Are things going to be okay?

[alex2066]

Okay, I'm 100% new to this place but I just HAD to get some opinions on this. So I'm in my last year of high school and have been dating this girl for 14 months. We were the best of friends and started liking each other so we started dating. We really loved each other, I mean, we truly cared about each other, not just physical crap like most teens. In fact, we didn't even kiss for 4 months haha. Now, I love this girl, like, I want her happiness, not just my happiness. I'd do anything to make her happy. She says she loves me, and I believe her. I trust her, and she has a very very kind heart. She even didn't go on a trip to England last summer just so she could stay here and spend the summer with me. She makes huge sacrifices for me. So, we're both in love. The problems arise because we are both under HUGE amounts of stress from our family lives. My brother tried to commit suicide multiple times and is now a drug addict. I have to live with all the constant yelling and fighting in my family. As for her, her parents are very hard on her when it comes to school, and they put immense amounts of pressure on her to do exceedingly well in school. It really gets to her and stresses her out. Besides that, her parents rarely let her go anywhere or do anything during school time because they think it will "distract her from her work". Also, her parents don't know we're dating because they wouldn't allow it (school distractions). So, we barely see each other outside school. We do, however, spend basically every lunch together and about 40 minutes after school together every day. So here is where it all went wrong. On Saturday, things happened with my family. I got into a horrible mood and ended up getting into an argument with her when she started acting weird (she was doing a project and really stressed). Now, this argument was obviously over text since we don't see each other much outside of school, and we all know how well things go over text. While arguing with her, my dad came and talked to me, asking me how our relationship was. I told him it wasn't good and she could never see me or hang out and that I was frustrated. Obviously if I'm arguing with her and in a terrible mood, I'll only mention the bad stuff and make it seem worse. So my dad, trying to help, told me I'd be better off breaking up with her and moving on unless she could hang out more. So, listening to my dad, trusting him, I texted her and told her that if she didn't go talk to her parents, and get more freedom, we would have to break it off. See what I forgot was that during the summer we both agreed that grade 12 would be hard and that she wouldn't be able to see me much because of her parents, so I said I would wait with her until after when she moves out. So obviously she kept refusing to talk to her parents, so I said that since she wouldn't talk to them, it was over, and that she could come back when she decides to talk to them. That was the last thing I said, and the conversation ended. Come Sunday, I was unsure about what I had just done, I loved her after all, and many times thought of spending my whole life with her. I kept thinking, however, that if I contact her, it will make my threat be empty, and she would never talk to her parents. I thought that she would try to talk to me and so I held out. She didn't contact me. I told several of my friends, and they said I shouldn't talk to her and it would be up to her to come back. Come Monday, I went to school, got my things from my locker (which is right beside hers) and quickly left to my use my friends locker before I would see her. We avoided each other all day. I saw her after school, but only from a distance. That night, I was seriously considering contacting her. I was worried, she changed her profile picture to a picture of herself, but it was photo shopped to be bloody. Her tumblr and twitter were FULL of depressing things. But once again, people persuaded me not to talk to her. Tuesday came along, and I still didn't see her all day. Now, Tuesday would have been our 14 month anniversary, and I started seriously freaking out. I doubted what I did, and then someone told me I should follow what my heart told me. I then realized that I wanted to be with her more than anything and that I had made a HUGE mistake, the biggest of my life. So, I texted her. I sincerely apologized for what I had said, and that I really didn't want to break up with her. I explained that it was a result of my stress from family problems and that I took advice from my father which turned out to be stupid. I told her that I loved her more than anything, and that she was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I wasn't happy without her, and I was very happy with her. Now, her reply is what really broke my heart. See, no matter what problems we had, and we've had some pretty bad ones, we always ended up fixing things. Everything ALWAYS turned out okay, which is why during the 2 days I didn't talk to her, I still felt like everything would be okay. So she said that she was sorry things happened this way and that it was her fault for not talking to her parents and that she still loved me too, but she also said that she couldn't bring herself to get back into a relationship with me. She said that she had never been sadder in her whole life than over the past two days and that we could still be friends if I wanted. That's when it hit me, I had just screwed up the best thing I had ever had. I ruined our relationship over an issue that we had already resolved. I messed it up. After laying on the floor screaming/crying for about 10 minutes, I replied to her. I tried my hardest to say sorry and to beg for her to come back. She said that it didn't feel right and that she didn't want to go through that sort of pain again if I were to leave again. A few more texts back and forth and I got her to the point of her saying "I need a few days to calm my emotions and think about things, when I'm ready, I'll tell you". I had no choice but to agree to that or nothing. So, naturally, I was sad. I was sad that I had ruined my favourite thing in life, and that I'd hurt the person I love. I was also hurt by the fact that she didn't take me back or fight for the relationship. If I wouldn't have contacted her, we literally would never have spoken ever again. I also learned that she deleted a vlog thing she made me for what would have been our 14 months and that she almost threw out everything I ever gave her, but couldn't bring herself to do it. I was hurt that she would start throwing things away and stop caring only TWO days after the "break up", after all, I kept all the things I had that reminded me of her. And after 14 months I just thought that maybe she would have forgiven me for my mistake, after all, I have forgiven her for every single mistake she has ever made, and there have been some big ones. One time, she, for some reason, had it in her head that I didn't love her anymore, but was too nice to leave, so she tried to get into as many fights as possible with me so I would break up with her. I forgave her for that, and our relationship continued. This time, I make ONE mistake, and she has to "think about it". I thought 14 months would have meant more than that, I thought our relationship meant more than that. To me, if we just kept dating and forgave each other like we always did, it would have felt fine, but now, that she said she needs time, I feel hurt. I also feel like it won't be the same if she decides to come back. On Wednesday, she unexpectedly texted me good morning, and when she got her drivers license (she had her test that day). She started texting me first, even after she said she needed time. Now, we still weren't back together, but we were talking like normal, minus the "I love you". We still didn't talk in person on Wednesday. Thursday came, which would be the day I'm writing this. She, once again, texted me first in the morning. And during the day. Then, after school, I decided to stay in the library for hopes of seeing her and actually talking to her in person. As luck would have it, she came into the library, and at first awkwardly ignored me, but then came over and sat down beside me. We didn't talk about anything important, we just talked like nothing was wrong, like we were normal good friends. Then, as she left, I decided to say sorry. All I said was "I'm sorry for everything", and she hugged me, said not to be sorry, and left. She then, once again, texted me asking me if I was getting home alright (I was taking the bus) and if I was home yet. And now, I'm home, writing this whole thing, not sure of anything. Will I get back together with her? Will it be like it used to? Will we feel the same way? I don't know, all I know is that I have so much regret over that "break up" it's not even funny. I legit feel like I ruined my life. I haven't been sleeping or eating or doing school work. I feel like even if we get back together, I'v caused permanent damage. I'v never felt so sorry or sad in my whole life :'( Will things be okay? Will things be the same?