Do you look like your AP's spouse?

[BrokenPrincess]

I definitely don't. We're both on the shorter side & busty, but she's a little thinner than me with short straight blonde hair & very fair skin & wears glasses. I, on the other hand, have really long thick dark wavy hair, tan skin, and green eyes.

She also dresses very conservatively & moderate while I'm a little more into the latest trends. I was REALLY surprised when I saw what she looks like!!

 

My xMM does look similar to my H though...I have always had a pretty consistent "type"-- tall, dark, and handsome lol

 

Were you surprised when you saw your AP's spouse? Did they look similar to you? Or the complete opposite?

[Lillyfree]

I've never seen OM's girlfriend... but from what he said she's a brunette and quite big (said once that his aunt told her she was 'too fat' and offered her diet pills). I on the other hand am quite short, slim and have long blonde hair. he actually said he always thought he preferred brunettes but had better relationships with blondes

 

as for a comparison between him and H... i did definitely affair down. OM was quite unfit - he doesn't exercise at all and is a drinker, so that shows. but i already fell for him by the time i saw all that, and the physical appearance didn't matter at all.

[MissBee]

I definitely don't. We're both on the shorter side & busty, but she's a little thinner than me with short straight blonde hair & very fair skin & wears glasses. I, on the other hand, have really long thick dark wavy hair, tan skin, and green eyes.

She also dresses very conservatively & moderate while I'm a little more into the latest trends. I was REALLY surprised when I saw what she looks like!!

 

My xMM does look similar to my H though...I have always had a pretty consistent "type"-- tall, dark, and handsome lol

 

Were you surprised when you saw your AP's spouse? Did they look similar to you? Or the complete opposite?

 

Nope we didn't look alike.

 

She's attractive, but we look different from each other.

 

I didn't expect her to look like me though.

 

None of the men I date really look like each other either. They're all attractive, but they don't look like they could be relatives or carbon copies of each other.

[definitelymaybe]

No, we are very different. The first time I met her (before A started), I was surprised to see her because she is so different from what I expected for someone he would marry. Opposite attracts, perhaps?

[veryhappy]

No, we don't look alike. We have some personality traits in common, but not enough to make us similar even on that level. She is pretty, but I definitely do not think he affaired down. Not that it mattered in the end who was more beautiful...

[Summer Breeze]

We don't look alike but we have similar builds. We dress completely differently however. My hair is quite long and hers shorter but the colors are similar. She tends to wear more makeup and is quite girly where I'm more of a Mother Earth type.

 

More interesting to me is the fact we seem to be quite similar. We spoke after ddays and it was pretty shocking how much alike we were in speech and verbage.

 

As far as the comment on 'affairing down'. I hate that. Who are any of us to make an arbitrary judgement about people and automatically assume that an AP is less than a BS? Any more than anyone could assume the BS is less than the OW/OM? I am not saying that to bring up a flood of comments about morality because when I've seen it said it's normally about looks or dress sense.

[TheOW]

Im not sure as there is a 20 year age difference between us, but she is a very handsome woman, we both have dark hair (hers is cut short and mines is long and wavy) , dark eyes, she's as tall as her husband while im a good 4 inches smaller, she dresses for her age and i dress for mines, i wear make-up and i dont think she does (maybe just the age difference again, she could of when she was my age) - she has straight up and down figure while i have an athletic figure - But we both do have a fiesty streak which MM has mentioned we are very similar in that way.

Edited November 23, 2012 by TheOW

[Decorative]

My spouse's OW resembles me greatly. We look related. When my friends saw pics of her after DDay- they were kinds blown away by how much.

[waterwoman]

Nothing like. OW was very pretty in a pale, delicate sort of way. Sort of pre-Raphaelite (without the piles of Titian hair). Very different to me. I am more on Amazonian lines - I suspect that people tend to find me attractive inspite of my looks rather than because of them

[Decorative]

The OW in my sitch was far less educated, had some mental issues ( had been hospitalized for them), and was considerably younger.

 

They were not a typical match for a life together, in my opinion, and in my spouse's. But she was far less worldly than me, and he enjoyed doing things for her and providing new experiences for her that I was capable of doing on my own. I was always happy to do things with him and be with him- but as equals in education and experience, I did not have the reactions she would provide. And she was greatly appreciative of those gifts and things he could do for her that she was not in a position to do for herself. He also acted as a medical advocate for her ( she had continuing health issues, and her family had abdicated trying to deal with her anymore, because they had determined it was largely psychological).

 

It grosses me out to say this, but I also feel it was parental in a bizarre way- which makes sense to a degree, because his upbringing and interaction with his family of origin is messed up.

 

Affair dynamics are bizarre and fascinating. I just wish it had never happened to me so that I never had to know anything about it.

[j'adore]

No we are nothing like each other except in personality, we are both very outgoing.

 

BS is the complete opposite of me in looks height and figure.

 

Neither my mm nor myself affaired down, (total bullsht) we are both very attractive people and have lots of attention from the opposite sex. Whereas, my ex H and his BS don't have admirers so you could say we 'married down.'

[cocorico]

Were you surprised when you saw your AP's spouse? Did they look similar to you? Or the complete opposite?

 

Were pretty much opposites, in most ways. She's shorter than me, grey hair in a short, quite masculine cut. Kind of spherical in shape. Wears very butch clothes in very neutral colours. She enjoys knitting and gardening and cats. She adores shopping and abhors "modern" music. She loves wine and red meat and prefers inner city noise and grime to the countryside.

[RickFox]

My wife is beautiful, at first site I didn't think xmw was anything special but was drawn to her and when we got involved I saw her as very beautiful. Maybe xmw affaired down with me. Her H is about 6' and lanky, boyish looking while I, fully ten years older,and not unattractive have some grey in my high n tight and am of a bodybuilder look. We are not the same except maybe in personality as we are both quiet and confident but I am far more boisterous when in comfortable situations and in my opinion, have a better sense of humor and am more 'worldly.'

 

Affaired down on her part? No longer care.

[FelicityShot]

I definitely don't. We're both on the shorter side & busty, but she's a little thinner than me with short straight blonde hair & very fair skin & wears glasses. I, on the other hand, have really long thick dark wavy hair, tan skin, and green eyes.

She also dresses very conservatively & moderate while I'm a little more into the latest trends. I was REALLY surprised when I saw what she looks like!!

 

My xMM does look similar to my H though...I have always had a pretty consistent "type"-- tall, dark, and handsome lol

 

Were you surprised when you saw your AP's spouse? Did they look similar to you? Or the complete opposite?

 

We are chalk and cheese. Apart from the loving the same man at different times and both realising not to eventually.

[Tenacity]

BS was completely different than me. Older. African American (ex-MM is not). High school GED. Very, very dependent and cannot even leave the house without her H's help. No career or job (ever). Much shorter than me. Heavier than me. Much more sociable than me.... she could talk to anyone, whereas I'm very quiet.

 

I'm blonde, tall, lean, nice looking, educated (physician), very very independent, and not shy but quiet. Not bubbly sociable like her. I hate small talk and parties and prefer one-on-one and small groups. I love to laugh and am very articulate but I just don't do small talk and I don't make friends easily with most women because most of the conversation seems to be of that nature to me. Whereas she was the definition of "bubbly". I wished to be more that way sometimes.

 

"Affair up"and "affair down"? Seriously? In my opinion that is beyond rude and cruel. Not to mention completely subjective.

[canuckprincess]

I definitely don't. We're both on the shorter side & busty, but she's a little thinner than me with short straight blonde hair & very fair skin & wears glasses. I, on the other hand, have really long thick dark wavy hair, tan skin, and green eyes.

She also dresses very conservatively & moderate while I'm a little more into the latest trends. I was REALLY surprised when I saw what she looks like!!

 

My xMM does look similar to my H though...I have always had a pretty consistent "type"-- tall, dark, and handsome lol

 

Were you surprised when you saw your AP's spouse? Did they look similar to you? Or the complete opposite?

 

completely oppisite!

[Silly_Girl]

I definitely don't. We're both on the shorter side & busty, but she's a little thinner than me with short straight blonde hair & very fair skin & wears glasses. I, on the other hand, have really long thick dark wavy hair, tan skin, and green eyes.

She also dresses very conservatively & moderate while I'm a little more into the latest trends. I was REALLY surprised when I saw what she looks like!!

 

My xMM does look similar to my H though...I have always had a pretty consistent "type"-- tall, dark, and handsome lol

 

Were you surprised when you saw your AP's spouse? Did they look similar to you? Or the complete opposite?

 

She's short, VERY thin (no bust/shape) with long straight hair, glasses, and dresses about 20 years older than she is.

 

I'm overweight and curvy, tall, short curly/crazy hair and often forget quite how old I am when I'm dressing to go out.

[Bailey14]

I don't think I am prettier than my MM's W but, I try harder. More importantly, though, are the things he finds attractive about me that have nothing to do with my appearance. He loves my self-confidence, my sense of humor, my passion for life.

[Heather1]

BS & I look very similar, like sisters, I was shocked. He looks nothing like my H & not as smart. I can't compare their looks, my h is overweight & not as active as I am. OM & I share the same hobbies & that's how we met.

 

I'm quite a bit older than he & his w, maybe so she'd never suspect me?

 

I'm not offended @ all by your comments, I might have been a few years ago. Maybe that MM is having an A cuz his w is gay? It happens, I have a few friends who came out after they really tried w/ the family. As for A down, I am older & give a mean BJ. I'm sure his BS would suspect him of someone younger, so IDK what to say about that?

 

After years on these boards though, w/ a few exceptions on the men's part, I'm going to agree the mm are in it for the sex, the rest is BS to get it.

[skylarblue]

I definitely don't. We're both on the shorter side & busty, but she's a little thinner than me with short straight blonde hair & very fair skin & wears glasses. I, on the other hand, have really long thick dark wavy hair, tan skin, and green eyes.

She also dresses very conservatively & moderate while I'm a little more into the latest trends. I was REALLY surprised when I saw what she looks like!!

 

My xMM does look similar to my H though...I have always had a pretty consistent "type"-- tall, dark, and handsome lol

 

Were you surprised when you saw your AP's spouse? Did they look similar to you? Or the complete opposite?

 

Other than height and light eyes, BS and I are completely different in looks. She's a size L, short blonde hair, fair skin. I'm a size S, long brunette hair, tan skin. She seems to be kinda plain and mom-ish while I'm more like fully made up even if I'm just running errands. She's also almost 20yrs older. She was my idea of a typical SAHM, but not as bad as I'd pictured as a BW (I tended to equate W's looks with H's infidelity).

[woinlove]

Other than height and light eyes, BS and I are completely different in looks. She's a size L, short blonde hair, fair skin. I'm a size S, long brunette hair, tan skin. She seems to be kinda plain and mom-ish while I'm more like fully made up even if I'm just running errands. She's also almost 20yrs older. She was my idea of a typical SAHM, but not as bad as I'd pictured as a BW (I tended to equate W's looks with H's infidelity).

 

In my case, I expected the BW to be very attractive, because MM was, but I was surprised that she was quite stunningly beautiful. With a bit of similarity to your own comment, I was surprised her H would cheat, given how gorgeous she was. Turns out they had both been hurt a lot by each other and neither dealt with it well. The A was about MM's limitations.

[MissBee]

In my case, I expected the BW to be very attractive, because MM was, but I was surprised that she was quite stunningly beautiful. With a bit of similarity to your own comment, I was surprised her H would cheat, given how gorgeous she was. Turns out they had both been hurt a lot by each other and neither dealt with it well. The A was about MM's limitations.

 

On the topic of attractive and going back to the original topic...I think I expected her to be good looking as well, because I am and because he is. I think I do this with regular boyfriends as well, I simply assume the other people they've dated are attractive. It's not always the case (but then again, HE needs to be attracted to the person and not me, so it really doesn't matter what I think) but it's certainly my mindset going in.

 

But it doesn't matter what any of us think of the BS, in that, clearly the MM chose this person, so as unattractive as you might think she is....he obviously found her attractive. Unless of course he is some martyr or masochist who just "had to marry" this unattractive person and have sex with them against his will. But if he is a normal individual, he found her attractive and chose to date and marry this person. And since people often have a range of looks they can be attracted to...I don't think there is any comparison.

[BrokenPrincess]

She seems to be kinda plain and mom-ish while I'm more like fully made up even if I'm just running errands. She's also almost 20yrs older. She was my idea of a typical SAHM, but not as bad as I'd pictured as a BW (I tended to equate W's looks with H's infidelity).

 

I actually expected her to be a beautiful put-together blonde, but this is a good description of my MM's wife too as "mom-ish". She is attractive but 15 years older than me and actually looks a lot older than my xMM, who may be frozen in his 30s (lucky!)

 

I'm sure to some degree he was attracted to my (relative) youth, but that's ok because I was attracted to the laugh lines around his eyes and his life & career experiences.