is writing letters when youre having a communication problem bad?

[almostthere]

If you read my posts in the past most of you know that I dont stick with someone for more then 2 or 3 months before i get bored or see some major flaw i cant stand. well this time is different. i see many flaws i cant stand but not big enough this time to leave this guy. we've been together almost 5 months and i really do care about him. so heres my problem. he is saying that he feels like i treat him like nothing...some of the time. he says that i should sh*t or get off the pot. basically we admitted to each other 3 weeks ago or so that we were falling for each other. but ever since then it hasnt been mentioned. he has not come straight out and said i love you so i havent either. but tonight he was complaining to me about it. and i told him right back...that he hasnt either. im so confused at this point i just want to break up with him and find someone a little closer to normal then that. its like everything i do right...gets over looked. and anything bad is thrown up to me at the first possible moment. i have 2 small kids. i live with my mom. i cant have visitors here because she wont allow it. but i can spend the night out and come home in the morning 6 days a week. before i only wanted to see the person i was dating twice a week. thats how ive always done it. 3 times a week was a rare occassion. and partly becuase i have the kids. but now i am leaving my house at 9, 10, 11pm or as late as 1 or 2 am just to craw into bed with my boyfriend because he likes me sleeping there. 6 days a week. fine and good i dont mind except that when i cant get over there he gets mad at me. even when out of respect i tell him the night before at least if for some reason i will not be seeing him the next day. he still gets mad. and i dont call him at work during the day to say hi and see how his day is going. but yet he doesnt call me during the day either. what is the pint of getting mad because i didnt want to bother you at work if i didnt have a reason to call?! this is starting to confuse the hell out of me. and to top it off he is still all hung up on his exwife who doesnt live here and sure as anything doesnt want anything to do with him. he just cant get past her. i am so frustrated at this point i feel like throwing up my hands and saying forget it. but yet i know what i am losing...and it is alot. plus he admitted to me tonight that compared to the treatment he gave to his ex...im basically getting used goods. great huh?! he said he treated her 1000 times better then me. which granted he does treat me good...but come on...do you really say that to your girlfriend and expect her not to feel just a little bit bothered by that? so basically this is what i want to do. and i want to know if this is a good idea or bad idea. I communicate much better through writing then talking plus when you offend someone they tend to lash out in the middle of your story. i hate not being heard. since we are in the same boat where both of us are feeling alittle cofused and disappointed with how things are we talked a little tonight over the phone. didnt go well. thats when i got the "sh*t or get off the pot" thing. I have been holding back because i have been taking cues from him. he doesnt say it to me...well then im not going to say it to him because maybe he has changed his mind. he doesnt kiss me when i walk thru the door at night...then i dont kiss him. nothing worse then being turned down for a kiss. hes done it before...jokingly but still. ever since i found out just how much he wishes for his wife back i cant be the same person with him and i sure the hell dont feel like myself with him. i have broken up with people for this reason before. i am not going to get whats left of the good person someone else already had. and destroyed. but yet theres so much to him that is great i cant walk away without not only hurting him but hurting myself as well. so basically heres what i want to do. i want to pour my heart out in a letter. let him know exactly how i feel about everything not just if i care or not but about his ex and his lack of kissing and lack of pointing out good stuff. is it lame to give a letter? if he could just sit down and be quiet while i totally finish up then things would be different but i know he will jump right in. i dont want to walk away...but at this point i really dont care if i do. suggestions???

[overseas2004]

Not to be mean but if this is an example of how you write then you better not. Its long and rambling.

 

Your boyfriend does not sound as nice as you say he is. You tell him you feel bad about the way he treats you and he tells you sh*t or get of the pot? What kind of crap is that. My bf wouldn't dare say something like that to me. Its so disrespectful.

 

And he gets angry for you not saying you love him but he doesn't say it either? Well that is just good old fashioned GAME PLAYING.

 

To top it all off he tells you that he treated his ex wife better than you. What does that tell you???? His ex wife left him right? Wow... what a guy.

 

He gets the LOSER award I am afraid. And its time to dump him unless he can shape up.

 

So in response to his sh** or get off the pot. I would tell him I am shi**ing and you are getting flushed. Later loser.

 

Anyway this is just my advice. Good luck with whatever you do. But don't write it.. just do what needs to be done here. And that is cut the umbilical cord and be strong.

 

Regards

 

Overseas

[moimeme]

I agree with Overseas. It sounds like you want him just to have a man. He treats you badly, for heaven's sakes! Ditch him fast. IF you find a man who likes your kids, enjoys spending time with them, and doesn't resent you spending time with then, then consider having him around, but this loser you have is a very bad deal.