Trimmer Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Do you two have children? Do you have kids? Answer, please? Link to post Share on other sites
Saba Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 I am so sorry that you are going through this. Reading that you have been together since you were kids says a lot to me. It would be great if you could seperate for a while so that you can develop some confidence that you can make it on your own. It is hard to make good decisions if you are fearful of that outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Saba Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 I agree with all the posters that want you to tell the OM's wife. After you have revealed it to the OM's wife it would be good to explain to your wife why you needed to do that to move forward in your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Perplexingana Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Wow! I'm sorry you are going through this with your wife. I don't know what I would do if I were married and my spouse had an affair. I don't even know if I would try to fix things. Trust that is violated by someone you love so dearly is hard to rebuild. It really shows strength on your part for being willing to try to make it work. It's very strong of you. I really hope things get better in your relationship with your wife. It's very sad to read about something like this. I wish you lots of luck and just know that if it has to end between you two that it will be for the best. Your happiness and hers is what is really important in the end. Good luck and my heart goes out to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author egfrank Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 Thank you to everyone who has replied. We have no children. After talking to her I decided I had to quit lying to myself and end this marriage. There is no way that we could salvage this marriage. I feel as though it is too far gone. Thank you for all your advice. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Thank you to everyone who has replied. We have no children. After talking to her I decided I had to quit lying to myself and end this marriage. There is no way that we could salvage this marriage. I feel as though it is too far gone. Thank you for all your advice. I'm sorry for all you are going through, but from what you post, it sounds like you have made a good decision. People in affairs can be very selfish and oblivious to the needs of their spouse, so don't count on her to be reasonable, and make sure you have good legal counsel. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 And inform the the OM's wife She has a right to know that her H is a POSOM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 And, tell his wife - she deserves to know. If the sports facility attached to his house is a karate (or something like it) facility, the students should know. Honor and Integrity is an essential element in that sport. (My XH and I used to own a school) This guy is a creep, egfrank. A real creep! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Also consider she might not be the only one that he has fooled around with Link to post Share on other sites
Author egfrank Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 Thank you all very much, I was in such denial. Sometimes when we love someone we step out of character and loose common sense. I consulted with my attorney and have decided to let her think we are working on things, in the meantime I'm moving around some finances and getting my stuff out of our house. In three weeks I'm going to take a day off work, get all my stuff out and when she gets home I'm going to tell her I'm done. I'm then going to email this guys spouse all the evidence I have. I don't understand how someone could have such a loose moral compass to do the things she did. Even if we could salvage this, how could I be married to someone like that? Thank you all again, sometime it takes a bunch of people to call BS and tell you to grow a pair! I think I have a great opportunity to move on and improve my life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Yeah, the problem I was having was with her "hiding" that picture of them together at an event and she told you she kept it to preserve the memory of that event? Really?!?! I'm sure that there were a ton of photo's from that event to preserve the memory, but she hid the one of the TWO of them..... That's where it starts. First hiding a picture, then it progresses to bigger things to hide. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 EG, I posted yesterday about what was needed to save your M. But then I thought about it. Your WW was cheating on you for about half of your M. After pondering that, I came to the conclusion that I don't think that's recoverable. My FWW's A only lasted a few months and I almost called it a day. If it wasn't for my son, I would have pulled the trigger. The more I read your original post about the photo, and the fact the she probably fight you on going complete NC, the more pizzed off I get. I think your plan for moving things out slowly, then dropping the hammer is brilliant. Just don't cave when she becomes a crying, slobbering, blubbering,"remorseful", WW. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Why is it his job to tell the OM's wife? What good does that do? Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 ^because she deserves to know the "truth".....be aware of who she's really married to. i don't really see it as a job, but as a courtesy. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Why are you taking your belongings out of YOUR HOUSE---she has been decieving you for 5 yrs---your mge/life has been a sham---tell her to go---in fact take all HER belongings and dump them on her lover's doorstep BUT---then again---maybe not---just live in your home as roomates till the D., is final----you do not want her to lose her job---if she still has her job, you may not have to pay her any/very much alimony Whatever you do stay dark on her---she things absolutely nothing of you, so you need to leave her in the past, and start working on a new life Link to post Share on other sites
Author egfrank Posted November 25, 2012 Author Share Posted November 25, 2012 jnj express: I really have no desire to keep the house. I live an hour from where I work, during rush hour it can take me an hour and a half. We purchased the house three years ago and I'm really not attached. Pierre: That has been the hardest part! She has been trying and I've been having a difficult time telling her no. We haven't had sex since I found out about the affair. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 I assume it is up for sale (house)----at this point make her pay half of all bills, including mtg, insurances, all of them, and any bills attached to keeping the house (utilities), same for cars----make her responsible for her half---if she doesn't have enuff greenback dollars---toooo bad, tell her to get another job---maybe she won't have so much time to cheat Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 ^because she deserves to know the "truth".....be aware of who she's really married to. i don't really see it as a job, but as a courtesy. And a duty to inform the OMW of the truth. OMW can bring home a life threatening STD home to his BW. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 frank, you can't let a cheating spouse keep working with the OM. Period. If you end up reconciling, make sure that is rule #1. Link to post Share on other sites
TiredFamilyGuy Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 (edited) OP - Thank God you have no kids. You decided to divorce. Good. In a relationship so completely founded on deceit there is no respect and there can be no marriage. About the promise: She would not have told you even a fragment of the truth, had she not coerced this out of you. She wants to avoid all consequences of her actions. Don't let her wishes stop you doing what needs to be done. About sex: avoid it. Move out to a motel, whatever. She knows lots of sex might drown out the deceit for a while. This would divert you from what you need to do, and she might even get pregnant to get some leverage over you. Avoid it. My dear god, what a situation of anguish to be in. Edited November 26, 2012 by TiredFamilyGuy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 egFrank you certainly are doing the right thing by filing for divorce. She will not stop screwing her boss no matter what she says. You will certainly throw a wrench in her love life by filing for divorce. This will certainly make her wake up and miss what she lost. If you come back to her she will never stop what she is doing. She will beg, plead and throw sex at you but stay strong. It is her desperate attempt to keep her life as she had it. You will be happier I promise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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