BrokenPrincess Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 Have made it 5 weeks NC but feeling VERY tempted not just with the holiday this week, but xMMs birthday too. My mind is spinning with ideas and justifications to send him a quick email. After DDay I had set a goal for myself to stick to NC until this week and then allow myself a "check in" with him with a casual happy birthday wish. At that point, I didn't think I could even make it NC for 1 day. In the meantime, I've learned a lot about As and now the week is here and I know I should not break NC but I am really struggling/triggering thinking about his birthday Can you please share some words of wisdom to keep me strong? If you broke NC, did it set you back? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Heather1 Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 B-days are the hardest for sure. Well, here's my horror story....3 months NC & his b-day I sent a txt. I had been to a close cousin's funeral & w/ my family all day an hour from my house. On my way home, I was @ a gas station & before I knew it I txt'd a happy b-day. Got a "thanks". Thought, "ok, NBD, now back to NC". I didn't check my phone again for an hour & he sent a really sweet txt about how much he missed me. We slowly went back to contact & months later resumed the PA & it hasn't been good, it got worse for me, better for him. I regret ever txt'ing that b-day note & thinking his reply meant anything more than FB. It won't hurt his feelings, he'll just see an opening & think you're ok w/ things. If you really want it over, hide your cell on his b-day !! And yes, it's going to hurt like hell but it's a clear signal you're totally done. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 How would you like him sharing your email with his wife? Which is what he's probably supposed to do. He'll have a happy birthday with or without your wishes, and you will be setback and havto go through the pain all over again while his ego is stroked. Link to post Share on other sites
firstandlast Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Have made it 5 weeks NC but feeling VERY tempted not just with the holiday this week, but xMMs birthday too. My mind is spinning with ideas and justifications to send him a quick email. After DDay I had set a goal for myself to stick to NC until this week and then allow myself a "check in" with him with a casual happy birthday wish. At that point, I didn't think I could even make it NC for 1 day. In the meantime, I've learned a lot about As and now the week is here and I know I should not break NC but I am really struggling/triggering thinking about his birthday Can you please share some words of wisdom to keep me strong? If you broke NC, did it set you back? At best, you resume contact, temporarily fall back into the affair, and feel much worse afterward. At worst, the former AP gives you the brush-off or makes it clear that he or she has moved on. You feel terrible. Speaking from experience. Link to post Share on other sites
newcaledonia Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I also made a plan to make my call..and the phone conversation was pleasant, superficial and unsatisfying...and ended kindly but it STILL took me days to recover from. it is thanksgiving here in use and tempting to get in touch..if you do just keep conversation light and pleasant...but it still hurts. and maybe hurts more because you miss the intimacy or connection in the platonic conversation. either way can't say I blame you for wanting to connect...just maybe know that it sort of ends up feeling a little harder when the call ends..and then you have to recover from that...so it is a slight set back..that is all. in my mind, anyhow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 You want more pain? Do it. You want to keep going, don't do it. Yeah It set me back big time when it happened. Happy birthday or not, it will come about with or without you Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrokenPrincess Posted November 22, 2012 Author Share Posted November 22, 2012 THANK YOU....I re-read these last night and today to keep myself in check. I also wrote out the email (just to myself as a draft & then deleted) and then just let the floodgates open with all the things I wish I could say. Whew. Now just need to make it through these next couple days. Glad his birthday is over the holiday so I can hopefully be too busy to think about it anymore Link to post Share on other sites
SunsetRed Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Just remember, its HIS bday, not yours. What do you think he'll do when its your bday? You probably wont get a call or a text. Listen to what everyone on this board is saying. He's w his wife on his bday and on xmas and new years eve. Hope I don't sound too harsh. I've been in your shoes. It took 2 plus years to recover. I wish I would have recovered sooner, but I spend too much time looking back and blaming myself for a situation that was out of my control. Peace to you and please don't call him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrokenPrincess Posted November 25, 2012 Author Share Posted November 25, 2012 Unfortunately my birthday was just before DDay & he sent me a pendant that was an inside joke (got rid of it already, could not handle it even being in the house) and a CD he made of songs that make him think of me. Sigh... BUT, moving on! It was a looooooooong day with him on my mind all day & I cried twice in secret but I DID NOT CONTACT HIM!! And everyone's right, I'm sure he had a great day surrounded by his wife & family, which is exactly where he wants to be. Link to post Share on other sites
SunsetRed Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Good for you! Every time you are tempted to call, imagine him acting like a loving husband to a wife. That's what finally helped me not to contact him. My xMM had me thinking he was a stranger in his own home, living in the garage and doing all he could do to survive a cold, loveless environment. He said he put up with all of this "for the kids" In reality, he and the wife went to Las Vegas, they went to all the Celebration of Lights activities at Xmas, took the kids to Disney Land. All I got was the opportunity to have sex with him and the opportunity to "comfort" him when he complained about the trap he was living in. So, even now, 2 years later, when I'm tempted to reflect on the love I thought we shared..I think of what his wife is getting from him. She gets all of him and they've said vows to each other, vows he and I will never share, so I think of all that when I want to call him. Then I think forward..to my life. I focus on making plans to do something fun, something that may lead me to meeting someone who isn't full of $hit! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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