Bad timing?

[Charmy]

I met my ex as a friend. I never thought he had an eye on me, never. We worked together and I left after getting a transfer, in the same town but for the same company. He wanted to stay in touch so we did. He gradually showed interest in me and we became a couple. The laughter was our thing, we could laugh forever, ironically I am crying just now as I am telling you this. It's the umptieth time we split and it's always me who initiate it.

 

What bothers me and will always bother me is that he asked for a transfer somewhere far, only because at the moment our company is driving us insane with changes, we are all having to deal with cut hours and the only way out is to ask for transfers in other towns far from where we are. I have a teenage son, I can't just lift off like that and follow my ex, I also thought that if he valued us enough or even me as he says he does, than he would scrap the transfers, get closer, move together and perhaps even wed and then I would consider to follow him.

 

 

With this looming constantly I wondered what would happen if he did get the call now or even in 2 years, where will we be then? His answer was always that we'd cross the bridge when it would happen which I thought was crazy, totally emotionally involved it would just be gutting all together. Since we differ on that and since he wouldn't cancel the transfers I decided to end it. We both cried like mad and that was it. I am an emotional wreck just now, I just want this horrible feeling to leave me, Christmas is next month and I feel down.

 

Looking back, I think he's selfish and I wonder what he was truly thinking, he even said he'd be leaving a lot of people, me, his family, his friends ....He chose work over us, now I am feeling low.

 

We never fought, we never had heated arguments, we respected one another, this relationship was calm and beautiful full of laughter, why on earth did it have to end? Why? I just don't know what to think anymore.