GF cheated. , angry, shocked.

[digi7alGh0s7]

My GF cheated this weekend, while I was away working and visiting family. She cheated with one of her guy 'friends' at a party. They met up there and she made out with him there and then had sex with him after the party, at his place. Wow. Just writing that is gut wrenching.

 

I just turned 24. She's 22, been dating for 11 months and living with me for 4 months. I am a decent guy. Good looking, employed, educated, confident and always kind and LOYAL to her. I've had opportunities but I have never and will never cheat on a SO. The POS she had sex with is a punk. Short, average looking, part time student- full time DBAG. I found out by her admitting to it after I knew something was up and she was lying. I prodded and dug, cause I knew she was being deflective and short. I finally got her to admit it. I dumped her on the spot. Told her to pack a bag and get the hell out of my joint.

 

I'm writing this because I'm looking for answers and support. I am normally a very decisive and self assured person but right now I don't know if I made the right choice. I crave her. I'm in love with her. And this hurt's. It's making me feel just. Numb. Please help.

[Balzac]

It hurts now but the last thing you want is a cheater. Don't lose your self respect by taking the begging train.

[digi7alGh0s7]

Yeah, she really had a meltdown when I dumped her after she told me. All girls cry but she started just crying like someone had died. I asked her if anything about her is real. That made it worse and she just laid on the floor for a little while crying. I said I'm leaving to go to the gym and spar, causing I needed to just hit something. I said by the time I come back I don't want you here.

 

When I came back she was still there and was begging, pleading and saying some messed up things like she'll do anything to have me and that she couldn't imagine another girl getting to have me. And that I could have another girl if I wanted to make things even. WTF. And she would accept it. blah, blah. Ughh. Just messed up. Finally, I called her cousin and she came and got her. This all happened bout 4 hours ago. I thought I would be exhausted after this emotionally roller coaster. But I can't get my mind off it. I'm really already missing her. She's blown up my phone. So I shut it off. She's even sent me messages over XBL. It's just so over the top. My god.

 

What's so messed up is that the night before I caught my flight we made love for like 3 hours. And the mourning of we fooled around. And she told me she loved me. Then On the next night she's banging some loser. WTF. I just don't get it. I'm so f***ing mad right now at her. I just am so pissed at what she has done to us. I still love her. And I'm fairly sure she still loves me. I half expected her to cry and then be gone by the time I got back but she wasn't. I just don't know. I'm gonna try to sleep.

 

Thanks, Gh0s7

[karnak]

Yeah, she really had a meltdown when I dumped her after she told me. All girls cry but she started just crying like someone had died. I asked her if anything about her is real. That made it worse and she just laid on the floor for a little while crying. I said I'm leaving to go to the gym and spar, causing I needed to just hit something. I said by the time I come back I don't want you here.

 

When I came back she was still there and was begging, pleading and saying some messed up things like she'll do anything to have me and that she couldn't imagine another girl getting to have me. And that I could have another girl if I wanted to make things even. WTF. And she would accept it. blah, blah. Ughh. Just messed up. Finally, I called her cousin and she came and got her. This all happened bout 4 hours ago. I thought I would be exhausted after this emotionally roller coaster. But I can't get my mind off it. I'm really already missing her. She's blown up my phone. So I shut it off. She's even sent me messages over XBL. It's just so over the top. My god.

 

What's so messed up is that the night before I caught my flight we made love for like 3 hours. And the mourning of we fooled around. And she told me she loved me. Then On the next night she's banging some loser. WTF. I just don't get it. I'm so f***ing mad right now at her. I just am so pissed at what she has done to us. I still love her. And I'm fairly sure she still loves me. I half expected her to cry and then be gone by the time I got back but she wasn't. I just don't know. I'm gonna try to sleep.

 

Thanks, Gh0s7

 

Listen, dude. She isn't in love with you. She's with you because, as you said, you are a decent guy, attractive and confident.

 

But, unlike what some men think, being handsome, or confident, or rich isn't enough to keep a woman's legs closed. As you unfortunately found out, your woman traded the "best meal in the world" for a "lousy hamburger".

 

Why did she do that? Probably, the most honest answer would be: "because she could". Some women, like some men can't resist the temptation of a new body. And, regardless of all the attention and affection that you give some women will always stray. ALWAYS.

 

Life has taught me that some relationships, regardless of all the emotional investment, are just ticking time-bombs. You can be happy for 5, 10 or 15 years, but sooner or later you'll be cheated on.

 

Hard, isn't it? But, unfortunately, that's how it works. And the worst part is that you don't have a sure way to distinguish between a partner that will be faithful throughout your life and one who will be unfaithful. Just cross your fingers and hope for the best.

 

As for your girfriend: well... you already know she's not the faithful type.

[Joaquin]

Tough days bro.

 

Answers you may not get. I for one find the whole cheating thing quite difficult to understand. But this place has some good support potential.

 

Talk to family, friends etc. Get angry. Get sad. Feel relief. Feel hurt. Let stuff work it's way through your system. Don't block it.

 

I would never talk to the girl again. Ever. Thats what I would need in order to move on and heal.

[digi7alGh0s7]

Can't sleep so why should I try. Thanks for all your replies and support. I really appreciate it. I've had some time to think and talk to family and close friends and I've come to the conclusion that She has some serious issues with boundaries and self esteem. I do believe she loves me. But she is incapable of mature love. I still hate her right now. I can't stand the sight of her and the sound of her voice in my head. I still love her and miss her and it hasn't even been a day yet

 

She's sent me over 100 txts and 30 calls since I booted her a**. Telling me she loves me, blah, blah, blah. It's so over the top and passive aggressive I can't stand it. I fully plan on no contact. I've deleted all her **** on my face book page. All the pictures, vids, updates whatever it's gone. If it wasn't for profession and employment reason's I would be done with that silly site for good too.

 

She still has to pick up all her stuff So I'll have to organize a time for that. Not today tho. It's best for a cool down period. I'm still very angry. The numbness isn't there now it's been replaced by Anger and Hate. But I know it will get better and I'm not the type to dwell on anything or get to high or low.

 

Again thanks for all your replies and support, it really does help. I'll try to keep posting cause it really helps. I just want to be done with her. Forever.

[karnak]

If you were married she would have cheated on you too. And she'll most assuredly cheat on every guy that crosses her path.

 

As one of the posters wrote take your time to heal. With time everything goes back to place.

[digi7alGh0s7]

@Karnak, Thanks for your replies you sound like a very wise and experienced guy.

 

I agree with you about her. I think she's just a very weak person and has impulse control issues. She's hasn't been nasty or mean to me. Yet. Although one of her voice messages was starting to blameshift and deflect. Classic passive aggresive behavior. So hopefully she does't get mean and bitter. Again thanks for your post's.

[road]

You are normal to miss her even after she cheated.

 

You need to go NC with her now. Block every way she can contact you.

 

Do not allow contact for any reason. Gather up all of her stuff and drop it off at her parents or cousins house.

 

I have read too many stories where the BF forgave the GF and married her only to have her cheat again after they were married.

 

So being you were never married, no kids, no financial entanglements it is best to never go back to here.

[Darren Steez]

Right now everything is raw and fueling your anger which are informing your decision to keep away from her at the moment, but the anger will subside and you will start to weaken in regards to reconciliation, its natural because you love her, but do not take her back. She did what she did out of selfishness, because during the phases of attraction, courtship, kissing and finally having sex you popped into her mind from time to time and just as quickly she pushed you right to the back of her mind and continued on.

It hurts, it sucks and its downright unfair but over time you'll see you've made the right choice as hard as it is. Keep strong

[digi7alGh0s7]

Just finished packing up her s**t bout an hr. ago. Returned it to her cousin's. She was there and came out of the house and made a huge dramatic scene. lol. WTF. Drama. Drama. This gal's so over the top. I told her goodbye and never to contact me again. She said she loves me and will never give up on us. lol. She told me she wished she could take it all back. I told her 'well, wish in one hand and s**t in the other and see which one fills up first.'Jumped in my mustang and left. Head Held High. Finished. Starting too feel better, still angry and a little sad but better. Thanks for all your replies. Don't know if I'll post anymore. Hopefully, I won't have to. But loveshack is a good place. And all of you guys are great. Thanks, Ghos7.

[Stillalive1]

Good choice,u did the right thing.

[drifter777]

My GF cheated this weekend, while I was away working and visiting family. She cheated with one of her guy 'friends' at a party. They met up there and she made out with him there and then had sex with him after the party, at his place. Wow. Just writing that is gut wrenching.

 

I just turned 24. She's 22, been dating for 11 months and living with me for 4 months. I am a decent guy. Good looking, employed, educated, confident and always kind and LOYAL to her. I've had opportunities but I have never and will never cheat on a SO. The POS she had sex with is a punk. Short, average looking, part time student- full time DBAG. I found out by her admitting to it after I knew something was up and she was lying. I prodded and dug, cause I knew she was being deflective and short. I finally got her to admit it. I dumped her on the spot. Told her to pack a bag and get the hell out of my joint.

 

I'm writing this because I'm looking for answers and support. I am normally a very decisive and self assured person but right now I don't know if I made the right choice. I crave her. I'm in love with her. And this hurt's. It's making me feel just. Numb. Please help.

 

You don't love her - you crave her pussy. It's like a drug and can take a while for you to get over. Be patient and confident that this will pass and you will wonder how you ever spent any time with a girl like her. Thank your lucky stars she revealed her true self before things got any more complicated for you.

 

If you go out and hook up with another girl right now I'll bet you will forget about the cheater by the time the sweat dries.

[digi7alGh0s7]

So I have been doing a lot better. Everything was looking up. I went out with some friends to have some drinks, I didn't drink cause I didn't feel like it, but it was nice to be around people. Anyway I ran into a female friend. Well, she's actual a mutual friend between my ex and I. So we had some drinks and talked. She thinks my ex is an absolute idiot to cheat on me. She starts telling me about how great I am. I think she was just being nice and trying to cheer me up. So I end up taking her back to her place, and it just sort of happened. I took her right in the kitchen. Stupid. After the first time I thought it would end in some awkwardness but it didn't we ended up doing the deed the rest of the night. She told me I was amazing and said we should do it again. Like a dummy I said sure. Dumb.

 

I felt really good the next afternoon. Got home made a steak and proceeded to watch monday night football. San Fran was playing the Bears and I stated to have some anxiety. When I said I packed up all my ex's stuff. I lied. She has this Bears urlacher female jersey, that she would wear alot especially after sex. I kept it. I know weird. So I kinda went in and got it and smelled it for a while. I know this is freaky. I'm a freak. Flame away. Well, to make matters worse I started to cry like a baby for the first time in like 3 years, and almost broke NC. I had this overwhelming since of guilt for what I had done with her friend and then I felt sad, remorseful and sick all at once! WTF.

 

So yeah, IDK what's going on with me. I'm not angry anymore now I'm sad and I really, REALLY want to talk to my ex. This is the worse. And I complicated a potential friendship as well. Awesome. I am so dumb.

[Balzac]

Hah! Why refer to yourself as dumb? It sounds like revenge sex, seeking physical comfort in a willing partner. Grief is a very individual process.

Forgive yourself and move on.

[digi7alGh0s7]

@ balzac. I guess your right. But I just don't know if I'm ever going to be over her. And now I've brought an innocent good girl into my ****ty mess. I am Dumb. She's a good girl. I'm afraid by ex will find out and take it out on her and I'll have to break NC. I just felt comfortable with her. And she's way hot :-), lol. But I just don't want to be weak. I sure didn't help myself.

[Balzac]

Dude....listen up. Willing partner means thus:

1. She knew your situation.

2. She made conscious decisions of her own.

3. How wise, emotionally healthy can a girl be who has a fact set and still chooses to act?

 

You feel overwhelmed by your emotions. Embrace your anger, sadness and all of it. It feels endless but knowledge tells you it does have an end.

Trust yourself to feel your emotions.

 

It may help you to view this "good girl" as an individual capable of handling her own, adult life decisions.

 

We all make bad decisions. Life gets messy. One can only hope that your sexual encounter involved reliable contraceptive. Adding more serious complications isn't what you need.

 

Weak is finding ANY excuse to break NC. Weak is over functioning for "good girl's" under functioning. She is an adult free agent, perating with known facts of history.

Edited November 20, 2012 by Balzac
One might conclude YOU were taken advantage of :-)

[Chi townD]

So I end up taking her back to her place, and it just sort of happened. I took her right in the kitchen. Stupid. After the first time I thought it would end in some awkwardness but it didn't we ended up doing the deed the rest of the night. She told me I was amazing and said we should do it again. Like a dummy I said sure.

 

 

 

Stupid, stupid, stupid, dumb as hell, stupid, stupid.........Do ya feel better now? Because, guess what? You're no better than your Ex. You kicked you're Girlfriend out and not less than 24 hours, your knee deep in someone else. You basically used this other girl and she let you. Now, whether if it was for solice, I don't know. Still, all you did was complicate your situation. You brought yourself down to your Ex's level (even if you don't think so right now. One day, you might think differently on it.)

 

Oh well, nothing you can do about it now. Time to heal and move on. Cut her out of your life. And I strongly advise that you heal from this relationship BEFORE you involve yourself with someone else. Sh*t is too raw right now and it wouldn't be fair to the girl you would date.

[GSB81]

I disagree about him lowering himself to the level of his ex. That's insulting to the guy. He didn't cheat. He didn't lie. I say good for him.

[dasein]

Agree with balzac, and darren also. Your mind is starting to play tricks to make you feel guilty, which is part of a rationalization process to get you to break NC, been there. Resist it, as you are doing great right now, making all the right moves. The girl you banged knew the deal and wanted to get banged. Would not rebound, but a few more bangs is fine if you want and neither of you start getting attached. You are doing nothing wrong, taking advantage of no one.

 

But to repeat, the next stage after the white hot anger is a kind of devil's advocate phase where your mind will start falsely advocating for your cheating ex, making her actions appear not all that bad, creating self-questioning and false blame on yourself. Don't trust yourself, stay NC during this crucial time and you will recover from the whole thing much faster. You don't owe your ex any closure, talk, emails, even listening to her. Keep your self-interest and resolve in the forefront now because you need to.

[pbjbear]

My GF cheated this weekend, while I was away working and visiting family. She cheated with one of her guy 'friends' at a party. They met up there and she made out with him there and then had sex with him after the party, at his place. Wow. Just writing that is gut wrenching.

 

I just turned 24. She's 22, been dating for 11 months and living with me for 4 months. I am a decent guy. Good looking, employed, educated, confident and always kind and LOYAL to her. I've had opportunities but I have never and will never cheat on a SO. The POS she had sex with is a punk. Short, average looking, part time student- full time DBAG. I found out by her admitting to it after I knew something was up and she was lying. I prodded and dug, cause I knew she was being deflective and short. I finally got her to admit it. I dumped her on the spot. Told her to pack a bag and get the hell out of my joint.

 

I'm writing this because I'm looking for answers and support. I am normally a very decisive and self assured person but right now I don't know if I made the right choice. I crave her. I'm in love with her. And this hurt's. It's making me feel just. Numb. Please help.

 

You made the right choice. Its natural to second guess but use this upcoming time to think with your brain instead of your heart.

[Madman81]

I disagree with ChiTown as well. You are better than your ex. You didn't cheat -- she did. You dumped her, packed her stuff, and took it to her. Relationship over. Whatever you did after that, isn't cheating.

 

I don't chalk up the fact that you had sex with this new girl so quickly as "weak". On the contrary, I think it was a very understandable reaction. When a guy is cheated on, "inadequacy" is one of the things he inevitably feels. Having sex with somebody new quickly after being on the receiving end of sexual betrayal can be affirming. (I'm not saying it's that way for every guy; hence the use of the word "can".)

 

When my XW revealed to me back in 2003 that she'd been serially unfaithful, we tried for two months to fix things, but she wasn't into it. When she called an end to the attempt, we had another month living under the same roof (separate beds) while I packed half the stuff and found a place to live. I don't know what she got up to in that month, or who with; as for me, I kept my end of the marital bargain until the day I moved out.

 

The night before I moved out, I went to a party, and met a woman I'd known for a number of years. She knew my story. I could have slept with her that night, but I was still technically "with" the XW so I didn't. Got together with the new woman the next night, my first in my new place. And I have to say, it felt righteous. It was a shot in the arm when I needed it most.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself, mang. Your emotions are going to be a rollercoaster for a few months, from anger on the one hand to sadness on the other. You'll cry a few more times before things level out. Focus on yourself. Date or sleep with whoever you want (keep it safe), but DON'T get into a new commitment with anybody right now. See your friends, get exercise, eat well, buy yourself some new clothes or a new toy, try some new activities or sports. You're young, and time will heal the pain. In a few years, you'll look back and realize that she wasn't worth your tears, understandable though they are right now.

 

All the best.