Steadfast Posted November 22, 2012 Share Posted November 22, 2012 The 3rd party radar is going off. Yep. The go-somewhere-else-for-sex-if-you-need-it comment is the clincher. It truly is a shame that most men need a complete explosion before realizing the flame is too close to the armory. For men, the stages of turning wife into mommy follows a similar pattern. Not fair to the wife. Most men don't change during marriage, they slowly turn back into who they always were. The 'changing' happens during courtship and the honeymoon phase when hubby is anxious and happy to talk and share with his wife. In time, peer pressure and 'measuring up' replaces intimacy (not sex) in the husband's mind, and that destroys communication. Most people -men and women- just want to be involved...at least, that's what I've learned. An open door allows couples to not only talk about what they need, but be open to the partner's needs too. That said, true love grows under hardship, it doesn't fade. But regardless of whether or not we're betrayed, being genuine is critically important. It sounds like your wife has checked out. Once that happens, it's hard to get it back. All you can do is admit your part, vow to better it (if you're capable of backing that vow with action) then allow her to decide if there's enough love and respect left to repair the relationship. If she's cheating, you may not want her back. I wouldn't. That's your decision to make. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 22, 2012 Share Posted November 22, 2012 or how about in a perect world i`ll swap you with you going bald for my bi polar?? Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 22, 2012 Share Posted November 22, 2012 Sorry Am. Emotion got the most of me. Have a Happy Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving means NOTHING to me aM Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmom12 Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 The level of bitterness displayed here is amazing. I empathize with the OP's wife because I am in a similar situation. I don't have issues with depression or anxiety but my husband has always been self absorbed and emotionally distant. My existence in his life has strictly been to fulfill his needs at the total expense of mine. Any human being will become tired of an emotionless marriage. My husband has treated me more like an object. The sex has been void of emotion for years. In my case there have been issues with violence and abuse and anybody will get tired. It's amazing to me how angry people can become when a woman decides to take her power back. Men cheat all the time and violate vows and leave for various reasons but women are expected to stay put no matter what. Your wife is a feeling and thinking human being with needs. You didn't meet them. Maybe she found another man and maybe she didn't but why is it selfish when someone decides to move on after being stomped on like a doormat. I agree it's wrong to cheat but I also know what it is like to be married to a selfish and self absorbed individual who didn't decide he cared until I was done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author edwardo47 Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 The level of bitterness displayed here is amazing. I empathize with the OP's wife because I am in a similar situation. I don't have issues with depression or anxiety but my husband has always been self absorbed and emotionally distant. My existence in his life has strictly been to fulfill his needs at the total expense of mine. Any human being will become tired of an emotionless marriage. My husband has treated me more like an object. The sex has been void of emotion for years. In my case there have been issues with violence and abuse and anybody will get tired. It's amazing to me how angry people can become when a woman decides to take her power back. Men cheat all the time and violate vows and leave for various reasons but women are expected to stay put no matter what. Your wife is a feeling and thinking human being with needs. You didn't meet them. Maybe she found another man and maybe she didn't but why is it selfish when someone decides to move on after being stomped on like a doormat. I agree it's wrong to cheat but I also know what it is like to be married to a selfish and self absorbed individual who didn't decide he cared until I was done. I am not an animal. I am a free man. My wife left me. Let me be free through her desires, wants, needs. I was a good husband and did what any male would do! I am a man and will always think like one. The problem is the liberal media/counselors has empowered women to walk away from any relationship because they feel they lost control. That is not my fault since she gave me control from day 1. I did everything for my family yet I am chastised for doing it because I did not take in her emotional needs. Men are men and women are women. We are programmed differently. That does not mean I don't love her. It is just not the love she desires depending on her menstruation. Women want sissy boys until they are ovulating. At that point they want alpha males. My wife is close to menopause. Then what do I have? An emotional trainwreck with whiskers. Funny how society wants men to be women and men to be women. I say embrace what you are. WOMAN! MAN! We get along until we don't. But when trust is gone on either side, it is over. Things on my side are getting better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I agree with concerns about a third party. And that the permission she gave you was the clincher. For your own state of mind, I would very quietly go into investigative mode. Amazing how your mindset changes once you discover an affair. Check phone records, financial records, internet history. That's usually enough to see if you have any major red flags. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Sorry Am. Emotion got the most of me. Have a Happy Thanksgiving! hey edwardo47 It`s me that needs to apologise to you. My emotions got the better of me too. please forgive me aM Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts