Bluebelle38 Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 (edited) Hi all I would like to get some feedback on a situation I 'was' in. A few months ago I started a full-time course. I met lots of great people but one guy in particular. To be honest, I didnt really notice him at first as I knew he was married with kids, but over time we got chatting and I realised Ifound him very attractive and wickedly funny, sweet etc. I suspected he fancied me (I am 40 and single, he 35) as I often caught himlooking at me,finding chances to talk to me, etc. Well, a few weeks back we had to do work placement and he got my phone number to see how I was getting on, not just my number a few others - we all did it to be honest. Over the course of a week, we were texting,just banter. Then one night he had a few drinks and text me he had feelings for me. I suppose confirming what I knew. he then called me and blurted out the depth of them - that he thinks about me all the time, wishes he met me years ago, has never met a woman like me.... you know the sort of thing. He said I was beautiful and charming and interesting andhe hadnever met a woman likeme. I was quite taken aback and we talked it through over a week and he said he has to stop the texting, that he does not want to hurt anyone and he really wishes things were different. He toldme he told his brother who said he needs to cop himself on.... but he said he cant help the way he feels. He met his wife when he was 19 and only ever had one relationship. The last few weeks have been awful.... my feelings have grown and even being near him, I find it hard to not want to touch him. Others in the class have suspected but only in a jokey way. He told me he has not slept, he is so confused, sad, torn. He said he would not contact me again but then he would... and wewould get around to texting/speaking about how we each feel about each other. Last night I said this has to stop. That I am going to get really hurt and fall further for an unavailable man. I deleted his number and told him I would be deleting it and he said he would delete mine. I slept badly last night. I know I did the right thing- I dont want to be a man's sordid secret, and in fairness to him, he said he couldnt cheat.Idid ask him if that isthe casewhy did he tell me and he said he could not keephisfeelings to himself anymore as he was going crazy. He has since said it was wrong of him to ever tell me. I don't even know why I am posting this, just to get it out I guess and be told I did the right thing so I stay away from him. I havent felt this way about a man in a long time,hence the sadness Edited November 21, 2012 by Bluebelle38 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I slept badly last night. I know I did the right thing- I dont want to be a man's sordid secret, and in fairness to him, he said he couldnt cheat.Idid ask him if that isthe casewhy did he tell me and he said he could not keephisfeelings to himself anymore as he was going crazy. He has since said it was wrong of him to ever tell me. I don't even know why I am posting this, just to get it out I guess and be told I did the right thing so I stay away from him. I havent felt this way about a man in a long time,hence the sadness You did the right thing by cutting it off early on. I'm glad you had the self respect to realize that you don't want to be the sordid secret. Good for you for valuing yourself more than that. Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted November 22, 2012 Share Posted November 22, 2012 Congradualtions! You won the battle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ladydrib Posted November 22, 2012 Share Posted November 22, 2012 I know it's so rare that we find someone we feel that way for. It was a dead end situation as you obviously knew and so it's sad that the feelings arose at all. Try to have trust that you will eventually meet someone again with whom you have that depth of a connection. It may be a long time but just know it will come. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Hello Bluebelle. You've done the right thing - have a read of some other experiences and you'll see you got out in time Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Bluebell, you did the right thing. He could have had sex with you and strung you along for years. He is just your typical MM scumbag looking for sex on the side with no intention of leaving his marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bluebelle38 Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 Hi guys I am feeling better about things. Just to clear things up, he said he would not be able to cheat on his wife. That he could not do it. I am 40 and have seen plenty of sleazebags in my time try it on. I truly believe it when he says he wishes we had met years ago and things were different. he has never suggested meeting me outside of class time and even said he would drop out if I found it all too much. He was sincere. He is a good one, albeit a confused one. I cannot imagine having only been with one partner my whole life and then meeting someone I connected with as a mature adult on so many levels and I think that is what has happened here. The class ends in May and I will not see him again. I have told him leaving the course is an over-reaction. Thanks for all your sweet and knowlegeable replies. Such is life.... Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Save yourself some time and pain. The reality is that he's unavailable and looking for an escape from his reality. Married men don't want divorces, They want affairs. Link to post Share on other sites
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