When To Stop Dating?

[Under The Radar]

What the **** ever. I give up. Fine, I'm a big fat moron is too dumb to figure out how to exercise or eat effectively, despite spending HUNDREDS of hours researching it and working with dozens of doctors and trainers and nutrionists.

 

It can't POSSIBLY be that some people really are just fat, no matter what they try. Nope, we're all just lazy morons.

 

God why do I even bother with this site? You guys are so self-righteous about your looks and your experiences you allow no room for anyone else's. "Well all the people I know who works out look great!" "Well I know some fat women who are in relationships, so obviously it's a not big deal.'

 

Forget the mountain of articles showing that weight loss doesn't last past 5 years, that fat women by a huge majority ARE treated awfully in this society and DO have a much harder time dating.... Nope, it must all be my attitude.

 

****ing forget it.

 

 

So, you feel like sometimes you have to scream to be heard? Well, I agree that the "squeeky wheel gets the oil", but you don't think your exchanges with other posters could be more appreciative?

 

I don't recall anyone else on LS (at least a female) receive this much support, guidance, and time. People are literally "coming out of the woodwork" to try and help you.

 

I rarely read a post of yours where a simple thank you is offered for someone's empathetic, thoughtful, and insightful post. Yet, time and again I see you comment in a defensive, angry, and accusatory manner.

 

If people didn't care about you then why would they take the time to respond in the first place? Do you really think we are here to mock you? Do you really think people have not been sensitive towards your story?

 

Look, I have mentioned on the board before that I train professionally for a living. I am quite successful in my city and have trained hundreds of people in my life consisting of every imaginable demographic. Most of my clients are "baby boomers" which are typically more difficult to work with than my athletes. I have seen many of them, if they have a positive attitude, succeed in their physical culture goals. So, you say that you have worked with doctors, nutritionists, and trainers in the past to no avail. You have practiced in the martial arts for years and performed countless pushups without results.

 

Do you know how many substandard and unproficient instructors are out there? I told you before that ANYONE can make vast changes in their body composition with proper programming and time. Martial Arts is a poor tool for changing the overall shape of the body. Pushups alone is an incredibly imbalanced exercise regimen. Of course, numerous pushups with poor form will have little benefit too; 95% of the time people have ****ty form on this exercise. The most important element, once again, is a positive attitude. For success in your fitness goals it will require a complete overhaul of how you think. Right now your mental state is the perfect breeding ground for failure. Try googling the concept of learned helplessness.

 

I almost didn't post again because quite simply others have already pointed these issues out. I honestly couldn't help anyone succeed with such a dark outlook on the future. My advice would be to lighten up and be thankful for all of these individuals who are making attempts to help you.

 

I am sure you'll interpret my post as "picking" on you, but I'm calling it like I see it. BTW, I suffer from clinical depression and exercise has been the most useful anti-depressant I've ever found. Beyond that, I have found simply helping others everyday (instead of complaining about MY problems) wards off sadness in my life. Start thinking of the good things in your life instead of focusing so hard on the bad.

 

Josh

Edited November 21, 2012 by Training Revelations

[verhrzn]

So, you feel like sometimes you have to scream to be heard? Well, I agree that the "squeeky wheel gets the oil", but you don't think your exchanges with other posters could be more appreciative?

 

I don't recall anyone else on LS (at least a female) receive this much support, guidance, and time. People are literally "coming out of the woodwork" to try and help you.

 

I rarely read a post of yours where a simple thank you is offered for someone's empathetic, thoughtful, and insightful post. Yet, time and again I see you comment in a defensive, angry, and accusatory manner.

 

If people didn't care about you then why would they take the time to respond in the first place? Do you really think we are here to mock you? Do you really think people have not been sensitive towards your story?

 

Look, I have mentioned on the board before that I train professionally for a living. I am quite successful in my city and have trained hundreds of people in my life consisting of every imaginable demographic. Most of my clients are "baby boomers" which are typically more difficult to work with than my athletes. I have seen many of them, if they have a positive attitude, succeed in their physical culture goals. So, you say that you have worked with doctors, nutritionists, and trainers in the past to no avail. You have practiced in the martial arts for years and performed countless pushups without results.

 

Do you know how many substandard and unproficient instructors are out there? I told you before that ANYONE can make vast changes in their body composition with proper programming and time. Martial Arts is a poor tool for changing the overall shape of the body. Pushups alone is an incredibly imbalanced exercise regimen. Of course, numerous pushups with poor form will have little benefit too; 95% of the time people have ****ty form on this exercise. The most important element, once again, is a positive attitude. For success in your fitness goals it will require a complete overhaul of how you think. Right now your mental state is the perfect breeding ground for failure. Try googling the concept of learned helplessness.

 

I almost didn't post again because quite simply others have already pointed these issues out. I honestly couldn't help anyone succeed with such a dark outlook on the future. My advice would be to lighten up and be thankful for all of these individuals who are making attempts to help you.

 

I am sure you'll interpret my post as "picking" on you, but I'm calling it like I see it. BTW, I suffer from clinical depression and exercise has been the most useful anti-depressant I've ever found. Beyond that, I have found simply helping others everyday (instead of complaining about MY problems) wards off sadness in my life. Start thinking of the good things in your life instead of everything that is bad.

 

Josh

 

If you could tell me what to be positive about when I have no talents, no friends, nothing good about my body or my looks in general, parents who either ignore or criticize me, no interesting hobbies, and a worthless cubicle job, I am all ears.

[Under The Radar]

If you could tell me what to be positive about when I have no talents, no friends, nothing good about my body or my looks in general, parents who either ignore or criticize me, no interesting hobbies, and a worthless cubicle job, I am all ears.

 

 

Well, for starters, having a forum such as this to come to. So many people here have provided caring and thoughtful advice in hopes to help your situation. That, by itself, dictates that you "are not alone". There are individuals in the world who truly have nothing.

 

I can tell from your writing how intelligent you are, too smart to be having so many cognitive distortions. You have the ability to create positive changes in your life .

[verhrzn]

Well, for starters, having a forum such as this to come to. So many people here have provided caring and thoughtful advice in hopes to help your situation. That, by itself, dictates that you "are not alone". There are individuals in the world who truly have nothing.

 

I can tell from your writing how intelligent you are, too smart to be having so many cognitive distortions. You have the ability to create positive changes in your life .

 

I will never understand this whole "people have nothing so you don't get to have emotions about what you have!" Do I only get to have emotions if I am dead?? As long as I am breathing, I am apparently obligated to be thankful because hey, at least I'm breathing? What a worthless insistence, that because others have nothing a person is not allowed to be sad about their life.

 

Yes, by some comparisons, I have things to be thankful for, because I am apparently not dead. But there are lots and lots of other people who have LOTS of things to be thankful for. Why is it bad/unnatural for me to be envious and desirous of that??

 

And no, I don't see caring. I see "annoyed." People post in my threads to complain about how annoying I am, to beat me down because somehow I "deserve it" (drama queen, you don't deserve my sympathy, etc.) or to demand I pay attention to them (How DARE you not take my advice, even though it's advice that is in no way applicable to your life?) Telling me I am lazy and too stupid to realize what good exercise form is and that's why I'm fat.... is not helpful, OR caring.

 

I ask for sympathy and support. People refuse that. And yet you claim their advice is "caring." How can it be caring if it is NOT what I need or asked for?

[Under The Radar]

I will never understand this whole "people have nothing so you don't get to have emotions about what you have!" Do I only get to have emotions if I am dead?? As long as I am breathing, I am apparently obligated to be thankful because hey, at least I'm breathing? What a worthless insistence, that because others have nothing a person is not allowed to be sad about their life.

 

Yes, by some comparisons, I have things to be thankful for, because I am apparently not dead. But there are lots and lots of other people who have LOTS of things to be thankful for. Why is it bad/unnatural for me to be envious and desirous of that??

 

And no, I don't see caring. I see "annoyed." People post in my threads to complain about how annoying I am, to beat me down because somehow I "deserve it" (drama queen, you don't deserve my sympathy, etc.) or to demand I pay attention to them (How DARE you not take my advice, even though it's advice that is in no way applicable to your life?) Telling me I am lazy and too stupid to realize what good exercise form is and that's why I'm fat.... is not helpful, OR caring.

 

I ask for sympathy and support. People refuse that. And yet you claim their advice is "caring." How can it be caring if it is NOT what I need or asked for?

 

 

The words LAZY and STUPID never entered my posts. What I suggested and suspect is ignorance (having NOT been optimally educated) about effective exercise/nutritional protocols.

 

For instance, have you ever performed the Hip Thrust movement? More specifically, have you indulged the exercise with external load (a weighted barbell)? I ask because it is at the top of the list for targeting the glutes. This would include sculpting and adding some musculature to your "flat butt".

 

No one said you cannot seek sympathy or complain on the board. The frustration you "feel" from other posters is because you refuse to accept ANY advice. If your attitude is so poor on LS then how must it be portrayed IRL? The problems you experience are not only a result of the external world. What about you is the common denominator in some of these areas?

[verhrzn]

The words LAZY and STUPID never entered my posts. What I suggested and suspect is ignorance (having NOT been optimally educated) about effective exercise/nutritional protocols.

 

For instance, have you ever performed the Hip Thrust movement? More specifically, have you indulged the exercise with external load (a weighted barbell)? I ask because it is at the top of the list for targeting the glutes. This would include sculpting and adding some musculature to your "flat butt".

 

No one said you cannot seek sympathy or complain on the board. The frustration you "feel" from other posters is because you refuse to accept ANY advice. If your attitude is so poor on LS then how must it be portrayed IRL? The problems you experience are not only a result of the external world. What about you is the common denominator in some of these areas?

 

Yes, I have tried a barbell. I assume by the Hip Thrust you are meaning dead-lifts? I do squats with proper form (had 3 trainers, my weight-lifting martial arts instructor, and several videos from different forums confirm it.) Along with squats, I also did dead lifts and lunges with weights.

 

I WILL accept advice, once it becomes applicable to me. What posters are doing is ignoring what I am saying, and then giving me advice that I have already had, already tried, or already said does not work for me.

 

Short of forcing people to live in my body with me for a few days, I have no idea how to get people to STOP giving me advice I say doesn't work, and to just BELIEVE me when I say I have already tried that.

 

I can easily tell you what is the common denominator; ME. What people seem to have a hard time accepting is that for some people, the deck is just stacked against them from the start, and sometimes the things given to us in life (genetics, looks, the way our brains are wired) are just too much to overcome.

[Leigh 87]

Yes, where he doesn't want to have sex with me, and won't tell me why, but also is too much of a coward to just dump me.

 

 

 

 

 

V, why don't you cut contact with him, if he does not want sex with you and is not into you?

 

Are you sure about the sex thing? My partner is not horny for sex all the time, he still likes to go solo once a week or so, as he likes to save sex for special times, and dislikes having it every day every week.

 

I thought he just did not want sex with me, but he was more forthcoming than your guy was... YOu know, at least ANdrew told me it is HIM and not to do with his attraction for me.

[tman666]

For instance, have you ever performed the Hip Thrust movement? More specifically, have you indulged the exercise with external load (a weighted barbell)? I ask because it is at the top of the list for targeting the glutes. This would include sculpting and adding some musculature to your "flat butt".

 

Nothing to add here other than that I fully endorse the barbell hip thrust! One of the best glute builders out there.

[Leigh 87]

If you could tell me what to be positive about when I have no talents, no friends, nothing good about my body or my looks in general, parents who either ignore or criticize me, no interesting hobbies, and a worthless cubicle job, I am all ears.

 

 

 

 

BLOODY hell.

 

I HAVE NOT EVEN FINISHED MY DEGREE YET, have been a total mess and socially retarded and made a fool out of myself in front of ALL my boyfriends friends......

 

Yet I AM HAPPY WITHIN MYSELF!

 

I have low self esteem from anorexia too, yet

 

I AM STILL HAPPY WITHIN MYSELF, despite my somewhat low self esteem regarding my looks.

 

With no propper job, and after having started out with ZERO friends or social skills, and without being particularly beautiful.

 

I just think "right, I will just get on with it, I think highly enough of myself to know I will make the most of life still, the past is the past I am not a no body because I have not got a degree and a propper job yet"

 

I can see I am awesome in my own ways, without having the suoer ficual, outward signs that I am successfull, such as a job.

 

In fact, despite my lack of self esteem, I am so confident within myself, that people with degrees and high ranking jobs, like to talk with me and be my friend. Because they can see PAST my predicament in life, and know I am driven to suceed when I am mentally ready.

 

I will not finish my degree until I am about 28 or 29, yet I am stilL VERY POSITIVE about my life!

 

I am not that intelligent either!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I can tell your talented in your own way, V! Your above average in some areas even if you ARE justr average in the most part!

 

 

 

 

 

Your definately above average in the way you write and express yourself. You are also funny, in the way you say things (albiet super NEGATIVE)

[iris219]

If you could tell me what to be positive about when I have no talents, no friends, nothing good about my body or my looks in general, parents who either ignore or criticize me, no interesting hobbies, and a worthless cubicle job, I am all ears.

 

It's possible to learn to be happy with your life, no matter how sucky it is. Do you really think your life is any worse than anyone else's? Phrase it like you just did above and anyone would be depressed.

 

Guess what? I have no BF, I never date or have sex, I have no family, I have a stressful, emotionally draining job where I work really hard for not much money, and I will never have children. Looks like my life sucks too. The thing is, it’s MY life, and I can either be miserable or accept it and make the best of it. I choose to try and find happiness when and where I can.

[verhrzn]

It's possible to learn to be happy with your life, no matter how sucky it is. Do you really think your life is any worse than anyone else's? Phrase it like you just did above and anyone would be depressed.

 

Guess what? I have no BF, I never date or have sex, I have no family, I have a stressful, emotionally draining job where I work really hard for not much money, and I will never have children. Looks like my life sucks too. The thing is, it’s MY life, and I can either be miserable or accept it and make the best of it. I choose to try and find happiness when and where I can.

 

I would rather be honestly miserable. I have no idea how you could make the most out of essentially having not a worthwhile thing in your life (I noticed you omitted saying you have no friends, so you do have that.)

 

I have literally nothing to live for. The very best I can do is work to pay off my loans and funeral costs, and then do the human herd a favor and check out.

[Leigh 87]

Exactly, and sometimes people just have bad luck, and it is NOTHING to d with what they have to offer.

 

Iris is WAY more of a catch then I am (she has a job, is thin and prettier than me) where as I have no degree yet and have trouble finding even a menial job.

 

Yet I manage to find guys interested in me, and my own boyfriend is very adoring of me...

 

Go figure!

 

V, with what YOU have going for you YOU could probably change yourluck though, with the power of positive thinking. LOL. I thought I would just try again..

 

I reckon positive thinking has got me to where I am, given I do not look like I have anything going for me from the description of my life!

 

It aint just LUCK, but is a little I guess....

[Leigh 87]

I would rather be honestly miserable. I have no idea how you could make the most out of essentially having not a worthwhile thing in your life (I noticed you omitted saying you have no friends, so you do have that.)

 

I have literally nothing to live for. The very best I can do is work to pay off my loans and funeral costs, and then do the human herd a favor and check out.

 

 

 

 

Your beyond help man.... This is SO sad.

 

Probably the most sad thing I have heard on loveshack! ..Even more so than the girls who stick around or have boyfriends who treat them like crap and are not into them and leave them out of the blue for other girls and cheat on them repeatedly (and the girl is too weak and pathetic to leave)

 

You seriously have depression. I mean, is your medication working at all? I have not heard you talk about it yet I am just seriosly concerned for you...

 

Your not suicidle, are you?

 

[verhrzn]

Your beyond help man.... This is SO sad.

 

Probably the most sad thing I have heard on loveshack! ..Even more so than the girls who stick around or have boyfriends who treat them like crap and are not into them and leave them out of the blue for other girls and cheat on them repeatedly (and the girl is too weak and pathetic to leave)

 

You seriously have depression. I mean, is your medication working at all? I have not heard you talk about it yet I am just seriosly concerned for you...

 

Your not suicidle, are you?

 

 

I said that I wouldn't do anything until I have paid off my loans (another 8 years) and set up for burial costs.

 

I prefer to be practical about life. The practical thing is going out with no debt, when it is clear there is nothing to live for.

[iris219]

I would rather be honestly miserable. I have no idea how you could make the most out of essentially having not a worthwhile thing in your life (I noticed you omitted saying you have no friends, so you do have that.)

 

I have literally nothing to live for. The very best I can do is work to pay off my loans and funeral costs, and then do the human herd a favor and check out.

 

You have friends and a BF, V.

 

My point is, if I thought about my life the way you do, I'd have nothing to live for either. I was exaggerating, like you often do. While it's true my job is stressful and it'll never make me rich, I enjoy so much about it. It's true I can't get a date to save my life, but I choose to not let that bring me down or define me. I want children very much, but maybe in couple of years I can foster children. Do you see how I turned a bunch of potentially negative things into positives? That's life and that's what life require, unless you'd rather be miserable.

 

Let's not even talk about paying off loans. I don't know when I'll be able to do that. I've supported myself entirely since I was a teenager. My life hasn't been easy, but I managed to put myself through college and grad school. And I haven't always had the ability to be satisfied with my life. I thought my life would be very different. Being happy with your life and yourself is, I'm convinced, very much a choice, and everyday I choose to focus on what I have rather than what I don't.

[verhrzn]

You have friends and a BF, V.

 

My point is, if I thought about my life the way you do, I'd have nothing to live for either. I was exaggerating, like you often do. While it's true my job is stressful and it'll never make me rich, I enjoy so much about it. It's true I can't get a date to save my life, but I choose to not let that bring me down or define me. I want children very much, but maybe in couple of years I can foster children. Do you see how I turned a bunch of potentially negative things into positives? That's life and that's what life require, unless you'd rather be miserable.

 

Let's not even talk about paying off loans. I don't know when I'll be able to do that. I've supported myself entirely since I was a teenager. My life hasn't been easy, but I managed to put myself through college and grad school. And I haven't always had the ability to be satisfied with my life. I thought my life would be very different. Being happy with your life and yourself is, I'm convinced, very much a choice, and everyday I choose to focus on what I have rather than what I don't.

 

I am not exaggerating. I do NOT have friends... I am ceasing to call them friends, since as other posters have pointed out they really don't act like friends.

 

And yeah, I have a boyfriend... who doesn't want to have sex with me and doesn't seem to like me much.

 

Again, what do I have that is worthwhile? Not my job, not my hobbies, I have no talents, or friends, or a loving family, and no future. You talk about choice, but there are some things in life that can't be overcome, and there are some people who are just wastes of space.

[iris219]

I am not exaggerating. I do NOT have friends... I am ceasing to call them friends, since as other posters have pointed out they really don't act like friends.

 

And yeah, I have a boyfriend... who doesn't want to have sex with me and doesn't seem to like me much.

 

Again, what do I have that is worthwhile? Not my job, not my hobbies, I have no talents, or friends, or a loving family, and no future. You talk about choice, but there are some things in life that can't be overcome, and there are some people who are just wastes of space.

 

You get to decide what is better: no BF or one who doesn't like you. Again, it's your choice.

 

People choose to be happy in all sorts of situations. It's only people in 1st world countries who have the "luxury" of being unhappy because they aren't hot enough or because their parents are mean to them. There's a VERY small percentage of the world for whom these issues even register as problematic.

 

What can you do, from this day forward, no matter how small, to make yourself happier? Brainstorm. Make a list of things that truly make you happy, whether you're good at these things or not.

[verhrzn]

You get to decide what is better: no BF or one who doesn't like you. Again, it's your choice.

 

People choose to be happy in all sorts of situations. It's only people in 1st world countries who have the "luxury" of being unhappy because they aren't hot enough or because their parents are mean to them. There's a VERY small percentage of the world for whom these issues even register as problematic.

 

What can you do, from this day forward, no matter how small, to make yourself happier? Brainstorm. Make a list of things that truly make you happy, whether you're good at these things or not.

 

If I'm not good at it, it doesn't make me happy.

 

And, again, what in my life is valuable? Everybody is always going around saying people's lives have values because people love them and things. Well, nobody loves me, so what about my life is valuable?

[iris219]

If I'm not good at it, it doesn't make me happy.

 

And, again, what in my life is valuable? Everybody is always going around saying people's lives have values because people love them and things. Well, nobody loves me, so what about my life is valuable?

 

It's going to sound cliche, but you have to learn to love yourself. You have to learn to think you're awesome and then surround yourself with people who agree. Get rid of people who bring you down or make you question your awesomeness (not your family, though. You kinda just have to tolerate them unless they are abusive).

[verhrzn]

It's going to sound cliche, but you have to learn to love yourself. You have to learn to think you're awesome and then surround yourself with people who agree. Get rid of people who bring you down or make you question your awesomeness (not your family, though. You kinda just have to tolerate them unless they are abusive).

 

And if there ARE no people who think you're awesome? People can barely stand me on this forum; how well do you think I fair in real life?

 

Why should a person think they are awesome when there is no evidence that they are? I am very against self-deception; some people are NOT awesome, and really need to stop telling themselves that, because they make themselves blind to their own flaws.

 

Some people are not awesome, and some people will never have anyone who thinks they are awesome (because they are not.) So what then?

[ThaWholigan]

And if there ARE no people who think you're awesome? People can barely stand me on this forum; how well do you think I fair in real life?

 

Why should a person think they are awesome when there is no evidence that they are? I am very against self-deception; some people are NOT awesome, and really need to stop telling themselves that, because they make themselves blind to their own flaws.

 

Some people are not awesome, and some people will never have anyone who thinks they are awesome (because they are not.) So what then?

It's not about being blind to your flaws, it's called not giving a f*ck about your flaws and understanding that everybody has them.

[verhrzn]

It's not about being blind to your flaws, it's called not giving a f*ck about your flaws and understanding that everybody has them.

 

Except some people's flaws are worse than others. And some flaws are less tolerable in society. And sometimes you SHOULD give a **** about your flaws, because your flaws cause pain or discomfort or anger in the people around you.

[ThaWholigan]

Except some people's flaws are worse than others. And some flaws are less tolerable in society. And sometimes you SHOULD give a **** about your flaws, because your flaws cause pain or discomfort or anger in the people around you.

Except, Except, Except Except, But But But But But.

 

I'm done, you're on ignore. Have a nice life V.

[suladas]

Reading these threads is making me depressed......

[SmileFace]

Except some people's flaws are worse than others. And some flaws are less tolerable in society. And sometimes you SHOULD give a **** about your flaws, because your flaws cause pain or discomfort or anger in the people around you.

Yet your flaws aren't that bad. You have the ability to date and have all your senses. Jeez, life isn't easy but you sure make it look harder than it should be.