Author ElDesperado Posted November 28, 2012 Author Share Posted November 28, 2012 Serves you right, cheaters should never be forgiven. If more women did this, maybe men would think and stop. You got what you deserved, I salute your ex. No sympathies for you whatsoever. I didn't ask for sympathies nor do I want any. I know clearly I don't deserve none. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElDesperado Posted November 28, 2012 Author Share Posted November 28, 2012 I agree completely. The worst part is that he didn't even come clean about it and never intended to.Correct and even if I did, it wouldn't have made a difference anyways. The fact is I was already feeling terrible that day. That is why I stopped it from going further in the first place and left the party. Once again, I left. I didn't have sex with the other girl. Besides, most cheater aren't remorseful because they cheated - they only feel bad because they got caught and their comfortable relationship with the dumb, trusting partner is over. You really think it was easy for me pretending nothing happened? It wasn't. I haven't been dating ever since the break-up? How about that? BTW why are you even posting if you all you're doing is venting out? It's not my fault you had a bad experience in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElDesperado Posted November 28, 2012 Author Share Posted November 28, 2012 IME quite the opposite of forgiving... they're the champion grudge-holders.I'll keep that in mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElDesperado Posted November 28, 2012 Author Share Posted November 28, 2012 (edited) I'm out of here. I really thought this was unbias and really help out both the cheated on as well as those who cheated. I guess not. Bye now. NegativeNancy thanks a lot for further pissing me off and kicking me down while I'm already feeling terrible. I know I can't fix it and there it goes the lecture of how I'm a scum. BYE I HAD ENOUGH FOR THE DAY. Edited November 28, 2012 by ElDesperado Link to post Share on other sites
pbjbear Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 This is what I really thought but I was wrong. When I cheated, I didn't even have sex with the other girl. It was making-out and some caressing. Yes it was wrong and a mistake. When my now ex gf found out several days later, she refused to hear any explanation. Last word she said ''It would be better if we don't talk'' and it's now been 6 months later. Nothing One of my male friends did worst. He slept with another girl last year and nope, his gf wasn't forgiving at all. Last thing I heard she is now dating someone else. I really regret this and would do anything to have her back but she is dead on not wanting to even see me. It happened one day when we were arguing and I left in anger. During that moment, I went partying with my friends and that's when it happened. But I stopped it before it led to more because I already felt terrible and left the party. Actually I disagree with this thread....stats show cheating husbands are forgiven more than cheating wives even though men and women cheat an equal amount in marriages. I dont agree with it...however I am feminist and I hate men that exploitative but society says its more acceptable for a man to cheat. However, many wives that stay with husbands that cheat and are not happy but they will convince themselves they love their husband and its not denial/fear of change or starting over or low self esteem that makes them stay. Society also has this idea that when a man cheats it is less likely to mean something and when a woman cheats, she is automatically in love with that man...because one of the greatest myths in life is that women are incapable of not mixing emotions and sex. I know lots of women that cheated a few times on their husband with a guy they were not in love with...an opportunity just came up. Also, lots of guys fall in love after having sex a few times. If that were not true, why did several of my FWB's I had when I was younger say they didnt want a relationship but by the end were asking for one? I am glad your girlfriend didnt forgive you OP. It gives me hope not all women are weak minded (society encourages us to be so). I know several people who cheated when they were pretty young and never did it again so I have hope you can learn your lesson however. When a man is cheating when he is supposedly to be fully developed however...I tend to think its more a character flaw and those rarely change 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlexDP Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 This is what I really thought but I was wrong. When I cheated, I didn't even have sex with the other girl. It was making-out and some caressing. Yes it was wrong and a mistake. When my now ex gf found out several days later, she refused to hear any explanation. Last word she said ''It would be better if we don't talk'' and it's now been 6 months later. Nothing One of my male friends did worst. He slept with another girl last year and nope, his gf wasn't forgiving at all. Last thing I heard she is now dating someone else. I really regret this and would do anything to have her back but she is dead on not wanting to even see me. It happened one day when we were arguing and I left in anger. During that moment, I went partying with my friends and that's when it happened. But I stopped it before it led to more because I already felt terrible and left the party. Why should she forgive you? Would you forgive her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElDesperado Posted November 28, 2012 Author Share Posted November 28, 2012 No more flaming or I'm really out. Why should she forgive you? Would you forgive her?Well as long as it wasn't full blown sex another she didn't blew another man (since I didn't do that either) then yes I would. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 (edited) I'll keep that in mind. Oh, for the love of God, please don't. This, too, is blame-shifting. Seriously, the problem isn't what her choice was and it's not about whether or not she's forgiving or whether or not women are forgiving in general or any other such nonsense. Why even focus on her? You acknowledged that you're the one who made the mistake here - the only good that can come from this is to learn from your own choices. All of the rest of this is just bitterness from strangers, whether it seeks to shift the blame to women or men as a group, and it's useless in this situation, as it almost always is. Focus on you and what you would do differently. Which I hope will not include lying to people to avoid getting caught if you make additional poor choices. But hey, it's your life. Edited November 29, 2012 by serial muse Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 I agree with some other posters. Why such a big focus on what gender forgives more? To me it almost seems like blaming the betrayed woman for daring not to forgive the cheater and not acting according to the supposed societal norm. Forgiving women were more abundant in the past but not so much today. In the past they didn't have a lot of choice or independence (including financial one). Divorce was also extremely frowned upon. Like a sin. Today things have changed a lot. Women are not doormats or Stepford Wives anymore (well some still are obviously, but OP's gf is not one of them). Link to post Share on other sites
Lexie82 Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 I found out my ex boyfriend cheated on me and despite my head screaming leave I did my best to forgive him and move on. He told me he knew it was me he wanted to be with, it was a terrible mistake, that he was disgusted with himself and all the things he thought i wanted to hear only to go on and hurt me again and again, not through cheating but in different ways. One of the things that had hurt me the most though was the fact that he wasnt the one who had told me about the cheating, it was the girl he had cheated on me with. From your story it sounds as though rather than being honest with your girlfriend and telling her yourself you decided to try and hide it. You didnt only hurt her once by cheating on her, you hurt her a second time by hiding it from her and letting someone else tell her about it. Once the trust is gone from a relationship, its gone for good. If you genuinely love and care for someone you dont cheat oh them - period. No excuses, no trying to justify it or minimise what it was, you just don't cheat on any level. It may be a mistake but it definitely is not an honest one. She has done the right thing for herself to walk away as she most likely knows that she can never trust you again no matter how much she may want to. It will have taken a lot for her to do that and I wish now it's what I had done too as it would have saved even more heartbreak. It may not be what you want to hear but i think all you can do now is accept that unfortunately you've blown it with this girl. When you do eventually get into another relationship and you have an argument, try and work it out rather than doing something you know you're going to regret. Link to post Share on other sites
kevinm1019 Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 The bottom line is this... no matter how much you want to lessen the impact of what you did or "sugar coat" it... you did what you did without any regard for how your girlfriend felt or the potential impact it would have on your relationship. Hopefully you learned a valuable lesson. Link to post Share on other sites
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