When To Stop Dating?

[phineas]

Getting in on this late, so I haven't read all the responses, but your OP assumes that all fat/ugly women have trouble dating. Do you not know unattractive women who are happily coupled up? I certainly do.

 

Don't you know attractive women who struggle more than certain unattractive women?

 

Maybe the question should be "Should any woman who's unsuccessful at dating just give up?" I'm not sure why you've limited it to ugly girls.

 

If the last woman I met off OLD showed up looking like V i'd be dating her now. (She was 36 probably a little older than V.)

 

Instead I barely recognized her from the pictures she sent me.

[iris219]

If the last woman I met off OLD showed up looking like V i'd be dating her now. (She was 36 probably a little older than V.)

 

Instead I barely recognized her from the pictures she sent me.

 

The point of my post was that plenty of "ugly" women do just fine with dating, while more attractive people struggle.

 

Unattractive women don't own the rights to dating struggles.

[verhrzn]

Getting in on this late, so I haven't read all the responses, but your OP assumes that all fat/ugly women have trouble dating. Do you not know unattractive women who are happily coupled up? I certainly do.

 

Don't you know attractive women who struggle more than certain unattractive women?

 

Maybe the question should be "Should any woman who's unsuccessful at dating just give up?" I'm not sure why you've limited it to ugly girls.

 

I don't know any unattractive girls. I know a curvy redhead, a bubbly brunette, a thin engaged hippy, etc.... I'd say not a single girl I know is unattractive. I have conversed with fatter/uglier girls at the gym (they always seem relieved to see me in the locker room) or at Cons, and they never have boyfriends.

 

Also, damn typos.... it was meant to say I have a FLAT butt, not a FAT butt. As in, I don't have any definition to my behind. It's just sort of flat and droopy.

 

I still wonder if LS lives in opposite world, where unattractive women are constantly maligned ("Ugh, only BIG girls like me!" "Where be all the hot women?" etc) and yet people claim that guys will totally date fat/ugly women and be happy with them.

 

How exactly do you reconcile that? Even to the people that say fat/ugly women should just date fat/ugly men.... what if the fat/ugly men won't date them? Then what?

[iris219]

I don't know any unattractive girls. I know a curvy redhead, a bubbly brunette, a thin engaged hippy, etc.... I'd say not a single girl I know is unattractive. I have conversed with fatter/uglier girls at the gym (they always seem relieved to see me in the locker room) or at Cons, and they never have boyfriends.

 

Also, damn typos.... it was meant to say I have a FLAT butt, not a FAT butt. As in, I don't have any definition to my behind. It's just sort of flat and droopy.

 

I still wonder if LS lives in opposite world, where unattractive women are constantly maligned ("Ugh, only BIG girls like me!" "Where be all the hot women?" etc) and yet people claim that guys will totally date fat/ugly women and be happy with them.

 

How exactly do you reconcile that? Even to the people that say fat/ugly women should just date fat/ugly men.... what if the fat/ugly men won't date them? Then what?

 

It sounds like a matter of you only seeing what confirms your view of the world.

 

I know lots of average and unattractive women. They aren't single. There are a few women who I work with who would considered attractive and they are single. I do classes at the gym with women of all ages and body types. Very few are single. I'm often the most attractive woman, or one of the most attractive, in these classes, yet I'm single and not dating.

 

LS isn't the real world. Women who aren't magazine hot do just fine when it comes to dating.

[Ross MwcFan]

I'd date fat ugly women, but they don't want to date me.

[Leigh 87]

And attractive girls get burnt in relationships too, with men treatng them like crap.

 

I know very VERY attractive women who have done badly in relationships!

 

My friend is a stunning Russian model look alike, and had men have cheated and lied to her, and even wanted to have sex with her good friend!

 

She is also studying medicine, and is very funny as well as beautiful. Go figure.

 

At least she is dating a lovely fellow doctor now...... But she was treated badly before!

 

Her beauty did not save her from bad treatment.

 

never

[Drseussgrrl]

I'm just gonna throw this out there - and I'm no doctor so please take this with a grain of salt.

 

Sometimes the VERY BEST antidepressants are exercise and diet. When we treat our bodies well, eat clean and work out with yoga, strength training and cardio, it does wonders for our self-esteem, state of mind and emotions. You get all those endorphins flowing and it just comes together. I combine this with vitamin supplements and honestly, I've never felt or looked better. I am naturally shaped like an apple also, with skinny limbs and no ass, but through regular workouts and changing my diet I have transformed my body. My legs are shapely, I have muscle tone in my arms, and my ass rounded out. I also sleep better at night and have so much more energy. This isn't possible simply by pumping your body full of serious drugs.

 

And this is coming from a former smoker who ate taco bell on the reg and took zoloft.

[Mme. Chaucer]

If the last woman I met off OLD showed up looking like V i'd be dating her now. (She was 36 probably a little older than V.)

 

Instead I barely recognized her from the pictures she sent me.

 

Except, don't forget that regardless of how she looked you still may have not liked her enough to keep dating anyway. I mean - you have to like a person, right?

[Ruby Slippers]

So, I don't know why he grabs the belly (I do understand the butt) - but I really don't think it turns him off at the very least.

Something about the way my boyfriend does it tells me he loves it. I mean, I don't grab anything on him that I don't love. If I'm grabbing it and feeling it up, I want it It seems to me that he grabs my curvy spots because it feels good to play with them and turns him on a lot!

 

And I do think that men have way more varied and forgiving tastes than they are given credit for online.

TOTALLY agree.

 

When I was feeling all insecure and down on myself a few years ago, some people would tell me that I didn't need to change anything, and the right person would appreciate me as I am. I thought they were just being nice and talking nonsense. It sounded totally unrealistic to me.

 

Now, I'm with this sexy, amazing guy who does appreciate me. I feel totally comfortable and sexy just as I am with him. Sure, I have my insecure moments, but most of the time, I walk around feeling like a sex bomb - in part because he appreciates me, even with my flaws. In fact, some of the things I used to perceive as flaws (like a little extra fat right now) are his favorite bits.

 

It's the same with him. He's pretty hairy, and told me the other day when I was curling up on his hairy animal chest that he's ashamed of how hairy he is. BUT I LOVE IT!!! He used to trim it down so it was much shorter, and I asked him to stop that and let it grow. I like it much better all wild and natural

 

So it seems like my friends were right

[tman666]

I'm just gonna throw this out there - and I'm no doctor so please take this with a grain of salt.

 

Sometimes the VERY BEST antidepressants are exercise and diet. When we treat our bodies well, eat clean and work out with yoga, strength training and cardio, it does wonders for our self-esteem, state of mind and emotions. You get all those endorphins flowing and it just comes together. I combine this with vitamin supplements and honestly, I've never felt or looked better. I am naturally shaped like an apple also, with skinny limbs and no ass, but through regular workouts and changing my diet I have transformed my body. My legs are shapely, I have muscle tone in my arms, and my ass rounded out. I also sleep better at night and have so much more energy. This isn't possible simply by pumping your body full of serious drugs.

 

And this is coming from a former smoker who ate taco bell on the reg and took zoloft.

 

Verhrzn, I still don't understand why you seem to have abandoned the fitness path. I saw you mention a while back (granted, I haven't been reading through every single one of your threads because, frankly, they exhaust me) that you felt that despite your best efforts that you didn't see the results you wanted. Can you honestly say that you've tried everything available to you in terms of nutrition, eating patterns, fitness? (The answer is "no", btw)

 

The fitness lifestyle has trickle down effects that go FAR beyond your physical appearance. It helps your mental state. It forces you to evaluate how you set goals and how to achieve goals. You can end up learning a lot about yourself as a person from how you deal with your successes and failures.

 

Sorry to sound like such a meathead, but it makes no logical sense to me why you, still in your 20's, would even be thinking about giving up on anything. What a lazy, wasteful attitude that is. Grab life by the balls and start going after what you want. Be proactive and relentless in your pursuit.

[somedude81]

Isn't it great how the words and actions of another, especially one you care about, can boost your confidence. They're even able to turn the things you're insecure about into things that don't matter.

[verhrzn]

I'm just gonna throw this out there - and I'm no doctor so please take this with a grain of salt.

 

Sometimes the VERY BEST antidepressants are exercise and diet. When we treat our bodies well, eat clean and work out with yoga, strength training and cardio, it does wonders for our self-esteem, state of mind and emotions. You get all those endorphins flowing and it just comes together. I combine this with vitamin supplements and honestly, I've never felt or looked better. I am naturally shaped like an apple also, with skinny limbs and no ass, but through regular workouts and changing my diet I have transformed my body. My legs are shapely, I have muscle tone in my arms, and my ass rounded out. I also sleep better at night and have so much more energy. This isn't possible simply by pumping your body full of serious drugs.

 

And this is coming from a former smoker who ate taco bell on the reg and took zoloft.

 

Yeeeeeeahhh.... if you're not a doctor, please don't dispense medical advice, especially about depression. This sort of "pull yourself up by your bootstraps!" attitude is EXTREMELY destructive to people suffering from clinical depression, who are already receiving excessive judgement for not being "right" mentally due to chemical imbalances in their brains.

 

Exercising and "eating right" (whatever the heck that means, since NO ONE can agree on that.... even within the Paleo world, some people say dairy is acceptable, some people swear dairy is the devil, and these are people whose eating philosophies already closely align) helps very mild depression. It has absolutely no effect on moderate to severe clinical depression.

[SmileFace]

V aren't you in a relationship?

[Els]

I still wonder if LS lives in opposite world, where unattractive women are constantly maligned ("Ugh, only BIG girls like me!" "Where be all the hot women?" etc) and yet people claim that guys will totally date fat/ugly women and be happy with them.

 

How exactly do you reconcile that?

 

You will notice that the people who say the former, and the people who say the latter, actually live in totally different worlds. You will also notice that the majority of people in happy relationships are in the latter camp. The majority of men (and the few women) in the former camp are perpetually unable to find mates. Does this not say something to you about which view is generally more beneficial when it comes to relationships?

[stillafool]

Just because a person is fat doesn't mean they are ugly. Just because a person is thin does not mean they are pretty. There are many many variations that add or subtract to ones attractiveness. This thread is so negative.

[verhrzn]

Verhrzn, I still don't understand why you seem to have abandoned the fitness path. I saw you mention a while back (granted, I haven't been reading through every single one of your threads because, frankly, they exhaust me) that you felt that despite your best efforts that you didn't see the results you wanted. Can you honestly say that you've tried everything available to you in terms of nutrition, eating patterns, fitness? (The answer is "no", btw)

 

The fitness lifestyle has trickle down effects that go FAR beyond your physical appearance. It helps your mental state. It forces you to evaluate how you set goals and how to achieve goals. You can end up learning a lot about yourself as a person from how you deal with your successes and failures.

 

Sorry to sound like such a meathead, but it makes no logical sense to me why you, still in your 20's, would even be thinking about giving up on anything. What a lazy, wasteful attitude that is. Grab life by the balls and start going after what you want. Be proactive and relentless in your pursuit.

 

Short of starving myself, which is what I'm trying now. I have spent YEARS exercising. I got a black belt in martial arts, which required 2-3 hours of strenuous exercise (aerobic and strength training, since we did a lot of push-ups) and I got FATTER.

 

For 7 months I did very strict Paleo, ate under 1500 calories, in addition to exercising 3-4 times a week, 30+ minutes of aerobic running with 3-4 full body weight lifting routines. I dropped.... a pound. I lost, not an inch.

 

Then in May, I went completely off my head. I didn't exercise, I ate horribly (slices of chocolate cake almost every day, cheeseburgers, all the "bad" stuff) , I barely slept, and I lost 10 pounds.

 

It was absolutely the anxiety, which is why I went on anti-depressants.... all of which have side-effects, weight gain being one of them. You cannot stop the side-effects. No amount of exercising is going to "even out" the side effect of medication, because the medication is fundamentally changing your body's chemical make-up.

 

People, I am really, really sick of doing this. I have worked with countless doctors, trainers, nutrionists.... I am just fat. I am fat, regardless of how much exercise I engage in or what I eat.

 

The only thing that causes me to lose weight is suicidal anxiety. So, I could be skinny, if I starved myself/killed myself.

 

When I read this sort of blow-back, all I can assume is that my earlier assertion is correct..... that fat/ugly women SHOULDN'T date, because people, despite lots and lots and lots of evidence, DEMAND that the fat woman change.

[Drseussgrrl]

Ok well then just dismiss everything I suggested and carry on your path, since it seems to really be working for you.

 

For the record - I would NEVER tell someone to quit taking their meds.

 

I just know that for me, once I started taking care of my body in every way, my mind followed suit. Have you tried it?

 

And no it's not one diet fits all. But it is very simple. Stop eating crap. I have one rule - if I can't pronounce it on the package, I don't eat it. So most of what I eat consists of 3-5 ingredients. For breakfast, greek yogurt with flax seed and agave. Lunch, spinach, hard boiled egg, chicken breast, olive oil, and feta. Dinner I usually make a fish, a veggie and some brown rice. Keep it simple and clean. Easy. Your body will thank you I promise.

[verhrzn]

V aren't you in a relationship?

 

Yes, where he doesn't want to have sex with me, and won't tell me why, but also is too much of a coward to just dump me.

[tman666]

Yeeeeeeahhh.... if you're not a doctor, please don't dispense medical advice, especially about depression. This sort of "pull yourself up by your bootstraps!" attitude is EXTREMELY destructive to people suffering from clinical depression, who are already receiving excessive judgement for not being "right" mentally due to chemical imbalances in their brains.

 

Exercising and "eating right" (whatever the heck that means, since NO ONE can agree on that.... even within the Paleo world, some people say dairy is acceptable, some people swear dairy is the devil, and these are people whose eating philosophies already closely align) helps very mild depression. It has absolutely no effect on moderate to severe clinical depression.

 

To be fair, I don't think anyone was trying to say that exercise and diet can cure severe depression.

 

The case that we are making has more to do with doing everything you can to improve your "base lifestyle". If additional therapy and medication is necessary to get your head right, then so be it, but I dare you to make a convincing argument against trying to get yourself in the best shape you can be and staying that way.

[verhrzn]

Ok well then just dismiss everything I suggested and carry on your path, since it seems to really be working for you.

 

For the record - I would NEVER tell someone to quit taking their meds.

 

I just know that for me, once I started taking care of my body in every way, my mind followed suit. Have you tried it?

 

And no it's not one diet fits all. But it is very simple. Stop eating crap. I have one rule - if I can't pronounce it on the package, I don't eat it. So most of what I eat consists of 3-5 ingredients. For breakfast, greek yogurt with flax seed and agave. Lunch, spinach, hard boiled egg, chicken breast, olive oil, and feta. Dinner I usually make a fish, a veggie and some brown rice. Keep it simple and clean. Easy. Your body will thank you I promise.

 

Have you been clinically depressed? Are you my doctor, are you my trainer, are you my nutrionist? No? Then please stop assuming that you know more about my body and my health than I do.

 

Exercising doesn't make me feel better. Eating better doesn't make me feel better. That is not how my body works.

[SmileFace]

Yes, where he doesn't want to have sex with me, and won't tell me why, but also is too much of a coward to just dump me.

 

So dump him.

 

Why wait for him to do it?

 

Plus I don't think you should be dating at all. Not because of your weight but because of your negative image of yourself - I don't care how you rationalize it and I live in the real world so this isn't an alternate talking.

[veggirl]

V aren't you in a relationship?

 

I was wondering the same thing.

 

I am now waiting for her to come yell at us and say this thread isn't about HER specifically it is a question in GENERAL. God!

 

Anyway, V I think ugly is a lot more to overcome than fat and I'm not sure if you are either (I think I saw your pic briefly once but I can't recall tbh).

 

Actually a week ago I went to a Thxgiving party and there was a VERY unattractive lady there (2 crossed / lazy eyes) and she was with her boyfriend. Now he wasn't attractive either but they still were dating each other and seemed to enjoy one another. Who knows if they are "settling" (I don't think so, I don't think they can do better lookswise tbh) but if so...well I don't know.

 

I guess I don't see why a fat / ugly girl wouldn't date the same in a guy. I mean sure they may not be super attracted physically (at least at first, maybe once they fall for each other they would be!) but lets be real...your average fat/ugly guy isn't gonna be pulling models anyway so why not date him and see what happens. I know YOU would be worried that he will always want "better" and oh god what if the hottie next door suddenly falls in love with him, he will leave you! but be real, that ain't gonna happen.

 

anyway, I know I know even dudes who look like you hate you and have the option of dating 10s.

[Emilia]

I have spent YEARS exercising. I got a black belt in martial arts, which required 2-3 hours of strenuous exercise (aerobic and strength training, since we did a lot of push-ups) and I got FATTER.

 

Most martial arts training isn't that strenuous, I've always had the impression from reading your fitness threads that the intensity wasn't there, certainly not to match increased appetite. 2-3 hours itself is meaningless if we don't know what it is.

 

For 7 months I did very strict Paleo, ate under 1500 calories, in addition to exercising 3-4 times a week, 30+ minutes of aerobic running with 3-4 full body weight lifting routines. I dropped.... a pound. I lost, not an inch.

 

Then in May, I went completely off my head. I didn't exercise, I ate horribly (slices of chocolate cake almost every day, cheeseburgers, all the "bad" stuff) , I barely slept, and I lost 10 pounds.

 

It was absolutely the anxiety, which is why I went on anti-depressants.... all of which have side-effects, weight gain being one of them. You cannot stop the side-effects. No amount of exercising is going to "even out" the side effect of medication, because the medication is fundamentally changing your body's chemical make-up.

 

People, I am really, really sick of doing this. I have worked with countless doctors, trainers, nutrionists.... I am just fat. I am fat, regardless of how much exercise I engage in or what I eat.

 

The only thing that causes me to lose weight is suicidal anxiety. So, I could be skinny, if I starved myself/killed myself.

 

When I read this sort of blow-back, all I can assume is that my earlier assertion is correct..... that fat/ugly women SHOULDN'T date, because people, despite lots and lots and lots of evidence, DEMAND that the fat woman change.

 

A lot of this just doesn't make sense. I'm having a hard time deciding whether you make up half of it just to prove your own points

[ThaWholigan]

Short of starving myself, which is what I'm trying now. I have spent YEARS exercising. I got a black belt in martial arts, which required 2-3 hours of strenuous exercise (aerobic and strength training, since we did a lot of push-ups) and I got FATTER.

 

For 7 months I did very strict Paleo, ate under 1500 calories, in addition to exercising 3-4 times a week, 30+ minutes of aerobic running with 3-4 full body weight lifting routines. I dropped.... a pound. I lost, not an inch.

 

Then in May, I went completely off my head. I didn't exercise, I ate horribly (slices of chocolate cake almost every day, cheeseburgers, all the "bad" stuff) , I barely slept, and I lost 10 pounds.

 

It was absolutely the anxiety, which is why I went on anti-depressants.... all of which have side-effects, weight gain being one of them. You cannot stop the side-effects. No amount of exercising is going to "even out" the side effect of medication, because the medication is fundamentally changing your body's chemical make-up.

 

People, I am really, really sick of doing this. I have worked with countless doctors, trainers, nutrionists.... I am just fat. I am fat, regardless of how much exercise I engage in or what I eat.

 

The only thing that causes me to lose weight is suicidal anxiety. So, I could be skinny, if I starved myself/killed myself.

 

When I read this sort of blow-back, all I can assume is that my earlier assertion is correct..... that fat/ugly women SHOULDN'T date, because people, despite lots and lots and lots of evidence, DEMAND that the fat woman change.

You weren't eating enough calories.

[Drseussgrrl]

Frankly I think your biggest problem is your attitude, V, not the fact that you're "fat".

 

I have a friend who is FAT. I mean not even chunky. She's legitimately FAT. But she's also one of the sweetest and most beautiful women I know. And has a cute man who is nuts about her.

 

So there you go. NO, "fat" women should not throw in the towel.

 

Does that answer your question?