DenumChkn Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 There seems to be a lot of conflicting advice and opinions about when you should cut ties with a 'friend' who is not reciprocating romantic feelings on here, so I thought it would be interesting to get a bunch of peoples ideas in one place. When are you being 'lead on' and just building up the ego of the object of your desire, and when are they sincerely interested, but wanting to take things slow? My best friend was friends with his now-wife for a few months before they even kissed or expressed feelings of any kind for each other. They have one of the best and happiest relationships I have seen amongst my peers. This flies in the face of Basic dating protocol and my own experience telling me that if I haven't kissed a girl by the 2nd or 3rd date nothing romantic will ever develop between us and I should move on (for my own sake). That said, if my best friend had followed this line of thinking, he would not now have the amazing relationship he has with his wife. When is it worth being patient and pursuing someone through the 'friend zone'? People constantly talk about how nothing good comes easy, yet in relationships more often than not it seems the common understanding is that things should escalate quickly. Is there ever a circumstance under which you should fight for and woo a person who you truly care about, who maybe needs more time to develop those same feelings for you? Link to post Share on other sites
dynamicathena Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 I was wondering the same thing. I'm not sure if I should fight for my friend or not. I really can't decide. I'm trying to give him space before I press the issue any farther. I got really mixed signal and conflicting ideas. Comments are welcome. One moment I feel like I should fight for him and the next I feel like I should just walk away. My situation: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/357737-i-am-loss-words-need-input Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 When is it worth being patient and pursuing someone through the 'friend zone'? When they are verifiably single and aren't sharing the intimate details of their life like you're a girlfriend. Bonus points if they proactively express interest and care in your life, not merely provide an ear and the bobbing dog head. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DenumChkn Posted November 19, 2012 Author Share Posted November 19, 2012 sadintexas: I agree, there is no correlation between their marriage's success and the slow buildup of the relationship. The point was more just that successful relationships can and do sprout of slow building friendships. I'm starting to view it like this: I like this girl a lot and even though it can hurt sometimes that she doesn't reciprocate my same feelings for her, if it does work out in the long term, I'll be glad I was patient and endured that little bit of pain. If it doesn't work out then oh well - I've endured worse pain than that before and I will again. In my experience, nothing truly great is gained without some personal sacrifice being made first. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 I haven't had to pursue anyone to make them develop feelings for me......to me, chasing is three text messages or four maybe unanswered......if someone doesn't have feelings for someone else i think its extremely hard as a woman to believe you can make them have feelings for you.that is my opinion though...by chasing......they do or they dont and if they dont reply......a friendship doesn't even seem likely....games are for kids......beach volleyball preferrably....deb Link to post Share on other sites
RR1 Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 Interesting question. I've had experience where i was unsure whether someone just wanted to take things slow or whether i was just being used as an ego boost, i just couldn't work it out. Somedays i just thought no i'm being played here and other days i'd think no there are real feelings here that are struggling to get out. I suppose a good indicator would be time frame, even if someone wanted to take things really slowly there is only so long the other person would be prepared to wait without getting any signals of interest back. There's ways of showing interest whilst indicating you want to take it slow, i personally like the most straight forward one which is just saying i do actually like you but i'm not ready for anything to happen yet and i might not be for a while so if you are interested you'll hve to be patient. I suppose i may be a bit unusual in that i'm a guy who actually likes to take things slow, i'm not one for just heading straight for the bedroom after a couple of dates, i like to get the feeling that there is a good chance of starting a long-term relationship and not just something thats going to fizzle out soon after. That's why i think it's important to get to know someone well before taking things further, any relationship needs solid foundations if it's going to last and that can't be achieved if everything is rushed, you need to know the person and what they are about. Having said that it is unfortunately the case that some people {both men and women} will led another on by just showing them enough interest to make the other think they may have a chance if they are just prepared to be patient and and take things slowly when really they are just enjoying the attention and the other person doesn't stand a chance in reality. I think that's a wicked game to play but unfortuntely some people do think it's ok to do that. I contributed to another thread on LS that's relevant to this discussion, it's about when to contact and when to play it a bit cooler. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/357651-contact Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 hope this answers your question somewhat Link to post Share on other sites
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