Wife gives me no attention anymore.

[DarkPrince]

It started out gradually last year. We were having great sex for about a year. Then slowly it started getting redundant, even though we were constantly trying new things. We had a threesome, which didnt go as well as it should have. I think thats when the issues started. Also around that time, I confronted her about an affair she had 7 years ago. I know it sounds wierd, but she always denied it and I held it in that I had proof, but when I finally blew up and told her everything I knew, she knew she was busted, and she hasnt acted the same loving way towards me since.

That was over a year ago. We've had some good moments since then, but we also fight alot now too. Its a tit for tat blame game that she had never played until last year. Now she finds fault in everything I do, and always throws things in my face that happened over a decade ago. She was always one to say let the past go, and move on, yet now she's the biggest one for throwing the past in my face.

I think that she thought she got away with cheating fair and square, forgot all about it, then when I told her what I knew it freaked her out that I had known all these years that she was lying to me about it everytime I asked.

So back to my original point. She does everything a good wife does, including sex, but there's no intimacy. No connection anymore. Its good sex, but thats all it is, sex.

Im tired of getting no attention or love from her. Im tired of getting rejected everytime I try to show her love.

I work out and look very good. There's no reason fer her not to be loving on me at all. Other girls give me attention all the time and Im always backing off, telling them Im married so I cant do anything. BUt its getting harder and harder to reject the attention when I get none at home. She makes me feel like Im a ugly, pathetic loser, when she has no basis for that. Everytime Im with her my self confidence goes to hell. Everytime Im around other girls my self confidence goes through the roof. I know Im not a loser. Im sick of this. Is there anyway to get her to look at me the way she used to?

[BetheButterfly]

Is there anyway to get her to look at me the way she used to?

If you want to get love, give love. Find out how she feels loved by you, and show her you care... don't react with hostility when she's being hostile. Show her you're stronger than that.

 

Show her you really care for her and love her. When she gets upset with you, instead of insulting her or yelling at her, hold her hands, look her in the eyes, and tell her you want for her to be happy, that you are sorry for all the ways you have hurt her.

 

Make life with you fun. Be her best friend, her protector, her confidante. I think the more she trusts you, the more she will look at you the way she used to... it's all about building the connection again, if that's possible.

[NervisPervis]

She's gone. Do a 180 for you and live your life.

[Mr. Lucky]

Also around that time, I confronted her about an affair she had 7 years ago. I know it sounds wierd, but she always denied it and I held it in that I had proof, but when I finally blew up and told her everything I knew, she knew she was busted, and she hasnt acted the same loving way towards me since.

May sound weird but to me you both cheated. She cheated by straying and you cheating by knowing about it but not dealing with it for 7 years. I cetainly don't excuse her behavior but your approach sounds very passive/agressive to me...

 

Mr. Lucky

[DarkPrince]

I want to leave my wife, but Im honestly afraid to be alone. I'm from NJ and all my friends and family are up there. I live in FL now and now no real friends, only acquaintances, which dont help.

Im stuck between a rock and a hard place. I know I should be brave and leave. Id probably do better and meet someone better, but Im afraid to take the risk.

Plus she's borderline (bpd) and she's capable of doing crazy things if I really leave. That scares me too.

[DarkPrince]

Duck Soup that was an awesome post! Im def going to incorporate some of that into my life!

Ok Im just going to throw this out ther, b/c Ive been doing some soul searching and I came to my conclusion.

My problems with her began when she cheated on me.

Long story short: When she met this guy, I was extremely weak (low self esteem, beta male to the max, people pleaser, afraid to stand up to anyone)

This guy actually got me a job, and I drove him to and from work (1 hour each way) and the whole time Im driving him around sitting next to him 2 hours everyday, he was banging my wife, without a condom.

Before I got proof of their afair, I highly suspected it but b/c I was so weak, I let my wife bully me into submission, and I never brought it up. I was afraid of the guy as well, so even after I found undeniable proof of their unprotected sex, I still said nothing, and continued to drive him to work. But it tore me apart on the inside. I internalized all my rage for years. I didnt confront my wife with the evidence b/c I was scared of her as well.

After I got layed off, I made it my life's mission to become a real man. I started working out, doing martial arts, enrolled in college and took public speaking courses, and forced myself to get up in front of people at Toastmasters.

After about 5 years, I became the strong man I wanted to be. (well there's always room for improvement, but for the first time in my life, Im happy with myself)

So my wife started treating me like gold. I mean being the ideal wife. But I couldnt get her affair out of my head. The stronger I became, the more it haunted me how horrible their affair actually was to me, and how disrespectful it was. It ate at me night and day, until one faitfull day I just blew up and told her everything. She was shocked. She couldnt deny it. She just said nothing and then made up a story about how she was drunk and he must have taken advantage of her as she had no memory of it. That was total bull****, b/c neighbors told me she would no inside his house and close the blinds everyday, not just that 1 day I caught her.

So there it is. Now she knows that I know, and she cant be the perfect wife anymore. Sometimes I wish I never told her, b/c I miss her being the perfect wife last year.

It was along time ago (7 years now) but I still find myself getting very irate at the fact that I was so weak and they took advantage of my weakness.

So, I dont know where to go from here. Im finally where I want to be, yet now my marriage might be doomed from something that happened 7 years ago. Also she will not tell me the truth. That makes everything difficult b/c I cant get closure unless she tells me everything.

Ironically I might be 'alpha' now, but I spend all my savings while in college, so I dont have the money I had years ago. Once I graduate, Ill have a great paying job, and the money will come rolling in again.

So basically its a power game right now. I have no leverage to make her tell me the truth. Once I get money Im going to give her an ultimatum :either tell me the truth and give me closure, or Im leaving for good. Period. I love her but I need to know the truth, all the details, and WHY.

I wish I could forget about it, and maybe I will. Maybe once I start making good money again it will lose it's importance, and Ill get over it. I can only hope.

[Timmy2020]

If anyone want that wife love with him then you have to give love ?