moimeme Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 I'm going to take a very different tone. You know her better than any of us do, and some people like to presume that they can divine everything about a situation from a person's post. It's not at all true. In your opinion, she is ashamed and embarrassed, not unrepentant. You have spent two years with her that nobody here has spent. Perfectly intelligent, normal people sometimes do incredibly stupid things. And regret them 'till the end of their days. And what's starting to annoy me terribly is that your FRIEND and your CO-WORKER screwed her and not one person has even mentioned how skanky and disgusting that is. No, it's blame the woman. I didn't hear about how she grabbed them, stripped them, and forced their penises into her And I'm betting they were much less drunk than she was. Please don't listen to this bunch. Both of you go to a counsellor and talk it out there. A person who can deal with you both face-to-face is much better equipped than a bunch of strangers to tell you what to do here. Remember the LoveShack warning: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling In this case, it is all the more critical that you get a balanced viewpoint from somebody who can speak to you both and counsel you together. LSers mean well, but they are projecting their own fury and, I can't repeat enough, NOBODY on this board knows either of you well enough to tell you what to do here. This is not, like so many other problems we deal with, a situation where there is repeated behaviour. This is a one-time situation so it is a totally different dynamic and may not warrant all the fury and vituperation that the rest are counselling you to engage in. People are assuming they know her mind and her motivations and nobody ever knows that even about themselves, much less about someone they've never met. That is at best stupid and at worst exceedingly unfair. Please do see a counsellor before you make any final decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 And what's starting to annoy me terribly is that your FRIEND and your CO-WORKER screwed her and not one person has even mentioned how skanky and disgusting that is. I made reference to it in one of my first responses. They're worthless "friends" Sorry, but I respectfully disagree moimeme. Sometimes, it pays to be objective. The facts are there. It's his choice what he does with the truth. He's not going to get much from this chick. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 You can't say that, Amerikajin. You don't know the person and therefore you cannot possibly speak as though you do. No licenced professional would dream of doing such a thing. To assume one knows everything from another person's side of a story is foolish. Everybody here is projecting. Bigtime. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 I'm a believer in licensed professionals when I don't have the answers I'm looking for; when common sense can't make sense of what's happening. There are some things for which a licensed mental health professional is necessary. A professional isn't necessary to tell me why I can't sleep after drinking a shot of espresso before bed; nor do I need a professional to explain to me why I will be burned by people who don't respect me. Link to post Share on other sites
havNfun Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 tell her you are cool with it and tell her to do it again. tell her you talked to the guys and want to set it up again and that you wish to watch or participate. then, you can see if she would do such a thing again and prove to yourself that she fooled you then you'll know her true character then hopefully you will get rid of her Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 That sounds kind of manipulating... Link to post Share on other sites
havNfun Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 That sounds kind of manipulating... [color=darkblue][font=courier new]probably because it IS manipulating!!![/font][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
tom_gbr Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 what the fu~k?!?!?...why are you even considering what to do?....dump her arse and find someone else!... why do women do this to men...she doesnt deserve you get rid of her Link to post Share on other sites
tom_gbr Posted August 19, 2004 Share Posted August 19, 2004 what the f*ck?!?!?...what do you have to think about?....dump her arse and find someone more deserving of your love..why do women think they can get away doing this to men? Link to post Share on other sites
shoemit Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 dude. valuepack. you and jerryinva should get together for the sorriest group of guys on the planet. are you kidding me. she has the nerve to be pissed at you. i have never hit a woman, nor would i ever want to, but this situation may warrant that. i would also want nothing to do with those so-called friends or co-workers. i am not a violent person, but her clothes and all her belongings would be on the street. and your friends car would be smashed to all hell. and so would your co-workers. then would regain some self-respect. seriously man. i can't believe that you're in such denial. i can't believe we even care to help a person who obviously can't help themselves. sorry dude, but you need to be a man and not... i can't even think of the proper way of describing you. i'm sorry if i've taken such a tone, but man enough is enough Link to post Share on other sites
shark Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 I have to agree with moimeme that you know her best of all and it must be your decision. Relationships are about grace and forgiveness, but you must decide what is forgivable and what is not. This is a very sad, tragic event. Is it possible she was date raped? Did she consent to this? Does she remember? It's quite possible she is overcome with shame and confusion. And, if this is completely out of her character, then she is also probably extremely hurt and feels that she also betrayed herself. If this is the case, she should probably talk with someone individually as well as with you. Again, I have no idea, as I don't know her. But it certainly is possible. No matter if you stay or go, she may need someone to talk to. Link to post Share on other sites
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