i cheated, he cant decide if he wants out, now what?

[eyehatesmilin]

i need some serious help! i have been w/my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and i am truly inlove w/ him . i plan my whole life around him and my two kids (not his).i had need married b4 n my ex always cheated on me. it hurt. my b/f n i r both 25 n he is what most refer to as a bum that mooches off of me. i just think he needed to help me. he and i were supposed 2b moving to miami later this month and we had been planning this since may. well he was not working and i was feeling underappreciated so i started talking to a guy "friend" at work about my problems. he made me feel better and we talked all the time. soon our frieldly talks became flirty and then he would say things that my boyfriend didnt like how he thought i smelled nice and im beautiful and he liked my body or whatever. he was always full of compliments. i was not physically attracted to this guy but the conversations escalated and we would talk late at night when he was working the over night shift. he called my house and my boyfriend found the # on the caller id. i lied about it of course and sd i didnt know who it was. that guy and i hung out after i got out of wk one afternoon n he started masturbating in front of me. he came n i cleaned it up. 2 days later on july 4th night my boyfriend was still not into me and we went to sleep. i woke up around 4 and called that guy. i went to his house and we talked. we talked 4 a long time. i knew i shouldnt have gone. i kept thinking about my boyfriend. then i started feeling bad bcuz the other guy kept saying u r gonna lv me here n not hang out w/me n stuff.so then it ended up he did the same thing as b4 but i gave him oral sex that lasted a min.i started crying and felt like i wanted to die. then my boyfriend kept calling my cell phn over n over. finally after i left i answered n he asked me where i was. i paused 4 a while and started crying. ilied. he knew i lied bcuz he passed by this guys house 2x while i had been there. well 2weeks later he finally learns the whole truth. the phone calls the text msgs and the guy told him bout hte oral sex. i love this guy so much. i dont know y i was so selfish. y was i so vulnerable. he wants 2 leave but i dont want it 2 be over. i am quitting my job t oavoid that guy and i told him i will do nee thing to prove 2 him that i am truly sorry and i am in love with him. he told me july 12 that he loved me. that was the 1st time he ever sd that to me. i dont ever talk 2 the guy. im only about my boyfriend.what should i do?

[comagirl79]

if you felt unappreciated you should have told him to get out and leave you alone, why did you let him stay around if he didnt treat you how you wanted to be treated?? did he really treat you that bad and use you and did he do what he could to stay around and take advantage of you? you should have confronted him about how you really felt and made sure of how serious the situation was with him before doing what you did. i think you had something in mind when you started talking to the guy from work in the first place but you didnt want to talk to your bf about it because you already had other thoughts about the other guy that were satisfying for you. this is a really sad situation but if he wants to leave i do not blame him because you should have kicked him out before if he is serious about not being with you because it would have made things alot easier on the both of you. sorry to hear this and hope things work out for the you 2.

[comagirl79]

if you felt unappreciated you should have told him to get out and leave you alone, why did you let him stay around if he didnt treat you how you wanted to be treated?? did he really treat you that bad and use you and did he do what he could to stay around and take advantage of you? you should have confronted him about how you really felt and made sure of how serious the situation was with him before doing what you did. i think you had something in mind when you started talking to the guy from work in the first place but you didnt want to talk to your bf about it because you already had other thoughts about the other guy that were satisfying for you. this is a really sad situation but if he wants to leave i do not blame him because you should have kicked him out before if he is serious about not being with you because it would have made things alot easier on the both of you. sorry to hear this and hope things work out for the 2 of you.

[ezragizzein]

why do you beat around other little details carla? if you are really seeking advice then mention everything instead of making me out to be the cause of the whole incident. ive told her and ive tried leaving several times in the past. she never wanted me to go but i told her if im making her situation that bad that i can just leave and she wont have to worry about me. she always insisted on me staying with her at her house. it was her idea for me to move in with her in the first place knowing i didnt have a job then even but finally i did because i been going over to her house so much and had been staying with her all the time but i still refused even to this day to move my stuff in, i only had a few things like clothes and movies and stuff over there. she would hide my keys, she would hide my other personal stuff so i couldnt leave, and she would threaten to slash my tires-which she finally got around to doing because i tried to leave after i found out recently she cheated on me. even 2 weeks or so while she was right in the middle of talking heavily to this guy before i had any idea about him we had an argument and i was seriously on my way out. i was gathering my stuff and everything but she kept taking everything and putting it back and finally i calmed and we talked about it and i ended up staying which i very much so regret now. so everything was seemingly a bit stable then. i continued looking for a job because i knew how everything was and it wasnt like i didnt even make any effort to get a job but everyone i think knows how hard it is to find work right now at this time. maybe i could have tried even harder to find a job but i did make an effort and had several job interviews and applied at several places but it just wasnt working out for me. so me and a friend decided to start a lawn mowing service just to help ends meet. this was all going on during the month she was talking to the guy by the way. so i did begin to have a source of some kind of income, i mean it wasnt much but it was good for me to get by temporarily. i did this and continued looking for permanant work at the same time. i finally called the place that i used to work at about a week before i suspected her of anything and asked for my old job back and they said theyll see what they can do. so i keep mowing yards until i would hear something and i continued applying at other places and one day i come home while she is gone and i notice the unusual number on the phone that called 3 different times. next i check the redial and notice that she dialed the same number back. so then i start to suspect something. welll after that we all know what happed as carla mentioned in her post. she, in any way she could, did everything for me to not find out what really happened. she got her sisters and friends to lie to me and everything. but as time went on everything slowly unfolded because of me going out of my way and making my own efforts to find out what really happened because i knew she was lying and she would never tell me the whole truth because she knew if i found out what she did that there would be no way i was going to stay with her. its really weird that someone would want to keep someone around even after the other person finds out about what happened and the still want to keep them around. i mean she had many other options to choose from that might have helped her situation. and doing what she did! how the **** is that helping anything? how is that making stuff between me and her any better, wither i find out about it or not? the move to miami, we called that off 3 months ago because i knew i wouldnt be able to do it because of my financial situation. we at first postponed it until early next year and then the whole idea kinda just started to fade anyway. so that does not in any major way play a part or lead up to what ended up happening. back when we first started hanging out, about 6 months after we started talking and she was really liking me alot and we were what she called "exclusive" with eachother, she goes and hangs out with the guy she was with before me 2 different times and she is at his house for an hour or longer both times. this is a guy she used to have sex with and she really liked but he didnt want a relationship with her before so they werent really a couple for very long. a month or so after that guy is when she met me and started talking to me. she hated this guy from what she told me, he was such a big a**h*** and she and her friends couldnt stand him. so what the **** after shes been talking to me for 5 or 6 months does she need to go and hang out at this "a**h***s" house for. she tells me she went to get her stuff that she left at her old job which is where he worked to and where they met. all she had to show for that was a ****ing gay ass little calender. what a ****in important calender that must have been. and i ask why she was there for so long and why she had to go 2 times and she says- "we were just talking". remember this is a guy she used to have sex with and everything and she really liked at one time. wow thats weird that when i first caught her at this other guys house recently after i call her out on her first big lie about it she tells me she was there just talking to him because they were friends. **** that i didnt think even back then that she had any business at that guys house so i didnt care too much about my and hers relationship after that. so i dont believe that this recent time is the only time she has done this even though she denies that anything happened back then just like she denied that anything happpened at first a month ago but turns out something did. but anyway over time we became very close and she eventually tells me shes in love with me knowing before that i wasnt that kind of guy, that i wasnt into being like that. but she doesnt want to let me leave. and several times i tried to leave, all the way from the time she went to her old "friends" house back then when we were hanging out up until the past few weeks. i know if i really wanted to i could have but a part of me didnt because i did like her alot i just didnt like things that she did. i have been cheated on by other girls in the past that i liked so i really dont carry much trust for anyone in my life. but anyway this is everything i know almost except some other stuff about carlas past that tells me how everything that has happened between me and her isnt much of a suprise but i am not going to mention any of that because there is really no reason to. so anyone with advice, what do you think i should do? i honestly dont want to have to wake up everyday and see her and always know in the back of my head what she has done.

[ezragizzein]

bump

[Mr Spock]

It's human nature to want to grab and choke hold on to something you've just f**ked up. Usually, it's not worth hanging onto after that.

[ezragizzein]

up

[noseyrosey]

ithink that it is good that u guys are putting all of your thoughts out there. u are gonna make this work. i think that she messed up and right now u both are totally ocnfused. u need to have some alone time and talk, kiss, and make up. i ve been throught his b4 and it wasnt easy, but damn we are so happy 2gether now. we talk about all the stuff we didnt b4 and we appreciate each other so much more. i know that what he did means nothing to eaither one of us. it was a mistake. a big mess up. it wasnt suppose to happen. when i see him now im like damn, thats my man right there. i love that.i love knowing that he wentout of his way to keep us together. i wanted to stay, but i also liked the way he pursued me. if it were me making up, id listen to some hard ass metal, crank it way up and enjoy the way my other makes me feel. if u write down the postive things about each other and compare, u will see that u 2 mean more 2 weach other than this small bump in the road. it seems big now, but eventually itll be a speck in the back of your head. eyehatesmiln-lookin 4 help is the best thing u could do. let him no everything about u n hide nothing. there are no secrets. ezragizzein-u love this girl. we all know. u need tio find it in u 2 look past her f*up and give her another chance. u just have to give it time. this girl loves u. shes not @crazy@ but shes crazy 4u. people f*up alot. think about how much more good there was than bad! this was meant 2 be. u were meant 2 be. i can tell u r soul mates. 2 lost souls swimming in a fishbowl. u have eachother but now u need 2 realize that u are here only 4 each other. good luck! itll work out, i know it!

[ezragizzein]

just so everyone knows, "noseyrosey" is my girlfriend carla a.k.a. "eyehatesmilin"