toppingoff Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years. He's an amazing guy, very sweet and caring and is really good to me. The only problem is that our physical relationship is not that great. The reason behind this is because his health is not good. He has very low stamina and he does not perform very well. He is only in his 20's but has the energy level of a 50 year old man. I've encouraged him and asked him to exercise with me but he refuses to set up a routine. Our sex life has soured so much to a point that I do not enjoy having sex with him. I think the last time was 3 months ago. I would much rather do other things to please him in order to avoid having intercourse. I'm still in my early 20's and I feel like a dried up old maid. I'm no longer sexually attracted to my bf. However, our emotional connection is great. He has an awesome personality and we get along very well. We've argued about these issues before but he has not been fully committed to making changes in his diet and exercise in order to improve his health. I feel like if I break up with him, I will be letting go of a very amazing person. At the same time, I also want to desire the person I am with. He's my first so I dont have experience else where. He wants to get married but I don't want to fully commit to a person that I will not enjoy sleeping with for the rest of my life. What to do??? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 If you care about sex at all, break up with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 You are only in your twenties. You aren't married, don't have kids, and are still maturing. Call it quits and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Kite Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 I hate telling people they need to break up. You have spoken about this. Have you done it in a calm way to hear his side of the story? If you have and still nothing has changed, then I think it best you leave him. Problems like these don't get better. You will be married and live a life where you have NO sex. Can you do that for the next 50 years? I'm very sorry you are faced with this decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Tiera D Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 There is a large risk that you will not get another guy like him ever again,just look around here,its just sad people nowdays have low loyalty,but is your choice personally,i wouldnt trade love to get temprory sexual pleasure..but its your choice TD Link to post Share on other sites
eGuy2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 Tell him straight up how you feel -- let him know if he isn't interested in starting an exercise routine with you then you are going to have to end the relationship. Give him the 100% honest truth, don't sugar coat it, if that dose of reality doesn't change his mind then its time to break up. Show him this post, even. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NavyAirTraffic Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 (edited) Tell him straight up how you feel -- let him know if he isn't interested in starting an exercise routine with you then you are going to have to end the relationship. Give him the 100% honest truth, don't sugar coat it, if that dose of reality doesn't change his mind then its time to break up. Show him this post, even. It's not like you're asking him to do drugs, start smoking, or something unhealthy. You're asking him to become more physically fit, live longer, enjoy more activities together. Listen to eGuy, give him an ultimatum and STICK TO IT!!! Funny part is, if you break up with him, he'll probably get in shape just dispite you/to prove you wrong. Edit: Also, if you're having doubts/thinking of leaving now, do you think this will get better over time? Somewhere down the road you will be tempted by someone to either cheat or leave your bf. You're thinking about leaving now without a direct temptation, what happens when you are tempted? Edited November 19, 2012 by NavyAirTraffic Link to post Share on other sites
AlexDP Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 If you care about sex at all, break up with him. I'd even say she should break up with him if she cares about him at all. If you're in your twenties and you can't be bothered to exercise a little to make even mundane things such as possible, something is off. We're not talking about running a sub 10 second 100m here. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexDP Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 There is a large risk that you will not get another guy like him ever again,just look around here,its just sad people nowdays have low loyalty,but is your choice personally,i wouldnt trade love to get temprory sexual pleasure..but its your choice TD Sex is a major part of your life if you have anything that resembles a libido. You can't turn off the switch and no longer like sex. She will cheat on him eventually if the issue is not resolved. Besides, if you're in a relationship, you do your best to please your partner in the bedroom. That goes for the guy too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 (edited) I agree that you should tell him. No beating around the bush. If you want to enjoy sex WITH HIM you need to come out with it... and no fluffiness. "We've been together 4 years and I do love you very much, however our sex life as of lately has not been fulfilling to me and it's because of [x, y and z]. I have spoken to you about this in the past and nothing has changed and because of this I no longer desire to have sex with you. My sexual needs are not being met, and if things don't change, I don't see how we can remain together any longer. I can't live the rest of my life in a sexless relationship." Is it going to hurt him? Yep. But will it better the relationship and his health if he starts doing something about it? Absolutely. Edited November 19, 2012 by KatZee HIM Link to post Share on other sites
scarlet.vixn Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 I just want to touch on one thing that people haven't been saying although I agree with the majority of the posters here. Sex is important especially when you're young and when you're considering getting married. Why doesn't he want to get in shape? Most people are very aware of they're own physical desirability and do what they can to increase that desirability and feel good about themselves. Now under the assumption that he's lazy and doesn't care about getting healthy, your guys' sex life, or your future then there's nothing you can do, he just plain doesn't care. BUT... If he's insecure about it, then maybe the approach is making things more difficult for him. Maybe when you ask him to get on a diet and have told him that sex was no longer enjoyable it wounded him. My ex and I had a great sex life initially and with the trust I had in him it was only going to get better, when he started getting depressed however he let it slip to someone else that he had lost his sex drive and there was also some talk about his ex and how he had such a high sex drive with her. Needless to say the information got back to me and my confidence was shot to hell. *I* didn't want to have sex anymore, I was afraid if I was doing it right and I couldn't enjoy myself. He could tell something was up and it was a rapid decline. After we broke up I got my confidence back but it wasn't easy. If he's a great guy and you don't want to lose him because of this then re-examine how you approached him with the information. I'm not entirly sure there is a good way to approach someone with information like that, but keeping on top of it and making sure the reason he's hesitant to make these changes isn't because he's worried that he can't satisfy you even with the change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toppingoff Posted November 20, 2012 Author Share Posted November 20, 2012 Thanks for all of your comments and helpful advice. I've tried many different approaches. Even asked if he would like to join me when I'm working out. He told me that working out is the thing that he hates the most. I'm just frustrated because he is compromising our physical relationship over something so small. I feel like I'm honestly not asking for much. I just want a healthy partner that makes me feel like a woman in bed. Whenever he gets soft, it makes me feel very undesirable even though he has assured me that it's not me, it's his lack of energy. he realizes that his sedentary lifestyle deteriorates his health but won't do anything aobut it....sigh..It's hard because I love him so much and I love the person that he is and how he is around me but don't know if I can cope with this much longer. Link to post Share on other sites
Tiera D Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 did he tell you why he would not join you?perhaps to avoid misunderstanding you can have a talk with him,I think you should show him more signs that you are possible leaving him, hopefully he would take the hint and change,or else im more inclined now to support the other posters of breaking up although i hope it would be a last resort ,its not easy to get your other half to treat you that well ,i sincerely hope you would atleast have a talk with him,i im sick of seeing another good relationship fail,Good Luck! TD Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I wonder if this thread is a social experiment. Next, the OP will create an identical thread but change the sexes of the people involved. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I think you two need to go to some therapy. I forget the exact name for it, but the one that addresses these problems. If he is willing to go through with it.. then I say work it out. But you need to TELL him you want this and that this problem is bothering you. Then see if he does something about it or not. Chances are he needs to know about how you feel and what you want. THen either he will work hard or he will say no. And then you have your answer but give it time and Let him KNOW. Communication is KEY here. Link to post Share on other sites
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