Bryanna Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 My guy and I live 140 miles apart, I go up every weekend to see him, or just about every weekend. He was here for Thanksgiving, we had a great time, everything was normal. Then he had to go back to work today, so I was planning on going up on Saturday as I always do. He calls me last night and says 'boy there is a lot of construction on 24, I don't wNt you driving through that' (it's been that way for ever, he knows that). I said it was no big deal, then he says 'my boss is in town' kind of an issue, (long story/ no big deal) THEN. Today he calls me and says 'bad weather tomorrow you better not drive up' so I said 'sounds like you don't want me to come up' he says 'no, I don't want you caught in a storm' So, do I not go? Should I go and 'surprise' him? Or be covert to see what's up? What is up? Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Surprise him. Agree that you won't me driving up, then bam! Ring his door bell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bryanna Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 I've been thinking that all afternoon, I thought I would bake cookies or something then if he's there great, if not? I will leave them on his porch with a note - saying what? I don't know yet until I hear his plans. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bryanna Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 But what if he is out? Then what? I could go hide my Car and follow him from work maybe. I don't know, something is not right! Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I agree, it sounds like something's not right. You want to know if he's cheating, not set yourself up to hear a bunch of excuses that you don't know whether to believe. You didn't say how serious this relationship is, but if it's serious, exclusive, etc. then you want to figure it out. Delivering cookies ain't going to tell you what you want to know. You probably will need to rent or borrow a car. Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I second the idea to rent a car. Park it out front and just observe. No harm in observing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bryanna Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 The cookies would be cuz I always bring him something, that way if he's home, it will appear normal. If I show up totally out of the blue with nothing, it will be obvious I'm checking up. I do how ever like the idea of another vehicle. Good thinking, good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bryanna Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 I just hung up with him, he was really stressing 'the weather' and how the roads will be icy! I said 'sounds like you don't want me to come' he said that's not true. Oh! I forgot he also wanted 'advanced notice' if I was going to go up there or not!!! WTF????? We've been together 2 years. Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Someone has something to hide. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bryanna Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 I'm so going up there! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bryanna Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 Do I follow him? What??? Link to post Share on other sites
Pinknlatn Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 But what if he is out? Then what? I could go hide my Car and follow him from work maybe. I don't know, something is not right! Ok... Try to look at this from someone else's perspective. You don't trust this guy who you've been sleeping with for two years every weekend and you're going as far as posting on a forum about being a psycho stalker to find out if he's cheating. I would address the real issue here. You have trust issues. Is this really worth it? Why not find a guy who lives 10 minutes away and date him normally? Now, don't let me stop you on going on this crazy stalker mission with the excuse of bringing him baked goods. I'm all ears for the drama. But think about your actions for a sec. Do you really want to end up with the title crazy bitch? Link to post Share on other sites
KraftDinner Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Ok... Try to look at this from someone else's perspective. You don't trust this guy who you've been sleeping with for two years every weekend and you're going as far as posting on a forum about being a psycho stalker to find out if he's cheating. I would address the real issue here. You have trust issues. Is this really worth it? Why not find a guy who lives 10 minutes away and date him normally? Now, don't let me stop you on going on this crazy stalker mission with the excuse of bringing him baked goods. I'm all ears for the drama. But think about your actions for a sec. Do you really want to end up with the title crazy bitch? Totally unfair. She has reason to suspect and needs proof. What, she's just supposed to ignore his unusual behaviour, roll over and take it? And if she doesn't, she has trust issues? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Ok... Try to look at this from someone else's perspective. You don't trust this guy who you've been sleeping with for two years every weekend and you're going as far as posting on a forum about being a psycho stalker to find out if he's cheating. I would address the real issue here. You have trust issues. Is this really worth it? Why not find a guy who lives 10 minutes away and date him normally? Now, don't let me stop you on going on this crazy stalker mission with the excuse of bringing him baked goods. I'm all ears for the drama. But think about your actions for a sec. Do you really want to end up with the title crazy bitch? In other words, ignore your instinct and bury your head in the sand. And hey, that's a good position to get screwed and that's what will happen if you ignore signs like your boyfriends weird behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
lukas Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 While his behaviour may be suspicious, who really knows why he is acting this way or if it is even intentional (i once cancelled on someone so i could play a new video game i had just bought which is stupid i know...) If you feel it is necessary to check in on him then do so... if you are going to show up and spy on him a rental car is a good idea as others have suggested, although if you do go and talk to him he may ask you why you have a different vehicle... Link to post Share on other sites
Cb3657 Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Although I understand and sympathisize with the idea of making sure I also believe that if you feel this insecure with this person this early on in your relationship it may time to end it. Dating should preview more serious commitments and you don't want to be chasing a person around for years. I have done some dumb crap in my life and always wish I would have taken the high road and just washed my hands of people I knew were untrustworthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bryanna Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 I am hardly a wack job. But when someone seems to finding every excuse under the sun to get you NOT to come, instead of flat out saying 'i Doing this or that' it struck a cord in me and I instantly felt that he was being shady. He's never done this before which is why I came here to ASK what others thoughts may be. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Trust? Would you or anyone not think that excuse after excuse is a little fishy? I'm pretty sure men and women both cheat, I've never felt mistrust before with him. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 (edited) Do I follow him? What??? Yea, but be careful––he may be wary. Even with a rental you should park far enough away that he won't suspect. You also don't know the timing so it may require patience. Following someone while they're driving is difficult because things will happen that are out of your control. If he make a light that you have to stop for it's going to be hard to catch up, but if you follow too close he'll notice. The more sure he is that you aren't coming the easier it will be. I agree with the others that if you don't trust this guy then it may be time to move on, but... I empathize with Bryanna's dilemma. When a lover suddenly starts acting this suspicious you just want to know for sure. When you find out you can either go back to trusting or end it quickly and move on. Not knowing keep you suspended. Edited November 24, 2012 by salparadise Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bryanna Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 I really am confused about this. We have such an easy, comfortable, very intimate relationship. This is the first time I have had reason to say WTH? But it's just TOO obvious he does NOT want me there this weekend. I asked him point blank, "sounds like you don't want me to come up' - he denied that. Then I dropped it and we went about our conversation. I'm hoping I'm just over reacting. I feel if I don't go check this out I will develop trust issues. So far, I've never questioned anything. This 'the road is bad'. 'my boss in town'. The weather is bad, excuse after excuse. We have both driven that road many many times and NOW he worries? To odd. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 I feel if I don't go check this out I will develop trust issues. So far, I've never questioned anything. This 'the road is bad'. 'my boss in town'. The weather is bad, excuse after excuse. We have both driven that road many many times and NOW he worries? To odd. I agree, it doesn't add up. I'd want to know definitively. Nobody, after being tipped off so blatantly, would be content wondering and just sitting around trying to convince herself that it's nothing, or that it's not PC to go check it out. I grant you permission to do what's necessary to figure it out––it's your life he's messing with. This part is easy. The particulars of how are the tricky part. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bryanna Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 I'm going to tell him I'm not going, borrow a pick up, throw my hair in a pony tail, pack some snacks and my lab and I'm going to park by his job site and follow him. I need to find out what's up. If he is a cheater? I need to know. This sucks! But since Thursday night, when he said "I don't want you driving up .." it was like WTH? I've driven it many times and so has he! Then the boss thing, then the 'give me advance notice" - since when have I ever done that? Then the 'roads will be icy you can't come". He said it again today, to watch the weather. I am going to check it out. What else would any red blooded American Woman do??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bryanna Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 Monicaelise - very very good sound advice. I did not go, I am home. I took a long bath, did my nails and I'm going out to eat with some friends. While I still have an uneasy feeling, this cloak and dagger thing? I may or may not find anything out, I would look like a fool, as how does one address that without having to say how you knew? I am going to sit this weekend out and see what shakes out. I told him I'm going out with friends, he wants me to call when I get home? I will. He was sweet, but he always is. Thank you everyone for chiming in and lending your voices. Be well. Link to post Share on other sites
Cb3657 Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Congrats on controlling your impulses, imagine he sees you staking out his workplace, even if he was cheating he will accuse you of being nuts. I concur that his reasons sound off but if he had said " look I just need to spend time with friends this weekend as it is the anniversary of the time I got dumped by my first serious girl" or some other semi legit reason would you feel better. Not every thing in his life will revolve around you two, be watchful but it is not a sure thing that him not wanting to see you = cheating. You may not like the real reason but may not be a deal breaker Link to post Share on other sites
Cb3657 Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Not sure he is sleazing out, but really they are not married, he has no obligation to want to spend every minute with her. If you believe it's normal to show up and stalk someone just cause you have a suspicion you will have some issues in any relationship. She's shows up and surprises him but makes her presence known, different conversation. Here it is They are in a relationship but have separate lives He says don't come up this weekend and makes some lame excuses Now he knows she still may come up but is not expecting her. He sees her truck following him around but she doesn't come to say hello I am telling you that says crazy and I'm glad she didn't do it. if you wish to dispute my opinion fine and dandy, ask other people you know how they would feel I could be wrong. If I was in his boots and saw that truck following me around I would be thinking of exit strategies. Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Not only did he not want her there, but he needed advanced warning if she was coming anyway. Hmmmmmm. Yeah, you don't want to spook this guy by showing up unannounced. Well Bryanna, you didn't go. Do you feel any more secure in your relationship because of it? Feeling very trusting today? Probably not. Now you have missed the opportunity to set your mind at ease. Now you will have to wonder. Link to post Share on other sites
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