hard headed men with no contact rule

[freedom 43]

Hey out there! I feel for you guys who are experiencing "no contact" because I am in the middle of a "no contact" thing myself!!

 

If anyone could lend me their eyes and ears I sure do need some advice. I will try to be brief with my post.

 

December 200 I went out on a blind date with a guy. Hated him!! Two months later, Feb 2003, we went out again. We hit it off this time. We are both divorced (him 8 years and me 3 years) in our late forties and early fifties. He has two daughters - one with him an one with his ex in another state. I have three kids who are all with me. My oldest is 20 and youngest is 13.

 

Anyway, his daughter and I really hit it off and we are great friends and pals. Ex wife acts like she is glad we are friends and that I am there for the daughter to my face but is not happy behind my back. The oldest turned 16 on 7-1 and I gave her a ring for her birthday. Some of the girl's friends told me that the ex said I was alwyas trying to outdo her and it made her angry.

 

Anyway, bf is devout Catholic (does not have an annulment yet) and I am Baptist. I am crazy about this guy but he is very afraid of commitment because of past messy divorce. He lets the ex tell him what to do to an extent and really lets a cousin and his priest dictate his life. He got drunk and told a bunch of untruths (exaggerations) to the cousin, priest and ex. After hearing what he said (they do not know me well personally at all) they all three suggested that he get away from me.

 

We have been going out about 1 1/2 years (with 2 or 3 breaks where we both dated others). Three weeks ago, after talking with his ex's husband (step-father of his youngest child who was due to visit for three weeks the following day) he called me and told me that I was to never see either of the girls again or to contact them in any way. I think ex is behind this because she has told him before who he could date and who he couldn't. The youngest goes back to her mother's tomorrow after her three week visit. I have seen both girls, as the came to see me without him knowing it. The older one continues to e-mail me and call me and they both want me and their dad together. However, I have not heard from him at all. Yesterday was his birthday but I did not call him. We have not spoken at all.

 

The night he called me he did not sound like himself at all. It was as if he was repeating exactly what someone told him to say OR reading from a script. I wrote him a letter a week ago. The letter was not a begging him back thing or anything like that. It just said that I knew I had made some mistakes and was sorry for what I had done. I don't even know if he read it or not. Still, nothing!!

 

What do you think my chances are of hearing from him after the younger girl goes home? If it was not her mother, why else would he ban me from the girls and him? We have had soooo many good times together and the girls and I get along great.

 

Somebody out there - be straight with me. What do you think I should or should not do?

 

freedom 43

[UCFKevin]

Continue having a friendship with the daughers, there's nothing he can do about that, or SHOULD be able to do, but as for you and him, it sounds like it's over, he's not running his own life. Guys like that aren't really gold, exactly.

[freedom 43]

KevinUFC and anyone else who will respond:

 

Thanks for the reply. Even though it was not what I really wanted to hear it is what I figured that I would hear. I thought, just by chance, that the daughters might have more influence over him than the ex, priest or cousin. What do you think? I forgot to mention in my earlier post that he has been divorced for 8 years, has lived with his father ever since the separation and his father died about 6 months ago. Bf took care of his father throughout the entire illness and they were best friends. He still talks about him a lot and says how much he misses him. He has not been himself since his father's death. Do you think he is still in the grieving process and just needs "some time and space" as they say?"

 

I also forgot to say that when he called me demanding that I cut off all contact with his daughters, he mentioned, casually, that we might still want to see each other sometime. I made no comment after he said that.

 

Also, in the past when we have "broken up" for a while we have stayed in contact because he did not want me to lose contact with his oldest daughter. He wanted me to have time for her and her for me because he knew she needed a woman in her life.

 

If it wasn't the ex - I can't understand why on earth the VERY SUDDEN CHANGE!! In my heart, I think the step-father told my BF that they would not let the younger girl visit if she would see me because the mom is too scared that she is getting attached to me too.

 

Still have the same opinion?

 

freedom 43

[theone44]

Well i want to say that the "no contract" rule ,really work for me. It been two month now since my lady broke-up and dump my behind,but i hadn't contacted her neither by phone,nor text mails since the break-up. I'm not using the no contact rule to get her back,but to get over her and better myself and also to move on. Regardly,if a person break up with u. You still got to love a person,who dump you in a Godly matter,never seek revenge on anyone,cause it only make the situation worst,and the person who dump u will never want to come back then. Yes,i still love my ex,but i love her so much,that i decided to set her free from me. I found out the more u try to contact your ex lady,send her flower,calling her,groveling,lots of text messages and just keep trying to get him or her back,only make them run further away from u. Once your lady break up with u,u need to stop all contact and communication with her immeditally. The more u try to get back with her,the more she will proceed u as being a weak and wimpy man,and women are not attractive to weak and wimpy men,who cry like babies to win them back. Be a real man and get your power back,by not contacting your ex lady for any reason,and she will respect u as a man........ Who know's she might think what she did,and return back to u.

 

Good luck to all who had been dumped like me,remember this life is so much beautiful after being dump by someone.l

[KaiaMahina]

Freedom, why are you bothering with a man who is so easily "influenced" by everyone on the planet except HIMSELF?!

 

He lets his ex-wife, his cousin and his priest (a priest! a man who has apparently given up sex, has no relationship with a woman, isn't married, and is giving out life advice to a divorced man -- what does this priest know about life?!) run his life for him. Is he too lazy to do it for himself? Too weak? Too stupid? And now you're trying to figure out if his daughters have more influence than the others which may cause him to get in contact with you?

 

Go find yourself a real MAN who knows his own mind, and makes decisions, not some pathetic zombie who relies on the brain waves of various keepers to seep into his empty head and control his actions! Is he a human being or a puppet? Add to it that he gets drunk and "tells untruths". You mean he gets sloshed and lies about you to other people. As a "devout Catholic" don't you find this behavior just a little reprehensible? The last time I checked, there was a commandment about bearing false witness.

 

Something else to think about is the fact the YOU have virtually NO influence over him. No effect at all. To the extent that you're hoping that his daughter's influence might help to balance things in your direction! Your feelings are not exactly paramount to him. What's important to him is obeying the directives of his puppet master and keeping them happy.

 

You may love these girls and get along great with them, but the fact of the matter is that this is a nasty mess with too many cooks stirring the pot. There are other men in the world, and other daughters to get along great with -- end your friendships with these girls because there is too much static in it for you. Put your efforts elsewhere and save yourself what would be the lifelong misery of a lot of noses constantly in your business should you end up with this man.

 

You hated him the first time you went out with him. Your first impression was correct. If I were you, I'd stick with that and wash my hands of this entire episode. I know, you LOVE him. Eva Braun loved Hitler, too, but she would have been better off without him.