If she really doesn't love me anymore...

[wolvie666]

Why does she call me? She has a new boyfriend, a guy who is the complete opposite of me and her. She told me that she loves this guy, yet I talk to her mom and she says that the girl is obviously unhappy. She goes out everynight and has told her mom she goes out because she will think about things if she stays home. We were together for almost 7 years and broke up around 2 months ago... I found it hard to believe that she was able to turn off the love she had for me the way she did, but now I'm not buying this. She's got herself involved with a guy who is a complete jerk (drinks all the time, gets in fights, asks her for money, does drugs) and I know that no matter what she says that it isn't gonna last. I treated her like a princess and was always there when she needed me (though I never smothered her). So I haven't talked to her in about a week and this morning my phone rings and of course its her givng me the usual, how ya doin type of chit chat and then saying, "Maybe we can get together sometime this week." What's the deal? I know this new loser forbids her to talk to me, so why is she asking to see me?

 

Personally, I think she realizes that a future with this guy is not going to be such a great thing and wants to think that I'll be there for her when she is ready to come back. Well, I'm not waiting for her and I'm not calling her back or stopping over or anything. I guarantee in a few days my phone will ring again and I will tell her the fun things I've done since we last talked (she does next to nothing save for sitting around drinking with this new guy) and how I'm moving into a nicer place, etc. She will have a sort of sorry tone in her voice and then I will quickly get off the phone with her. Today she said she was going to call me back, but never did. I kind of think she was hoping I would call her back cause a little later we passed each other on the road and she was beeping and kind of eagerly waving. I don't know. I'm still madly in love with this girl and I know she is mixed up about her whole life. I wish she wasn't with this guy, but sometimes I see it as a necessary evil, sort of like she has to learn a lesson about how good she had it with me. I've been told by those who know him that this guy goes through girls like crazy. She was unsure about her future with me and now she is gonna see that the grass is not greener... You don't just get over that long of a relationship and most everybody says she is going to come crawling back. If and when she does I intend to make her work for it though... Could this just be a seven year itch type of thing we are dealing with? Is this a common problem among people who stick together forever? I'm not kidding myself that her coming back is a sure thing, but I just know she isn't being true to herself and is not behaving like anything but an immature little teenager and can't help but believe she is gonna snap out of it.

[Pocky]

She was unsure about her future with me and now she is gonna see that the grass is not greener... You don't just get over that long of a relationship and most everybody says she is going to come crawling back. If and when she does I intend to make her work for it though...

 

You make it sound like she's committed the worst sin! Don't be so hard on her. Humility isn't the best way to someone's heart. You don't have to be an easy catch but you don't have to torture someone just to prove they made a mistake.

[TommyGirl]

Wolvie666, I know exactly what you are going through. My ex-fiancee still calls me and he also has a new girlfriend. We were together for over 2 years and he was also unsure about me and our future after HE proposed. He told me the other day that I was not going to find nobody as good as him in this world, he says he is one of the best and that is what I deserve. He also told his mother that he doesn't want me to be with nobody else, and he doesn't want me to get married. AT least she's not feeding you crap like that. I also thought he was unhappy, but he's telling his mother that he's comfortable, and that he is happy. I'm really sad right now.

[wolvie666]

A few weeks ago (before she admitted to me that she had a new boyfriend) I told her that my friends wanted me to meet somebody else and she got SO mad. Meanwhile she had been seeing this guy for weeks at that point. Then, after she admitted this new relationship to me I told her that I had been talking to another girl and she was fine about it to my face, but her mom told me later that she went home and acted all jealous over it... Meanwhile she is sleeping with somebody else and going around saying she loves him... She makes no sense right now. Obviously if these people are maintaining contact with us they are not truly happy or sure about the decisions they have made. I don't know how old your ex is TommyGirl, but my ex is 22 and we got together when she was very young. I think she got freaked out by the idea of spending her whole life with one person (she was only 15 when we got together) and felt like she was missing out on something. I can't deny that I want her to come back to me... I check my email all the time and am always looking at my phone to see if I missed a call... That being said, I know if she does come back it is a long ways off and I have been moving on with my life. I don't get too down about it anymore, just sometimes when something reminds me of her... I'm always depressed about it, but I've been going out and having fun and it has helped.

 

I realize we were each others first real loves and that makes it hard to let go, but the way we broke up and the way she is acting just makes me feel like our story isn't over yet. But who knows. One of the reasons I'm moving on is in case she doesn't come back I'm more equppied to handle it. Just gotta press on and if it's meant to be it'll all work out eventually.

[faux]

Originally posted by wolvie666

Why does she call me? She has a new boyfriend, a guy who is the complete opposite of me and her. She told me that she loves this guy, yet I talk to her mom and she says that the girl is obviously unhappy. She goes out everynight and has told her mom she goes out because she will think about things if she stays home.

 

I don't understand why you are talking to her mother if you are attempting to move on.

 

We were together for almost 7 years and broke up around 2 months ago...

 

I honestly don't think the amount of time spent together makes any difference. People get just as upset after a four month breakup as they do a five year one. I think it is the fact that you simply cared so much about her, and were so used to having her around.

 

I found it hard to believe that she was able to turn off the love she had for me the way she did, but now I'm not buying this. She's got herself involved with a guy who is a complete jerk (drinks all the time, gets in fights, asks her for money, does drugs) and I know that no matter what she says that it isn't gonna last.

 

It is not your business to be involved in her personal life any longer, especially her dating life. The less you know, the better.

 

I treated her like a princess and was always there when she needed me (though I never smothered her). So I haven't talked to her in about a week and this morning my phone rings and of course its her givng me the usual, how ya doin type of chit chat and then saying, "Maybe we can get together sometime this week." What's the deal? I know this new loser forbids her to talk to me, so why is she asking to see me?

 

Ask her why she wants to see you, or why she is calling you. If you must know, only she can provide the answers.

 

Personally, I think she realizes that a future with this guy is not going to be such a great thing and wants to think that I'll be there for her when she is ready to come back. Well, I'm not waiting for her and I'm not calling her back or stopping over or anything.

 

From my standpoint, it looks like you are waiting around for her. At the very least, you seem to be obsessing over her in certain ways.

 

I guarantee in a few days my phone will ring again and I will tell her the fun things I've done since we last talked (she does next to nothing save for sitting around drinking with this new guy) and how I'm moving into a nicer place, etc. She will have a sort of sorry tone in her voice and then I will quickly get off the phone with her.

 

Why be cruel to her? Don't play games. I'd recommend not talking to her at all. You don't have to take her call. If the phone rings and she's on the other end, you can abruptly end the conversation in a polite manner.

 

Today she said she was going to call me back, but never did. I kind of think she was hoping I would call her back cause a little later we passed each other on the road and she was beeping and kind of eagerly waving. I don't know.

 

Were you maybe waiting for her to call you back? Putting so much thought into this is doing you no good.

 

I'm still madly in love with this girl and I know she is mixed up about her whole life. I wish she wasn't with this guy, but sometimes I see it as a necessary evil, sort of like she has to learn a lesson about how good she had it with me. I've been told by those who know him that this guy goes through girls like crazy. She was unsure about her future with me and now she is gonna see that the grass is not greener... You don't just get over that long of a relationship and most everybody says she is going to come crawling back.

 

A lot of people very easily get over long relationships. It isn't really the time that matters. When someone is ready to move on, they move on swiftly and the past is soon forgotten. Have you thought about it this way? What if she decided you were not right for her, and for some reason this type of guy is what she really wants?

 

If and when she does I intend to make her work for it though... Could this just be a seven year itch type of thing we are dealing with? Is this a common problem among people who stick together forever? I'm not kidding myself that her coming back is a sure thing, but I just know she isn't being true to herself and is not behaving like anything but an immature little teenager and can't help but believe she is gonna snap out of it.

 

Again, what she does with her life now isn't any of your concern. The more you talk to her mother, or her, the worse it is going to be for you. The more you find out what she is doing the more you are going to think. The more you think, the worse you shall feel.

[wolvie666]

First off, it's hard not to obsess over her after 7 years of being together. The break-up really came out of nowhere, I was blindsided. I talk to her mother because I'm really close with her family and we are both sort of confused by her behavior and are trying to figure it out together. This is not the kind of guy she wants for her life, this is the kind of guy she wants for the moment. This is an intelligent girl with a bright future. He is an a**h*** with a violent temper. These are not assumptions. These are well known facts about him. This girl likes Mozart and museums... I know she isn't being true to herself. I know her better than anybody else in the world does. It's also kind of obvious that she hasn't moved on swiftly, otherwise she would not be calling me or drowning her worries in alcohol. She rushed into something new alright, but that doesn't mean that she has moved passed what we had. She wants me in her life for a reason. She is afraid of me moving on and has made it obvious that she doesn't want me to be with anybody else even though she herself is with somebody else. She herself reffered to this 2 weeks ago as a 7 year itch and admitted her confusion. And I am moving on in many ways though admittedly my heart is still waiting for her to come back. I've been meeting other girls and all that though and if something else comes along I'm not going to let any opportunities pass me by.