ameshal Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by TMCM NOBODY truly knows how he/she will react once faced with that situation. TMCM I understand what you are saying, but in saying I wouldnt tolerate even one of the scenarios Ramm has outlined, believe me, you wouldn't want to place a bet on it.
I Survived Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 ramdogg - you've gone through a lot more crap than most people would have. If you saw the same Dr. Phil show I'm thinking of, do you remember how the other woman reacted when she realized that she could probably loose her children because of her affair? There is no judge on this earth who will award your children to your wife and that interloper she has chosen over you. Don't kid yourself anymore, she has made her choice. I know you love her but do you love the way she has treated you and broken up your family? Your children deserve more. Let her pack one suitcase and kick her out, she's got a place to go. Take back your life. Good luck
Author ramdogg Posted May 12, 2005 Author Posted May 12, 2005 It’s funny that you bring up dr Phil we saw that episode together and I truly thought she would have picked up something from watching that love triangle the only difference was that they had a child together and the o/w was married. After watching that episode I told her that she needs to cut all contact with this a-hole and she didn’t say anything. Recently I have acquired her cell # access code for her messages and everyday I hear a message from this idiot I have already reported him at work as far as his ethics and he almost was fired I am waiting for him to do something stupid. I have approached my wife and asked her if he still says I love you and she says no which is a lie because I check her messages. But if I tell her that I checked her messages she will flip out because she always tells me to quit trying to be her father. Recently he bought her a ring and she has the nerve to ask if she could wear it I flipped out and she didn't care she told me that it is just jewelry it doesn't mean anything to her so she wears it now. I know that I put up with a lot of crap that most men wouldn't I hate feeling hatred towards another person but this situation is coming to a boil because we fight all the time she tells me that she does not want to give up her friendship and I insist that if we are to make it she must cut all contact with this idiot. A couple days ago I called him on his phone and called him out I told him what kind of man are you to break up my family he told me he didn’t care I told him to leave my wife alone and he said he is not. So I told him that I am going to catch him on the street one day and I am going to whoop him he replied anytime you want just tell me where. If he ever shows up to my house I already told my wife before he can say a word I am going to get him and it will take the cops to get me off. I hate this man that much. It’s easy to give advice to someone but it is harder to follow it I respect everyone’s advice and I never wish this Jerry Springer life on anybody.
whichwayisup Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 Ram, is this guy married too? IF so, it's about time to CLUE IN HIS WIFE and get her in on wtf is going on here. I'm really sad here, she's being purposely cruel, evil and hurtful!! Wearing his ring? WTF is that? Oh and her saying not to check up on her like you're her father????? I'm sorry, you are her husband. That is part of the job here...Especially in this situation. Babe, it's time. You gotta get her OUT. Kick her OUT. Yes, this is gonna kill ya - But you're dying inside now. She's doing it all and getting away with it. She's not a good role model these days for your kids. She has realize this too, but she won't as she's not the wife she used to be, she's not the same woman you fell inlove with. I'm really sorry, you got some horrible tough choices but they have to be DONE. Seems she's waiting for you to rid of her. So do it. She's not worth the enery anymore, you've done ALL that you could to save this marriage but when one person decides it's over -There isn't a damn thing the other can do about it. Hugs. PS I know advice is hard to take, you're in this situation, not us...It's just you gotta do it Ram. Things are not going to change unless you take the matters into your own hands and end the marriage completely. If you don't, life is going to be just like it has been. That is not a healthy way to live for yourself, and your kids.
reservoirdog1 Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 You must like the misery and pouting otherwise you would have bailed long ago. Ram, I wish I could say I disagreed with romme22 on that, but I don't. Don't kid yourself. You're allowing yourself to be emasculated by that conniving, selfish beeyotch and her f*ck buddy. Do you think you're playing their game? Puh-leeze. You're not even playing the same sport as them. From what you write, things have been this way for almost nine months now. She continues to have contact with OM, probably f*cking him on the side, and you put up with it. She calls the tune and you dance. You flail about impotently, occasionally getting pissed off, and what do they do? Laugh at you. And why not? You've demonstrated that your threats and demands are nothing but hot air, and they've concluded that you don't have the stones to back them up with action. Of course OM's not scared to meet you face to face, because he figures you won't show. He calls your bluff because he knows you're bluffing. There have been no consequences to him porking your wife, so why should he stop? You're miserable in your current situation. And with good reason. But the longer things continue exactly as they are, the more you're becoming the architect of your own misfortune. I realize your self-respect has taken a beating. But do you have any concept of how much of a shot in the arm you'll get if you actually pull your finger out and do something about this? If you follow up your words with actions? It'll be the last thing either of them will expect, and it'll throw them for a loop. So, unless you actually WANT to be miserable forever, do one (and preferably all) of the following: 1) Give OM a time and place, and actually show up. 2) If he's married, tell his wife everything. 3) Put your "wife's" s*** on the front lawn and you change the locks, and tell her she can come back if and when she commits to no contact. They have no respect for you because you have none for yourself. Do those things and see how quickly you develop some.
ameshal Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 You have gotten some amazing advice here from everyone Ramm. There are a couple of things I disagree with. First off, dont call the other man so that you two can go at it. Chest thumping will take you so far, then when things go wrong, it could take you to jail for a very long time. Second, you're anger is misdirected my friend. Why are you even angry at this other man? You know why he is banging you wife? Its simply because she welcomes it with open legs...He never made vows to you, he never promised to hold you in the highest regard. He is not part of your family. My opinion is wife shouldnt be either. They are both trash and as far as Im concerned deserve each other. What she has done to you and your kids is beyond redemption. You said that she would "freak out" if you told her you were checking her cell phone. Who the f*** cares what she feels or thinks anymore? What is she gonna do?? Go out and screw someone for revenge? Guess what....its already happening!! At this point its up to you. I know this is hard advice and it seems like some of us are armchair quarterbacking, but many of us have been there done that. My guess is that you will let it go on because you have lost whatever vestige of self respect you had somewhere during your 9 months of being her doormat. I honestly beleive that what will happen is that she will eventually divorce you and end up shacking up with this OM, leaving you even more of a broken person than you already are (if thats possible). I would love to see you prove me wrong.
ThumbingMyWay Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by reservoirdog1 So, unless you actually WANT to be miserable forever, do one (and preferably all) of the following: 1) Give OM a time and place, and actually show up. 2) If he's married, tell his wife everything. 3) Put your "wife's" s*** on the front lawn and you change the locks, and tell her she can come back if and when she commits to no contact. They have no respect for you because you have none for yourself. Do those things and see how quickly you develop some. Ram....you hearing what R-dog is saying here?......in your situ...its time to take a stand brother...perferable not #1....but do #2 and 3 for sure....
romme22 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 I'm wondering at times if Ram is pulling our leg with this story. If he's not I really feel bad that he's lost all respect for himself. Ram, where do you live, you need a beating... There are two bad parts about fighting this guy unless he starts it: 1) wife can use it against you to get the kids especially if you end up getting arrested. 2) Could get a serious beating and your wife, who couldn't possibly lose any additional respect for you, would lose any interest whatsoever in you. Emotional hurt is far more painful than most physical hurt. If you want to hurt someone, hurt you're wife by calling a lawyer and doing what you need to do to get her out of the house and get the kids in your custody. Like ameshal said too, your anger is misdirected. The other man may be a scumbag, but then again he may not be. Maybe your wife is telling him that she loves him and that she's leaving you when the time is right. Plus even the most respectable guy, if single will happily bang a married woman, not that unusual. What is unusual is that a married man would let this happen, even to the point of being asked to wear the OM's ring? On thing for certain is that you're being a fool and holding onto a turd that you should let drift away. Get the phone book and call now!!!! or better yet http://www.switchboard.com, you won't even have to get up.
ameshal Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by romme22 I'm wondering at times if Ram is pulling our leg with this story. If he's not I really feel bad that he's lost all respect for himself. Ram, where do you live, you need a beating... There are two bad parts about fighting this guy unless he starts it: 1) wife can use it against you to get the kids especially if you end up getting arrested. 2) Could get a serious beating and your wife, who couldn't possibly lose any additional respect for you, would lose any interest whatsoever in you. Emotional hurt is far more painful than most physical hurt. If you want to hurt someone, hurt you're wife by calling a lawyer and doing what you need to do to get her out of the house and get the kids in your custody. Like ameshal said too, your anger is misdirected. The other man may be a scumbag, but then again he may not be. Maybe your wife is telling him that she loves him and that she's leaving you when the time is right. Plus even the most respectable guy, if single will happily bang a married woman, not that unusual. What is unusual is that a married man would let this happen, even to the point of being asked to wear the OM's ring? On thing for certain is that you're being a fool and holding onto a turd that you should let drift away. Get the phone book and call now!!!! or better yet http://www.switchboard.com, you won't even have to get up. I was wondering the same thing Romme. If I was intentionally making up the most godawful storey about adultery/disloyalty, I dont think I could have imagined something like this....
reservoirdog1 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 I'm wondering at times if Ram is pulling our leg with this story. I've wondered that too... and if it's all for real, I'm reminded of William H. Macy's character in Boogie Nights. Fair enough, fighting the OM could land Ram in trouble. But, given everything those two have put him through (leaving aside the fact that he puts up with it), it would be understandable. Hopefully he'll actually do #2 and #3, tho.
romme22 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Check your closets Ram !!! Judge startled by testimony about man in closet, urges her to get lawyer. Martha Freeman described yesterday how she listened from the next room, her hands covering her face, as her husband was beaten and choked to death by her lover in the bathroom of their south Nashville home last week. She could hear the sounds of water trickling and thumping, then silence. But the woman decided against calling police. ''I was absolutely terrified about what was going on,'' she said. ''Also, if he could have done this to my husband, I wasn't sure what he would do to me.'' Martha Freeman testified yesterday during a preliminary hearing in Davidson County Criminal Court for Rafael DeJesus Rocha-Perez, 35, who faces a charge of criminal homicide in the death. The man, whom Martha Freeman said she knew only as Christian, had secretly slept in a closet in the Freemans' home for about a month, before the April 10 confrontation with her husband, the woman said. According to her, Jeffrey Freeman, 44, had followed the sound of snoring to a closet, where he found Rocha-Perez sleeping. ''He ordered me to get up and to take this man home,'' Martha Freeman testified. ''I was getting up and getting ready to take him home. He (Jeffrey Freeman) just told me he was going to go outside and walk the dog and when he got back, the man had better be out of his house.'' But instead of leaving, Rocha-Perez picked up a shotgun belonging to Jeffrey Freeman and confronted him, the woman said. She said Jeffrey Freeman began to pray. ''When my husband started to pray, it upset him — Christian — and when Christian got upset is when he pulled (Jeffrey) into the bathroom and shut the door,'' she testified. At some point during the night, Martha Freeman called her husband's mother to inform his parents that her son would not be making his weekly telephone call to them because he had taken some medication and gone to sleep early, the victim's relatives have said. The next afternoon, Martha Freeman went to the home of neighbors and asked them to call police. Officers found her husband's body about 3:30 p.m. April 11, lying inside a sleeping bag. He had massive head injuries. A detective testified Jeffrey Freeman also appeared to have been choked with a belt and telephone cord. ''It's so bizarre,'' Moreland said from the bench. ''It's hard to believe a lot of this. … I have problems with allowing this to go any further without her getting some representation. ''And I can see her being charged in this case. She probably should be charged in this case. I hope the state does not believe everything she's testifying to, because I sure don't.'' Moreland asked prosecutors whether they planned to charge Martha Freeman with a crime. Prosecutor Katy Miller answered: ''She's not charged right now.'' Police have said they still have questions about what Martha Freeman was doing in the hours before she called police. They are also scrutinizing telephone calls she made before police were notified. During questioning yesterday by Rocha-Perez's defense attorney, Metro Homicide detective Brad Corcoran testified that Martha Freeman's account did not seem credible. After the break, Martha Freeman returned to the witness stand and declined to answer further questions. She invoked her Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination, citing the advice of her lawyer. According to e-mails that Martha sent to friends in February, which are being reviewed by police, the woman said she had manic depressive disorder and was taking medications that often left her unable to work or function. She also said that she and her husband were trying to reconcile after living apart for six months. In one e-mail, she likened life in her upscale Mountain View home to living on Wisteria Lane, the fictional setting for the popular ABC television show Desperate Housewives. Before the judge halted yesterday's hearing, Martha Freeman testified that she met Rocha-Perez on July 4, when she and her husband were in downtown Nashville to see the annual fireworks. Her husband, however, decided to go home and left her to stay in the hotel room they had, she said. Martha Freeman said she met Rocha-Perez ''randomly'' and brought him and two of his male friends back to her hotel room. She testified yesterday that they ''partied'' and then she had sex with all three men. During the months that followed, she said she maintained her relationship with Rocha-Perez until he moved into her home during the past month. When Jeffrey Freeman was at home, Rocha-Perez would sleep on a foam mat on the floor of a 2-foot by 8-foot closet. When the husband was away, Rocha-Perez had free rein in the home, Martha Freeman said. She said he would spend his days playing video games, watching television and eating.
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Geez, Ram has come for more help and advice. I believe him and why the F would he LIE about this? He posted and posted and posted last year....Now he's back. I highly doubt what you've written above there is him. Keep posting Ram, I'm still willing to support you through this.
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 If you post more, the Private Messaging should work soon. I think you have to have a certain amount of posts to have that option...I'd like to PM ya when it's up and working Ramm.
reservoirdog1 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 I'm not sure anybody's really saying this is all made up... the gist of my comment, and I suspect those of others, was that it's such a freaky-ass nightmarish situation as to be like something spawned in the mind of a soap writer. Besides, my marriage was a frigging soap opera too... and it was all real. So I'll operate on the assumption that Ram's story is true too.
Author ramdogg Posted May 13, 2005 Author Posted May 13, 2005 I wish that what I am telling you is a lie but it isn’t this whole thing has spiraled way out of control and I should have squashed it years ago 5 yrs ago when Mr. Turd touched my wife. I didn’t approach him about it or anything so I take responsibility for not stopping it early. Also the gift giving started about 3 yrs ago and I also did nothing about it she convinced me that she got what she wanted and it didn’t come out of our budget plus she wasn’t doing anything physical to get it, so I thought o.k. as long as there’s nothing physical going on I guess It’s o.k. but it still bothered me that she had these items. Now he continues to spend money on her like a jack-ss he recently bought her a digital camera, labtop, diamond stud earrings and now the 3 stone ring which she says is a friendship ring she told men that it symbolizes past present future he says his past was pothethetic presently he is different man because of my wife and his future is now brighter because of her. I could care less what the ring means it isn’t right for her to wear it and I have told her this numerous times. This a-hole even went as far as to tattoo her name on his back because one day she asked me if I would ever put her name on my body I told her that yeah maybe one day and he overheard that. When she told me of this it pissed me off knowing that another man has my woman’s name on his back I asked her why he didn’t put it on his chest and she replied that he is hoping that she will leave me and marry him. After she confessed to her affair she had told me that she wanted to work things out so I as a gesture of my commitment to her I went and had a tattoo of her name put over my heart. I thought it would convince her where my commitment level was with her. Since then she has spent more time at home and does not come home late eats dinner with the family and spends more time with me. But when a-holes name is brought up she continually tells me that she is not giving up her friendship and when we argue she reminds me that I had an emotional affair with the o/w that I work with. Things are getting better at home and I think that that’s the reason why I choose not to leave quite yet .As far as changing the locks and stuff if I leave for work at 3:30 am who would I get to take my kid to school and watch them until I come home which is usually at 6:00 pm I have nobody so I really don’t have a choice. She tells me that this is the best that she has got right now if I am not happy to leave she says that she has given up her physical contact and does not want to give up her friendship yet. Also I live in California and she has told me that this state cares less about infidelity so the best interest of the kids would be to stay with her. She also admitted to me that she does not want a relationship with this man apparently he is lazy, sloppy and doesn’t see a future with him she claims that I am her future but she wants some time to end this on her own terms. I know that my wife is materialistic and part of me wonders if she is waiting until the bank goes dry. Either way the only way to press the issue is for me to leave so like I said before it’s just a matter of time before I get to that point.
ameshal Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Listen Ramm, I'm sorry to have doubted your story, but like ResDog said, its just such a nightmarish scenario as to lead a person to wonder. I want to impress upon you one thing Ramm...it is not the OM. It really isnt. If its not him, and she loses interest in him, she will pick up right where she left off with another man. I promise you this. Why? Because you let her know its ok to do that. Your nightmare will not end with this woman. This feeling that you have now will never end as long as she is with you. There is NO reconciliation with this one. There is NO recovery from what she has done. She signed the death warrant on your relationship long ago, and repeatedly pulled the switch. You just dont know its dead for some reason! God Ram, you have become so accustomed to the few scraps of emotion and caring she throws your way every now and again, that you have missed your god given right to something better. You've lived in misery for so long, you think its normal, and dont know that something better is out there. Also I live in California and she has told me that this state cares less about infidelity Because we know she is honest and has never lied to you right? Dont you see the irony here? Your entire marriage is a lie and you actually give merit to anything she says? Did you think maybe you should talk to a lawyer rather than taking advice about the law from her? The woman is toxic both to you and your children. You are harming them by letting them watch the way she treats you. This is an awful example to them, and as I said before, you have ONE chance to bring them up right. She needs to leave YESTERDAY! I only wish that you would take some of the advice being offered to you here. No one here wants to do anything but help you. It means squat if you dont act on it though. Im sorry I am harsh, but I truly think you need a reality check. Some people like to live in fantasy land. You have chosen to live in a repeating nightmare. Best wishes Ramm. Keep us posted.
romme22 Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 >God Ram, you have become so accustomed to the few scraps of emotion and caring she throws your way >every now and again, that you have missed your god given right to something better. You've lived in misery >for so long, you think its normal, and dont know that something better is out there. Good one ameshal, sums it up nicely. I can't believe this gem from ram's post: >>But when a-holes name is brought up she continually tells me that she is not giving up her friendship and >>when we argue she reminds me that I had an emotional affair with the o/w that I work with. Ahh, a little different in comparison don't you think? You know Ram, you got to admit this is very bizarre, usually there's a cheater who gets caught and then it either ends in divorce or gets worked out. Your stuff is so high-schoolish, like your competing for the same girl, this isn't a competition anymore, this is your wife, get a grip. >She also admitted to me that she does not want a relationship with this man apparently he is lazy, sloppy >and doesn’t see a future with him she claims that I am her future but she wants some time to end this on >her own terms. I'm about to slice my own wrists here. So if he wasn't lazy and sloppy you'd be out? How bout the next co-worker that that she gets the hots for and he isn't lazy or sloppy?? I'm spent... Ram, just wondering what you see when you look at this woman? Do you look at her and see your dreams hopes and future or something else?
Bryanp Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 I am sorry but reading your story clearly shows how your wife has emotionally castrated you to such an extent that you seem to no longer see it. She totally humiliates and disrespects you in every way imaginable. Apparently you are willing to suffer. Would you want your children to grow up and act the way you are acting? You have my sympathy. Like I said previously, it is sad that your wife has no respect for you but it is even worse that you have no respect for yourself. I wish you luck because this is your life now and in the future.
brashgal Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 I'm a little ashamed to admit that I lived a similar nightmare for 3 years. My ex had an affair with a coworker's wife which went on (on and off - primarily on) for years. I was suspicious for awhile but found out for sure at the one year mark. We had a lot of the same battles - "I'm not giving up my friendship" crap. What made it worse was they were like our local 'family', we celebrated holidays together, our kids played together. Finally she started making too many demands and he coincidentally met someone else he was more interested in. Long story short, I finally had to kick him out - I suddenly realized that after all the push and pull, marriage counselling, begging, pleading that I just was not enough for him - he was always going to have to supplement the marriage with other relationships (emotional and sexual) and I just couldn't live that way. I put up with a lot of crap because of my kids and what amounted to poor self-esteem and shame. If you met me professionally you would not have a clue that my life could have been so screwed up, that I would have put up with what I did for so long. I totally understand how you've put up with it so far but I'm here to tell you that the longer you put up with it, the worse you yourself suffer emotionally. Life is too short to allow her to treat you this way and you have to quell your fears of her getting the kids and half of everything, etc, etc - I believe things will work out for you if you take care of yourself. Be strong ramdogg!
ameshal Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 This is great advice from someone who has lived through something similar Ramm. I'm a little confused about the arguement where you both say that "you tried so hard for the children". I understand that when children are involved it is important to save the marriage if at all possible. If you are stuck with a spouse hell bent on destroying it though, for the sake of the children you cannot allow yourself to be constantly humiliated in front of them like that. Great story and courage Brashgirl. How long has it been since you gave your ex the boot, and how are you enjoying life now that you dont have to put up with him? How are your kids adjusting?
Author ramdogg Posted May 16, 2005 Author Posted May 16, 2005 Friday she took her real estate exam and when I came home she was tired from traveling and wanted to have some me time which I gave her .After about an hour of me time she started getting ready I asked her where she was going she told me she was going to tan and going to some stores afterward. She was dressed too good to go tan so before she left I told her I wish you didn’t have to leave I want to spend some time with you. She ended up leaving anyways about 45 minutes later she came home to my surprise, she normally leaves a minimum of 2 hours so I put our kids to bed and we played cards and talked which was nice. I asked her why did she come back so soon and she told me that her tanning appointment was canceled I asked her if scumbag had contacted her and she said yes actually he invited her to do anything she wanted to celebrate that she took her exam but turned him down to spend time with me. She told me that this morning (Friday) she talked to a friend that took the real estate class with her and told her about her affair. This lady asked her if she loved her H which she replied yes also asked her if she wanted to work things out with H which she said yes. She told my W that she had a similar situation when she was younger and got over it by not talking to this person anymore and cutting off all contact. My W told me that I am her future, so I told her if that’s true you need to start acting like it. She told me that she is being 200% selfish when it comes to her actions and that she owned her fault in this mess. The next day I went to work and called her through out the day she wasn’t very talkative so I didn’t want to irritate her so I stopped calling and when I got home to see her I could tell that she had been crying. I asked her if she was o.k. and she told me that I should be happy and I said why? She said that she spoke with scumbag and told him that she didn’t want anymore contact. This made me happy. Then she told me that she was having a rough day and was going overnight somewhere I asked her where and she told me that it wasn’t with scumbag and that she would be back by noon on Sunday. she just needed some time to be away, I kept asking and she told me what is the harm if I go somewhere where I could think and I made her swear on the kids that she wasn’t going anywhere with scumbag and she said no. Well she had already made up her mind so about an hour later she left I called her through out the night and left several messages on her phone talked to her a couple times but for the most part she didn’t answer her cell. It drove me crazy not knowing where she was at I finally went to sleep at 1:00 am hoping that she would call me back. The next morning I called her at 7:00 am and didn’t here from her until about 2:00 pm she told me that she would be home soon but didn’t give me a time. She didn’t come home until a little before 10:00 I asked her where she was at and if she was o.k. she told me that she was fine and didn’t want to talk about it as I was leaving the our room to pick up the house a bit I noticed a LouisVuitton hand bag by her side of the bed I picked it up and said o.k. now lets talk. I said to her when did you see scumbag she told me that she was away and came into town at about 2:30 when he called and told her that he had bought her a special order bag and they needed to go pick it up somewhere in the bay area .I tried to control my temper but I asked her didn’t you cry the day before and tell me that you asked him not to contact you? She said that she was trying but it makes her sick to her stomach whenever she goes without talking to him I asked her if I left would you get sick? She said yes she says that she hates feeling the way she does and says that she fights with him on purpose hoping that he will get mad at her and leaves her alone. I told her that this idiot is madly in love with her so much that I feel that if she cuts him off he will try to harm me as revenge. Why shouldn’t I feel that way? I mean he has bought her over $15,000.00 dollars in gifts and has invested his heart. The next words she said made me think what I am doing here. She told me that she doesn’t love me which made me wonder why she wants to make things right with me. Then she told me that she loves me but not the way I deserve. Anyways while we were talking she was watching a show called intervention on A&E about addicts and she jokingly said maybe I need an intervention I said to her if I could get us on the DR.Phil show would you be willing to go and get help. She said that she would never go on that show because it is televised and she would be embarrassed so I said what about local counselor and she said yes. That is a big step I hope she takes I am going to try to call today and see if I can set something up she wants counseling by herself and I need counseling as well after all this crap and I hope that we can have a couple of sessions as a couple. The only thing that scares me is that she has told me in the past that it is hard for her to open up and let a complete stranger know her faults. Well I have rambled on enough thank you whichwayisup for standing behind me and all the other people who have given me words of wisdom. Rammdogg
NiCoLe20 Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 im not even going to comment on this one lol... theres no point
ameshal Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Everyone has given you genuine and good advice here Ramm. You just refuse to take it. Im with Nicole, and wont beat this dead horse any longer.
stuckbloke Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Dude - this is what probably happened: Even if she really did try telling OM she wanted no contact, he kinda agreed, but asked her for one last time together 'to say goodbye properly'. That's where she went. She is going through a lot of pain at the moment, if she's trying to end the relationship. They went away, possibly had lots of sex, possibly argued/cried. Who knows where they're at now, but the reason she didn't answer the phone is probably that she was with him. Ask her to call him in your presence and tell him that she wants no more contact from him in any form from the moment the phonecall ends. For at least a few weeks, you are going to need to know precisely where she is at. If you're not with her, you need to insist that she keeps her phone on and answers it if you call. She has been really, really bad to you, and most people here firmly believe you need to divorce her - you will not be happy with this person ever. I think they are right. But if you are crazy enough to want to give her one last chance, then it should be that - the last one - if she has any contact with him at all after that phone call - she's out and you are free. Do not bluff anymore - she will just walk all over you. If he gives you any trouble, get the police. Step up.
whichwayisup Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 That is a good step...A slow step but a crucial one SHE needed to make. She doesn't have the strength to end it herself - Her conscious is showing up - all the hard work you've put in - Talking to her and letting her really see what damage she's done - She see's it now. Problem is, her actions now have to show what she says...Keep on her ass. I mean it. She's real close and there's alot of guilt, sadness in her. She WILL have to grieve this OM, like it or not, she's sooo emotionally attached to him, but it ain't true love. She's addicted to the excitement of it all but this Scumbag isn't long term love and she knows it. Sorry for that pain, and your welcome! Glad to help you. Your life story got to me the first time I read it last year. She has to throw out the ego when it comes to Marriage Councilling. Better a councillor than nothing. Also, when you post enough, and can enable Private Messaging, PM DazednConfused your email address. He wrote an ebook on Infidelity and all the pain that goes with it. I truely believe if your wife read it, she may understand ALL that you've been feeling. It really could change her way of thinking as she's getting closer... Just seems that she's scared s***less to really push through to actually END this thing with him. OK, I have to go out for abit, I'll write some more later. Hang in there.
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