NC 6 days...

[Tenacity]

I think it's good that you feel angry about his behaviour at the last meeting. Maybe it's a mixture of anger at him and at yourself, for losing sight of your boundaries, and letting yourself be disrespected? Maybe this anger is you getting sight of those boundaries again?

 

Just a thought. I highly recommend putting on some decent music, some thing to move your butt to, and dancing around your kitchen, if the thoughts of planning some other activity to get rid of excess energy are unappealing. I've found this highly therapeutic myself. Just get your crazy on and boogie with yourself.

 

Actually, I highly recommend everyone here do that. Going all-in on a one-woman/one-man boogie may be the best way ever to confirm that happiness is not dependent on another. You have to be all-in though....;-)

 

I so love this post!!!

 

I do this. I have better "boogie" songs, but the one I really love (despite the words) is George Harrison's 'What is Life".

[Mount]

Just let you know it is still going well/strong..No personal contact at all, two work emails exchanging only, while other people in the email list as well.

 

Emotion-wise, just feel bitter....

[Tenacity]

I think it's good that you feel angry about his behaviour at the last meeting. Maybe it's a mixture of anger at him and at yourself, for losing sight of your boundaries, and letting yourself be disrespected? Maybe this anger is you getting sight of those boundaries again?

 

Just a thought. I highly recommend putting on some decent music, some thing to move your butt to, and dancing around your kitchen, if the thoughts of planning some other activity to get rid of excess energy are unappealing. I've found this highly therapeutic myself. Just get your crazy on and boogie with yourself.

 

Actually, I highly recommend everyone here do that. Going all-in on a one-woman/one-man boogie may be the best way ever to confirm that happiness is not dependent on another. You have to be all-in though....;-)

 

Just let you know it is still going well/strong..No personal contact at all, two work emails exchanging only, while other people in the email list as well.

 

Emotion-wise, just feel bitter....

 

Good for you for hanging in there.

 

It is normal and okay to feel bitter and angry.... at least, I did.

[Mount]

Still in NC. Whole day meeting at work.

 

But why I feel humilated, also instead of bitter or angry feeling, I started to miss the xMM?:(

 

I really miss him. :(

Edited November 30, 2012 by Mount

[whichwayisup]

What is it that you actually miss? Him or how he makes you feel? Think about it. How much of it is habit, ego and addiction?

 

Don't cave...Whatever you do, do not break NC. Post here if you feel like reaching out to him.

[Mount]

I miss him....the closeness relation with him, someone I can talk to or text to. Now I am just by myself..:(:(:(:(:(:(

 

 

 

What is it that you actually miss? Him or how he makes you feel? Think about it. How much of it is habit, ego and addiction?

 

Don't cave...Whatever you do, do not break NC. Post here if you feel like reaching out to him.

[2sunny]

Go out and socialize mount! Take a class - meet new people! It helps!

[whichwayisup]

I miss him....the closeness relation with him, someone I can talk to or text to. Now I am just by myself..:(:(:(:(:(:(

 

The flirty stuff, sexy stuff you mean?

 

You aren't by yourself. you have friends, you have family Mount.

 

You don't need him to fulfill that need. You got used to having him around like that and of course you miss that .. But that isnt enough to ever break contact and re start things again. That IS ego and pride talking.

 

Your head knows better.

 

Text your women friends, have fun and joke around. Sure it isn't the same, isn't intense,sexual and romantic, but you definately aren't alone.

[Mount]

WWI and 2Sunny, I just went back from dinner with a few GFs and had lots of fun, even I always created and talked new jokes to make them laugh. They don't know how bitter I feel inside. :(

 

This whole week I pretty much embedded myself into work at workplace. Had twice glances seeing MM inside the elevator while he saw me as well outside of elevator.

 

That is all.

 

BTW, we almost never txted sexy stuff through messages.

 

The flirty stuff, sexy stuff you mean?

 

You aren't by yourself. you have friends, you have family Mount.

 

You don't need him to fulfill that need. You got used to having him around like that and of course you miss that .. But that isnt enough to ever break contact and re start things again. That IS ego and pride talking.

 

Your head knows better.

 

Text your women friends, have fun and joke around. Sure it isn't the same, isn't intense,sexual and romantic, but you definately aren't alone.

Edited December 1, 2012 by Mount

[Mount]

Sometimes I am thinking how the MM felt......somehow it humiliates me.

 

We used to talk a lot, his work, my work....now I have no one to talk to.

[Mount]

I really have the urge to send a txt ........:eek::eek:

 

But I haven't.

[Tenacity]

Sometimes I am thinking how the MM felt......somehow it humiliates me.

 

We used to talk a lot, his work, my work....now I have no one to talk to.

 

You have us to talk to. You can PM me and I'll talk to you and listen as much as you need.

 

It's great that you went out with friends. I found that pretending to be happy and normal helped over time, and I did feel happy and normal.

[Mount]

Thanks Tenacity...don't worry, I only have the urge but don't proceed to act for sure. I can not believe the NC has been maintained almost 15 days now.

 

And see old friends is happy, although when they asked me about my love life I could not say anything for what happened. Much bitter in mind though.

 

You have us to talk to. You can PM me and I'll talk to you and listen as much as you need.

 

It's great that you went out with friends. I found that pretending to be happy and normal helped over time, and I did feel happy and normal.

[Pierre]

Thanks Tenacity...don't worry, I only have the urge but don't proceed to act for sure. I can not believe the NC has been maintained almost 15 days now.

 

And see old friends is happy, although when they asked me about my love life I could not say anything for what happened. Much bitter in mind though.

 

The logical position is that this man is not good enough for you.

 

The urge to call is not logical.

 

I fully understand that bright people can act irrationally when in affairs, but you must resist the urge.

[Mount]

Yes, I understand. Also I am illogically feeling humilated that he might even not have the same urge to text me.

 

The logical position is that this man is not good enough for you.

 

The urge to call is not logical.

 

I fully understand that bright people can act irrationally when in affairs, but you must resist the urge.

[Tenacity]

The logical position is that this man is not good enough for you.

 

The urge to call is not logical.

 

I fully understand that bright people can act irrationally when in affairs, but you must resist the urge.

 

Bright people act irrationally and stupidly all the time. I know that in my case it has taken a long time for my heart to recover... even if it's stupid and illogical, my heart was engaged, and my heart was never engaged like this before. I understand that from people. There is nothing wrong in people giving their trust to others (not considering any issues related to marriages/etc). In all honestly, I did not go into an A with a married man... I went into an A with a separated man and it was that way for three years. I learned my lesson though, and would never date a separated man again. But I did not knowingly "cheat" then (yes, I did later).

 

I know that for you Pierre, it seems as if it should just all be logical, mathematical, whatever... but you are missing the emotional component, and that is vital. Your posts all miss that, and I'm sorry but I feel that it is crucial to address that if you want any validity.

[Pierre]

Bright people act irrationally and stupidly all the time. I know that in my case it has taken a long time for my heart to recover... even if it's stupid and illogical, my heart was engaged, and my heart was never engaged like this before. I understand that from people. There is nothing wrong in people giving their trust to others (not considering any issues related to marriages/etc). In all honestly, I did not go into an A with a married man... I went into an A with a separated man and it was that way for three years. I learned my lesson though, and would never date a separated man again. But I did not knowingly "cheat" then (yes, I did later).

 

I know that for you Pierre, it seems as if it should just all be logical, mathematical, whatever... but you are missing the emotional component, and that is vital. Your posts all miss that, and I'm sorry but I feel that it is crucial to address that if you want any validity.

 

All this emotional stuff is nothing but a trick of nature to preserve the species. Relationships have an addictive component for the survival of the species. Our changes in brain chemistry are designed to enhanced the possibility of procreation. This drive will often trump logic. In other words the heart can be more powerful than the brain.

 

Knowing these things do not prevent any of us to act irrationally. I have acted in very stupid manner many times when in the throes of passion. Knowing these things do not remove the emotional component. The best psychiatrist in the planet is fully capable of becoming markedly depressed or manic.

 

However, the degrees of irrationally when having relationship issues is like everything. There seems to be a spectrum with most folks in the center of the normal curve and outliers in both ends. I firmly believe some folks have a tendency to fall very hard in love (more so than most) and this is enhanced by the hurdles and unavailability of the mate that is so common in affairs.

[Pierre]

Yes, I understand. Also I am illogically feeling humilated that he might even not have the same urge to text me.

 

You present an issue that merits some analysis.

 

I am going to give you my point of view; the analysis makes sense for me.

 

If I ended a relationship and I knew the woman did not love me at all it would be rather easy to get over the failure of the relationship. There is zero hope.

 

However, if I ended a relationship and I felt she still loved me it would be a much more difficult long ending because it would be full of "what ifs" and hope.

 

So my conclusion is:

 

If the relationship must end it is way better that the MM does not think to call you. In that manner you heal much faster.

 

 

So why are you obsessing about whether he wants to text or not. The relationship is over and has no possibilities. For your own sake it would be best if he never thought of you again.

 

Maybe the words from this song convey my message:

 

Voici les paroles ou lyrics de For Lovin' Me interprétées par Chad And Jeremy :Les paroles similaires

 

 

 

That's what you get for lovin' me

That's what you get for lovin' me

Everything you had is gone, as you can see

That's what you get for lovin' me

 

I ain't the kind to hang around

With any new love that I've found

Movin' is my stock and trade, I'm movin' on

I won't think of you when I'm gone

 

Now don't you shed a tear for me

I ain't the love you thought I'd be

I got a hundred more like you

So don't be blue

I'll have a thousand 'fore I'm through

 

Now there you go, you're cryin' again

Now there you go, you're cryin' again

But then some day when your poor heart is on the mend

I just might pass this way again...

 

Listen to the last verse. He may pass her way again and the cycle of pain starts. It would be much better if the guy disappeared.

[Mount]

Thanks Pierre, it is a very beautiful analysis:).

 

And what happened to you recently, previously your reply/post was very straightforwarded, blunt-ish...now all your posts are very articulating a lot.

 

:love:

 

You present an issue that merits some analysis.

 

I am going to give you my point of view; the analysis makes sense for me.

 

If I ended a relationship and I knew the woman did not love me at all it would be rather easy to get over the failure of the relationship. There is zero hope.

 

However, if I ended a relationship and I felt she still loved me it would be a much more difficult long ending because it would be full of "what ifs" and hope.

 

So my conclusion is:

 

If the relationship must end it is way better that the MM does not think to call you. In that manner you heal much faster.

 

 

So why are you obsessing about whether he wants to text or not. The relationship is over and has no possibilities. For your own sake it would be best if he never thought of you again.

 

Maybe the words from this song convey my message:

 

 

 

Listen to the last verse. He may pass her way again and the cycle of pain starts. It would be much better if the guy disappeared.

[2sunny]

I have to admit - that when I have amazing chemistry with a man - I make the stupidest choices for MY best interest.

 

I'll take a kind, loving and gentle man any day - now that I know full well how much harm comes to me when I choose that high passion that crashes and burns into flames.

 

When I'm in the heat of it - I used to get willing to sacrifice all of what's good about me for that "passion" that kills me in the end.

 

 

I like it much better when I feel balanced in a relationship. I don't intend to lose the beauty of me for any man.

[Henni]

All this emotional stuff is nothing but a trick of nature to preserve the species. Relationships have an addictive component for the survival of the species. Our changes in brain chemistry are designed to enhanced the possibility of procreation. This drive will often trump logic. In other words the heart can be more powerful than the brain.

 

Knowing these things do not prevent any of us to act irrationally. I have acted in very stupid manner many times when in the throes of passion. Knowing these things do not remove the emotional component. The best psychiatrist in the planet is fully capable of becoming markedly depressed or manic.

 

However, the degrees of irrationally when having relationship issues is like everything. There seems to be a spectrum with most folks in the center of the normal curve and outliers in both ends. I firmly believe some folks have a tendency to fall very hard in love (more so than most) and this is enhanced by the hurdles and unavailability of the mate that is so common in affairs.

 

A quote for a quote, quid pro quo

 

"I have forgiven mistakes that were indeed almost unforgivable. I've tried to replace people who were irreplaceable and tried to forget those who were unforgettable. I've acted on impulse, have been disappointed by people when I thought that this could never be possible. But I have also disappointed those who I love. I have laughed at inappropriate occasions. I've made friends that are now friends for life. I've screamed and jumped for joy. I've loved and I've been loved. But I have also been rejected and I have been loved without loving the person back. I've lived for love alone and made vows of eternal love. I've had my heart broken many, many times! I've cried while listening to music and looking at old pictures. I've called someone just to hear their voice on the other side. I have fallen in love with a smile. At times, I thought I would die because I missed someone so much. At other times, I felt very afraid that I might loose someone very special (which ended up happening anyway.) But I have lived! And I still continue living everyday. I'm not just passing through life... and you shouldn't either. Live! The best thing in life is to go ahead with all your plans and your dreams, to embrace life and to live everyday with passion, to lose and still keep the faith and to win while being grateful. All of this because the world belongs to those who dare to go after what they want. And because life is really too short to be insignificant."

Charlie Chaplin

[Tenacity]

I have to admit - that when I have amazing chemistry with a man - I make the stupidest choices for MY best interest.

 

I'll take a kind, loving and gentle man any day - now that I know full well how much harm comes to me when I choose that high passion that crashes and burns into flames.

 

When I'm in the heat of it - I used to get willing to sacrifice all of what's good about me for that "passion" that kills me in the end.

 

 

I like it much better when I feel balanced in a relationship. I don't intend to lose the beauty of me for any man.

 

I just make the stupidest choices about men no matter what. I tend to pick men that are controlling and narcissistic (although I don't see that latter quality until too late). I don't know why - maybe because I am controlling and bossy as part of my job by its nature and I'm really the opposite in real life (really...) and maybe I look for a man who will be in charge. And I have found them! And then I hate it.

 

I wish I would be attracted to kind, loving, and gentle men, but I tend to turn those men down in favor of jerks. I have several men who would do anything for me, at my feet just waiting for me to say the word... and I have zero interest. They just seem like doormats to me. I realize I'm broken.

 

It's why I am taking a Man Vacation... maybe until the end of time.

[whichwayisup]

I really have the urge to send a txt ........:eek::eek:

 

But I haven't.

 

That's habit talking. yeah you miss the texting, just don't make anything of it. Acknowledge it, accept it and forget it.

 

Glad to hear you haven't texted him. it's just so pointless now since the A is over and NC is in place.

 

Stay strong!

[Tenacity]

That's habit talking. yeah you miss the texting, just don't make anything of it. Acknowledge it, accept it and forget it.

 

Glad to hear you haven't texted him. it's just so pointless now since the A is over and NC is in place.

 

Stay strong!

 

I totally agree... it really is habit Mount. Don't give in and you will be surprised how quickly that habit will cease to exist.

[Mount]

Why you called it as "habit"....anyway, don't worry, the "habit" is gone.

 

The common sense is that it takes 14 days to develop/get over a habit, and the NC days have passed 14 days.

 

I totally agree... it really is habit Mount. Don't give in and you will be surprised how quickly that habit will cease to exist.