! NC Reloaded !

[tsunamii]

So based on this thread posted by TaraMaiden (Caligguy’s initial thread), I would like to discuss the following part of the thread (see below):

 

It is a bit of a grey area the way it is explained so some further discussion would be good!

Now, form my personal experience, I have been in this situation before, where an ex after a long time initiated a lot of contact, but although I politely replied to her texts, I never answered her phone calls. It was finished for me(she dumped me), so I guess she got the hint.

But what if someone wants to try things again?

According to the below post, you shouldn’t make any small talk if you reply to their initiated contact and you should expect the complete 180. But realistically, no person who respects themselves would ever initiate contact with their ex handing them a 180 turn! I would imagine they would like to test the waters as well and check if such a scenario is feasible.

It would be interesting if people who had that done can share their experiences and how they manoeuvred the situation.

 

Q. I've been on NC for some time and my Ex just contacted me, what do I do?

A. The question is: Why are they contacting you? If it's just to get something back, box up their stuff and have a friend give it to them.

Otherwise, there's no need to reply. No matter what, don't contact them back right away. Don't answer if they call. Show them you have a life and you don't need them in it. Yes, it's kind of a game but at this juncture, it's a necessary evil. I know a lot of people might disagree, but first of all, I would want to know why the ex is contacting me. If they are having doubts, they will make it clear. If you respond to them, be sure to take a day or two to do so. This will give you time to think clearly about what you want to say. When you reply, make sure that it's polite and to the point. Don't make any small talk. Don't bring up the past (big no-no). Don't volunteer any information about yourself. Be the first to end the conversation. Do be happy, do smile inside (CBT) and know that you'll be fine. Trust me, if your ex wants you back nothing will stop them from getting in touch with you. And this is ideally what you want. You want them to initiate the contact because it will be their heart that has changed.

 

If they really want you back, then you have to listen out for the apology. The complete 180.

"I'm really sorry for what I did. I don't know why I didi it, but all I know, is that it was the most stupid thing I've ever done. I want to try again, and will do whatever it takes to make it up to you, prove I'm deadly serious, and regain your trust. Please, can you find it in your heart to try again?"

 

Anything other than this - any small talk, any "so how are you?"s, any tentative chit-chat - is just breadcrumbs. Mostly, to appease their own guilt, make them feel better, and confirm that they can still yank your chain.