RR1 Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 The short answer Grace is that i don't know. The reason i don't know is because i can pretty much guess what is going on in his mind at the moment and that is that he doesn't know himself yet whether he can get over it and try again. He's still in the hurt stage where he's going from wanting to give it another go to adamantly not wanting to. He'll go through this for a bit longer still. On the plus side if he is thinking of it then there must be some sort of chance because he'd oterwise dismiss the idea and still keep shutting the door in your face. If you are going to get him back you'll need to be really consistent in your actions, introduce any element of doubt into the equation on your part and that would probably be enough to make him walk off for good. In short you have already made him severly doubt whether you want him so he's going to be hyper viligant for any signs of rejection on your part. He's likely to be a bit senstive for a while. That's natural when you thnk about it, any of us would doubt ourseleves after that. You have to convince him you do want him. It'll take a lot of work but then don't all relationships, nothing's every easy in life, well nothing worth having. I short i think he's at least thinking about it at times, which is pretty good at this stage, you'll have to build from that. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 Do you think he sounds like he's considering giving me a second chanceNot really. From what I get, in that message he is telling you to move on with your life and work on yourself. I hate to tell you this because it seems that he'll more than likely move on with his life too but if he wants to have a friendship with you, then you can keep him as a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracesf Posted November 19, 2012 Author Share Posted November 19, 2012 Not really. From what I get, in that message he is telling you to move on with your life and work on yourself. I hate to tell you this because it seems that he'll more than likely move on with his life too but if he wants to have a friendship with you, then you can keep him as a friend. But everyone seems to keep saying he's going through a thousand things right now... and last night he said "it doesn't mean I should take you back RIGHT AWAy" not it doesn't mean I should take you back... but it doesn't mean I should take you back right away... I don't know... I know I won't know the final answer until after thanksgiving... but I am trying to get a realistic image of whats happening and I just don't think that one message conveys the whole thing... I posted everything he's said so far and people sort of just pick out the pieces they wanted to comment on and tore me apart... Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracesf Posted November 19, 2012 Author Share Posted November 19, 2012 The short answer Grace is that i don't know. The reason i don't know is because i can pretty much guess what is going on in his mind at the moment and that is that he doesn't know himself yet whether he can get over it and try again. He's still in the hurt stage where he's going from wanting to give it another go to adamantly not wanting to. He'll go through this for a bit longer still. On the plus side if he is thinking of it then there must be some sort of chance because he'd oterwise dismiss the idea and still keep shutting the door in your face. If you are going to get him back you'll need to be really consistent in your actions, introduce any element of doubt into the equation on your part and that would probably be enough to make him walk off for good. In short you have already made him severly doubt whether you want him so he's going to be hyper viligant for any signs of rejection on your part. He's likely to be a bit senstive for a while. That's natural when you thnk about it, any of us would doubt ourseleves after that. You have to convince him you do want him. It'll take a lot of work but then don't all relationships, nothing's every easy in life, well nothing worth having. I short i think he's at least thinking about it at times, which is pretty good at this stage, you'll have to build from that. This makes absolute sense... so the not talking to let him decide what he wants makes sense... but I also am struggling with trying so hard to remind him... I'll have to see him tomorrow ALL DAY... that'll be killer... he keeps catching my eye and giving me the saddest looks... I just want to fix the damage I've done and make it work... but I agree with you, if he knew he wanted to be done with me for good he would have shut the door... the fact that he's agreed to talk, that he's said he doesn't know what will happen, at least leaves the door open... and he's not the type of guy to string a girl along... when he's done he's definitely done.... so I agree with you to about my actions needing to be consistent... I get that he needs time to sort his emotions out... but I also feel like if I'm not checking in with him, then how does he know I'm just not with someone else... I feel like I want to show him every minute of every day that I'm thinking of him... and want to be with him... and that I feel is hard to do while not talking to him... Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 But everyone seems to keep saying he's going through a thousand things right now... and last night he said "it doesn't mean I should take you back RIGHT AWAy" not it doesn't mean I should take you back... but it doesn't mean I should take you back right away... I don't know... I know I won't know the final answer until after thanksgiving... but I am trying to get a realistic image of whats happening and I just don't think that one message conveys the whole thing... I posted everything he's said so far and people sort of just pick out the pieces they wanted to comment on and tore me apart...Well you have to be prepare for the good news (if he want to take you back) but also for the bad one (if he decides not to). Maybe it might work out in the future or maybe not. Link to post Share on other sites
itsmyfault Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 Being a guy, I know, no matter how much i loved someone, If they cheated, that would be it. And by cheating on him, you may cause long term damage to his sexual activity and is confidence. (obviously depending on the type of person he is.) So i think you should leave him alone. let him decide what he wants. After all, you will have crushed him, made him feel like nothing, and probably made him feel sexually inadequate. Something I doubt many men will be able to get passed. Link to post Share on other sites
I'm nuts Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 we have a couple of friends who stayed together after infidelity and they are stronger and better then ever, they weren't married and didn't have kids... BS, BS, BS, people, do not believe this total BS. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 He doesn't sound like he is going to take you back from what I read. He is a nice guy and is trying to handle this in a mature way. To be honest with you the fact that he is so calm in his responses to you is what makes me think he is done. If he were angry it would show more emotion and I feel he may want you back. He just seems flat on the situation and that's not a good sign for you. It sounds like he really didn't have a clue who you were and is just now realizing everything about you was a lie. Why don't you just leave him alone and if he does come back good for you. You really need to get help for your actions. Also how did everyone in your class find out about your affair? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I'm nuts Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 you can build something beautiful from the ashes... The delusion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I'm nuts Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 Wow... so not one of you... no one on here thinks that you can rebuild a relationship after cheating? Nobody on here knows a couple that healed and recovered after cheating? What a dismal place it is on loveshack... I mean I know everybody's been hurt... but no one actually still believes that beauty can come from ashes? I hope we prove you wrong! You wont. You don't want to take on-board what is being said to you, it's all about your slightly bruised ego. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 GraceF stop with the obsession as to whether or not you're getting a second chance. His response to you was very clear. WORK ON YOURSELF. You're still not even doing that, so what incentive does he have to take you back? None. Stop with this second chance obsession, just stop it. Fix yourself. Work on your lies, work on being a better person for yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ruhrohcd Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 He sounds like someone who has been hurt in the past, has reflected on it, and has decided to handle himself in a different way than he did before. Perhaps he was cruel to someone who betrayed him in the past, and felt dirty for it later on. It seems to me that he's trying to help you grow from this; not for purposes of getting back together, but so that you can have a better life after this. Leave him alone with this one small victory; it will help him heal. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 Grace no his msg did not leave any doors open. He was polite and tactful but the gist was "gtfo" Don't contact him. he knows how you feel, if he is interested you will hear from him. there is NOTHING more for you to say. and tbh I think he knows if your ex hadn't exposed you, you'd still be cheating. people don't change like overnight...you haven't changed... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts