YorickBrown Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I dunno where else to place this topic or to seek some kind of...i dunno...relief. Im really having a hard time thinking about my dilemma.... Several months ago my girlfriend and I broke up for reasons that I can only say is about "family". Her family doesn't think I'm good enough for them (they're very clannish) ---meaning, Im not that wealthy or well-off even though I had shown them I was responsible and respectable enough to take care of their daughter and even offered to help the rest of her brothers and sisters. It seems "they" found someone else that's way better than me and what I had to offer. In short, I got betrayed & blind-sided. It broke my heart but I knew I had to let her go. I could have fought for her...I know, but unless I was prepared to go "war" and create a "****-storm" of sorts for everyone else, I was just prolonging the inevitable....besides, I felt she just wasn't worth it anymore if she already betrayed me (she chose to "sacrifice" herself for her family --which in a way I also understood) A few days ago however, I received the stunning news that my ex-gf just gave birth...I dunno about "fathers" here if they ever felt it, but my blood started to go "haywire" --its very difficult to explain...as if I suddenly got "drained" (the closest and only other time I ever felt like that was when I received news that my parents were "gone" --they both got killed in a car wreck a couple of years back). I think I just became unknowningly a "father" for the first time. Does that make sense? This feeling of "loss" and "guilt" is starting to overcome me. I know a paternity test would settle the matter but the more I think about it and learn what it would take and what complications it would create....<sigh> I havent been sleeping very well the past couple of days & nights (and it just gets worse each day)....To "real" fathers here: Do you understand what Im going through? Is it worth it? I want to do right by the child...and "letting it go" again may be the right move...but it's killing me. Am I just being selfish?? My ex and her current husband will probably shut me out....Please. I need some sane advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 (edited) You dodged a bullet with your ex. She relies on family approval too much and that is a sign of immaturity. Can you imagine being married to a woman who does everything her family says? My mother was trying to set me up with a man from her culture when I was dating my husband. I stood my ground and now my family loves my husband. Find out of the child is yours to ease your mind. Get a lawyer if you have to. Edited November 21, 2012 by Nyla 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 If she's married, you have no clue if the child is yours. Don't start freaking out quite yet until you see some results. Demand a test asap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YorickBrown Posted November 22, 2012 Author Share Posted November 22, 2012 You dodged a bullet with your ex. She relies on family approval too much and that is a sign of immaturity. Can you imagine being married to a woman who does everything her family says? My mother was trying to set me up with a man from her culture when I was dating my husband. I stood my ground and now my family loves my husband. Find out of the child is yours to ease your mind. Get a lawyer if you have to. Well...she is only 22 and just graduated from college (in her defense). I actually helped her graduate with some finances and school work (i think she would have just quit and married if we hadn't met a year ago). It was also a promise I made to her father, that I would see her through college first and find her a job and help her family out before we made any plans to start our own. In other words, I did everything "by the book" so to speak as far as familial customs goes. I even introduced my gf to almost all of my remaining family and extended family. Apparently it wasnt enough---and may actually have worked against me because I did not have parents anymore that really put me on a much more stable and solid environment (if you know what I mean) I don't care what age you are (im in my mid-30s) but being an orphan sucks in our culture. My aunt actually wanted to set us up for a secret marriage ....and my gf was amiable to the idea already but something inside me told me that it just "wasn't right" yet. I wanted it to be transparent to everyone - her family and mine that I wasn't just running off with her. I also wanted to keep my promise (im so stupid). Besides, something just didn't sit right with me. I felt, perhaps, actually "knew" that my gf was "hiding" something from me (another man probably?!?--- i didn't think it would be a baby!!!). I knew marriage was a very serious matter (I will only get one shot at it, and everything gets complicated afterwards fast)....Haste makes waste and all that...and alarm bells were ringing inside my head. The rest is history (or "ho"-story) and now I may have had a baby with my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YorickBrown Posted November 22, 2012 Author Share Posted November 22, 2012 If she's married, you have no clue if the child is yours. Don't start freaking out quite yet until you see some results. Demand a test asap. Yes, she "supposedly" did get married last August. I dunno much about the guy, but I think she only met her early this year while we (my ex and I) were still together all through April. What can I say, he's spose to be super rich, has a more "known" family and basically has "home-court" advantage over me. Could have I taken him on? If I really wanted to...I could have "taken him out" actually. Heck, I would have been able to "destroy" his family and my ex if I wanted to and probably get away with it. I am an orphan. I have nothing more to lose. But my parents taught me better and school has instilled Christian values in me so much that stopped me cold from calling in favors for an "airstrike" (so to speak). Besides, I wasn't going to risk my family's honor for gold-digging white thrash like that... ...and now, that piece of white-trash whore may be the mother of first-born I'm not actually freaking out...well, I may be already, just very slowly. I don't know. I'm going to bide my time, so their won't be any "demands". If it turns out positive that I am the father..... That "airstrike" would be the least of their worries. Link to post Share on other sites
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