Author bvelvet Posted November 22, 2012 Author Share Posted November 22, 2012 When doing NC and improving and living your life, never think of the "what if's". Otherwise, your just going through the motions. Emotionally you'll be going through another rollercoaster. Is it ok that my NC will half be used for me moving on and half to see whether it brings her back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bvelvet Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 Was a good thanksgiving. Just talked to one of my buddys who went through something similar with his x-wife. He waited for 6 months while she figured out what she wanted and then said enough is enough and divorced her. She started crying at the signing of the papers... and said she realized she had made a terrible mistake. He said "too late." Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Was a good thanksgiving. Just talked to one of my buddys who went through something similar with his x-wife. He waited for 6 months while she figured out what she wanted and then said enough is enough and divorced her. She started crying at the signing of the papers... and said she realized she had made a terrible mistake. He said "too late." hey bvelvet. This is usually the case. They always find out too late. There is a reason for this. No woman will divorce a happy and confidant man. Take your buddy for example. After waiting 6 months what he realised was not that she wanted him back, but strength in himself to move on. Not only strength but confidence in himself to say " you know what. I`m not going to wait for you any longer, I`m moving on with my life and divorcing you." Thats why she cried. She saw the man she 1st fell in love with, but he no longer wanted her. Good for him Hope you are well bvelvet aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author bvelvet Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 hey bvelvet. This is usually the case. They always find out too late. There is a reason for this. No woman will divorce a happy and confidant man. Take your buddy for example. After waiting 6 months what he realised was not that she wanted him back, but strength in himself to move on. Not only strength but confidence in himself to say " you know what. I`m not going to wait for you any longer, I`m moving on with my life and divorcing you." Thats why she cried. She saw the man she 1st fell in love with, but he no longer wanted her. Good for him Hope you are well bvelvet aM They might not divorce them outright but they will cheat on them unfortunately... which can make them the unconfident kind of man that they can feel comfortable divorcing . Right now I'm still hoping she wakes up and comes crawling back but I know she is at the very least communicating with the new guy (most likely more) so I can't see that happening. The ****ed up part is why would I want her back? Everyone but me seems to think I am nuts for even considering it but I am. Right now I'm just resigned to not making any decisions (e.g. telling her its over for good). I am not contacting her but I am thinking about her constantly. Especially about how much she is feeling for the new guy. I can feel the anger building though which is a good first step to moving on actually. Then I can get the point of not caring and be with someone emotionally and intellectually compatible with me. Did I mention it's our 10-year anniversary today? Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 bvelvet No you didn`t. Must be making it even tougher for you? Your in my thoughts . You also seem to be coping really well . It`s going to be a tough journey for you. When it seems like you are down re-read what you just posted. Best wishes to you. keep posting, it does help. aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author bvelvet Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 bvelvet No you didn`t. Must be making it even tougher for you? Your in my thoughts . You also seem to be coping really well . It`s going to be a tough journey for you. When it seems like you are down re-read what you just posted. Best wishes to you. keep posting, it does help. aM Don't feel like I am in a good place but I guess it's all relative. Can I ask why you (and no one else here from what I see) talks about happy endings. About getting back together. I wish I had come here a year ago because at least I would have understood better what needed to happen to reconcile. Is the whole idea just to move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bvelvet Posted November 26, 2012 Author Share Posted November 26, 2012 We met today for a drink. The way we separated there were a lot of unsaid things that I needed closure on. From her mouth: She hasn't been "in love with me" for a few years now. She came back last time because she "loved" me so much she didn't want to hurt me. Also, everyone (family, etc.) thought she was nuts to leave. She wants me to happy as "I have done everything for her". She wants me to have someone who loves me the way I deserve. She wishes she could love me now the was she did before as I am a better man. She still appreciates all the changes I made this year. She might be making a mistake but she needs to make it. She is interested in therapy to see if she can get rid of the anger she feels towards me from years past that blocks her from loving me the same way now. Those are the highlights... So weird to suddenly realize that you MUST let the woman you have been with for 13 years (since her childhood really) go... not just for her but for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bvelvet Posted November 26, 2012 Author Share Posted November 26, 2012 How do you let a dream go??? I thought we were happy this year. Link to post Share on other sites
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