Enthralled with "the other man"

[FaithMarie]

I have been dating my boyfriend for three years. We live together, but I have told him more than once I want to see other guys. That is really only background though - I have been enthralled by another boy for over a year.

 

We first fooled around a year ago and then he went back to finish his senior year of college. He came back this summer and we began to fool around again. He also has a girlfriend. We feel the same about our significant others and neither is ready to break up with them and we often talk about our feelings about that. Normally I would know that this is pure sexual enthrallment, but lately he had been acting weird.

 

He asked me if I still slept in the same bed as my current boyfriend, he asked me if I was going to make him cry (and when I didn't know how to respond he played it off like it was a joke) he told me I was the only "other" girl and if there were any more I would be the first to know. (he knows I wouldnt be mad, I just would want to know).

 

Our reason for seeing each other has always been that we have a mutual friend on his baseball team; but, last saturday, the season ended. We kissed and started fooling around and the team busted in and it was all joking and laughs and he passed out and I left.

 

That was really the last good-bye we had. We had appeared to become close though, that same night he asked me to do somthing with him one on one, he showed me his phone to show my number in there, he asked me if I would finally cuddle.

 

I emailed him a quick goodbye after Sat. to tell him I had fun and if he still wanted to hang out than call, if not - goodbye. He emailed me back a devastating reply that said he wasn't sure what he wanted after Saturday and we "would see what happens". I called to try and discuss it that night and he replied with, "It's not like you're the first girl I think about when I go home." I said I knew that and he said he still wanted to hang out and for me to not to be afraid to call. I called twice since then only to recieve his answering machine and have heard no reply.

 

Does ANYONE have any insight into what is going on his mind??

[mr7man]

Its kinda like taking drugs, they make you feel good for awhile, and you know they're not good for you, but you do it anyway and hope you don't become a statistic. Well, you are about to become a statistic. the OM is playing you like a fiddle. Your hannd may be on his *!#$, but his gf's is on his heart. She will always have his main attention. Many men will gladly accept sex from the OW if she is willing AND he thinks he can get away with it without his gf finding out. And you are doing the same to your bf. Shame, shame. Is sex that bad with your bf? Not enough for you- YOU make the first move then. He won't stop your advances if he has a pulse. If you want great sex, find it where your heart is- It will be better on a much deeper level. Unless you are more interested in how your loins feel, not your heart. Ultimatley, your heart will follow your heart- sounds like it already has since the OM's ignoring you is bothering you. Like in baseball, the 'extra players' end up warming the bench until they are needed. Welcome to the bench. Re-examine your relationship with your bf. Is he the guy you want to commit to or not? Are you ready to commit? Is HE ready? depending on the answers, you might want to do each other a favor and move on or stop taking chances on ruining what is really good. Imagine for a minute your bf's devastation if he finds out or you bring home an std and he finds out. Try to explain that. Been there, Got the t-shirt. If you love your bf, I guarantee, to explain to him that you are cheating will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do. Save the both of you the pain. Do the RIGHT thing. Sometimes doing the right thing isn't popular or easy, that's why so many screw up. Sex is a wonderful thing. It is a powerful thing. Respect the power enjoy the wonder, but with the right person(not persons). Unless you & your bf want to mutually travel down the road of having an open relationship(there are swinger groups for that), then confine your sexual delights to just one man. I hope everything works out for you.