18, 2012 No, that is house area, not retail stores around nearby. I am looking for love, companionship, someone to talk to... QUOTE=cutedragon;4397466]I don't know where you live, and if there isn't a Starbucks at every corner, there must be some sort of coffee place/store where he could have dropped you off. This was easily solved, but I think it speaks of your issues that get to be reflected in this affair. What are you looking for? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts